Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: 100Coogn on March 22, 2011, 04:06:25 AM
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A three legged dog walks into this bar and says "I'm looking for the man that shot my Paw" :banana:
Best I got...
Coogan
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"My daughter's been picked up so many times she's starting to grow handles."
"She flunked her driving test. She couldn't get used to the front seat."
"Her nickname is "Federal Express". When she goes over to a guys house, she absolutely, positively has to be there overnight."
"In school she was voted "Most likely to conceive"."
All credit to Rodney and Henny
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""She flunked her driving test. She couldn't get used to the front seat."
That one had to be Henny. He was what they used to call the 'intellectual' comedian. Those were the days you could make people laugh without going into a 4-letter word rant.
:aok
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Not one liners....... Blonde jokes.....
A blonde & her husband are lying in bed
listening to the next door neighbor's dog.
It has been in the backyard barking for hours & hours.
The blonde jumps up out of bed and says,
"I've had enough of this".
She goes downstairs.
The blonde finally comes back up to bed
and her husband says, "The dog is still barking,
what have you been doing?"
The blonde says,
"I put the dog in our backyard ...
let's see how THEY like it!
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia!
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i believe the proper term is "one liners"...
henny youngman and rodeny dangerfield had some great one liners in their time...
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i believe the proper term is "one liners"...
henny youngman and rodeny dangerfield had some great one liners in their time...
That may be. My topic is 'Short Liners'. That's why I phrased it that way. I enjoy hearing all these good ol' story's/jokes and what not.
Coogan
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henny youngman... :lol
A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.
A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.
How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.
If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope.
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.
My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!
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'Lay off of Vanessa. She gives great headaches.'
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The other night, my wife says to me "Hey, our kid looks just like his father!" I said "No kiddin you think he looks like me, eh?" She says "No, he looks like his father!"
-Rodney Dangerfield