Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: F77 on July 07, 2013, 03:01:11 PM
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F77's Sunday Risotto Surprise
Stop off on way home and buy cumberland sausages and bacon from Co-op. Any store will do... my golden coat flew out of sight and... sorry back to topic. Laugh if you get this.
Take one egg fried rice from the chinese you had last month and stuck in the freezer.
Defrost egg fried rice - this is a very important step. Have you ever tried to cook a brick before?
Wash wok. Add oil. Heat oil. Open window and turn on extractor fan. Close window a bit after Porsche the Cat tries climbing in.
Roughly cut up sausages and bacon in to wok, agitate, The sausages and bacon, not you silly. Ok - pick up cooking implement and move sausages and bacon around to ensure they cook all over. In the wok, not the left over that you have put back in the fridge. You didn't use ALL the bacon and sausages did you? Oh dear... would recommend three sausages and two rashers in future.
Once the sausages and bacon are done... get eggs from fridge. Check date. Break in to container. Sniff. Yep, they smell ok. Add to wok. Use frying implement to scramble eggs, bacon and sausages together. Aim for lots of little peices of egg. Not over the kitchen but in the wok.
Get rice from microwave and add to wok. Stir.
Add a splash of soy sauce, oyster sauce and worcester sauce. Stir.
Hunt for sweetcorn. Tin from roast dinner the other day. Take to wife and ask "does this smell ok to you?". If ok, throw the lot in. Stir. Check freezer for frozen peas. Give up. Check other freezer, find peas. Add handful of frozen peas. Stir and cover for a few minutes.
Think, ponder and smell food. Does it smell ok? Yes, good. No... well, better luck next time.
Reach for bottle of Hobgoblin. Open bottle - this is a very important step, amazing the times people forget this. Poor measure. Drink measure. Poor measure, add to wok. Stir quickly and cover for five minutes. Poor measure, drink measure.
Tell wife that you hope she like dinner. "It will either taste very nice, or disgusting". Ignore worried look.
Serve to wife and watch her take a mouthful. Is she still alive? No? Dial 999. Yes? Better luck next time. Go and serve up and have some dinner.
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Reach for bottle of Hobgoblin. Open bottle - this is a very important step, amazing the times people forget this. Poor measure. Drink measure. Poor measure, add to wok. Stir quickly and cover for five minutes. Poor measure, drink measure.
hehe, this is why I love cooking with brandy or cognac. I am very jolly and wobbly by the time we are ready to eat. :devil