Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: ebfd11 on November 28, 2012, 08:23:15 PM
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Ok gents and ladies I will not say its the easiest thing to do but I just am asking for your thoughts and prayers for my dad. He has had failing health and tonight he was brought to the hospital. His health has deteriorated to the point where he is in double digits for weight. I have done everything I could to keep him healthy but to my dismay, as of tonight he said he is giving up. I hope none of you have to go through this as it is extremely hard to watch someone just decide to throw in the towel.
So as I am feeling about this situation I am have to look at putting him in a "home". So I am not asking for much but to give prayers so I have the strength to make it through this situation and to him to make it so he doesn't suffer through this.
I don't know what else to say but if there is some one who has gone through the same thing, if there is any advise you can give me I would welcome it.
Thanks for your help in advance.
CrazyLwn aka LawnDart
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I have no idea how to help other than my recognition of what you must be going through.
I hope everything works out for yourself and your dad. :salute
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Ok gents and ladies I will not say its the easiest thing to do but I just am asking for your thoughts and prayers for my dad. He has had failing health and tonight he was brought to the hospital. His health has deteriorated to the point where he is in double digits for weight. I have done everything I could to keep him healthy but to my dismay, as of tonight he said he is giving up. I hope none of you have to go through this as it is extremely hard to watch someone just decide to throw in the towel.
So as I am feeling about this situation I am have to look at putting him in a "home". So I am not asking for much but to give prayers so I have the strength to make it through this situation and to him to make it so he doesn't suffer through this.
I don't know what else to say but if there is some one who has gone through the same thing, if there is any advise you can give me I would welcome it.
Thanks for your help in advance.
CrazyLwn aka LawnDart
so sorry to hear this sir.
i watched alzheimers take my grand pop. it took a couple of years, and watching what it did to him, and my grand mother was painful as hell. i didn't know how to handle it.......so i worked a LOT. at one point, i had 4 jobs, so when i wasn't working, i was asleep. i don't really know what advice to offer ya, 'cept to be strong for him. even though he said what he did, you being strong will still help.
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My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. May the Almighty be merciful. :pray
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Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
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Im so sorry lwn, praying for you guys buddy :pray
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Sorry to hear about it. It may not help, but here is pretty much how things went down with my grandfather.
My grandfather went from "simple" mild parkinsons to wheelchair ops in a home in about 3 months. He unexpectedly "stabilized" in a pretty degraded state, and lasted about 5 years at the home. Maybe it was because the place was so nice (not kidding). While there he routinely got stubborn and did strange things you'd expect of a 3 or 4 year old. My Mom accidentally mentioned that his hearing aids looked a bit like cashews and a few days later he ate his hearing aid after having been given some mixed nuts during lunch. The world became very strange to him as his mind increasingly distorted his perceptions and thoughts. What finally killed him was he snuck out to try to go to the bathroom by himself, fell while maneuvering from his chair to the toilet, and broke a hip while stuck between the toilet and wall, or maybe from sitting down abruptly after trying to get up out of his chair. They found him on the floor in the bathroom after a room check maybe an hour later. He complained of hip pain but it still took a couple of weeks to diagnose it as a broken hip. He had a violent reaction to the anesthetic used to knock him out to work on the broken hip, and it took almost a month to get him out of the hospital. He never really came back after that but refused to give up and required invalid care but nothing really unusual. He degraded slowly but steadily and had to go back to the hospital due to various issues and to get his medications re-balanced. But the second day in the hospital he refused to eat, went into a coma a day later and died 3 days after that.
When the body is that old and frail, the time from deciding to not eat and death can be just a few days. It is a decision that can't be taken back due to the severe damage that happens to internal organs almost immediately. Make SURE the advanced care directive has something in there about what to do in that situation. If he had directed to keep him alive at all costs, he may have lived in the coma for another few years because he was an intensely stubborn man. What is certain is that his quality of life was already well below what he wanted to preserve and keeping him alive would never result in anything but a horrible barely alive condition. His dementia made the world very scary for him and being trapped in a horror movie while confined to a hospital bed would be nothing but torture. Fortunately we documented his wishes long before it got to that so reducing his care to a simple IV drip after he entered a coma was a very easy decision to make.
The things that helped - before he was completely incompetent, he signed over full power of attorney to my Mom and had her declared the person who could make all decisions about everything. He had a few sources of income and pretty much no debt, so it was a matter of managing money instead of flipping from fiscal crisis to fiscal crisis. His finances were "in order", meaning my Mom had access to all of his accounts and they were listed and organized so she could deal with his financial matters no different than her own, so that didn't take up a ton of her time. And he had his wishes known and legally documented so that when he entered the hospital the last time, it was very clear how the treatment plan should go. He was already pretty far gone before he entered the hospital but required no more care than getting him food, medication, helping him with daily tasks like going to the bathroom, and helping him find something to do with his time. But once he was requiring extensive intervention just to keep him alive, his plan was to limit care to food/water and "normal" medication and let nature do its thing. So they fixed his hip but didn't go to unusual lengths to keep him alive after he entered the coma because even if he came out of the coma he would probably be bedridden and living in what had become a pretty scary demented world for him. So he got an IV during the coma and very quickly his organs started failing and he just quit breathing a couple days later.
Things that helped his quality of life - just being around him (or having him around us), whether it was visiting him at the home or taking him out for short trips. Even if he was just slumped in the corner while everyone else had their own conversations, interacting with family/friends helped his quality of life immensely.
I got to the hospice (after flying over from England and coming straight from the airport) 2 hours before he passed, good timing I guess. I started working on the trip home less than an hour after I got the call that he was in the coma because I knew it was pretty much over. If you want to be there when he dies, be prepared to drop everything and just GO. One flight later or missed connection and I would have been there after the fact. Not so much a tragedy for me, but for my Mom who needed some emotional support after taking care of him for so long.
If any of those things are NOT in order (power of attorney, legal permissions, declaration of incompetence or whatever, living trust and advanced medical directives, finances documented and organized, etc) then get on those NOW before he becomes completely unable to communicate coherently. If you wait then other people will make the decisions for him (and you) and settling his estate can take months or years instead of just a couple of weeks. If he is already incompetent or unable to make legal decisions, get it documented so nobody questions your right to make decisions for him.
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:pray :pray
sorry to hear this sir
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Bad break there Dart. My mum has been suffering for on and off alcoholism for the last 20 years and I have been looking after her full time for the last two years since her last husband left. Many times at the bottom of a low she has told me she wants to die. It's heartbreaking and also frustrating to hear someone you love giving up. Luckily with her she has gotten back up again when fate denied her the easy option and at the moment she has been 7 weeks without a drink, which is a massive relief on various members of the family. I think, if you can find the emotional strength, encourage your old man to stick it out, that is the best proactive thing you can do. If he is determined to quit then maybe you have to let him. It's rough which ever way you look at it.
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I feel for you. Lost my mom to cancer in '09. I took a leave from work and nursed her for 9 months of hell as the illness took her mind before it took her life. I don't know how I got though it, but I did, and so will you. Lots of tears... It's a good thing.
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Have you checked into Hospice or home health care? I know a couple Hospice nurses and the stories I hear are touching. I couldn't do their job, but they love it. Homecare has changed a lot since my Dad died in the mid 90's, but it's a great alternative to traditional "homes". You want to put his care and happiness foremost, whatever choice you make. Hang in there.
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:pray :salute
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Lawndart, I can't really offer much other than for all of us the time to go will come. The body is a fragile thing and at some point ceases to be self repairing and turns into a painful prison. Quality of life has a value over quantity of life at times. While you may want to keep him with you, you have to understand that it might be time for him to go. Love him enough to allow that if it is his time. Your time will also come and you will understand better then that this is a temporary station. Let your love for him be expressed and that you will miss him. If he feels it's time, bless him on his journey and let him go with you and your family's love.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your Dad. May his journey be short and his reunion joyful. May your sorrow be brief.
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Sorry to hear Dart!
Lawndart, I can't really offer much other than for all of us the time to go will come. The body is a fragile thing and at some point ceases to be self repairing and turns into a painful prison. Quality of life has a value over quantity of life at times. While you may want to keep him with you, you have to understand that it might be time for him to go. Love him enough to allow that if it is his time. Your time will also come and you will understand better then that this is a temporary station. Let your love for him be expressed and that you will miss him. If he feels it's time, bless him on his journey and let him go with you and your family's love.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your Dad. May his journey be short and his reunion joyful. May your sorrow be brief.
WOW, +1
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Embrace his decision, help him make the transition.. People have been known to linger for long periods, out of fear, worry, a feeling that they are letting everyone down. Letting him know that you will miss him but will always remember him. That you and the rest of your family will be fine. That it’s ok. That you love him.
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Like Eagl said, get ready .. be prepared to do what you have to do.
Enjoy the time you have.
Prayer Works.
-Frank aka GE
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Ok gents and ladies I will not say its the easiest thing to do but I just am asking for your thoughts and prayers for my dad. He has had failing health and tonight he was brought to the hospital. His health has deteriorated to the point where he is in double digits for weight. I have done everything I could to keep him healthy but to my dismay, as of tonight he said he is giving up. I hope none of you have to go through this as it is extremely hard to watch someone just decide to throw in the towel.
So as I am feeling about this situation I am have to look at putting him in a "home". So I am not asking for much but to give prayers so I have the strength to make it through this situation and to him to make it so he doesn't suffer through this.
I don't know what else to say but if there is some one who has gone through the same thing, if there is any advise you can give me I would welcome it.
Thanks for your help in advance.
CrazyLwn aka LawnDart
My thoughts are with you. I went through the same thing with my Grandfather a few years ago...it isn't easy.
I wasn't in the room when he passed, but I'm told it was very peaceful...I hope that provides some ease.
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posted earlier but had to go to work so I am going share this with you :pray
Back in 2001 I graduated high school and moved o vermont, my folks live in colorado so it is a long ways away. When I left everything was good, and was talking to my mom on the phone one night in 2002 and heard a distinct "pop" and when I asked her what it was, she says oh my jaw just popped. About 5 months later, she came out and told me that she had cancer, and she was doing radiation. It was all in her face, so I was talking to my dad and he told me that she was losing weight. She weighed about 125 the last time I had seen her and my dad told me that she had lost down below 100, because she couldnt eat, couldnt even get a spoon in her mouth. My mom being the thick head she is she didnt want to go back to the doctors now that all the radiation was done. So she kept losing weight, and we moved to colorado. She weighed 87 lbs when we moved back and STILL hadnt gone to the doctors, so I told her I was going to make her go. She finally went to the doctors, and learned the pop I heard was her jaw bone breaking, overdosed radiation and weakened the bone so much that eating a friggin cheeto broke it. Well, beings this was a year later, there was a MASSIVE infection in her face. Long story short...... she is cancer free thus far :pray :pray and gaining weight back, but her face is a mess from all the operations failing to take. But other than that she is doing ok. :pray :pray So youre not alone brother, I know what youre feeling man, just keep a positive attitude and keep things as stress free as possible. :pray :pray :salute
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In my prayers LD. :pray
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When my dad died, I had an opportunity to talk with him during an afternoon of lucidness. He told me that he didn't want to be on life support. I told him that I respect his wish. We told each other how much we loved each other and that I would look after mom. We chit-chatted about our lives and agreed that he had a full one. Finally, it was obvious that he was very fatigued. Once more I told him that I loved him, and he replied in kind. I kissed his forehead and dad drifted off to a sleep that he never awakened from. It was three days before Christmas. On Christmas eve, the doctor called and said that dad needed help breathing and they had placed him on a respirator. We met as a family at the hospital and decided to leave him on the respirator until after Christmas; to avoid the grand children having a Christmas day memory of pop-pop dying. At 2 AM on the 28th, we had the machine turned off. Dad could stay with us or go as he wished. Dad decided to go. We all sat with him and saw him off.
We buried dad on New Years eve. Ever since (that was 1997), we, as a family, toast dad at midnight on New Years Eve. Be happy dad, we'll all see you on the other side.....
Lawndart, spend some quality time with your dad. Make sure he knows how much you've treasured him. Let him know that it's okay to go. Then, be there so he doesn't go without his loved ones. Like me, you'll miss him terribly. However, like me also, you'll always have those last moments, where love for each other was all encompassing. It will bring you peace.
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Read Wide's wise words.
I just lost my Dad and made sure I did what Wide says in the last paragraph.
:salute
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Hang in there LawnDart :pray :salute
:salute Morfiend
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Read Wide's wise words.
I just lost my Dad and made sure I did what Wide says in the last paragraph.
:salute
My condolences, Morph.... I'm glad you were able to be with him...
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Well Gents I have spent the better park of the last 2 days at the hospital with him. It is the most painful thing to do is to watch someone you saw as Superman be as frail as glass. I appreciate all the kind words everyone has said and I thank each and everyone of you.
It has come top the conclusion of the doctors and myself, that he is in need of 24 hour care. So I have with the help of the hospital and by reccomendation of a good friend, have selected a nursing home for him. I have talked with them and also talked with some of the residents and I think I made a good choice for "Pops". Now I need to get his house sold and his fianl affairs taken care of.
If I didn't work for a company, as a truck driver, that has "Family First" in their motto I dont think I could do this, they are willing to work with me and to help me if needed.
So just remember this, its not what we have but what we leave behind.
:salute LawnDart
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May you find some comfort. Im wishing you all the best sir :salute