Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Rollins on April 11, 2008, 07:04:04 AM
-
How do you deal, when the most important person in your life dies?
I know it might seem silly to post here, but there's some good minds in the O Club...
-
first of all you are assuming that many have gone through that experience and probably not to many have. why not start by explaining what you are going through?
-
I asked a question, you confirm yourself how I thought you were. You wanna know, storch? A family member died and and I put out a general <what the F do I do cause I'm havin' a rough time> Pretty simple. I'm asking because I'm hurting and a little lost, the club's been a good bunch of guys and thought I'd throw it to some fellas that I've known to be solid. Good?
-
I'd say just a day at a time, but sometimes just 5 minutes at a time would be more like it. Sorry for your loss. :(
-
Forgive me everyone if I hijack the forums for a post,...
Thanks, TxMom. Good guy. Proud as hell to know: Service- 3 years- U.S. Army K9 M.P. 31 years as a police officer, 21 as Chief of Police. York Rite. Father to 2, and a lifetime of being the best human I've ever known. <S> My Dad
-
No worries.
I posted a short write up of my Dad's life when he passed. Just seemed like the thing to do at the time. The fact that he will be missed and that you are having trouble with his passing just confirms that he was a person worthy of such love. That is the best ammunition you have to 'deal' with it. The only cure is time.
-
Lost our mother to cancer. Was a long battle and really painfull for her. We were sad that we had lost her but glad that she finally was at peace. Whenever we get together for family reunions we remember her and all the good times we had, how much she took care of us and loved us. IMO take it a day at a time, remember the good times and honor their memory. :salute
-
Dude, I have no way of knowing what you're going through. My Dad is still with us.
<S> sorry for your loss man.
From my experience of losing our son, Just stay ahead of the slope, solace lies not at the bottom. Yeah you will be tempted to numb the pain but you have a life to live of your own. Make it one he would have been proud of.
:salute
-
The only thing that heals the pain in just about any hurt in life is time.
I think if you reflect upon painful things in your life, you'll realize that is true. Actual injuries, embarassments, loss of someone close.... all hurt like hell when they happen. Only the passage of time can dim the pain until eventually you can remember without hurting so much you can't function.
So, the only thing you can do is let time heal you. While you wait, you focus on the good memories of your Father. While you wait, you try to follow your normal routine. Accept the sorrow, accept the tears, accept the pain; they are how you heal. Try to just keep putting one foot in front of the other until finally, enough time passes that you can remember without falling apart.
That's been my experience. You'll never forget but eventually you can remember without the pain.
My condolences to your family on this loss.
-
Thanks to you all, impressive display of understanding yet not surprising. Disregard your occasional disagreements, you're a damn fine group of people. I appreciate your kind words and will do my best to sleep well on them. To be honest, batting this around in here may let me sleep better than I have the last couple of nights. <S> all, see you tomorrow.
For what it's worth, we enjoyed this one together...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsUM7V6Ku_8&feature=related (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsUM7V6Ku_8&feature=related)
-
<S> Rollins Sorry to hear of your loss . . .
Regardless of what we all say it still will be up to each individual to come to their own terms. I lost my Mother to cancer, she was the center of our Family. I took it very hard but was determined to make it through. As Txmom said day by day and sometimes hour by hour. It helped me alot going to her gravesite alone and feeling the connection (for lack of a better term).
I also took video that I had with her in it and pictures I had and that she kept over the years and made a DVD. She had years and years of photos, some B&W from back when she was a teen. I put them on a DVD and used The Platters music in the background as she always loved them.
She passed October 29th 2003 and I miss her as much today as I did back then. The difference is I have come to accept it and live my life as she lived hers with dignity and respect for others. That is how I carry on her memory.
God Bless your Dad!
-
As Toad said its just time.
It helps if you have something to do to take your mind off it as well.
-
Sorry to hear about your loss Rollins. We feel a sense of helplessness when we lose a loved one, questions in our minds starting rising, like "Could I have done more? Why didn't I do this, or that...I regret not doing this, or that with the loved one, etc.
It's a normal process. As toad said, time heals. I recommend to people that have photos of their loved ones, to scan them and put these photos together in a short video or slide show with their favorite song. This has two purposes: It gives you a feeling that you are "doing something more" even with the loss, and it helps you heal faster. The feeling of loss will always be there, but not as much as it was initially, so you learn to cope with it. Having this slideshow or video, or even a scrapbook on hand helps you get over those "empty times" you'll encounter now and then.
Salute to your father, it sounds like we, America, have lost one of its finest.
-
My roommates mother died in a car crash a couple weeks ago. She's doing ok now, but I know its still tough on her, and probably will be for a long time. All I can do is be supportive and let her know that I care and will listen to whatever she needs to say. A lot of the healing is time I'd say.
-
I found these helpful.
http://www.stephenministries.org/griefresources/default.cfm/789?nvid=169
-
I suddenly lost My Dad 1 1/2 years ago...I took me a year to get over it...like every one here says, Time heals.
Just remember that your dad would want you to be happy....Its hard to do at this time, but there will be a time
when you will realize that.
-
Rollins,
First off it's OK and natural to feel bad and lost over the situation. You just lost someone that was an important part of your life. Grief delayed is not grief denied, it will comeback and you'll still have to deal with it. Don't take it to heart that you are required to "be strong" all of the time, you don't. Let yourself grieve and release the hurt.
After the initial bad first days you'll start to feel alive again and notice the good things in your life. Keep in mind that the last thing your Dad would have wanted is for you to throw your life and enjoyment away just because he is gone. He had his life and this one is yours, use it as a tribute to the way he raised you.
Time will make the hurt lessen but it will never totally go away until you do. In the mean time remember the good times you had and cherish the memories you made. Don't let the loss be the only way you remember him.
-
Rollins, some of the most interesting and fascinating people I've ever read about (or talked to) are dog handlers. Bunch of special guys. :) Was very nice to have read what you wrote.
-
Take a moment to appreciate the fact that, while you have suffered a loss now, you have had a figure to draw such a profound sense of admiration and respect from.
This may not help you grieve but it may put the loss into perspective.