Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Maverick on September 07, 2008, 03:18:05 PM
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A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things, so
they decide to go to the doctor for a Checkup. The doctor tells them that
they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down
to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets
up from his chair.
His wife asks, 'Where are you going?'
'To the kitchen' he replies.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she
asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down
because you know you'll forget it.'
He says, 'I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with
strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd
better write it down!' she retorts.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it!
Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for
goodness sake!' Then he grumbles into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his
wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
She stares at the plate for a moment and says - 'Where's my toast?
Keep Reading
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: 'So I hear you're
getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'
Keep Reading
Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, its Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'
Keep Reading
A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid It cost
me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty.'
Keep Reading
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few
days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous
young woman on his arm. A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris
and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc 'Get a hot mamma and be
cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. Be
careful.''
Keep Reading
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled
himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a
banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.
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am old man goes to the doctor for a checkup,
after a very thourough exam the doc say's i have some bad news,
"well spit it out", the old man say's
i'm sorry to say but you only have 10 to live,
"10 what" the old man say's
9
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Church Organist
Here is the substitute for the flu shot.
Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been
married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One
afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her
quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared
tea.
As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a
cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and
in the water floated, of all things, a condom!
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor
tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl! of water and its strange
floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.
'Miss Beatrice', he said, 'I wonder if you would tell me about
this?'pointing to the bowl. 'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I
was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little
package on the ground.
The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would
prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.'
:rofl
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A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: 'So I hear you're
getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?'
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'
A California trooper sees a late model sedan creeping along the interstate at idle speed. He pulls behind the car with lights flashing, and waits for the car to slowly pull to the shoulder and stop. Approaching the driver, he sees it is a little old lady barely able to see over the steering wheel. He also notices three other seniors -- the man in the front passenger seat is slumped over, an old woman in the back seat is gasping for breath, and the elderly man in the back seat is ashen gray but otherwise expressionless.
Before the trooper can say anything, the driver says "I know I wasn't speeding! I checked the signs very carefully!"
"Well, actually ma'am, you were going far too slow for the interstate . . . " the trooper is temporarily distracted by the ashen-faced man slowly slumping forward, his eyes completely unfocused.
"Too slow?" The old lady points. "The sign there says 5 miles per hour!"
"Ma'am, that says you are on interstate 5 . . . Umm . . . What is wrong with your passengers?"
The woman in the back shrieks "We just got off of the 405 at San Fernando!"
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Hilarious! lol
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So this guy is recovering from lasik eye surgery and his vision is still a little fuzzy, but it's such a nice day he decides to see if he can get in 9 holes.
He goes up to the pro and tells him, "My vision is still a bit fuzzy, so I need a caddie with great vision so he can track my ball."
"No problem sir, I'll get you ole eagle eye Pete. He has incredible vision"
So the pro introduces Pete and the guy looks at this retiree asks , "How old are you?"
"I'm 89"
"89! and you still see pretty well?"
"Yep, I can read a phone book from across the room, better than 20-10."
So the lasik patient accepts this remakable octagenarian, and he pulls out his driver tees up and swings away. The ball goes.
"Do you see it?"
The old man tracks the ball and replies "Oh yeah it was a beauty!"
"Where'd it go?"
"I forget"