Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Yeager on July 26, 2010, 12:37:49 AM
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When Chuck Norris jumps into the water he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris :O
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Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
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Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin he built by hand.
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Careful. Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can email a wheel kick which (by the way) is the preferred method of execution in sixteen states.
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Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
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Some people check their closet for the boogeyman, the boogeyman checks his closet for chuck Norris.
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The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration is now measuring tropical storms and hurricanes in categories of Norris Roundhouse Kicks (NRK).
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Chuck Norris does not sleep...... he waits!
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"Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer!"
"The original title for Star Wars was "Skywalker: Texas Ranger". Starring Chuck Norris."
"Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Found @ http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/
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One of my favorites I've found so far....
"Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe."
Found @ http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/
Thanks for the link Reschke
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In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes
(http://i148.photobucket.com/albums/s35/68zoom/google_chuck_norris.png)
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ROFLMAO...that's some funny stuff on that website, thanks Reschke. :rofl :lol :rofl :lol
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Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
The original game would've been rock, paper, scissors, Chuck Norris. But it was decided that an all powerful element would make the game unfair, and potentially deadly.
The only reason Chuck Norris lets Jackie Chan live is because he loves Chris Tucker movies.
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Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
:lol
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TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion.
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Some people wear Darth Vader costume for Halloween, Darth Vader wears a Chuck Norris costume.
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chuck norris is the first person to ever punch someone in the back of the face.
chuck norris once visited the virgin islands. now they just call them the islands.
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Chuck Norris carries a third fist in his beard.
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When all else fails, Chuck Norris doesn't.
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A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
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Anyone else remember one of the early episodes of Conan O'brian with Chuck Norris as a guest?
Conan asked Chuck if he could really kick like 20 peoples azzes at once like in his movies, Chuck said no nobody can.
Conan says; so if me and the audiance rush you we could kick your azz?
Chuck says, sure (then he got a little smirk and said) but I sure feel sorry for the first 3 or 4 of ya!! :rofl
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Chuck Norris can get blood out of a stone.
Step on a crack and Chuck Norris breaks your back!
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Chuck Norris is 1/16th Cherokee Indian, not because of genetics, because he ate a frieken indian.
Chuck Norris says no to drugs, if he said yes, it would collapse Columbia's infrastructure.
Helen Kellers favorite color is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once pulled a hair from his beard, only to skewer a mans heart out with it.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity- twice.
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Contrary to popular belief, first there was Chuck Norris, then there was nothing.
Chuck Norris once had a staring contest with his own reflection, needless to say, he won.
Chuck Norris only allows the Dos Equis man to survive because of two reasons.
1. He loves beer
and
2. The foreigners need a version of their own Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris is currently sueing NBC, claiming that "Law" and "Order", are trademarked names of his left and right legs.
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Chuck Norris will HO you. From BEHIND.
Chuck Norris will pick you. While *he* is AFK.
Chuck Norris once landed 27 kills flying a D3A1. In FSX!
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There is no theory of evolution, it's only the animals Chuck Norris let live
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Chuck Norris is the cause of more deaths than lightning, sharks, airline accidents, Africanized honeybee attacks and bear attacks combined.
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most kids can pee their name into the snow, chuck can pee his into concrete.
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Chuck Norris decieded which came first,the chicken or the egg,and he's not telling!
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(http://www.6crew.com/forum/images/smilies/chuck.gif)
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
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Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
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Chuck Norris' favorite Chuck Norris Fact.
They wanted to put Chuck Norris on mount Rushmore but the granite wasn't tough enough for his beard.
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most kids can pee their name into the snow, chuck can pee his into concrete.
best yet. rofl
:rofl
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When Chuck Norris does a push up it doesn't lift his body up. IT pushes the earth away.
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Anyone else remember one of the early episodes of Conan O'brian with Chuck Norris as a guest?
Conan asked Chuck if he could really kick like 20 peoples azzes at once like in his movies, Chuck said no nobody can.
Conan says; so if me and the audiance rush you we could kick your azz?
Chuck says, sure (then he got a little smirk and said) but I sure feel sorry for the first 3 or 4 of ya!! :rofl
:rofl :rofl :rofl
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Chevy wanted to make a new truck and call it the Chuck Truck, But alas they couldn't build one that tough.
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Chevy wanted to make a new truck and call it the Chuck Truck, But alas they couldn't build one that tough.
Aren't you thinking about the "Ford Tough" slogan?
Chuck Norris has the ability to compare apples to oranges whereas everyone else can only compare apples to apples.
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If Chuck Norris did the coad for AH, the next update would have been out for two weeks.
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If Chuck Norris did the coad for AH, the next update would have been out for two weeks.
if norris did the coad for AH, Santa would be flying around with twin 105s. one for his chin, and one for his butt. and everyone near him would get roundhouse kicks in the form of said 105s until they died
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I'm pretty sure we should stick to Chuck Norris jokes that don't include HTC. I dunno, just doesn't make me chuckle..... at all.
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My favorite:
Do you know where the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles came from????
Somebody once dared Chuck Norris to eat some live turtles.... when he pooped them out they where 6ft tall and knew Karate! :D
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The last Chuck Norris movie shown in Vietnam killed 800 people.
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Chuck Norris invented ground beef by throwing a cow at a chain-link fence.
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I'm pretty sure we should stick to Chuck Norris jokes that don't include HTC. I dunno, just doesn't make me chuckle..... at all.
.................OOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOhhhhhhhh you better not let CHUCK(aka Dale) hear you say that :lol :lol :lol :lol
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Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris is superior to Superman because Chuck Norris has no Kryptonite.
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Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer... too bad he has never cried. Ever.
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. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take crap from anybody.
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:rofl
. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take crap from anybody.
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Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
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Ghosts are created when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks someone so hard in the arse that only the shape of the person remains, and is permanently floating around. In a condition commonly referred to as "kickassification."
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Ghosts are created when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks someone so hard in the arse that only the shape of the person remains, and is permanently floating around. In a condition commonly referred to as "kickassification."
I thought it was "norrisified" or "norrisification".
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rarely known as those, but it can also be known by the common name of "Boot-to-arse syndrome."
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. They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take crap from anybody.
Win.
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Bruce Lee kicked his but at the movies once. :neener:
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Bruce Lee kicked his but at the movies once. :neener:
cough cough--BRUCE LEE can kick chuck norris n jackie chans arse at the same time :rock BRUCE LEE!!
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Bruce Lee kicked his but at the movies once. :neener:
cough cough--BRUCE LEE can kick chuck norris n jackie chans arse at the same time :rock BRUCE LEE!!
You two are ruining the whole thread :furious :old: :furious lol ;)
Chuck Norris can roundhouse people thought the screen. (good luck :neener:)
there was once a time when some people actually believed there was a better martial artist than chuck norris. when mr. norris heard of this, he quickly found the accused master of martial arts and roundhouse kicked him in the face so hard it caused a temporary rip in space that sent the poor man to another dimesion. this is where bruce lee currently resides.
“Godzilla” is japanese for chuck norris.
When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
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:O :O :O :O :O :O
(http://i231.photobucket.com/albums/ee239/bigbobCH/small_signsofchucknorris.jpg)
-BigBOBCH
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:O :O :O :O :O :O
(http://i231.photobucket.com/albums/ee239/bigbobCH/small_signsofchucknorris.jpg)
-BigBOBCH
:rofl
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Chuck did not kick that car -
A - It is still in 1 piece
B - It is still on the planet
C - It would be travelling faster than light and therefore impossible to photograph
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We have "Shark Week", sharks have "Chuck Norris Week".
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Chuck did not kick that car -
A - It is still in 1 piece
B - It is still on the planet
C - It would be travelling faster than light and therefore impossible to photograph
Thats because all he did was touch it with his little toe :O
-BigBOBCH
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but if chuck accidently stubbed his toe, the whole planet would stop rotating and we would all fly off into space
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Chuck Norris is TOO dangerous to keep on this planet......he must be destroyed.
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chuck norris can divide by zero
there is no such thing as global warming. chuck norris was cold so he turned the sun up
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Chuck Norris is do tough he has to use hedge clippers tpo rtrim his beard.
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Chuck Norris' rice crispies don't say a thing.
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Anyone who reads Harry Potter knows that Neville Longbottom is the new Chuck Norris.
Cause when Chuck Norris sees a boggart, it turns into Neville Longbottom
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Chuck Norris is do tough he has to use hedge clippers tpo rtrim his beard.
1 tequila
2 tequila
3 tequila
Floor
Chuck Norris just wiped the horse poo off his boot on your rear end. The bruise is permanent.
*spits beer out nose
Indeed Muzzy
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1 tequila
2 tequila
3 tequila
Floor
Chuck Norris just wiped the horse poo off his boot on your rear end. The bruise is permanent.
*spits beer out nose
Indeed Muzzy
:headscratch:
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chuck norris can divide by zero
there is no such thing as global warming. chuck norris was cold so he turned the sun up
It don't get much better than that :rofl
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:headscratch:
I think he was referring to the horrible spelling of ebfd11.
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I think he was referring to the horrible spelling of ebfd11.
roger that he PMed me and my :headscratch: I feel stupid now especially because I read the Harry Potter books lol.
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Chuck Norris' rice crispies don't say a thing.
:lol
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Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
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Chuck norris's cereal never gets sogy, stays crispy just for him, all the time.
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Chuck Norris can get to the center of a "Tootsie Roll Pop" in one.
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Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
:lol
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(http://fkdlife.com/uploads/wallpapers/2010/05/09/572/thumb_big_other_226006e7fa7ef2669c4218905f2ec980.jpg)
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Chuck Norris doesn't set convergence. The bullets go where he tells them to.
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Freddy Krueger dreams of Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris loves to watch movies such as "Saving Private Ryan, The Pacific, Band of Brothers and Rambo." They all remind him of his earlier years...
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Osama BinLaden went into hiding because he heard Chuck Norris was looking for him.
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Chuck Norris ordered a Big mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. he walked.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a kid. His bed wet itself out of fear.
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Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse...horse's are hung like Chuck Norris.
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If Chuck Norris had a radio station the call letters would be KPOW!
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1) Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
2) Chuck Norris does not sleep. he waits.
3) Chuck Norris clogs the toilet when he pisses.
4) Chuck Norris's cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
5) Chuck Norris is never late. Time waits for him.
6) Chuck Norris does not go hunting. Chuck Norris goes killing.
7) When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night. He checks the closet for Chuck Norris.
8) Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
9) The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
10) Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
11) If at first you don't succeed, you are obviously not Chuck Norris.
and finally,
Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and poop it out solved.
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If Chuck Norris had a radio station the call letters would be KPOW!
Nice :lol
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Ozzy Osbourne once bit the head off of a bat on-stage. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris bit the head off of Batman.
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(http://bitsandpieces.us/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/imageschuck-Norris-has-10.jpg)
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(http://bitsandpieces.us/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/imageschuck-Norris-has-10.jpg)
:rofl
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9) The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
:lol
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Outer space exists because its afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris
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Chuck Norris counted to infinity....... twice.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
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“Sharks Have a week dedicated to him.”
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The Top Ten Facts on the official facts website (which admitedly i have to generally agree with as I have followed these jokes since their creation):
01 Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
02 Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
03 Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
04 If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
05 Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
06 When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
07 Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
08 Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
09 They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take crap from anybody.
10 A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
Honorable Mentions:
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
When Chuck Norris played golf for money, Chuck marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to Chuck: "excuse me sir, but you cant score zero on a hole". Chuck Norris turned towards the man and said, im Chuck Norris, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face anyways.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
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The reason Chuck Norris is not in "The Expendables" is because it wouldn't be much of a movie if all the actors got roundhouse kicked in the first 10 seconds.
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If forum moderator tried to ban hammer a post from Chuck Norris the internet would melt.
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The reason Chuck Norris is not in "The Expendables" is because it wouldn't be much of a movie if all the actors got roundhouse kicked in the first 10 seconds.
Nice one :lol
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Nice one :lol
Danke, danke.
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The reason they dont film 3D Chuck Norris movies: Because whenever Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bad guy, his foot would pop out of the movie screen and kill the audience.
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The reason they dont film 3D Chuck Norris movies: Because whenever Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the bad guy, his foot would pop out of the movie screen and kill the audience.
:rofl :rofl :rofl
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Chuck Norris once went against Lance Armstrong in a who had more testicles contest. Chuck Norris won by five.
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(http://i178.photobucket.com/albums/w246/fieldsofink/norris.gif)
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(http://i178.photobucket.com/albums/w246/fieldsofink/norris.gif)
:rofl :rofl
I remember that episode! Too funny. :lol
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(http://i178.photobucket.com/albums/w246/fieldsofink/norris.gif)
LOL :rofl
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Chuck Norris's cyclic rate of round house kicks is 650 kicks a minute ! thats on full auto too !
Nutte :salute
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The Great Wall of China was originally constructed to keep Chuck Norris out.
It failed miserably.