Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: mthrockmor on July 09, 2012, 11:30:30 PM
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Not sure if Skuzzy is going to flag this or not but...
My wife decided today that she wants to adopt a little girl between the ages of 4-6. I know adoption overseas is very much an option though I would strongly prefer to help a little person here. If anyone knows of a situation like this please send me a PM. Maybe its a family member, someone in your church or community, etc. We are also going to reach out to some agencies though we are going to cast a pretty wide net. If you don't know of a someone who needs a home or are bothered by this post, please just move on. No need to flame or spam.
Thanks for being respectful!
Boo
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Not sure if Skuzzy is going to flag this or not but...
My wife decided today that she wants to adopt a little girl between the ages of 4-6. I know adoption overseas is very much an option though I would strongly prefer to help a little person here. If anyone knows of a situation like this please send me a PM. Maybe its a family member, someone in your church or community, etc. We are also going to reach out to some agencies though we are going to cast a pretty wide net. If you don't know of a someone who needs a home or are bothered by this post, please just move on. No need to flame or spam.
Thanks for being respectful!
Boo
No idea why anyone would spew in this thread. You should not have too much trouble finding a child in that age range that needs a home. The older they get the harder it is to find a home for them.
Good luck on yalls endeavor. <S>
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Best of luck to you
<S>
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Best of luck sir. :aok :aok I give you 2 thumbs up..
Lawndart
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You can try fostering for a while too and then when everyone is comfortable go for the adoption.
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Adopt me iam only 6 years older then 6 XD
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Thanks all. Still looking.
Nate, adopting another pilot is just not going to work. Imagine every time I shoot you down the grief that is going to cause.
We are looking into fostering as well.
Boo
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Best of luck Boo! :salute
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My physical therapist adopted two little girls in China, where girls are often abandoned due to the one child policy. They were in terrible shape when she brought them here, high lead levels....ect. Now they are blooming and doing great in school and life. One thing, and this leaves me scratching my head, but she said the biggest problem was the US Govt. with all the high fees, paperwork, and bureaucracy. But she got thru it and every time I see the picture on her desk Im reminded of what Ole Abe Lincon called the "Better angels of our nature".
Where ever you adopt from best wishes. Theres not a day goes by that I dont regret not having a daughter too.
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The little guy in my avatar is my adopted son. Needless to say I've got some opinions on the subject :)
International Adoption: Most folks go that route in hopes of getting a younger child. We started the China process in 2006. At that point it was a 12 month wait. The wait is now 6 years plus. There have been a lot more rules and expectations put in place for international adoption. This is mainly to slow the abuse of the adoption process as there were lots of kids being 'trafficked", lots of false information and it had basically become a real money making racket at the expense of the kids and the folks trying to adopt. Yes the process on the US side is also a pain and pricey with all kinds of goofy forms to fill out. As you may note, Matthew, in my avatar is not Chinese. He's from Liberia. I've told the story too many times, but the process fighting to get all the ducks lined up for him took almost two and a half years after we'd gotten him into the country. The system is very rigid and doing anything that doesn't fall into the right place in the line, can really throw the system off.
Domestic Adoption: Lots of folks willing to help you with that too, for a price. When the China adoption stuff kept extending out, we looked into domestic adoption. Costs are roughly the same. The process was a bit faster. We wanted as young a child as we could get. We worked with a crew that helped expectant moms who were giving up their babies, choose a family for their baby. Interestingly enough we got picked before we'd even finished all the paperwork. We'd been open to a child of any race and were picked by a young black woman. This happened during the time my wife was in Liberia volunteering as a nurse. She 'found' Matthew abandoned at the same time this birth mom picked us. Again, money was spent, and in the end she chose to keep her baby. We at that point would not have been allowed to adopt that child as Matthew was being adopted. Couldn't do 2 at once according to the rules.
Adopting an older child: I'd suggest strongly that your wife does some research on 'reactive attachment" issues with older adopted kids. I've worked with 'troubled teens' most of my adult life. Many of them were from failed adoptions and reactive attachment was always one of the biggest issues. Sadly, the damage done to some of these kids in those early years before they are adopted by a family can be really hard to deal with. Those first 4-5 years can make all the difference for a kid growing up. And you can be the best adoptive parent in the world, and you still might not be able to get past it. Because of this, my wife and I wanted as young as we could get. Matthew was 4 days old when my wife 'found" him and was completely in her care at 10 days. We joke that he suffers from 'active attachment' as we were able to bond with him right away.
Bottom line is do the research. Understand it's going to cost you money wise more then you'd probably think. And keep in mind that all the other stuff that goes with adoption is out there in the future. That includes health, and mental health stuff you may not have any history on. In our case Matthew had a bi-lateral cleft lip and palate that was the obvious reason he was abandoned. But it turned out he also is profoundly deaf and because of a cleft larynx, still gets his food through a G-tube in his stomach.
Trust me I'm not saying don't do it. Matthew is my child as much as our bio kids, and I feel absolutely blessed to have him as my son. I really don't even like saying he's adopted, although because we're white parents of a black child, it's fairly obvious :)
I wish you all the best in making it happen however you choose to do it.
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Children in that position at 4-5 years strongly suggests some maaajor trauma/abuse. One of the checks doctors do for carrying the addiction gene is "were you adopted?" You'd be amazed at what some people do to or infront of their children. Good luck, you will most likely be the last chance one of these children has before society completely gives up on them. A noble undertaking for sure
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Contact the Red Cross. They must have an idea who you can talk to . With all the storms and natural Disasters they should know of an agency here . Good luck!
I salute the fact that you want to do this within the US ..