Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Wayout on December 01, 2010, 11:01:37 AM
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Tools:
DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out
of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across
the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in
the corner where nothing could get to it.
SKILL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into
major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It
transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you
attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else
is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the
palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on
fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you
want to remove a bearing race..
TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for
testing wall integrity.
HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new
brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum
sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut
on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to
disconnect.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style
paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used,
as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws
into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to
remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind
of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object we
are trying to hit.
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:rofl :rofl :rofl
every one of them true :aok
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+1
Was using my router bench once a router bit took of like a helicopter and punctured a spray can of blue paint :old:
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:lol
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So true. :lol
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you've no clue how many engines i've pulled.....and swore that someone reconnected something.......
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+1
Was using my router bench once a router bit took of like a helicopter and punctured a spray can of blue paint :old:
:rofl, was ben ok?
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Tools:
OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on
fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you
want to remove a bearing race..
Caught my hair on fire doing exactly this. :bolt:
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:rofl, was ben ok?
he was in the house watching celebrity come dancing :old:
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he was in the house watching celebrity come dancing :old:
:lol
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Caught my hair on fire doing exactly this. :bolt:
i've never set my hair on fire, but i have lit up numerous shirts, work pants, and long johns........i "sunburned" myself pretty badly once while arc welding.......with no shirt on. that was pretty stupid.
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AIR COMPRESSOR:
Used to measure velocity and distance of air chuck tools the moment you touch the quick disconnect. Studies have shown that the distance traveled increases exponentially with the cost of the item. Guaranteed at the end of your paint job to decide to spray moisture on the body of the vehicle you have spent the whole weekend sanding and priming.
AIR HOSE:
An object that blows out when you least dont want it to while hitting you in the face at the same time. Good for knocking over the container of small parts you carefully put out of the way so absolutely nothing would cause it to lose its contents.
CHUCK TOOLS:
Mysterious aerodynamic marvels that fly to the farthest reach of your shop. These little buggers love the darkness and tight cramped spaces and will usually flock there when disturbed. Some of these creatures have been known to roost on top of rafters, upside down on insulated ceilings, and top corners in buildings.
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:rofl :aok
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oh so true but i think you forgot one small detail in this one.
TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for
testing wall integrity.
for shortening index fingers so that they no longer get in the way when using other tools.
just happened to me recently.
and it was the torch that taught me not to wear poly blend shirts while working over head, no matter how much leather you are wearing.
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:rofl :rofl
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Yup.. good ones!
:rofl
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Radial arm saw: a table saw for real men who feel they may have an extra finger or hand they don't need anymore.
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It's much harder to feed yourself through a table saw than to lay down and cut yourself off on a radial arm saw.
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:lol :aok :cheers:
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BANDSAW: A vertically mounted saw that appears double sided but isnt, primary function is to allow for the immediate shattering of the blade while chipping and occasionally sawing wood when the operater attempts to use the wrong side. When the blade shatters it provides the useful ability of injuring the operator and severely annoying the onlooking woodwork teacher while injuring the overseer of the operator's wallet.
:o
:noid
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personal experience plaw? :lol
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:noid
no comment
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:noid
no comment
:rofl
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my dad bought me a table saw i have not found a use for it :old:
Drill press and bandsaw and chop saw yes not table saw, it looks nice and sounds nice lol
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I recently used my table saw to test the integrity of my waist.
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I still have blood stains on my table saw from the new guy who didnt understand the meaning of "dont touch it". good thing it was only the tip of his finger.
semp
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AIR COMPRESSOR:
Used to measure velocity and distance of air chuck tools the moment you touch the quick disconnect. Studies have shown that the distance traveled increases exponentially with the cost of the item. Guaranteed at the end of your paint job to decide to spray moisture on the body of the vehicle you have spent the whole weekend sanding and priming.
Also used for spinning bearings on a screwdriver that can travel across a workshop floor at the speed of light.
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There isn't a smilie invented yet to convey my joy, sorrow, laughter, and understanding of the truth in this thread.
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my dad bought me a table saw i have not found a use for it :old:
Drill press and bandsaw and chop saw yes not table saw, it looks nice and sounds nice lol
Watch ot for the drill press ! I lost a chunk of hair with one . Tip < Don't lean over a drill press with 3 feet of hair , lol .