Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Mustaine on June 20, 2008, 01:43:31 PM
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A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stands up to leave a bar and falls flat on his face.
“Maybe all I need is some fresh air,” he thinks as he crawls outside. Once outside, he tries to stand up again, but falls face first in the mud.
“Screw it,” he thinks. “I’ll just crawl home, then.”
The next morning, his wife finds him in the hallway, asleep. “You went out drinking last night, didn’t you?” she asks.
“How’d you know?” he replies, angered by the implications.
“You left your wheelchair at the bar again.”
:D :lol
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:rofl :rofl :aok
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Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to pick up his wife's test results.
When he gets there, the nurse at the counter tells him that there is a small problem.
"We sent your wife's blood in with another Mrs. Smith and the two tests results got mixed up. Now we don't know which test is your wife's and the results were bad and worse," she says.
"Well, tell me the results for each test," he replies.
"One test came back positive for Alzheimer's disease and the other came back positive for AIDS," the nurse says. "Oh my god…what am I going to do?" Mr. Smith asks.
"Oh, don't worry, the doctor came up with an idea," the nurse replies reassuringly. "He said to drive your wife to the middle of town and drop her off there. If she remembers her way back home, don't diddly her."
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:rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl
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:rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl
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A man is driving home drunk. He gets pulled over by a female cop and she notices that he's drunk so she arrests him. She starts to read him his rights: "Anything you say can and will be held against you in a court of law." The man screams out, "TITS!"
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While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old Texas rancher, whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.
Eventually the topic got around to Obama and his bid to be our President.
The old rancher said, "Well, ya know, Obama is a 'post turtle'."
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was.
The old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle'."
The old rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain. "You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he is up there, and you just wonder what kind of a dumb bellybutton put him up there."