Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: choker41 on November 10, 2009, 10:11:48 PM
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This amish girl is in the garden with her mom. She digs up two potatoes and looks up and says, "this reminds me of Enos". Her mom says,"wow Enos has big balls". No not big balls just this dirty is all.
Sorry was just looking for some good humor to read. If your Amish and I've offended you I'm sorry. My last name is Yoder and we might be cousins or yet my incest brother.
Please post your jokes of the day. I need a good laugh.
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For some reason i doubt anyone on these forums are amish.
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They're too busy making these:
(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_IM-5Q2TE3kA/SZsMoj86WDI/AAAAAAAAAgY/HaTraRQrc8Q/s400/amish-heater.jpg)
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This amish girl is in the garden with her mom. She digs up two potatoes and looks up and says, "this reminds me of Enos". Her mom says,"wow Enos has big balls". No not big balls just this dirty is all.
Sorry was just looking for some good humor to read. If your Amish and I've offended you I'm sorry. My last name is Yoder and we might be cousins or yet my incest brother.
Please post your jokes of the day. I need a good laugh.
I'm a comedian and I'm offended :D
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(http://files.sharenator.com/car_fail_Fail-s461x404-10293-580.jpg)
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Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
"GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour." But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
"JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good," and April fell back asleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" and again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.
This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOU'RE AR*E!"
...The teacher fainted!
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A Sheriff's Department recruit is in the final stages of his interview process. The interviewing officer tells him there is an attitude compatibility test. The officer slides a pistol across the table. He tells the recruit he must take the pistol and go out and shoot 6 terrorists, 6 drug dealers, 6 gang members, and a rabbit. The recruit replies, " Why the rabbit?" The officer says, "Great attitude. When can you start."
:bolt:
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Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
"GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour." But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
"JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good," and April fell back asleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" and again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.
This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOU'RE AR*E!"
...The teacher fainted!
Lol thats a good one.
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Heard a couple last night at the F.D. after training but have a feeling they'd be edited by THE MAN. :noid :noid
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Little Johnny was in the Math class, teacher being a young lady. Johnny was a naughty boy for his 7 years, so she always kept wary.
There was some math to be learned, so she gave a riddle. "You have three birds on a twig and a hunter shoots one, how many are left"
Little Johnny raised his hand and answered "None".
"That is incorrect she said. Three sitting minus one shot makes two".
"No, you're wrong" sais Johnny. "If a hunter guns down a bird from a sitting row, the others fly, leaving none".
"Well, mathematically wrong, but a good point. I will give you full score for the answer though, because I like the way you're thinking" she replied.
"I'll ask you one then m'am" sais Johnny, and she gives a yes.
"There are three ladies outside the Icecream van. One is licking the Icecream, another is biting the Icecream, and the third one is sucking the Icecream. Which one of them is married?"
She blushed, and went thinking. "Hmm, the one sucking the Icecream???".
"No STUPID" Johhnny said, "It's the one with the wedding ring. But I will give you a full score for the answer, for I like the way you're thinking"
:devil
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Little Johnny was in the Math class, teacher being a young lady. Johnny was a naughty boy for his 7 years, so she always kept wary.
There was some math to be learned, so she gave a riddle. "You have three birds on a twig and a hunter shoots one, how many are left"
Little Johnny raised his hand and answered "None".
"That is incorrect she said. Three sitting minus one shot makes two".
"No, you're wrong" sais Johnny. "If a hunter guns down a bird from a sitting row, the others fly, leaving none".
"Well, mathematically wrong, but a good point. I will give you full score for the answer though, because I like the way you're thinking" she replied.
"I'll ask you one then m'am" sais Johnny, and she gives a yes.
"There are three ladies outside the Icecream van. One is licking the Icecream, another is biting the Icecream, and the third one is sucking the Icecream. Which one of them is married?"
She blushed, and went thinking. "Hmm, the one sucking the Icecream???".
"No STUPID" Johhnny said, "It's the one with the wedding ring. But I will give you a full score for the answer, for I like the way you're thinking"
:devil
This made me laugh into tears reading it to my girlfriend. :lol
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Little johnny was in class was in class when his teacher asked the class "Can someone please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence?"
Johnny raised his hand "Pick me ... Pick me." Knowing johnny is a perv, she called on other students. Finally after hearing some stupid answers, she decided to se what johnny had to say.
Johnny said "urinate??? Well teach your an eight, but with bigger boobs you'd be a 10"
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Little Johnny was outside playing when he saw two spiders mating, He yells, "Mom is there such a thing as a Mommy long legs?". "No, Johnny." she replies only daddy longlegs. Johnny stomps on them "Dang ghey spiders"
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Lol thats a good one.
agreed ace. One of the best I've heard in a while along those lines. I have a couple but there guaranteed edits by skuzzy.
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A little boy and his mother boarded a 747 to fly across country to visit Grandma. For the first hour of the long flight, the little boy said nothing. He sat quietly in his seat, looking out the window, thinking intently.
Then, he turned to his mother and asked,
"Mommy, if big dogs can have little baby dogs and big cats can have little baby cats, why can't big airplanes have little baby airplanes?"
The question took the mother by surprise. She certainly didn't want to have the big birds and bees talk with her son at this age. In an effort to distract the boy, she called to a flight attendant and asked for a soda.
Sensing that his question was being ignored by his mother, the little boy turned to the flight attendant and asked,
"Miss, if big dogs can have little baby dogs and big cats can have little baby cats, why can't big airplanes have little baby airplanes?"
The flight attendant was taken by surprise by the question too, and in an attempt to distract the little boy, offered to take him up front to see the cockpit of the big airliner.
The pilot welcomed the boy into the cockpit, but before he could interest the child in the aircraft controls, the boy asked,
"Captain, if big dogs can have little baby dogs and big cats can have little baby cats, why can't big airplanes have little baby airplanes?"
Without missing a beat, the pilot answered,
"Well son, I don't know about other airlines, but this is United Airlines and we pull out on time every time."
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:rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana: :banana:
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one day at school the teacher was asking students if they could tell a story and conclude with the " morel of the story"
so there is Johnny raising his hand, the teach knowing Johnny, picks the other kids, finally no other kids have a story but ol johnny still raising his hand, so against her better judgment she calls on him, " johnny starts off " well before I was born my dad was in Vietnam, and he was in one hell of a fire fight it lasted hours, but they were being over run by those yellow bastards,(as dad would say) as my dad watches all his buddies dieing around him, he knows he is gonna die, so he sits back in his fox hole and polish's off the last of his whiskey, stands up and charges the enemy,amazingly he don't get hit by the thousands of bullets ripping by his body,he runs out of ammo, and pulls his last weapon, his K-bar and kills every last one of those commie bastards." well Johnny the teach says that was a very colorfull story but what is the Morel?
Johnny looks at the teach square in the face and says, Don't ever, ever mess with my old man when he is drinking"
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Hehe ^^^ don't interrupt a Marine when he's drinking.
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Nice ink :rofl.
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This amish girl is in the garden with her mom. She digs up two potatoes and looks up and says, "this reminds me of Enos". Her mom says,"wow Enos has big balls". No not big balls just this dirty is all.
Sorry was just looking for some good humor to read. If your Amish and I've offended you I'm sorry. My last name is Yoder and we might be cousins or yet my incest brother.
Please post your jokes of the day. I need a good laugh.
For some reason i doubt anyone on these forums are amish.
Yeah great another Amish joke. HAHAHA I'll bet all my Amish aunts and uncles and cousins will fall to the ground and pass out from laughing too hard at this joke.
In case you are wondering, a large portion of my family is Amish and my mother was the one who left the religion so I do have some pretty close ties to them.
btw I did not think the joke was all that funny but, if I made you feel bad for 1 second choker then it was worth a good laugh to me. :D
with Amish heritage it is real easy to get a kick out of things like this. :cheers:
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dk, I thought you were pissed till I saw the second half of the post. Nice joke or whatever you wish to call it though :aok.
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A little boy and his mother boarded a 747 to fly across country to visit Grandma. For the first hour of the long flight, the little boy said nothing. He sat quietly in his seat, looking out the window, thinking intently.
Then, he turned to his mother and asked,
"Mommy, if big dogs can have little baby dogs and big cats can have little baby cats, why can't big airplanes have little baby airplanes?"
The question took the mother by surprise. She certainly didn't want to have the big birds and bees talk with her son at this age. In an effort to distract the boy, she called to a flight attendant and asked for a soda.
Sensing that his question was being ignored by his mother, the little boy turned to the flight attendant and asked,
"Miss, if big dogs can have little baby dogs and big cats can have little baby cats, why can't big airplanes have little baby airplanes?"
The flight attendant was taken by surprise by the question too, and in an attempt to distract the little boy, offered to take him up front to see the cockpit of the big airliner.
The pilot welcomed the boy into the cockpit, but before he could interest the child in the aircraft controls, the boy asked,
"Captain, if big dogs can have little baby dogs and big cats can have little baby cats, why can't big airplanes have little baby airplanes?"
Without missing a beat, the pilot answered,
"Well son, I don't know about other airlines, but this is United Airlines and we pull out on time every time."
Holy jesus that is the funniest thing I have ever read!
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Holy jesus that is the funniest thing I have ever read!
I'm glad you enjoyed it. I first heard that joke in 1988 or 1989, when I was a student at Parks College of Saint Louis University (an aviation focused school). I can honestly say that it's the only joke I have ever been able to remember. I dust it off whenever I get the chance. :D
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Three women die, a bolnd, a brunette, and a red-head. When they meet God at the bottom of the escelator, he says "on the way up, I will tell you three jokes to test your worthiness and morality. If you laugh at even one, you shall be turned away." One third of the way up, god tells his first joke, and the red-head bursts out laughing, and is sent back down. Two thirds of the way up, God tells his second joke, and the brunette cracks up laughing, and is turned back. At the top of the escelator, God tells his third and final joke, and just before he can finish, the blond cracks up laughing. When God asks why she is laughing she replies "I just got the first joke".
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dk, I thought you were pissed till I saw the second half of the post. Nice joke or whatever you wish to call it though :aok.
ah i know choker and that is why i did it. it was more of an inside joke. i love to do that to friends and it also proves that i can enjoy the humor too.
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Hey DK here ya go
http://www.funnyjunk.com/movies/3263/Amish+Paradise/
LMAO :bolt:
watch at 4:28 for a sign LOL
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Here's a little surreal one.
Some while back, we had something we called a "traditional Reykjavik Blonde". The town girls. Usually two of them together, blond, pretty, dressed in black, wearing whatever that pulled out the finest of their figure, posing nicely with their cola, pretty, and pretty...silly.
So how many of those to change a lightbulb?
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The answer is 2
One to hold both cola bottles, while the other one goes to fetch her daddy :D
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this is one of my fav gags:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iS2N1mBsEdM&NR=1 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iS2N1mBsEdM&NR=1) :D
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Wow now that is a pun that you can really get behind.
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Ok
A man working at a train station is standing watch, an old lady comes up to him and says "what a scruffy uniform, you should be ashamed" the man (who had issues) tripped her and she fell under train. He of course is arrested and taken to court and is promptly sentenced to death.
He is asked what his last request is, He asks for a bannana :banana:. He eats it and then they Chair him. Nothing happens so they release him as an act of god mustve saved his life.
He gets back to his old job and he is standing on the platform when a kid comes up and annoys him, he loses patience and kicks him under a train killing him. Again he is taken to court and again he is sentenced to death by chair. He is asked for his last request and he asks for a bannana :banana:. So he eats it and they chair him, nothing happens.
So they release him again and he is back on the platform and an old man comes up and again corrects his uniform and lectures him and so naturally the man throws him under the train. He is again sentenced to death and the same thing happens, he asks for a bannana and he eats it. They chair him and AGAIN nothing happens.
Finally the cops are so fed up they ask him " whats with the bannana?" "I like bannanas" comes the response "so how is it saving your life?" "It isnt" "so how are you still alive?"
"Im just a bad conducter"
:D
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:D :rofl
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Back when the Empire State Building was being constructed, three immigrant workers ate their lunch together on the unfinished 46th floor. One was from Germany. The second hailed from Japan. The third was a Pollock.
Each always complained that their wives packed the same meal for them. "Mein Vife alvays gives me ein Bratwurst vor lunch," complained the German. The Japanese replied," Sushi ah ho nikaw." The other two assumed he didn't like Sushi for lunch everyday. The Pollock stated peanut butter and jelly sandwiches were getting old every day.
Each man made a pact that if the next day at work they were to have the same lunch again that they would all jump from the highest floor to their deaths.
The next day on the highest floor of the building was the meal break. The German worker opened his pail and found the bratwurst as usual. He walked over to the edge and jumped forward falling to his death. The Japanese worker opened his box and saw the Sushi. He walked to the edge as well and fell to his death. The Pollock didn't even open his brown sack. he just walked over to the edge and followed his co-workers to his death.
A week later, the company paid for an expensive funeral for the three workers who died. The widows sat at the front by the caskets of their husbands. The caskets were closed so only picturs of the men could be seen.
Later, at the wake following the burials the small groups of workers talked amongst themselves. One of the widows close enough overheard the conversation. She picked up enough that the men committed suicide over the lunches. She grabbed the other two widows and took them to the group of co-workers.
The widows began asking questions. the co-workers answered them.
The German widow began crying and said," If I knew my Wilheim didn't want Bratwurst every day, I'd made something different for him." She bent down and started crying some more.
The Japanese widow was crying also and saying the same about her husband's lunch. The two women were completely devasted by the news that their lunches drove the men to suicide.
The widow of the Pollock who was not crying appeared puzzled by this new development. The men were concerned that she may be in shock. They asked her why she wasn't crying.
She shook her head and said," That idiot packed HIS lunch everyday."
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I submit the following to the quorum:
http://irishsoccerinsider.wordpress.com/2009/11/11/french-and-irish-fall-out-over-box-incident/
For the record I don't really care about either involved nation, but find the exchange entertaining either way. :lol
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Yeah great another Amish joke. HAHAHA I'll bet all my Amish aunts and uncles and cousins will fall to the ground and pass out from laughing too hard at this joke.
In case you are wondering, a large portion of my family is Amish and my mother was the one who left the religion so I do have some pretty close ties to them.
Hmm from hanover whod of guessed amish :neener:
btw I did not think the joke was all that funny but, if I made you feel bad for 1 second choker then it was worth a good laugh to me. :D
with Amish heritage it is real easy to get a kick out of things like this. :cheers:
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An Australian man who was an executive for Honda was invited to go to Japan for a meet and greet with Japanese Honda executives. On the first night there was a lot of drinking and womanising, the Australian had a Japanese girl back at his hotel room making mad passionate love to her as she cried out "Nikki noo, nikki noo". The Australian had assumed that this meant something good and kept at it all night as she kept crying out "nikki noo".
The next day all the Honda executives had a round of golf togeather in the morning, the Australian walked up to the tee and drove the ball to within three feet of the hole, his Japanese golf partner said "excellent shot". The Australian was impressed with his Japanese collegues grip of the english language. The Japanese executive took his tee shot which resulted in a hole in one, not wanting to look ignorant the Australian used the only Japanese phrase that meant something good, "nikki noo" , to which the Japanese executive turned around and said "What do you mean, wrong hole"
:devil
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Two Aussies were the sole survivors on a lifeboat. It was the Pacific, it was sunny and warm, and they had no water.
A bottle drifted by, and one of them caught it. He pulled the cork out and a Djinni appeared. "I have been in this bottle for 100 years and you have rescued me. I will grant you one wish each"!!!!
Aussie #1 goes "I want a pint of cool Foster's in a glass that never goes empty"
WHAM. He has a pint of Foster's, nice andcool, and gulps and gulps...and the glass is always full.
The Djinni now asks the other one what would be his wish.
"I'll have one as well" was the answer......... :bolt:
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I'm thinking theres a stereo-typing of this poor guy named Johnny, lol
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Same with the Aussies.
Hete is another:
"Two Aussies were the sole survivors on a lifeboat. It was the Pacific, it was sunny and warm, and they had no water.
A bottle drifted by, and one of them caught it. He pulled the cork out and a Djinni appeared. "I have been in this bottle for 100 years and you have rescued me. I will grant you one wish, - anything you like"
So, Aussie #1 goes quick and gives the wish "I'd like the sea becoming beer".
And PRESTO, the ocean became beer, and off is the Djinni.
After a while of sipping, Aussie #2 looks angrily at Aussie #1 and sais:
"What a genious you are. Now we'll have to pee in the boat!!!"
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<S> angus
A large Icelandic man walks into a bar and the barman cant help but notice that he has an unusually small head. The barman asks him whatever could happen to cause this. The large Icelandic man says that he was walking along the beach one day when he found an old bottle, when he opened it a very sexy blonde Djinni appeared. "Thank you for releasing me from my bottle, for this I will grant one wish." to this the large Icelandic man repplies "OK how about a little head."
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:cheers:
hehe.
I'll try to fish up some Irish gags. They are the best.
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The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.
The Indian Chief proclaims,
Please register to see links
"So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger"
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"In honor of the Harvest Festival,
YOU will be executed in three days."
"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests"
"What is your FIRST request ???'
The Lone Ranger responds,
"I'd like to speak to my horse."
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The Chief nods and Silver is brought
before the Lone Ranger who whispers in
Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.
Later that evening, Silver returns with
a beautiful blonde woman on his back.
As the Indian Chief watches,
the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent
and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits
he's impressed.
"You have a very fine and loyal horse",
"But I will still kill you in two days."
"What is your SECOND request ???"
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak
to his horse.
Silver is brought tohim, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.
As before, Silver takes off and disappears
over the horizon.
Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise,
Silver again returns, this time with a
voluptuous brunette, more attractive
than the blonde.
She enters the Lone Rangers tent
and spends the night.
The following morning the Indian Chief
is again impressed.
"You are indeed a man of many talents,"
"But I will still kill you tomorrow."
"What is your LAST request ???"
The Lone Ranger responds,
"I'd like to speak to my horse, .... alone."
The Chief is curious, but he agrees,
and Silver is brought to the
Lone Ranger's tent.Once they're alone,
the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears,
Looks him square in the eye and says,
Listen Very Carefully !!!!
FOR... THE... LAST... TIME...I SAID .....
"BRING POSSE"
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A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own. So does she.
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Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
"Betty, I was wondering -- have you ever cheated on me?"
"Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..."
"Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please."
"Well, all right. Yes, 3 times."
"Three? When were they?"
"Well, Jack, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember how one day the bank president himself came over to the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?"
"Oh, Betty, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, that you would do such a thing for me! So, when was number 2?"
"Well, Jack, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you were in good shape again?"
"I can't believe it! Betty, I love that you should do such a thing for me, to save my life! I couldn't have a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn't be more moved. When was number 3?"
"Well, Jack, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short?"
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Arkansas Bar
A guy walks into a bar in Arkansas and orders a white wine. Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, expecting to see some pitiful yankee queer.
The bartender looks up and says, "You ain't from around here, are ya??? Where ya from, boy?"
The guy says, "I'm from Iowa."
The bartender asks, "What the heck you do in Iowa?"
The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender asks, "A taxidermist? Now just what the heck is a taxidermist?"
The guy says nervously, "I mount animals."
The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's okay boys, he's one of us!"
:banana:
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Oh man there are some great one's the "Lone ranger" is strait up classic :rofl
sux most of the ones I know will offend to many and get me banned :lol
hers one that should not
What does a gynecologist and pizza delivery man have in common?
they both can smell it, but cant eat it...
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Ah, engrish...
(http://www.engrish.com//wp-content/uploads/2009/10/instructions-for-the-tourist.jpg)
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hmmm I got a dirty one but I dont wanna be kicked off forums so ill just... :bolt:
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They're too busy making these:
(http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_IM-5Q2TE3kA/SZsMoj86WDI/AAAAAAAAAgY/HaTraRQrc8Q/s400/amish-heater.jpg)
anyone find it odd that the amish are selling electric heaters?
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Although the adds says they are giving the heaters away with the purchase of their mantles.
This would not be the first time i would have seen someone claiming to be Amish to sell items.
I don't believe they are Amish at all. Listen to the add if you see it on TV, there is no accent and in most (if not all) communities they learn Dutch prior to learning English. My daughter was able to play with one of my cousins children for the first time a couple of years ago and my mother tells me that it was amazing how well they played even though they spoke completely different languages.
oops slightly off topic
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Ah, engrish...
(http://www.engrish.com//wp-content/uploads/2009/10/instructions-for-the-tourist.jpg)
:rofl :rofl :rofl
Were is this naughty palace? And why are there guns and artillery in it? :rofl
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The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.
Fantastic. :rofl
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A man has spent years teaching his dog to talk, and decides to take the dog to the bar to show his friends. The Bartender tells him dogs are not allowed in the bar, but the man explains that this is a special talking dog. The bartender doesn't believe him and says to leave anyway. The man argues that not only can he talk, but he is an expert on the New York Yankees. Amused as a Yankees fan, the bartender says that if he can proove the dog can talk, he would buy him a beer. So the man puts the dog on a stool and starts with a simple question, "what is the part of a house keeps you dry in the rain?" The dog barks out "RRRRROOF." Come on says the bartender, that is nothing. The man says you ask the dog the next question. The bartender confirms that the dog knows the Yankees history, so he asks, "who was the best Yankee player ever?" The dog barks out "RRRRUTH." The bartender is mad and not convinced and calls the bouncers over and throws the guy and the dog out into the street. The man stands up, looks angrilly at the dog and says "you dumb dog, you got us kicked out of my favorite bar." The dog looks back at the man and says, "What!?, should I have said Dimaggio?"
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How can you tell if a woman is loose??
She sits on a barstool and sinks to the floor....
How can you tell if she's talented???
She stands up and the barstool is gone.
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Mexibonics
*Mexican words of the day:
1. *Cheese*
The teacher told Pepito to use the word cheese in a sentence. Pepito replies: Maria likes me, but cheese ugly.
2. *Mushroom*
When all my family get in the car, there's not mushroom
3. *Shoulder*
My fren wanted 2 become a citizen but she didn't know how to read, So I shoulder.
4. * Texas *
My fren always Texas me when I'm not home wondering where I'm at!
5. *Herpes*
Me and my fren ordered pizza. I got mine piece and she got herpes.
6. *July*
Ju told me ju were going to tha store and July to me! Julyer!
7. *Rectum*
I had 2 cars but my wife rectum!
8. *Chicken*
I was going to go to the store with my wife but chicken go herself.
9. *Wheelchair*
We only have one enchilada left, but don't worry, wheelchair
10. *Chicken* *wing*
My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing.
11. *Harassment*
My wife caught me in bed with another women and I told her honey, "harassment nothing to me."
12. *Bishop*
My wife fell down the stair so I had to pick the bishop.
13. *Body wash*
I want to go to the club but no body wash my kids.
14. *Budweiser*
That women over there has a nice body, budweiser face so ugly?*
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Mexibonics
*Mexican words of the day:
1. *Cheese*
The teacher told Pepito to use the word cheese in a sentence. Pepito replies: Maria likes me, but cheese ugly.
2. *Mushroom*
When all my family get in the car, there's not mushroom
3. *Shoulder*
My fren wanted 2 become a citizen but she didn't know how to read, So I shoulder.
4. * Texas *
My fren always Texas me when I'm not home wondering where I'm at!
5. *Herpes*
Me and my fren ordered pizza. I got mine piece and she got herpes.
6. *July*
Ju told me ju were going to tha store and July to me! Julyer!
7. *Rectum*
I had 2 cars but my wife rectum!
8. *Chicken*
I was going to go to the store with my wife but chicken go herself.
9. *Wheelchair*
We only have one enchilada left, but don't worry, wheelchair
10. *Chicken* *wing*
My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing.
11. *Harassment*
My wife caught me in bed with another women and I told her honey, "harassment nothing to me."
12. *Bishop*
My wife fell down the stair so I had to pick the bishop.
13. *Body wash*
I want to go to the club but no body wash my kids.
14. *Budweiser*
That women over there has a nice body, budweiser face so ugly?*
Those are actually REALLY good!
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Holy jesus that is the funniest thing I have ever read!
Agreed! :rofl
Those are actually REALLY good!
Agreed! :rofl
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Ah, engrish...
(http://www.engrish.com//wp-content/uploads/2009/10/instructions-for-the-tourist.jpg)
think this is a sign posted at a shooting range/mall in Argentina, (that's in south America, no, not close to Alabama). but this picture is from a school close to where I live. notice the mispelintg.
(http://i492.photobucket.com/albums/rr285/semperac/imagescommitted.png)
semp
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I got another "Johnny Joke".
Little Johnny is sitting in class and the teacher says,"I'm going to say a quate and the first one to give the right answer may go home early." She says, " who said four score and seven years ago"....Johnny opens his mouth to answer but Sally yells out " Abraham Lincoln". Teacher dismisses Sally.
Then she says, " I have a dream...." Johnny opens his mouth but Lia yells out Martin Luther King. Lisa gets dismissed early too. She then says, " ask not what your country can do for you..." Johnny starts to say...but Dawn yells out JFK. She leaves too. Johnny's pissed. He yells out I wish these ###ches would keep there mouths shut! The teacher turns around irate yells out Who said that? Johnny says, "Tiger Woods...Can I go home now?