Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Penguin on March 14, 2012, 11:27:24 PM
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Hey BBS,
During the third grade my fantasy world grew to accommodate four new personas: Kyle, Shane, Anne, and Tony. They were in a similar position to Kony's child soldiers, but they were on their own in the desert with guns and some terrorists to shoot. All was well considering my rather aberrant lack of empathy at the time, but nonetheless the story persevered for years on end. The characters grew and developed into complex personalities that were partially humorous and partially a reflection of my own; however, the plot never changed until I abruptly killed them all in a nuclear explosion, the details of which are irrelevant in this context. I was always excited when I'd imagine them tearing someone in half with a grenade or cracking a skull like a coconut with a .50 BMG. I'd put them through all sorts of scenarios and they'd always come out on top- they were my version of the A-Team. Within a few years of the nuke, though, I had begun a shift in personality from chicken-hawk to what the more rugged members of this board might call "chicken". As is common with such long-lived fantasies, I cannot help but feel a twinge of guilt when I turn them away. Therefore I arrive at my question: Is it hypocritical of me to continue thinking about them and their exploits, considering that I can no longer stand the sight of an FPS?
-Penguin
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See Rule #6
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I don't live in a fantasy world anymore. I kinda used to, but not now (at least I hope not). These characters, personas, what have you, I made myself. I then wrote and drew about them, hence the development. Now do you see my problem? They, but more often anything violence related, just keep coming back and don't want to leave. This isn't the odd disturbing thought, either. For example, I'll go a full half hour playing with a NERF gun, thinking of how to make the perfect FPS game while in the back of my mind I'm shouting that it's downright disturbing to be amused by images of people getting killed.
Who cares? I do. It's annoying the toejam out of me and I don't know why it stays.
-Penguin
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I don't live in a fantasy world anymore. I kinda used to, but not now (at least I hope not). These characters, personas, what have you, I made myself. I then wrote and drew about them, hence the development. Now do you see my problem? They, but more often anything violence related, just keep coming back and don't want to leave. This isn't the odd disturbing thought, either. For example, I'll go a full half hour playing with a NERF gun, thinking of how to make the perfect FPS game while in the back of my mind I'm shouting that it's downright disturbing to be amused by images of people getting killed.
Who cares? I do. It's annoying the toejam out of me and I don't know why it stays.
-Penguin
OHHHHH It's clear now :) Thank you.
I suffer the exact same thing. I've got a pretty strong will, so I listen to both, figure out what is right AT THE TIME, and base my actions accordingly :)
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I'm having a hard time following, but what I think you're saying is you imagined some kid soldiers doing lots of gory stuff, but now you don't like the gory stuff anymore, but it keeps coming back.
There are a few options: pretend that whoever is getting killed is only a mindless clone; shift the focus a little bit away from the battle, more towards the "we have to survive" viewpoint; or do what I do: thrive on metal carnage instead of flesh. You could possibly put the story into the Battletech universe, the kids were abandoned after a colony raid and found a few mechs and learned how to use them. Or anything else that focuses on machine combat.
I've got a big fantasy world too, so I sorta know where you're coming from.
Just a few thoughts, toss em in the garbage can if they don't help.
EDIT: I'm tired, I still don't know exactly what you're saying, but now I'm getting the idea that you want to imagine the perfect first person shooter without gore. If that be the case, think "Black".
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It's all because of global warming, Penguin is melting down.
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There's a difference in having to kill someone to ensure your survival, freedom, or personal safety and killing someone in a psychopathic, sadistic manner just for kicks. You need to realize that there are people in this world that have no qualms about doing harm to another human being and prepare for the time when you'll have to defend yourself or your loved ones. One day you may be faced with the choice to "kill or be killed"; doesn't make you a deranged axe murderer.
I have no problem with FPS's that revolve around themes of heroism, survivalism, or fighting for freedom. Being a "chicken" tells me you'd let someone walk over you and to the extreme do harm to you without putting up any resistance. Appeasement to a hostile party doesn't work for the benign person.
I wouldn't say you're being hypocritical, just conflicting. It's like you have two personalities/beliefs trying to dominate the other. Thats a great imagination for developing a story, but blurring the line between fantasy and reality is unhealthy.
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Your old enough now to put away your imaginary friends forever and let their ghosts rest in peace. Head towards the light Carolann, er, Penguin.
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Lots of writers talk about feeling a compulsion to return to the worlds they created. Not physically of course, but to continue to explore them with their imagination. For some it is almost as strong as a waking dream.
The only thing to do is let it out, write it down and turn it into something more than idle wandering thoughts. Let your mind go back there without guilt since this is really just your mind going over stuff that is important to you whether you know why or whether you like it or not. But do not waste it, otherwise it's just sitting around dreaming and being lazy, which IS something you might end up feeling guilty about later.
So let your mind build and explore your world, but don't let it go to waste. Let it develop and write it down. Take a writing course, look up *AND ATTEND* some writers workshops where you can get help turning the ideas and words into something people might want to read.
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I don't live in a fantasy world anymore. I kinda used to, but not now (at least I hope not).
-Penguin
Yep you still live in a fantasy world..... you should lay off of what ever you are smoking.
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This post explaines alot, your in need of medical help.
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Your old enough now to put away your imaginary friends forever and let their ghosts rest in peace. Head towards the light Carolann, er, Penguin.
His what is old enough?
This post explaines alot, your in need of medical help.
His what is in need of medical help?
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His what is old enough?
His what is in need of medical help?
You're. Damnit! :bhead
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Looks more like an individual with an inability to interact with people causing a very stunted social activity development. In other words you need to get out and interact with real people rather than invent friends and a world where your inability to deal with the real world doesn't handicap you. The problem with being an introvert is having no real example to model your social and psychological growth on. That creates and fosters a lack of adaptability to reality. At some point, mentally healthy people release their imaginary friends and adopt real friends, usually starting by the age of 5 or 6 and certainly by the age of 10.
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eagl, it's like you can read my mind! :O It's just like that for me. I guess holding these images in (my strategy for the last few years) isn't such a good idea after all. I may as well let them out onto paper so that they don't distract me. If I do it correctly, it should feel somewhat like scratching an ages-old itch.
shotguneeley, I see what you're saying, too. When I say "chicken" I mean that I don't go out looking for trouble and try to smooth-talk or run my way out if I can. If not, then I'd do my best not to do something I'd later regret. I'm kinda spindly, too, so for me the difference between running, fighting, or fainting isn't much. That's how my mom and dad survived without a scratch. Monkey-see, monkey-do. However, if I moved into a hairy neighborhood then I'd certainly consider some burglar alarms, a T.A.S.E.R. or some pepper spray/mace. The trouble is that I wasn't having fun in those video games via heroism, it was really the psychopathic tearing-people-in-half thing that made my day. I don't know if I would have had qualms about it at age 8 (I sang about bones and guts going everywhere to the tune of London Bridge is Falling Down), but now I'd certainly have them. Hence the problem of the guilt.
I suppose that now that I've grown up more I could go back and explore the worlds again, and see what happens if I re-write the story from a new, less slasher-style angle so that I don't get stuck in there. Thanks for the help guys. :salute
-Penguin
PS Maverick How on earth did you guess that I was an introvert? That's astounding. Spot on with the need to get out more, though :o