Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Heater on March 05, 2009, 04:34:05 AM
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Understanding Engineers - One
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday,minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike,
threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want'."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers - Two
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept
golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers - Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers - Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers - Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers - Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
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Great read. :aok
:rofl :rofl :rofl
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Actually, in case two, the glass is twice as tall as it should be. If you say it's twice as big, you are implying you should halve both the height and radius of the base, in which case, there would be too much water.
Daniel (yep, you guessed it, engineer) :D
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Actually CyranoAH, the glass encompasses twice the volume it needs to be.
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Indeed, but the wording is inexact :D
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:rofl :rofl :aok
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Indeed, but the wording is inexact :D
Agreed. I would have redlined it and kicked it back for clarification.
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Understanding Engineers - Nine
a mathematician a physicist and an engineer were given a red rubber ball and were asked to find its volume.
10 minutes later, the mathematician returns waving a pile of papers: "I got it! I got it! - I solved a triple integration over the ball radius and and 4pi solid angle and got the volume."
10 minutes after that the physicist returns, soaking wet and waving the ball: "I got it! I got it! - I dipped the ball into a container of water and measured the rise in water level. From that I was able to measure the ball's volume".
Another hour passes and the engineer returns carrying a huge tome: "I got it! I got it! - I found this book in the library, it has a table with the volumes of red rubber balls!"
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The glass dimensions were changed with rev-2 as specified by ECN (Engineering Change Notice) 0901121, and a modified drawing was issued to manufacturing on February 1, 2009.
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Well, I am glad someone got the final specs.
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Understanding Engineers - Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
All Classics! :aok
This particular one reminds me of a lead designer I worked with years ago. If this guy were to design a baseball bat, it would cost $73K and have 49 close-tolerance moving parts.
The glass dimensions were changed with rev-2 as specified by ECN (Engineering Change Notice) 0901121, and a modified drawing was issued to manufacturing on February 1, 2009.
All done in order to comply with Mil-Std-810F, just in case the glass is ever utilized on Jupiter. And no, you're not allowed to know what FS we used. :D
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In the first one.. if they are walking, how do they see the bike?
Anyway.. Heater.. I would think that you of all people would appreciate engineers and their tendency to overengineer. Ripped any sidewinder rails off lately? :lol
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I see engineering drawings all the time in my business (fabrication & machining). The engineering work you see today would make you afraid to cross a bridge.
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I see engineering drawings all the time in my business (fabrication & machining). The engineering work you see today would make you afraid to cross a bridge.
Couldn't agree more Shuffler. Far too many young engineers are so dependent on FEM code, etc. that they don't possess one ounce of practical engineering "horse sense".
Let me share a few experiences I've had at work:
1) Guy provides me with mass properties (weight, CG, moments of inertia, etc.) for a missile that's 168 inches long. He tells me that he calculated the CG to be at Fuselage Station 172 (tip of the nose is 0.0). and he does it with a straight face :huh
2) Another guy runs a parametric design study to size a "Next Generation Tactical Fighter". At the end of his trade study, he comes up with a configuration where the wing root chord is significantly greater than the length of the fuselage. :huh (This guy also does so with a straight face)
I could go on... :cry
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This one:
"Understanding Engineers - Two
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be."
I am a farmer. For me, the definition is fully dependant on what it is in the glass :D
Anyway the one with the baseball bat reminds me of NASA's perfect astronaut pen. Costing a bunch, but an astraunot or a pilot could use it for the kneeboard in no G or neg G frost or thaw, it would always give ink to write. The Russians however just used a pencil.
I guess many of you heard this one :D
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The glass dimensions were changed with rev-2 as specified by ECN (Engineering Change Notice) 0901121, and a modified drawing was issued to manufacturing on February 1, 2009.
If they were the the type of engineers I'm used to dealing with, the revision now specs it as a tempered wire glass container.
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Since I am one, here is some more Engineer Humor.
Three guys were having a discussion regarding what type of Engineer God would be:
The first guy said "God obviously is an Electrical Engineer, look at the Human bodies nerves and brain functions"
The Second guy said "No, God obviously is a Mechanical Engineer, look at the Human bodies muscle and bone structure functions"
The Third guys says "You both are wrong! God without a doubt is a Civil Engineer! Look at the Female body, No one but no one but a Civil Engineer would put a sewerage pipe discharge right next to a playground"! :D
Got one more for you,
What is the difference between Garbage and Female Engineer?
At least Garbage gets taken out once a week!
Thank you, I'll be here all week taa dahh!
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:rofl
<- Drafting-monkey
This thread is gold.
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If they were the the type of engineers I'm used to dealing with, the revision now specs it as a tempered wire glass container.
Or a tempered wire glass container on a conveyor belt! Will it take off? :D
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Or a tempered wire glass container on a conveyor belt! Will it take off? :D
NO!
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NO!
The engineer will ask if it accelerates at a fast enough speed to cause it to momentarily be airborn (like applying force with a brake on and then removing the brake, or like a yanking a tablecloth out form underneath things on the table really fast).
If the conveyor belt in question isn't up to the task, the engineer will improvise or design one that will be, if given the opportunity.