Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: flight17 on June 26, 2013, 02:28:36 PM
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A very successful attorney parked his brand new Bentley in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he was getting out, a truck came along too closely and completely tore off the driver's door.
Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Bentley with his ...lights flashing. Before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the attorney started screaming hysterically about how his Bentley, which he had just purchased the day before, was completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how any car body shop tried to make it new again. After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer The cop replied, "Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It was severed when the truck hit you!" "OH, MY GOD!!!" screamed the lawyer. "My Rolex"
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:rofl
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:rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl
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Bahahahaha
:rofl :aok
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lol!
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A wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limo one day
when he noticed two men at the side of the road eating
grass. He told the driver to pull over and got out to
investigate. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked the first
man.
"We have no money for food," the poor man replied.
"Well, come with me then," instructed the lawyer.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children!" the man said.
"Bring them along," replied the lawyer. "And what about
you?" he asked, turning to the other man.
"I have a wife and six children!" the second man answered,
with his head hung low.
"Bring them all!" the lawyer ordered. The two families
climbed into his limo and stared at him with gratitude.
"Sir, you are very kind. Thank you for taking all of us
with you.
"No problem," the lawyer replied. "The grass at my house is
almost a foot tall!"
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The local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The volunteer in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of more than $600,000 you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, Did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um... No."
"Second, that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology but was put off. "Third, that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "Leaving her penniless with three children?"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..." On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "...And I don't give any money to them, so why should I give any to you?!"
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An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter
checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer --
you're in the wrong place." So, the engineer reports to the
gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets
dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts
designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've
got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and
the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a
sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air
conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's
no telling what this engineer is going to come up with
next."
God replies, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a
mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him
up here."
Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff
and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
Satan laughs and answers, "Yeah, right. And
just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
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These are all pretty good.
:rofl :rofl :rofl
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I am a Lawyer :old:
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Two top US laywers were spotted last winter walking down 5th Avenue. The interesting point to note that it was so cold they actually had their hands in their OWN pockets.
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Two lawyers walked into a bar............and sued.
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:rofl :rofl
Wait till Messiah reads this one;). He's in law school.
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:rofl :rofl
Wait till Messiah reads this one;). He's in law school.
He'd better start getting used to it.
- oldman
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a guy gets a bill from an attorney for 200 dollars due to "advise at the restaurant".
He promptly calls the attorney to question the bill. He sais "all I did was walk over to you to say hi, you never gave me any advise". the attorney replies "yes I did, when you asked me how the food was at that place I suggested you had the lobster".
semp