Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Wayout on September 15, 2010, 07:20:48 PM
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--Understanding Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said,
'Where did you get such a great bike?'
The second engineer replied, 'Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my
own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the
ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, 'Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fit you anyway.'
--Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
--Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly
slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, 'What' s with those guys? We must have been waiting for
fifteen minutes!'
The doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!'
The priest said, 'Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.' He
said, 'Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather
slow, aren't they?'
The greens keeper replied, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always
let them play for free anytime.'
The group fell silent.
The priest said, 'That's so sad I think I will say a special prayer for them
tonight.'
The doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague
and see if there's anything he can do for them.'
The engineer said, 'Why can't they play at night?'
--Understanding Engineers - Take Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.
--Understanding Engineers - Take Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, 'Why does it work?'
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, 'How does it work?'
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, 'How much will it cost?'
The graduate with an arts degree asks, 'Do you want fries with that?'
--Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body.
One said, 'It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.'
Another said, 'No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many
thousands of electrical connections. '
The last one said, 'No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else
would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?'
--Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe
that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
--Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and
said, 'If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess.'
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, 'If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.'
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to
his pocket.
The frog then cried out, 'If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll
stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want.'
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, 'What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful
princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why
won't you kiss me?'
The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend,
but a talking frog, now that's cool.
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:rock
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I think Skuzzy or Pyro posted these many years ago. Still funny though.
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As an un degreed, self taught, structural enginerd, I resemble most of those remarks.
Good ones.. I'll be sending them to some of the licensed PE's I know.
So about that talking frog?
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So about that talking frog?
:rofl :rofl :rofl
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I have already sent the one about the features to all the engineers that I work with.
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:rofl :rofl :rofl
sadly, it all made perfect sense to me. Good thing I'm planning to major in Aeronautical Engineering
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A mathematician, physicist and an engineer were given a a red rubber ball and asked to calculate its volume. Each went to his task.
10 minutes later the mathematician comes running back waving a pile of draft papers: "I got it! I calculated a triple integral over the radius of the ball and got the volume!".
20 minutes later the physicist comes running back all soaking wet and shouting: "Eurika! I submerged the ball in a tank of water, measured the rise in water level and calculated the volume from that!"
30 minutes later the engineer comes running barely carrying a huge tome: "I got it! I found in this book a table describing the volumes of red rubber balls!"
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What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.
:aok
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Top Ten Reasons To Date an Engineer:
1. The world does revolve around us… We pick the coordinate system.
2. Find out what those other buttons on your calculator do.
3. We know how to handle stress and strain in our relationships.
4. Parents will approve.
5. Help with your math homework.
6. Can calculate head pressure.
7. Looks good on a resume.
8. Free body diagrams.
9. High starting salary.
10. Extremely good looking