Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Treize69 on December 01, 2008, 11:55:14 AM
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Or Jokes by, about, and for Military Personnel (of all countries).
Some might not make too much sense to civvies, but I'm sure most will be self explanatory. I'll start.
Cav in Heaven
An old infantry soldier died and went to Heaven. At the pearly gates he was greeted by Saint Peter, "Hey! Glad to see you made it! You deserved to come to Heaven and we need more "grunts" up here.
The old grunt smiled and was about to step into Heaven when he stopped and said, "Saint Pete, you don't have any "CAV" up here, do you? They picked on me my whole career, throwing MRE's, beer, and Coke cans at me as they rode by. I hate "CAV"!
"No way!" said Saint Peter. "There ain't no "CAV" here. They stay down at Fiddlers Green."
So the old grunt stepped into Heaven and immediately saw a gigantic cloud with a gun tube sticking out of it. The old grunt heard all hell breaking loose - girls laughing and screaming. raucus music playing, and bottles breaking. "Hey! That's "CAV"! You lied to me!"
"No, no, no", said Saint Peter. "That's the mechanized infantry."
The old grunt took no more than a few steps when he heard an even louder racket coming from another cloud which had an even bigger gun tube sticking out of it. "That's "CAV"!, he screamed hysterically.
"Calm down", said Saint Peter. "That's the field artillery - the guys that used to bail you out when things got rough on the battlefield."
So the old grunt took another few steps and was immediately confronted by a Kiowa Warrior helicopter screaming around the corner, the gunner hunched over his sights, firing rockets and Hellfire missiles everywhere. The pilot wore a Stetson, was holding a bottle of Jack Daniels in his left hand and a beautiful blond in his right arm. Crossed sabres were painted on the side of the chopper. "CAV! CAV! That's the CAV!", screamed the old grunt.
"NAW", said Saint Peter, "That's GOD. He just thinks He's "CAV".
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1. A General = Leaps tall buildings with a single bound, is more powerful than a locomotive, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water and gives policy to God.
2. A Colonel = Leaps short buildings with a single bound, is more powerful that a switch engine, is just as fast as a speeding bullet, walks on water if the sea is calm and talks to God.
3. A Lieutenant Colonel = Leaps short buildings with a running start and a favorable wind, is almost as powerful as a switch engine, is faster that a speeding BB, walks on water in an indoor swimming pool and talks to God if a special request is approved.
4. A Major = Barely clears Quonset huts, loses tugs-of-war with locomotives, can fire a speeding bullet, swims well and is occasionally addressed by God.
5. A Captain = Makes high marks when trying to leap buildings, is run over by locomotives, can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury, can dog paddle and talks to animals.
6. A First Lieutenant = Runs into buildings, recognizes locomotives two out of three times, is not issued ammunition, can stay afloat if properly instructed and talks to water.
7. A Second Lieutenant = Falls over door sill when trying to enter buildings, says "Look at the choo-choo," wets himself with a water pistol, and mumbles to himself.
8. An NCO = Lifts buildings and walks under them, kicks locomotives off the tracks, catches speeding bullets in his teeth and chews them, freezes water with a single glance.... and is God.
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:rofl
Good one treize69
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Wtf is CAV?
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Cavalry. Also includes Aircav (see "Apocalypse Now") and Armor (aka "Armored Cavalry"). All three are covered undered the general title of "Cav".
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An Air force General, an Army General, a Navy Admiral, and a Coast Guard Admiral are at a meeting. As they break for lunch the topic of which branch of service has the bravest troops comes up.
The Air Force General pipes up and says, "My Airmen are the bravest fighting men on the planet and I can prove it."
They all pile into their cars and drive down to the airfield where the General gets on the radio to talk to a pilot flying over the field. "Pilot I want you to nose that plane straight into the ground right now!!!" The pilot noses over and crashes right in front of all the officers. The Air Force General looks at the others and says, "See that takes real bravery to do something like when ordered to."
The Army General laughs and says, "That's nothing, my boys are better than that." So they all pile into their cars and drive down to the Army base where the general walks up to a soldier and tells him, "Son I want you to go jump on this live grenade to save you buddies." and the general tosses a grenade in the grass. The soilder runs over, jumps on the grenade and is promptly blown to pieces. The Army General looks at the others and says, "Now that takes real guts to get yourself blown up saving your buddies lives."
The Navy Admiral not to be out done chimes in, "Your guys don't know what bravery is, I can prove the Navy fighting man is the bravest there is." So they all pile in their cars and drive over to the Navy base and go aboard a ship. They all look over the side and see a bunch of sharks swimming around the ship and the Navy Admiral pushes a seaman over the side, then looks at anouther seaman and yells, "Man overboard, go get him son!!" Without hesitating the sailor jumps into the shark invested waters to save his buddy and they are both eaten alive. The Navy Admiral looks at the others and says, "That is what real courage is all about gentlmen."
They all look at the Coast Guard Admiral and one of them asks, "So what about your Coasties? Are they braver than our boys?" The Coast Guard Admiral thinks for a moment and then says, "Yep, I know they are, wanna see?" The rest of them smirk and say yes, so they all pile into their cars and drive out to the Coast Guard base. The Coast Guard Admiral sees a seaman up on the mast of one of the ships painting and yells up to him, "Sailor, I'm ordering you to dive off that mast right onto this pier headfirst!!" Without missing a beat the seaman replies, "With all due respect Admiral, you can kiss my butt!!!" and he goes back to painting.
The Coast Guard Admiral turns around smilling and says to the others, "Now THAT takes some serious gutts!!!"
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Well here's a joke my friend told me, hes in the Navy and I'm joining the Air Force at one point. Hope you like it.
An air force officer arrives in heaven. St Peter asks him if he has ever done anything in his life that he believes makes him worthy of admittance to heaven. The officer flyboy replies; yes, I once went into a bar with four of my pilot friends and saw two Navy boy's harassing a young girl at the bar, so being a gentleman I went up to the biggest one and told him to leave this young lady alone. When he refused I told him again more forcefully. This time I slapped him across the face and told this Navy boy to stand down. St Peter said this was a very good thing to do and asked when the pilot did this great act. The pilot replied; about 5 minutes ago! My friends should be here shortly!
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An Air force General, an Army General, a Navy Admiral, and a Coast Guard Admiral are at a meeting. As they break for lunch the topic of which branch of service has the bravest troops comes up.
The Air Force General pipes up and says, "My Airmen are the bravest fighting men on the planet and I can prove it."
They all pile into their cars and drive down to the airfield where the General gets on the radio to talk to a pilot flying over the field. "Pilot I want you to nose that plane straight into the ground right now!!!" The pilot noses over and crashes right in front of all the officers. The Air Force General looks at the others and says, "See that takes real bravery to do something like when ordered to."
The Army General laughs and says, "That's nothing, my boys are better than that." So they all pile into their cars and drive down to the Army base where the general walks up to a soldier and tells him, "Son I want you to go jump on this live grenade to save you buddies." and the general tosses a grenade in the grass. The soilder runs over, jumps on the grenade and is promptly blown to pieces. The Army General looks at the others and says, "Now that takes real guts to get yourself blown up saving your buddies lives."
The Navy Admiral not to be out done chimes in, "Your guys don't know what bravery is, I can prove the Navy fighting man is the bravest there is." So they all pile in their cars and drive over to the Navy base and go aboard a ship. They all look over the side and see a bunch of sharks swimming around the ship and the Navy Admiral pushes a seaman over the side, then looks at anouther seaman and yells, "Man overboard, go get him son!!" Without hesitating the sailor jumps into the shark invested waters to save his buddy and they are both eaten alive. The Navy Admiral looks at the others and says, "That is what real courage is all about gentlmen."
They all look at the Coast Guard Admiral and one of them asks, "So what about your Coasties? Are they braver than our boys?" The Coast Guard Admiral thinks for a moment and then says, "Yep, I know they are, wanna see?" The rest of them smirk and say yes, so they all pile into their cars and drive out to the Coast Guard base. The Coast Guard Admiral sees a seaman up on the mast of one of the ships painting and yells up to him, "Sailor, I'm ordering you to dive off that mast right onto this pier headfirst!!" Without missing a beat the seaman replies, "With all due respect Admiral, you can kiss my butt!!!" and he goes back to painting.
The Coast Guard Admiral turns around smilling and says to the others, "Now THAT takes some serious gutts!!!"
:rofl That was great!
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2. A Colonel = Leaps short buildings with a single bound, is more powerful that a switch engine, is just as fast as a speeding bullet, walks on water if the sea is calm and talks to God.
Nobody beleives me
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Without missing a beat the seaman replies, "With all due respect Admiral, you can kiss my butt!!!" and he goes back to painting.
The Coast Guard Admiral turns around smilling and says to the others, "Now THAT takes some serious gutts!!!"
:rofl :lol :rofl :lol
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An Air force General, an Army General, a Navy Admiral, and a Coast Guard Admiral are at a meeting. As they break for lunch the topic of which branch of service has the bravest troops comes up.
The Air Force General pipes up and says, "My Airmen are the bravest fighting men on the planet and I can prove it."
They all pile into their cars and drive down to the airfield where the General gets on the radio to talk to a pilot flying over the field. "Pilot I want you to nose that plane straight into the ground right now!!!" The pilot noses over and crashes right in front of all the officers. The Air Force General looks at the others and says, "See that takes real bravery to do something like when ordered to."
The Army General laughs and says, "That's nothing, my boys are better than that." So they all pile into their cars and drive down to the Army base where the general walks up to a soldier and tells him, "Son I want you to go jump on this live grenade to save you buddies." and the general tosses a grenade in the grass. The soilder runs over, jumps on the grenade and is promptly blown to pieces. The Army General looks at the others and says, "Now that takes real guts to get yourself blown up saving your buddies lives."
The Navy Admiral not to be out done chimes in, "Your guys don't know what bravery is, I can prove the Navy fighting man is the bravest there is." So they all pile in their cars and drive over to the Navy base and go aboard a ship. They all look over the side and see a bunch of sharks swimming around the ship and the Navy Admiral pushes a seaman over the side, then looks at anouther seaman and yells, "Man overboard, go get him son!!" Without hesitating the sailor jumps into the shark invested waters to save his buddy and they are both eaten alive. The Navy Admiral looks at the others and says, "That is what real courage is all about gentlmen."
They all look at the Coast Guard Admiral and one of them asks, "So what about your Coasties? Are they braver than our boys?" The Coast Guard Admiral thinks for a moment and then says, "Yep, I know they are, wanna see?" The rest of them smirk and say yes, so they all pile into their cars and drive out to the Coast Guard base. The Coast Guard Admiral sees a seaman up on the mast of one of the ships painting and yells up to him, "Sailor, I'm ordering you to dive off that mast right onto this pier headfirst!!" Without missing a beat the seaman replies, "With all due respect Admiral, you can kiss my butt!!!" and he goes back to painting.
The Coast Guard Admiral turns around smilling and says to the others, "Now THAT takes some serious gutts!!!"
hahaha that was funny :lol
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The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations or A Diversified Approach to Military Operations:
Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area.
Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake.
Armor: Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes.
Aviation: Has Global Positioning Satellite coordinates to snake. Can't find snake. Returns to base for refuel, crew rest, and manicures.
Ranger: Plays with snake, then eats it.
Field Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time On Target barrage with three Forward Artillery Brigades in support. Kills several hundred civilians as unavoidable collateral damage. Mission is considered a success and all participants (i.e. cooks, mechanics and clerks) are awarded Silver Stars.
Special Forces: Makes contact with snake, ignores all State Department directives and Theater Commander Rules of Engagement by building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files enormous travel voucher upon return.
Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares in-depth doctrinal thesis in obscure 5-series Field Manual about how to defeat snake using counter-mobility assets. Complains that maneuver forces don't understand how to properly conduct doctrinal counter-snake ops.
Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition and calls for naval gunfire support in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites SEAL and retreats to safety. Hollywood makes fantasy film in which SEALs kill Muslim extremist snakes.
Navy: Fires off 50 cruise missiles from various types of ships, kills snake and makes presentation to Senate Appropriations Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake force projection.
Marine: Kills snake by accident while looking for souvenirs. Local civilians demand removal of all US forces from Area of Operations.
Marine Recon: Follows snake, gets lost.
Combat Controllers: Guides snake elsewhere.
Para-Rescue Jumper: Wounds snake in initial encounter, then works feverishly to save snake's life.
Supply: (NOTICE: Your anti-snake equipment is on backorder.)
Transport pilot: Receives call for anti-snake equipment, delivers two weeks after due date.
F-16 pilot: Finds snake, drops two CBU-87 cluster bombs, and misses target due to weather.
AH-64 Apache pilot: Unable to locate snake, snakes don't show well on infrared.
UH-60 Blackhawk pilot: Finds snake on fourth pass after snake starts bonfire to mark Landing Zone. Rotor wash blows snake into the fire.
B-52 pilot: Pulls ARCLIGHT mission on snake, kills snake and every other living thing within two miles of target.
Missile crew: Lays in target coordinates to snake in 20 seconds, but can't receive authorization from National Command Authority to use nuclear weapons.
Intelligence: Snake? What snake? Only 4 of 35 indicators of snake activity are currently active. We assess the potential for snake activity as LOW.
Judge Advocate General (JAG): Snake declines to bite, citing grounds of professional courtesy.
CH-47 Pilot: Slingleg breaks in flight while sling loading anti-snake equipment, pilot cuts sling load. Sling load lands on snake and kills it. Crew chief uses dead snake to replace broken slingleg.
Navy Pilot: Draped snake around neck at Tail Hook to pick up chicks.
Military Police: Gave snake a sobriety test for not moving in a straight line.
Signal: Broadcasts 200,000+ watt transmissions in support of anti-snake missions, accidentally electrocuted snake in the process.
Corps of Engineers: Surveyed and researched area for plans on improving flood plain, can’t do it because snake is on the endangered species list.
Cooks: Snake sneaks in chow hall. Snake dies of food poisoning.
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Military Police: Gave snake a sobriety test for not moving in a straight line.
:rofl :rofl :rofl :aok :aok :aok :cry :cry :cry
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A salty Navy Chief and a crusty Army First Sergeant are at a bar arguing about who had the tougher career. "I did 30 years in the Rangers," the SFC declared proudly, "and fought in three of my country's wars. Fresh out of boot camp, I hit the beach at Okinawa, clawed my way up the blood-soaked sand, and eventually took out an entire enemy machine gun nest with a single grenade. As a sergeant, I fought in Korea alongside General MacArthur. We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chinese border, always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire. Finally, as a Staff Sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam. We humped through the mud and razor grass for 14 hours a day, plagued by rain and mosquitoes, ducking under sniper fire all day and mortar fire at night. In a fire-fight, we'd shoot until our arms ached and our guns were empty, then we'd charge the enemy with bayonets!" Looking straight ahead, the Chief says nothing. Then after a deliberately long, slow drink, the Chief says, "Yeah, figures... all shore duty."
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(http://www.cavhooah.com/images/hu-ambush.gif)
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An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall, so he called in an artist. Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, "I am a history buff, and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer's mind before he died. I am going out of town on business for a week, and when I return I expect to see it completed." Upon his return, the billionaire went to the library to examine the finished work. To his surprise he found a painting of a cow with a halo. Surrounding this were hundreds of Indians in various sexual positions. Furious, he called the artist in. "What the hell is this?" screamed the billionaire. "Why that's exactly what you asked for," said the artist smugly. "No! I didn't ask for a mural of pornographic filth. I asked for an interpretation of Custer's last thoughts!" "And there you have it," said the artist. "I call it, 'Holy cow, look at all these ****ing Indians!'"
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A Marine and a sailor were sitting in a bar one day arguing over which was the superior service.
After a swig of beer the Marine says, 'Well, we had Iwo Jima.'
Arching his eyebrows, the sailor replies, 'We had the Battle of Midway.
'Not entirely true', responded the Marine. 'Some of those pilots were Marines, in fact, Henderson Field on Guadalcanal was named after a Marine pilot killed at the Battle of Midway.'
The sailor responds, 'Point taken.'
The Marine then says, 'We Marines were born at Tunn Tavern!'
The sailor, nodding agreement, says, 'But we had John Paul Jones.'
The argument continued until the sailor comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says...... 'The Navy invented sex!'
The Marine replies, 'That is true, but it was the Marines who introduced it to women.'
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Q. How do you know your date with the fighter pilot is half over?
A. He says "but enough about me - wanna hear about my plane?"
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Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.
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Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
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Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
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http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/94266438/
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An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall, so he called in an artist. Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, "I am a history buff, and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer's mind before he died. I am going out of town on business for a week, and when I return I expect to see it completed." Upon his return, the billionaire went to the library to examine the finished work. To his surprise he found a painting of a cow with a halo. Surrounding this were hundreds of Indians in various sexual positions. Furious, he called the artist in. "What the hell is this?" screamed the billionaire. "Why that's exactly what you asked for," said the artist smugly. "No! I didn't ask for a mural of pornographic filth. I asked for an interpretation of Custer's last thoughts!" "And there you have it," said the artist. "I call it, 'Holy cow, look at all these ****ing Indians!'"
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A Marine and a sailor were sitting in a bar one day arguing over which was the superior service.
After a swig of beer the Marine says, 'Well, we had Iwo Jima.'
Arching his eyebrows, the sailor replies, 'We had the Battle of Midway.
'Not entirely true', responded the Marine. 'Some of those pilots were Marines, in fact, Henderson Field on Guadalcanal was named after a Marine pilot killed at the Battle of Midway.'
The sailor responds, 'Point taken.'
The Marine then says, 'We Marines were born at Tunn Tavern!'
The sailor, nodding agreement, says, 'But we had John Paul Jones.'
The argument continued until the sailor comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says...... 'The Navy invented sex!'
The Marine replies, 'That is true, but it was the Marines who introduced it to women.'
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Q. How do you know your date with the fighter pilot is half over?
A. He says "but enough about me - wanna hear about my plane?"
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Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.
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Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
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Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
:rofl :lol :rofl
An air force officer arrives in heaven. St Peter asks him if he has ever done anything in his life that he believes makes him worthy of admittance to heaven. The officer flyboy replies; yes, I once went into a bar with four of my pilot friends and saw two Navy boy's harassing a young girl at the bar, so being a gentleman I went up to the biggest one and told him to leave this young lady alone. When he refused I told him again more forcefully. This time I slapped him across the face and told this Navy boy to stand down. St Peter said this was a very good thing to do and asked when the pilot did this great act. The pilot replied; about 5 minutes ago! My friends should be here shortly!
another :rofl
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(http://i12.tinypic.com/6fi3143.jpg)
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heres the best military comic :D
(http://www.nytt.no/dailystrips/Beetle%20Bailey/2007.02.25)
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"Armor: Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes."
Good snake. :D
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I work for the department of defense (really) and I can tell you the problem with the armed forces is that they cannot commuicate with each other. In other words they dont share the same venacular, let me give you an example; take the word "secure" and see how each of the brances uses them..
US Navy, "Sailor, secure the building" he will walk around the building, turn off all the lights, lock the doors, and go home for the night.
US Army, "Soldier, secure the building" he will run to the barracks, get all his buddes, run to armory, get the M-16s, surround the building and shoot anybody that comes out.
US Marines, "Marine, secure the building" he will get his buddies, get their M-16s, go INTO the building, shoot anyone inside, point the guns out, kill anyone trying to get in.
US Air Force, "Airman, secure the building" he will get a 3 year lease with an option to buy.
ps, I was in the usaf
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By the time the sailor pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just abed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to
tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired Navy man assured him. "I'll take it." The next morning, the sailor came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better!" The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring?" "Nope. I shut him up in no time," said the Navy guy. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the sailor explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and said, 'Good night, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."
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A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts collage. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for a conversation. She said "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man, Is something bothering you?" negative, ma'am," the Sergeant Major said, "Just serious by nature." The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, It looks like you have seen a lot of action." The Sergeant Major's short reply was, "Yes ma'am, a lot of action." The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself." The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?" The Sergeant Major looked at her and replied, “1955.” She said, "Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! Isn't that a little extreme?' The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "You think so? It's only 2130 now
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Alright, here's a few :D
Two guys were sitting in a bar getting really drunk. After awhile, just drinking gets boring, so the first guy looks at the second guy and says, "Hey, you want to go up for a ride in my airplane?"
The second guy says, "Wow, you have an airplane? Let's go!"
So they get some more beer and go for a tour around the city in the plane. Eventually they get bored with this too, so they decide to land. The drunk pilot starts circling around looking for a place to land, and he sees an airstrip close by. He says, "Let's land here. It looks like it's as good a place as any."
So he circles around and goes in for a landing, but at the last minute he swerves and pulls back up. "poop!" he says, "That is the SHORTEST runway I have ever seen! How is anyone supposed to land on it?" But since it's the only runway nearby, he decides to try again, with the same result.
Getting pretty irritated, the pilot says to his friend, "All right, I'm going to try ONE more time, and if I can't land it we're just going to crash and hope we don't die." So they end up crashing, and miraculously neither is hurt.
When they crawl out of the wreckage, the first guy swears and gesticulates wildly at the runway. "I'm gonna find whoever designed this crazy runway and wring his neck! He must be a total moron! No one could land on anything that short!"
The second guy looks around and says "Yeah, but look how wide it is!"
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A young officer is working late at the Pentagon one evening. As he comes out of his office about 8 pm he sees a General standing by the classified document shredder in the hallway, a piece of paper in his hand.
"Do you know how to work this thing?" the General asks. "My secretary's gone home and I don't know how to run it."
"Yes, sir," says the young officer, who turns on the machine, takes the paper from the General, and feeds it in.
(PAUSE)
"Now," says the General, "I just need one copy....."
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The Politically Correct Battlefield
They're not our enemy; they're our socio-political compliment.
We don't damage their aircraft; we make unauthorized in-flight modifications.
We don't spy; we deal in unreleased information.
They're not casualties; they're inoperative battle units.
We don't have scouts; we have unauthorized observers.
We don't miss; we fail to effectively engage the target.
We don't waste missiles; we run a non-cost-effective equipment exchange.
We don't attack; we aggressively move into pre-occupied territory.
We don't retreat; we reconsolidate at a previously held position.
We don't waste money, we fail to effectively utilize funding.
We're not at war; we're sanctioning with extreme prejudice.
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Seeking Protection
You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"
Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.
The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.
By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such and such a heading, and sent him on his way.
The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane... only this time there were two people in the plane.
The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"
^^^^^
Wife-ack FTW! :D
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We don't damage their aircraft; we make unauthorized in-flight modifications.
My new favorite line :D
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(http://gallery.sempertoons.com/main.php?g2_view=core.DownloadItem&g2_itemId=422&g2_serialNumber=3)
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Top This One For A Speeding Ticket
Two California Highway Patrol Officers were conducting speeding enforcement on I-15, just north of the Marine Corps Air Station at Miramar . One of the officers was using a hand held radar device to check speeding vehicles approaching the crest of a hill. The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun began reading 300 miles per hour. The officer attempted to reset the radar gun, but it would not reset and then turned off.
Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the radar had in fact locked on to a USMC F/A-18 Hornet which was engaged in a low flying exercise near the location.
Back at the CHP Headquarters the Patrol Captain fired off a complaint to the USMC Base Commander. The reply came back in true USMC style:
Thank you for your letter. We can now complete the file on this incident.
You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Hornet had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked on to your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it, which is why it shut down.
Furthermore, an Air-to-Ground missile aboard the fully armed aircraft had also automatically locked on to your equipment location.
Fortunately, the Marine Pilot flying the Hornet recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile system alert status and was able to override the automated defense system before the missile was launched to destroy the hostile radar position.
The pilot also suggests you cover your mouths when cussing at them, since the video systems on these jets are very high tech.
Sergeant Johnson, the officer holding the radar gun, should get his dentist to check his left rear molar. It appears the filling is loose. Also, the snap is broken on his holster.
Thank you for your concern.
Semper Fi
FLOTSOM
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yea tho i walk thru the valley of the shadow of death,,,, :huh hey were is that monkey with the combat boots goin :noid :noid :noid
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:rofl :rofl :rofl
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You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Hornet had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked on to your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it, which is why it shut down...
Fortunately, the Marine Pilot flying the Hornet recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile system alert status and was able to override the automated defense system before the missile was launched to destroy the hostile radar position.
Shame this is bologna. ;)
1) Nothing is fired from a military aircraft (at least United States) without clearance (unless engaged, of course).
2) The cops radar gun woulda been filtered out as 'ground clutter'. :D
My new favorite line :D
I love that one too :D
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B-52 pilot: Pulls ARCLIGHT mission on snake, kills snake and every other living thing within two miles of target.
snip
Hell yeah, buffs rool :)