Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: AKKuya on September 27, 2011, 08:59:01 PM
-
U.S. COAST GUARD ENLISTMENT OATH
" I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES COAST GUARD because I know being in the real military scares me. However, I swear to defend our position as the fifth branch of the Armed Services, although at one point we were under the Department of Homeland Security. I understand that at least twice a day, someone will refer to me a member of the Air Force or Navy, and when I correct them, they will question my military status. I will work on boats the size of kayaks and small yachts during the worst of natures storms, and receive no thanks or notice form the public. I will fly in helos into the eye of the storm to rescue people dumber then rocks, and then be heckled by the same people when I bust them for transporting drugs two months later.! I will prevent thousands of gallons of pollution, but be accused of impeding the economy when I won't allow vessels to pour oil into the ocean. I will be the red-headed step child to all of the other services, although I know I got the better deal. All of my equipment will be discarded Navy property. I will use most of my time in the Coast Guard to take college classes, and perfect my web surfing abilities, then complain that I work too much. I will perfect avoiding PT at all costs, and do my best to attend training that will give me a great competitive edge in the career field of my choice, making retention efforts of the Coast Guard pointless. I will come in contact with so many pollutants during my tenure, I will glow in the dark for the rest of my natural life and refer to myself as "salty" because of it. I will do my best to work 8 to 3, with a two hour lunch, on normal days, and have my pager and cell phone surgically attached, SO HELP ME GOD.
____________________
Signature
____________________
Date
US AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT
" I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army, because the Marines frighten me, and because I am afraid of water over waist-deep. I swear to sit behind a desk. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a valid form of exercise. I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better quality of life than those around me and will, at all times, be sure to make them aware of that fact. After completion of "Basic Training", I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, Lazy-Boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chair-borne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back. I will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. So Help Me God!"
____________________
Signature
____________________
Date
US ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
" I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my otherwise mediocre life to the UNITED STATES ARMY because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim. I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will see is a court-martial for sexual harassment. I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my Sexual.....er.....I mean "Basic Training," I will attend a different Army school every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a better-looking Air Force guy. Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back. While at work I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive to work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave everyday at 1300 to report back to "COMPANY." I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job up! on separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. So Help Me God!"
_____________________
Signature
_____________________
Date
US NAVY OATH OF ENLISTMENT
" I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES NAVY, because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," because I didn't want to actually live in dirt like the Army, and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...why not?" I promise to wear clothes that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer,! and for Nazi Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster, whatever that is, at 0700 every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930. I vow to hone my coffee cup-handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues." So Help Me Neptune!"
______________________
Signature
______________________
Date
US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT
" I, (pick a name the police won't recognize), swear..uhhhh....high-and-tight.... grunt... cammies....kill....fix bayonets....charge....slash.. ..dig....burn....blowup....ug h...Air Force women....beer.....sailors wives.....air strikes....yes SIR!....whiskey....liberty call....salute....Ooorah Gunny....grenades...women.... OORAH! So Help Me Chesty PULLER!"
X____________________
Thumb Print
XX _____________________________ ____
Teeth Marks
_____________________
Date
A little fun with the 5 armed services. Not quite the oath I remember taking for the US Army 20 years ago.
-
:lol :rofl :rofl :rofl
-
kuya, you forgot the arse imprints for the marine corps...you can give your heart to jesus, but your A-$-$ belongs to the corps!!! :bolt:
sir, aye aye sir!!!
-
:rofl :rofl
-
:rofl :rofl
-
You also forgot for the Army, "I will vow to put stickers on the back of my vehicle so EVERYONE knows that I am airborne, deployed to Iraq, Deployed to Afghanistan, and that I voted for Bush in '04"
-
:lol Now that is funny!
-
Absolutely perfect! :lol
-
kuya, you forgot the arse imprints for the marine corps...you can give your heart to jesus, but your A-$-$ belongs to the corps!!! :bolt:
sir, aye aye sir!!!
Haven't heard that one in a long time. :rofl
-
Army Oath must also contain a "Jodie" reference.
:cheers: Oz
-
I for some reason didnt find it all that funny.....
-
Belittling others' service is lame..... Just sayin'..
**stands by for testosterone laced rhetorical nonsense comment**
-
Belittling others' service is lame..... Just sayin'..
**stands by for testosterone laced rhetorical nonsense comment**
But all the services were belittled pretty equally in the joke, I'm Army and I wasn't offended. I think the Navy one was funniest though, SO HELP ME NEPTUNE! :lol
-
I loved the "signature" mark in the Marine one. :D
-
But all the services were belittled pretty equally in the joke, I'm Army and I wasn't offended. I think the Navy one was funniest though, SO HELP ME NEPTUNE! :lol
Squid is working on Air Force and I forwarded that to him with a wry smirk on my face :)
-
Belittling others' service is lame..... Just sayin'..
**stands by for testosterone laced rhetorical nonsense comment**
Basically the services respect each other for the service but it's just a long standing tradition to take the mickey out of the branches.
-
Fits with every Navy guy and Marine I've had the pleasure of knowing.
Belittling others' service is lame..... Just sayin'..
No overabundance of testosterone. Just a 'Lighten up, Francis.'
Wiley.
-
Belittling others' service is lame..... Just sayin'..
**stands by for testosterone laced rhetorical nonsense comment**
Did you ever wear the uniform?
-
Did you ever wear the uniform?
ever been in uniform and not made fun of the other services? it's a joke, it's funny, leave it at that.
semp
-
And this is why I love being a Jar Head! :rock :salute
-
I loved the "signature" mark in the Marine one. :D
i Loled
-
Do you know how you can tell if someone is/was a Marine? Don't worry, they'll tell you.
The Air Force, when playing organized Boy Scouts just isn't enough.
The Navy, I've never understood what they do with that goat in the middle of the ocean anyway.
Army, "gunner sabot tank...identified!...lasing...fire...on the wwwwaaaaaayyyyyy......BBOOOMM M! target destroyed, cease fire!"
"If you ain't Cav you ain't toejam!"
Aah, interservice rivalries...part of the actual oath of office. If you haven't been there you just won't understand.
Boo
221st Armor, 11th CAV
M60A3 and M1A1
Loose Deuce
PS Note, apparently Aces High software won't let me make the proper pronouncement and changes S*** to toejam. I respect that.
-
**stands by for testosterone laced rhetorical nonsense comment**
Nah, you took care of that already :lol
-
Do you know how you can tell if someone is/was a Marine? Don't worry, they'll tell you.
The Air Force, when playing organized Boy Scouts just isn't enough.
The Navy, I've never understood what they do with that goat in the middle of the ocean anyway.
Army, "gunner sabot tank...identified!...lasing...fire...on the wwwwaaaaaayyyyyy......BBOOOMM M! target destroyed, cease fire!"
"If you ain't Cav you ain't toejam!"
Aah, interservice rivalries...part of the actual oath of office. If you haven't been there you just won't understand.
Boo
221st Armor, 11th CAV
M60A3 and M1A1
Loose Deuce
PS Note, apparently Aces High software won't let me make the proper pronouncement and changes S*** to toejam. I respect that.
LOL cav....
This what its all about-- (http://www.infantry.army.mil/videos/images/flag_hooah.jpg)
-
Selino got it right. Hooah :aok
P.S. Btw, it's not Cav, it's DAT, or C-DAT :rofl
:cheers: Oz
-
may I chime in?(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c1/USA_-_3rd_Calvary_DUI.png)I was a 19Do what ever I am told to do
-
may I chime in?(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c1/USA_-_3rd_Calvary_DUI.png)I was a 19Do what ever I am told to do
that doesnt look like a rifle to me.
semp
-
that doesnt look like a rifle to me.
semp
all part of the now defunct "don't ask, don't tell" policy as followed in the U.S. Army; the bugle was a symbol for those that like to blow...."things". :bolt:
-
:rofl :rofl
-
DAT - Dumb A** Tanker. Why yes, thank you very much though it remains CAV.
Our Fourth General Order:
We shall guard our tank from flank to flank,
and take no S*** from any rank!
...target destroyed, Cease Fire!
Boo