Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: SunBat on December 10, 2009, 08:39:04 AM
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There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world.
However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau).
At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each. Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second.
This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child,Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney,jump into the sleigh and get onto the next house.
Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks.
This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second -- 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.
The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them -- Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).
600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would adsorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake.
The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.
Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 mps in .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.
Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now. Merry Christmas!
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That's great. :rofl
And to think that all of those obstacles are circumvented by the use of "some magic dust" according to Cheech.
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:rofl
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Sorry to screw up those calculations, but here in Finland, Santa does not just peek in during the night. Instead he visits the homes earlier in the Christmas Eve, listens to Christmas songs and gives the presents eye to eye. Typical visit last from 10 to 30 minutes. Lets say it is average 20 mins.
Thus the only conclusion is that Santa owns a machine to warp the space and time. He just has to be careful not to meet himself from those previous steps while existing as multiple copies at the same time. That might ruin the space time continuum ;)
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All those calculations assume linear time and space.
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All those calculations assume linear time and space.
and 1 Santa. ;)
Edit: Funny article my friend just pointed me toward... http://www.boston.com/lifestyle/articles/2009/12/07/santas_got_a_sleighful_of_problems/?p1=Well_MostPop_Emailed3
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See Rules #2, #6
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All those calculations assume linear time and space.
Santa in action
(http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00945/Norwegion-Lights2_945268a.jpg)
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All those calculations assume linear time and space.
Hmmm...let me work on that for a second...
(http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-cool21.gif) (http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php)
Rejected.
We have to assume that if Santa could bend time and space he would have shared it with us because it would be a great benefit to mankind to be able to do that. It is a reasonable assumption that Santa would tell us because of Santa's deep concern for mankind and his propensity to share. Since he never told us how to bend time and space before he died we have to assume that he couldn't. Therefore, Santa is still dead.
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Your assumption is Santa trusts mankind.
REJECTED.
It is due to Santa's caring for mankind he does not share a technology that mankind could use to destroy the world.
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Your assumption is Santa trusts mankind.
REJECTED.
It is due to Santa's caring for mankind he does not share a technology that mankind could use to destroy the world.
:O Oh NOOO!!!!
What I didn’t mention in my last post was that my calculations also told me that if you responded with that very argument in less than 10 minutes and 18 seconds that the very person that I was arguing with would be SANTA HIMSELF! :x
PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! FORGIVE ME AND BRING ME THOSE BiPoLaR AND Delerium DOLLS I ASKED YOU FOR IN MY LETTER!!!! I'LL BE GOOD FROM NOW ON I PROMISE!!! :cry :cry :cry
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Damn, I am good. One day I am Kari, the next day Santa. Who the heck will I be tomorrow?
Wait,.....does that mean I can give myself Kari as a gift?
Now that would be bending something for sure.
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Damn, I am good. One day I am Kari, the next day Santa. Who the heck will I be tomorrow?
Wait,.....does that mean I can give myself Kari as a gift?
Now that would be bending something for sure.
:rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl
As far as tomorrow, I'm thinking Elvis in hiding. :noid
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Damn, I am good. One day I am Kari, the next day Santa. Who the heck will I be tomorrow?
(http://rds.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0WTb_yNLCFL6h0Ba0ejzbkF/SIG=12bneu6nu/EXP=1260551693/**http%3A//www.3demonic.com/images/Billiken-Batman-A-01.jpg)
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Damn, I am good. One day I am Kari, the next day Santa. Who the heck will I be tomorrow?
Wait,.....does that mean I can give myself Kari as a gift?
Now that would be bending something for sure.
wow!! run kari run!!! :bolt:
by the way...thanks alot sunbat! i read that outloud and my son now thinks santa is dead! ur such a creep! hehe :(
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betty, in case you missed what the "Kari" reference is about.
http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/index.php/topic,279711.0.html
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Damn, I am good. One day I am Kari, the next day Santa. Who the heck will I be tomorrow?
Wait,.....does that mean I can give myself Kari as a gift?
Now that would be bending something for sure.
:rofl :rofl
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betty, in case you missed what the "Kari" reference is about.
http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/index.php/topic,279711.0.html
:rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl
yep mr skuzzmeister...i seen that post! its hella funny! :)
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This is why we try to keep engineers in little offices with big locks on the doors. :D
And, since Skuzzy is Kari is Santa, I don't know what I want for Christmas now. Oh yeah, WWI arena. :pray :pray :pray
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Well using the transitive property if Skuzzy (a) = Kari (b) and Skuzzy (a) = Santa (c) then Kari (b) = Santa (c). Therefore, I'd love for my dogs since there are no kids to be singing, I saw Daddy kissing Santa Claus, and not in the perverted I want to kiss Skuzzy sense for all of you dirty thinkers out there. :neener:
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Therefore, I'd love for my dogs since there are no kids to be singing, I saw Daddy kissing Santa Claus, and not in the perverted I want to kiss Skuzzy sense for all of you dirty thinkers out there. :neener:
WTH?
:noid
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XMAS ?
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WTH?
:noid
Ok, let's just leave Skuzzy out of it and say Kari = Santa, get the picture?
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If Kari=Santa.......hhmmmm.......now I want Santa to sit on MY lap! :x
But if Kari = Santa = Skuzzy??? :bolt:
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If Kari=Santa.......hhmmmm.......now I want Santa to sit on MY lap! :x
But if Kari = Santa = Skuzzy??? :bolt:
Gets a little convoluted then doesn't it? That's what I was thinking after I thought more into it, as long as it's the Kari version of Santa and not Skuzanta we're all good.
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All those calculations assume linear time and space.
My thinking exactly. Doesn't Sanda does have the Gödel-Roman time deaccelerator watch?
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Skuzanta :old:
:rofl
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Damn, I am good. One day I am Kari, the next day Santa. Who the heck will I be tomorrow?
Wait,.....does that mean I can give myself Kari as a gift?
Now that would be bending something for sure.
LOL! Who moderates the moderators?
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Oh and tomorrow you can be me, that way you will be all-powerful (Skuzzy), hot (Kari), magic (Santa), and BADASS (SunBat). :x :banana:
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LOL! Who moderates the moderators?
I asked Santa but he was too busy with Kari to give me an answer. At least, that's what I think I heard.
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eddiek,
what would be wrong about Skuzzy sitting on your lap? :angel:
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Ok, now we are wondering into wierdsville. That's what happens when you fold space too many times. See what you did Sunbat!?!?!
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I asked Santa but he was too busy with Kari...
Careful now, you'll go blind. :D
Ok, now we are wondering into wierdsville. That's what happens when you fold space too many times. See what you did Sunbat!?!?!
LOL. Yeah, sorry. That was the last one. I couldn't resist. I'm not getting my dolls am I?
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eddiek,
what would be wrong about Skuzzy sitting on your lap? :angel:
MMmm......let's just say my Christmas stuff ain't wired that way :neener:
Now across the pond where you are, it might be normal to want a jolly ole elf to sit on your lap and talk about the first thing that pops up..but here..........nope :O
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But if Santa is Keri, and Santa is sitting on your lap, then talking about the first thing that comes up is a good thing. In fact, I believe it should be discussed at length. :salute
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MMmm......let's just say my Christmas stuff ain't wired that way :neener:
Now across the pond where you are, it might be normal to want a jolly ole elf to sit on your lap and talk about the first thing that pops up..but here..........nope :O
Well, here, across the pond, we would take Santazzy to Christmas sauna, but no sitting on lap would be included :old:
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But if Santa is Keri, and Santa is sitting on your lap, then talking about the first thing that comes up is a good thing. In fact, I believe it should be discussed at length. :salute
LOL.......it was the Kari = Santa = Skuzzy.......that 3rd variable guaranteed nothing would pop up. But I'm sure we can all pitch in and come up with a plane ticket to Cleveland....let Karisantuzzy sit on YOUR lap! :aok
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Well if you gotta give it a nickname, then use Skarzzy because I can assure you it would leave any of you very scared and/or scarred.
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Well if you gotta give it a nickname, then use Skarzzy because I can assure you it would leave any of you very scared and/or scarred.
Naw, Blauk and the other Finns ain't skeert of nuthin!
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Well if you gotta give it a nickname, then use Skarzzy because I can assure you it would leave any of you very scared and/or scarred.
LOL and tomorrow it will be Skarzzybat so you get the badassedness in there. :banana:
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:O Oh NOOO!!!!
What I didn’t mention in my last post was that my calculations also told me that if you responded with that very argument in less than 10 minutes and 18 seconds that the very person that I was arguing with would be SANTA HIMSELF! :x
PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! FORGIVE ME AND BRING ME THOSE BiPoLaR AND Delerium DOLLS I ASKED YOU FOR IN MY LETTER!!!! I'LL BE GOOD FROM NOW ON I PROMISE!!! :cry :cry :cry
How about a tickle me elmo doll and a box of half eaten oreos? Hmm, Santa and a timemachine. What if Santa jumps back or forward into the same time and place and see's himself? I sure hope he's taking it easy on the eggnog this year. :uhoh
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If Santa used the space-time continuum machine one too many times:
(http://i794.photobucket.com/albums/yy225/graffeos3/XmasSanta.jpg)
Or maybe just Skuzzy on a bad day :D
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Thats sone freakin funny stuff
Gotta take that one into work
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If Kari=Santa.......hhmmmm.......now I want Santa to sit on MY lap! :x
But if Kari = Santa = Skuzzy??? :bolt:
Delirium and I tried to tell you....
How's the red hair, Skuzzy? :D
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Delirium and I tried to tell you....
How's the red hair, Skuzzy? :D
That's Skarzzy to you mister. :mad:
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That's Skarzzy to you mister. :mad:
I thought it was "Skarzzybat". It is tommorrow after all. ;)
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I thought it was "Skarzzybat". It is tommorrow after all. ;)
troof :D
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An advanced knowledge of electromagnetic waves, the space-time continuum, nanotechnology, genetic engineering, and computer science easily explains Santa’s abilities to deliver presents to millions of homes and children in just one night, according to professor of mechanical and aerospace engineering, Larry Silverberg, at North Carolina State University.
Silverberg explains that Santa has a personal wireless connection to children’s thoughts – via a listening antenna that combines technologies currently used in cell phones and EKGs – which informs him that Mary in Miami hopes for a surfboard, while Michael from Minneapolis wants a snowboard. Sophisticated signal-processing technology maps out who wants what, where children live, and especially flags red or green children who’ve been bad or good.
Santinformatics software processese all the data and programs the onboard sleigh guidance system (OSG) to calculate the most efficient delivery route. Down on earth this is known as the “traveling salesman problem”, but it’s the TSantaP at the North Pole.
Silverberg is not so silly as to think that Santa and his reindeer can cover approximately 200 million square miles – making stops in some 80 million homes – in one night. Instead, he reckons that Santa uses his knowledge of the space-time continuum to form what Silverberg calls “relativity clouds.” “Based on his advanced knowledge of the theory of relativity, Santa recognizes that time can be stretched like a rubber band, that space can be squeezed like an orange and that light can be bent,” Silverberg says. “Relativity clouds are controllable domains – rips in time – that allow him months to deliver presents while only a few minutes pass on Earth. The presents are truly delivered in a wink of an eye.”
Santa’s reindeer are genetically engineeredSanta’s reindeer are genetically engineered, of course, allowing them to fly, balance on rooftops and see in the dark. And, just in case you’ve forgotten, here are their names: Donner, Blitzen, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Rudolph, and Olive! Olive, you say? Yes, as in: “Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names…” These latter two were recruited to the team many years after the original poem naming the reindeer – A Visit from St Nicholas.
Finally, many people wonder how Santa and the reindeer can eat all the food left out for them. Silverberg says they take just a nibble at each house. The remainder is either left in the house or placed in the sleigh’s built-in food dehydrator, where it is preserved for future consumption. It takes a long time to deliver all those presents, after all.
Silverberg says “Children shouldn’t put too much credence in the opinions of those who say it’s not possible to deliver presents all over the world in one night. It is possible, and it’s based on plausible science.”
http://www.sciencebase.com/science-blog/how-does-santa-do-it-2.html
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“Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names…”
OMG :rofl
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You guys forgot one thing:
You need add the effect pixie dust has on the entire rig. The magic dust forms an energy shield that allows safe encapsulation of Santa and the deer while it enters the worm hole in the time space continuum allowing Santa and his rig to visit all 108 million homes in one night. Since time is folded on itself as he moves the 31 physical hours is just enough time for him to accomplish his mission.
Merry Christmas :cheers: