Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Serenity on September 23, 2008, 10:06:01 PM
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Heres a website I found with some hilarious aircraft stories. A little sample of one of my favorites:
"In 1966 a C-124 Globemaster II cargo aircraft was taxiing at Rhein-Main AFB in Germany, when it came face-to-face with an F-4 Phantom II fighter-bomber coming the other way. Both aircraft halted.
The F-4 pilot radioed, "I have right of way. What are you going to do?"
The C-124 pilot opened his clamshell load doors (shown below), started forward and replied, "I'm going to eat you!"
(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/3/3b/C-124_unloads_in_Japan.jpg/462px-C-124_unloads_in_Japan.jpg)"
http://bayourenaissanceman.blogspot.com/2008/07/weekend-wings-24-lighter-side-of-wings.html (http://bayourenaissanceman.blogspot.com/2008/07/weekend-wings-24-lighter-side-of-wings.html)
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hahahhhahahaahahahahahaahahah haha :rofl :aok
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:rofl :aok
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(http://rockford.yi.org/ah/inflate.jpg)
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I like the one someone posted awhile back about the SR-71 flight crew showing up a Navy F-18 pilot who used a civilian ATC for an airspeed check.
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I thought this was pretty funny.
(http://www.funnyairlinestories.com/images/flowchartcropped.jpg)
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I like the one someone posted awhile back about the SR-71 flight crew showing up a Navy F-18 pilot who used a civilian ATC for an airspeed check.
You mean this one?
In his book, Sled Driver, SR-71 Blackbird pilot Brian Shul writes:
"I'll always remember a certain radio exchange that occurred one day as Walt (my backseater) and I were screaming across Southern California 13 miles high. We were monitoring various radio transmissions from other aircraft as we entered Los Angeles airspace. Though they didn't really control us, they did monitor our movement across their scope. "I heard a Cessna ask for a readout of its groundspeed."
"90 knots," Center replied.
Moments later, a Twin Beech required the same. "120 knots," Center answered.
We obviously weren't the only ones proud of our groundspeed that day as almost instantly an F-18 smugly transmitted, "Ah, Center, Dusty 52 requests groundspeed readout." There was a slight pause, then the response, "525 knots on the ground, Dusty." Another silent pause. As I was thinking to myself how ripe a situation this was, I heard a familiar click of a radio transmission coming from my backseater. It was at that precise moment I realized Walt and I had become a real crew, for we were both thinking in unison. "Center, Aspen 20, you got a groundspeed readout for us?"
There was a longer than normal pause -- "Aspen, I show 1,742 knots."
No further inquiries were heard on that frequency.
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In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles Center reported receiving a request for clearance to FL 600 (60,000ft). The incredulous controller, with some disdain in his voice, asked, "How do you plan to get up to 60,000 feet?" The pilot (obviously a sled driver), responded, "We don't plan to go up to it, we plan to go down to it." He was cleared.
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got this one from my wife, she used to be an avioncs tech on F-111s at Lakenheath and Mountain Home.
We used to perform maintenance at night on the navigational systems, attack radar, and terrain following radar, to name our major systems. We knew that some of our aircrew weren’t overly bright, so when we were done, we’d turn all the switches off. Inevitably, we’d get a maintenance call to the dispatch truck asking for help. The pilot would tell us that one of his systems was “inop” so the first question we’d ask was, “is the switch in the O-N or the O-F-F position?” Nine times out of ten, the pilot would reply, “no problem now, Chief.”
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When I was at Moody AFB in 1983, I had a WSO with 4 years in the jet write
Radar does not work in O.F.F. mode. So I asked the next WSO how the radar
worked in OFF mode and showed him the forms when he shook his head. Then
I wrote Replaced Stick Actuator, system ops chkd ok as the fix.
Took the production supervisor 5 hours to call me on the fix. Btw, stick actuator
would be the WSO/Pilot :D
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C-130
Desc.
Left main/aft tire has threads showing almost ready for change.
Cor action
Almost changed tire.
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Problem logged by the pilot Solution found by mechanic
Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
Almost replaced left inside main tire
Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough
Auto-land not installed on this aircraft
No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid
No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage
Something loose in cockpit
Something tightened in cockpit
Dead bugs on windshield
Live bugs on backorder
Autopilot in "altitude-hold" mode produces a 200-fpm descent
Cannot reproduce problem on ground
Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
Evidence removed
DME volume unbelievably loud
DME volume set to more believable level
Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
That's what they're there for!
Transponder inoperative
Transponder always inoperative in OFF mode
The T/C ball seemed stuck in the middle during my last turn
Congratulations! You've just made your first coordinated turn
Suspected crack in windscreen
Suspect you're right
Number 3 engine missing
Engine found on right wing after brief search
Aircraft handles funny
Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious
Radar hums
Reprogrammed radar with words
Mouse in cockpit
Cat installed
Radio switches stick
Peanut butter no longer served to flight crew
Screaming sound in cabin at start-up
Company accountant deplaned
Funny smell in cockpit
Pilot told to change cologne
Aircraft 2,400 lbs over max weight
Aircraft put on diet of 92 octane
#3 engine knocks at idle
#3 engine let in for a few beers
#3 engine runs like it's sick
#3 engine diagnosed with hangover
Brakes howl on application
Don't step on 'em so hard!
Radio sounds like a squealing pig
Removed pig from radio. BBQ behind hangar tomorrow
Whole aircraft smells like BBQ
Ground Checks OK
Electrical governor broke
Paid off governor's debt to Jimmy "The Fish" Galvano
First class cabin floor has a squeak
Co-pilot told not to play with toddler toys in cabin anymore
The autopilot doesn't
IT DOES NOW
IFF inoperative
IFF inoperative in OFF mode
Flight attendants complain of numerous roaches in the galleys
Roaches deplaned
Live cockroach seen disappearing in forward galley
Live cockroach transferred to HIL (Hold Item List)
3 roaches in galley
1 roach killed, 1 wounded, 1 got away
Weather radar went ape-%@#&!
Opened radome, let out ape, cleaned up %@#&!
Whining sound heard on engine shutdown
Pilot removed from aircraft
Pilot's clock inoperative
Wound clock
Autopilot tends to drop a wing when fuel imbalance reaches 500 pounds
Flight manual limits maximum fuel imbalance to 300 pounds
#2 ADF needle runs wild
Caught and tamed #2 ADF needle
Lower Rotating Beacon half-full of water
Lower Rotating Beacon topped off
Approximately 2 each wires in bundle burned
Removed and replaced between 1 and 3 wires
No 2 engine oil overserviced
No 2 engine oil under-overserviced
Aircraft climbs like its tired
Aircraft rested overnight. Ground checks OK
Unfamiliar noise coming from #2 engine
Engine run for four hours. Noise now familiar
Noise coming from #2 engine. Sounds like man with little hammer
Took little hammer away from man in #2 engine
Whining noise coming from #2 engine compartment
Returned little hammer to man in #2 engine
Flight Attendant cold at altitude
Ground checks OK
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Flakbait [Delta6]