Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => Aces High General Discussion => Topic started by: milnko on December 23, 2000, 09:50:00 PM
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A Tribute to The Fat Drunk Bastards!
(remember it's all in fun) (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif)
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Base, Not a C-HOG was stirring, nor a NIKI showed his face;
The Ostwinds were lined by the runway with care, In hopes that Mustangs and JUGs soon would be there;
The ASSASSINS were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of easy kills danced in their heads;
And HBLAIR in his 'goggles, and I in my Turban wrap, Had just settled down for a 180 proof nightcap;
When out on the flightline there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the stool to see what's the matter;
Away to the hanger I flew like a flash,
Tore open the doors and dodged a pile of trash;
The moon on the breast of the new NUTTZ terrain gave the lustre of mid-day to objects like planes;
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear?
But a Fat Drunk Bastard, and eight tiny bish queer;
With a obese and homely driver, so pallid and sick, I knew in a moment it must be that Fatty salamander;
More rapid than beagles his BASTARDS they came, And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Gordo! now, skernsk! now, creamo and Trimmer!
On, SOB! on Central! on mason and Argyll!
To the top of the pizza! to the top of SHINERBLOCK Hall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"
As dry heaves that before the wild vomit does fly, When they meet with a toilet, then splash in your eye, So up to the beerhall roof the Bastards they flew, With the sleigh full of sextoys, and that Fatty salamander too;
And then, with a squawk, I heard on my radio set "hurry to airborne or no beer would we get";
As I climbed in my plane, and was turning 'er round, I looked out and saw Fatty that Fat Bastard clown.
He was dressed all in silk, in a cheap pimp's suit, And his clothes were all glittery with rhinestones to boot;
A bundle of porn he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a wino or someone hooked on rock crack;
His eyes -- how shallow! his pimples how scary!
His cheeks were pockmarked, his back was real hairy!
His droll little mouth was drawn up in a pucker, all I could think "How do I git rid of this F*cker?";
The stump of a buffalo-wing he held tight in his teeth,
And the smell of BBQ sauce encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a homely face and a big fat belly,
that shook, when he belched; his breath was real smelly;
He was shabby and filthy, a right nasty ol queer, still I stood my ground when I saw him, in spite of my fear;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
soon gave me to know he'd be a homosexual to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to the sink, pulled out his JOHNSON then flashed me some pink;
And sticking his finger two knuckle deep in his nose, he pulled out a booger, that'd curl your toes;
Then to his plane the Fat Bastard did roll, hopped on it's wing like a chubby ol troll;
Once strapped in and settled to his team he gave a whistle,
And away they all flew, the bunch of flabby pig gristle;
Then I heard him break wind, ere he dove out of sight, "MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!"
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"Find your enemy and shoot him down - everything else is unimportant"
-WW1 German ACE Manfred Freiherr von Richthofen
<< MILENKO >> (http://pages.hotbot.com/games/davekirk/milenko.html)
ACES HIGH ASSASSINS Website (http://www.cybrtyme.com/personal/hblair/mainpage.htm)
WB/AH ASSASSINS Website (http://members.xoom.com/rowgue/assassins.html)
[This message has been edited by milnko (edited 02-27-2001).]
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LOL! You nasty Assassin! (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif) That just earned you a "Get Drunk On SOB" Free Card the next time you're in my general vicinity! If you ever find yourself headed to Salem, drop me an email. This will be saved to my hard drive as soon as I make it back home (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif)
SOB
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Sweet (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif)
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<wipes a tear from eye>
Thats my boy!
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LOL! Nice! (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif)
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fatty
rocky says she wants those porns back! (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif)
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Mason22 Fat Drunk (chute shooting) Bastards (http://fdb.50megs.com) -- "shut up and FLY"
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LOL (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif)
Please...don't shoot Santa again! (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/wink.gif)
(I'm hoping he brings me that Table Saw this year.)
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im too drunk to tread all that toejam
narrow it down
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ok I just read it sober and its very funny (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif)
good job tard
[This message has been edited by Animal (edited 12-24-2000).]
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lol!!!! Bravo, bravo!!!
{saved!}
-Westy
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Now that's Assassinsation!
Thanks milnko the FDBs will be off my tail for awhile huntin' you.
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When did they put this thing in here and WTF is it for?
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Merry Christmas ASSassins......I've been a good boy so Santa should bring me a new set of Hispano's and a six pack (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif)
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.................
Skernsk
Fat Drunk Bastards
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Nothing could be more accurate... How do you know Fatty so intimately? Is there something we should Know? I think this deserves an Honourary Membership into the FDB's in the least. Have a Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year.. Argyll (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif)
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Heh! I vote a resounding YES on Milstinko!
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Well done milnko !! (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif) . But like Argyll said , you seem to know Fatty pretty well....hmmm
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I think you fellas forget the posted AHCon pics. What a homely bunch (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/tongue.gif)
Wish I'd seen a pic of Gordo....I woulda saved it, and had it as a visual aid while explaining the importance of using a condom to my 19 yo son. (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/eek.gif)
BTW I am honored to be considered for Honorary FDB status. (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/cool.gif)
Hey SOB, my wife works in Vancouver, so I may stop down sometime soon. She drives an Hour to work everyday from Longview/Rainier area (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/frown.gif)
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An Assassin that is a Literary Artist! WTG "M" Loved it! (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif)
BigMax "On fire again!" (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/frown.gif)
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I missed this post over the holidays! LOL!
BTW, if you met Gordo in person, you'd be very nice to him, you see, he's a very big fella, the kind you really don't want to piss off! (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/wink.gif)
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>>>Milenko strolls to the middle of the stage, looks over his left shoulder, then his right, glances ahead, then double checks his six, before taking a bow<<<
Gotta keep an eye on dem FDB's when your bending over. (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif)
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Originally posted by Ripsnort:
I missed this post over the holidays! LOL!
BTW, if you met Gordo in person, you'd be very nice to him, you see, he's a very big fella, the kind you really don't want to piss off! (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/wink.gif)
pppfffffffttttt damn Rip, gordo's the biggest pansie of them all (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif),
shhhh, you'll ruin his image!!
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Mason22 Fat Drunk (chute shooting) Bastards (http://fdb.50megs.com) -- "shut up and FLY"
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Originally posted by milnko:
Gotta keep an eye on dem FDB's when your bending over. (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif)
Doh!!
...and whateva you do, don't drop the soap!!
(http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif)
[This message has been edited by hblair (edited 01-02-2001).]
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The International Gordo School of Picking Up Chicks...
(http://www.matthoffman.cc/bb/gordo&yankee.jpg)
Milenko said...
Gotta keep an eye on dem FDB's when your bending over.
We've been doing our best to keep the Canuck contingent of the squad on the strait path, but Skernsk still tends to stray a little. He usually just rubs up against you leg a little tho'! (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif) The real danger lies with your sheep...they don't call him Animal for nothing!
SOB
...The pretty FDB with the big trout!
(http://www.matthoffman.cc/bb/trout.jpg)
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LOL
(http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif)
eskimo
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Saved those pics SOB..........ROTFLMAO!
Thanks for the pic of Gordo, I showed it to my four sons, and merely asked "Do you want something like this to happen to you?" they all sincerely promised to use condoms, the youngest even burst into tears after seeing those pics. (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif)
My four sons ages: 19, 15(twins),and 11. (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/eek.gif)
BTW, Which "almost passed-out" FDB is that sittin' on the speaker above the fireplace? (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/tongue.gif)
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SOB, that is some great stuff there! LOL. Is that Ronni that is trying to get away from Gordo? (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif)
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That was Yankee if I'm not mistakin. Its a bit dark in there........
LLB OUT!!!!!!!!!!!
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Originally posted by milnko:
BTW, Which "almost passed-out" FDB is that sittin' on the speaker above the fireplace? (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/tongue.gif)
That's Jocko the killer monkey... (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif)
(http://www.matthoffman.cc/img/cabin010101/jocko2.jpg)
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SOB, you aint right man!
(http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif)
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SOB's got some time on his hands Hblair.....the folks at Mcdonalds have him on sick leave. He seems to spend too much time scrubbin latrines and always wears those @#!%@# pants to work. I think he also ate more Big Macs than he sold........
He now resides in a cabin in the woods posing with stuffed animals and "trout".....that's why he aint been around much lately.
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Wanted to punt this up, cuz I had a blast shootin FDB's last night!
I swear, there are some enemas ya just go outta yer way to kill...and the FDB's are always number 1 on that list.
<S> FDB's great battles last night!
P.S.
I edited the poem a bit (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif)
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"ASSASSINS have BIGGER Joysticks!"
<< MILENKO >> (http://pages.hotbot.com/games/davekirk/milenko.html)
ACES HIGH ASSASSINS Website (http://www.cybrtyme.com/personal/hblair/mainpage.htm)
WB/AH ASSASSINS Website (http://members.xoom.com/rowgue/assassins.html)
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milenko!!
was a great time, i can't remember how many times i engaged HO with mil crossing my fingers that neither one of us would pull the trigger...just so happens that our "joy sticks" were "malfunctioning" and whenever we came HO, they released them damn projectiles at each other....fargin "sticky buttons"...they have a mind of their own! (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif)
props out to the AK's also!! had a few low and slow scissor encounters with Nimitz too, man, talk about balance! >
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Originally posted by mason22:
<snip> "joy sticks" were "malfunctioning" <snip>...fargin "sticky buttons"...they have a mind of their own! <snip>
Funny you should mention that, my Saitek's hat switch has been messin' up fer a couple weeks, but I been livin' with it, til last night when I dug out my MS FF, (only used fer a month before I purchased my Saitek)had a hellva time gettin' used to it again, thank god I still had my CH Pro rudders attached or I'd been lost....gonna try cleaning the HAT with compressed air (actually could use Fatty, but that's hot air) and see if it helps.
<S> again! also to Drex, seems last couple nights he's been fraggin my ass. (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/eek.gif)
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the FDB's won fattest, ugliest target award again for sure! - i wanted to include the muskateers escadrill who put up a killer fight near hq - i don't think i have ever been on the winning end of a fight with rafbader and got a glorious proximity kill on him last night <S> lol that'll learn ya to crash near me!
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This thread got me laughing about my last FDB encounter:
System: Kill of AKDjV awarded to SOB of the "Fat Drunk Bastards"
SOB: How'd I do that?
(http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif)
AKDejaVu
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I was tired as hell last night when it came time to log on, but since it was squad night... I couldn't do anything right, and I found myself an hour and a half into the night and still without a kill.
Normally I would have logged, but I could smell Assassins in the air, and even a remote chance of getting my guns on one of 'em was incentive enough to stick around (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif)
And so my glory did come...in the form of a committed HO pass with Milenko, both of us in Nikis (it don't get any better for a dweeb!) I think it worked in my favor that his stick was messed up, since even with a con flying strait at me I had trouble getting proper aim.
2 hours online, 1 hour of that in a continuous furball, 3 kills. Damn I'm good! (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif)
SOB
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SOB
repeat after me.
"I will not HO Pongo when I am flying a 109"
Man that is the stealth HO. Im thinking He will-he wont-he will- he wont-he did.
Dam. Its like HOing in a C47.
Then your buddies shot my chute!
Whats with that.
Is that any way to show respect for a guy you just HOed?
They didnt know that I had my perk chute on though... 200 rounds of hispano and a long burst of 50 cal but I lived..
Since we suppied Enemy force for your squad night its only fair that you recipricate for ours tonight I think.
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If I make it back from my Sister's while you pansies are still awake, I'll be there! I think I'm going to have to start a whine thread about those damn chutes...those bastards are tougher than Lancasters now! (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/biggrin.gif) Used to be you could make a "skill" shot before they pulled the ripcord to dispense with them, but now ya gotta wait 'til they're floating and get a nice steady bead on 'em. My chute kill % has gone down, and if things don't change soon, I may get demoted back down to Latrine Scrubber! (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/eek.gif)
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BTW...if it was a 109 that HO'd ya, it wasn't me. Probably El Fatso, but I may have strafed you're chute (http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/Smileys/default/smile.gif)