Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Ruler2 on December 05, 2009, 11:49:46 PM
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Let's have a joke contest!
Rules: 1: one joke per post, but you can post as many times as you would like.
2: ALL jokage must be created by you, we don't want to hear any Deja vu stuff from comedians, that's a different thread!
3: No overly perverse/sexual material, light stuff is ok, but don't get carried away!
4: No individual jokes, nothing about a certain noob or old fart, but you can talk about em in general all ya want!
5: Jokes can be built on and talked about, but not brought down, if you don't have something good or funny to say about the joke, don't say it at all.
6: Jokes must be REAL jokes that were created for funniness, not stupidity, no "I ate a cheeseburger" or " I like sheep" stuff. This does not rule out stories though, you can tell a story as long as the purpose was humor, not random jibberish.
7: No overly political stuff, if you think it would offend a group of people, DON'T say it.
I don't know why I made this, but, HAVE FUN!
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What would you call a commanding officer in the Navy? A Giant Squid!
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Getting your order from Mcdonalds is like getting a box of chocolates. You never know what your going to get!
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What's a good way to avoid the flu, and remain a virgin?
If its wet, warm, and not yours, dont touch it. Zing. :cool:
*partail credit goes to my english teacher*
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Does that mean we can't have the extra hot chocolate?
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My Grandpa always told us really great jokes when we were younger. :)
Want to hear a dirty joke?? Pig fell in the mud. Want to hear a clean joke? Pig took a shower!
I always enjoyed that one. :lol
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So my girlfriend broke up with me last night.....She says "Im leaving you", I ask "Why" she says "because your a pedofile" I answer, "Thats a big word for a 13 year old
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Small child sneezes..."That's your brain trying to escape, you know what right?" OMGZWTF
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Herpes. Give the gift that keeps on giving
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So a newly married couple just get to the hotel for their honeymoon and are undressing.....The guy says "try these on" and throws them to his wife, She says"they dont fit" He answers back with "Thats right I wear the daddy pants in this family" The wife throws the husband her panties and says "Try to get in those" The guy says "I cant they're too small" and she replies "Thats right you wont be getting in those till your attitude changes"
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One I wrote for a friend that does stand up, on his upbringing in a Boston Irish Catholic family:
"Growing up was an exercise in confusion for me, let me get this straight, I can't eat meat on Fridays but Dad can get drunk, fall out of the La-Z-Boy and sh*t his pants any day of the week?"
:D
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Not a "joke' but a funny true story that happened yesterday.
My two dogs were sleeping snuggling together. As is not uncommon, my female choc Lab was using the retrievers butt as a pillow.
So Im looking at them both thinking what a great picture is would make when something happened that made me wish I had a video camera instead.
Im looking at them when suddenly I hear "brrrt". One of them farted. It was revealed which one when the lab all of a sudden lifted her head perked her ears then sniffed the retreivers butt. Then promptly dropped her ears, got up and moved clear across to the other side of the room The whole time giving the retreiver this really dirty look before plopping herself down again with a groan. The retriever lifted his head and looked at her as if to say "What?"
I laughed for a full 10 minutes
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Illegal noun. 1. A sick bird.
A guy walks into a bar. Ouch.
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not really a joke, but a kind of saying me and my redneck buddies like to use:
See a hot girl with a huge rack, what do you say? "Those are some TIG OL BITTIES!"
Another is:
Whats red, green, and goes 50 miles an hour? A frog in a blender.
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Kinda dirty, but not TOO bad:
There is a married couple with 2 kids. Whenever they have sex, the husband won't let his wife leave the light on. One day, she turns the light on all of a sudden, only to see her husband wearing a strap-on. She says "I think I deserve an explination". The husband replies "I'll explain myself, if you explain the kids".
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A korean guy has a boner and walks into a wall, what hits first?
his nose :aok
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Why don't chickens wear underwear?
because their donut is on their face.
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So my girlfriend broke up with me last night.....She says "Im leaving you", I ask "Why" she says "because your a pedofile" I answer, "Thats a big word for a 13 year old
LMAO
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A young native american was curious as to how he got his name, so he asks his father one day... He says "father how did me and my sisters get our names? " He says.... well when a child is born we name it after the first thing we see when we go outside, RunningDeer was named because on that special day we seen the most beautiful deer running, When MorningFlower was named, it was because we seen the most beautiful Flower !! Father noticed a puzzled look upon his sons face and asks.. Why you ask these questions TwoDogsHumpin ?????
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Why don't chickens wear underwear?
because their donut is on their face.
That is not how the joke went :furious so it's no longer funny :frown: Donut ?????
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My Grandpa always told us really great jokes when we were younger. :)
Want to hear a dirty joke?? Pig fell in the mud. Want to hear a clean joke? Pig took a shower!
I always enjoyed that one. :lol
My grandpa told that same joke too.
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That is not how the joke went :furious so it's no longer funny :frown: Donut ?????
The profanity filter changed the word he used to "donut".
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An extremely wealthy Wall Street Banker leaves his penthouse in New York's Carlton-Ritz hotel. He gets in the elevator and pushes the Lobby button. The elevator drops two floors and stops. The door opens and a very attractive young lady steps in, dressed very provocatively.
The Banker looks her over and figures that he knows what she's doing in such high-end hotel. The young lady presses Lobby, and down the elevator goes..
After a moment, the Banker realizes that the young lady is staring at him. Another minutes goes by and the woman breaks the silence.
"Excuse me sir, can I smell your testicles?"
Horrified, the Banker replies, "Absolutely not!"
"Oh," says the woman, "It must be your feet then."
My regards,
Widewing
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LMAO
sorry just don't find this all that funny, as a matter of fact I find it out right bull...t.
joking about raping kids, what is wrong with you??????????????
If someone told me that "joke" to my face, that would be the last time, that person would ever try and talk to me, except maybe at the court house for the assault hearing.
sorry ruler I know you asked not to bring it down, but I got 6 daughters and thinking/talking/joking like this really gets me PO.
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sorry just don't find this all that funny, as a matter of fact I find it out right bull...t.
joking about raping kids, what is wrong with you??????????????
If someone told me that "joke" to my face, that would be the last time, that person would ever try and talk to me, except maybe at the court house for the assault hearing.
sorry ruler I know you asked not to bring it down, but I got 6 daughters and thinking/talking/joking like this really gets me PO.
It's fine, that's why I had a rule stating no overly perverse stuff, and a couple of guys have gone over the lines, sadly, I'm not a mod and can;t fix it though, I just gotta trust em to post clean stuff
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sorry just don't find this all that funny, as a matter of fact I find it out right bull...t.
joking about raping kids, what is wrong with you??????????????
If someone told me that "joke" to my face, that would be the last time, that person would ever try and talk to me, except maybe at the court house for the assault hearing.
sorry ruler I know you asked not to bring it down, but I got 6 daughters and thinking/talking/joking like this really gets me PO.
sorry if it offended you.....but are you trying to say you would assault me? now thats a good joke :devil
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sorry if it offended you.....but are you trying to say you would assault me? now thats a good joke :devil
good chance I would assault anyone who said crap like that to me, but I do have violent tendencies,(although I am trying to suppress them) and every one who knows me knows that, so it's not "you" per say it's the sick "joke" that would make me not accountable for my actions.
trust me I am just stating facts, so don't be all I can kick your butt while I am typing behind a computer screen.
that's not the point at all, and if you cant see how that "joke" is wrong well.... you need serious help.
don't bother responding back I am done hijacking this thread, I said my peace.
INK
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If someone told me that "joke" to my face, that would be the last time, that person would ever try and talk to me, except maybe at the court house for the assault hearing.
Wow! Someone needs a timeout.
Seriously, if you are the type of person to cause physical harm to another because of a joke, poor taste or not, you really need to think about anger management classes. Seriously.
now for the joke: two poles were lying in a field.....
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What do you call an intelligent terrorist?
Zero! They cancel each other out because one such thing does not exist!
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Most of the jokes I make are situational and in context, so they don't translate well to the intarwebs. However, if you are a bit of a nerd you should spend a portion of your life going through one of the funniest sites on it:
http://xkcd.com/101/
This one is clean, but some are not in the least bit. You've been warned.
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don't bother responding back I am done hijacking this thread, I said my peace.
INK
But we were just getting started :t
Lil johnny................nm that joke would be alittle nasty :D
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The profanity filter changed the word he used to "donut".
p-cker is profanity?
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old cowboy sitting in a restruant starin at his chili,young cowboy walks in asks old cowboy for his chili,young guy gets half way through th chili and sees a rat in the bottom of the bowl and barfs in the bowl old cowboy says..................i did the same thing
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ROFL!