Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Traveler on June 18, 2014, 03:39:37 PM
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Thirty two years ago today at 5:00 PM I made the best decision of my life and married Kathleen. We celebrated with friends at the Peninsula House in Sea Bright NJ and retired to our sail boat Desiderata just before 10PM. Heavy fog had rolled in as predicted and blanked the area, we motored slowly out the Shrewsbury River into Sandy Hook Bay and anchored just inside of Horse Shoe Cove to wait out the fog, the air was so still. We left Sandy Hook Bay at dawn under full sail and 140% working Jib, destination Block Island, for the start of race week, the semi-annual Block to Bermuda race. We hadn’t entered the race, but decided to trail along. It would be my tenth crossing and Kathy’s first.
Desiderata was a 36 feet sloop rig, I had opted for the ocean version of a 1980 Hunter 36, as outfitted almost 9 tons, with traditional mast stepped through to the keel. Fresh water maker, Generator, Air Condition, when you needed it and the original 15 gallon fuel tank supplemented with a 85 gallon backup. Tankage for 100 gallons of fresh water and the ability to generated 60 gallons a day.
Navigation was VHF, UHF, com and Loren and Celestial (learned in the Boy Scouts) and directional finder. The best I had ever done with celestial navigation was gotten to within 5 miles, but it was always close enough.
My engine burned ¾ of a gallon of fuel each hour and pushed us at an honest 6 knots. Under sail Desiderata did an honest 6.5 and even 7 knots. In theory we could motor from block to Bermuda with fuel to spare, but I planned to keep pace with the slower boats in the race and figured we could cross in 100 hours.
I figured that we would cross to Bermuda and stay for two weeks and then Kathy could fly home and I’d return with a airline buddy that wanted to get some off shore time.
That first day out of Sandy Hook, somewhere along the south coast of Long Island, put Kathy to the test, with short choppy seas of 8 to 12 feet and squalls blowing through at 11PM, harnessed in while she manned the helm , I worked my way to the foredeck to continue to reduce sail to a storm jib and third reef on the mainsail. That seemed to give us a much improved ride and slowed us down to 4 knots in the chop. I looked back and saw that smile on Kath’s face and I know she was fine. I told her to go below and get some sleep, to set the clock for 4 AM. I let her sleep till 6 AM, just as we rounded Montauk Point, sleepy eyed and in a sweet shirt and blue shorts she popped up on deck wondering why I had shut off the alarm and why I now had the engine running . I was trying to explained to her about all the submarine traffic when she pointed to port and said, look a whale and then just stood there with her mouth open, as the “Whale” continued to grow out of the water and turned into the coning tower of one of our nations boomers, a not so uncommon sight between Montauk and Block.
We anchored in the Great Salt Pond at Block at 10 AM. Kathy raced me to the registration desk for the Race to Bermuda and suffered all the hoots and hollers and good natured kidding when her brothers and sisters arrived on the afternoon ferry with the Just Married ensign and raised it on Desiderata’s mast.
The trip to Bermuda was uneventful, except, clothing was optional and Kathy decided not to fly home but made the return trip with Harry and I, signing on as our cook and forever as my first mate.
I lost Kathy last July, today would have been our 32nd wedding anniversary , I’m thankful for the 31 years of marriage and our 35 years in total together. After her passing, everyone told me it would get better with time. Everyone was wrong. You just learn to live with the pain. The grief isn’t diminished with time, it still comes in waves. I miss you.
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Thank you for sharing. <S>
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my condolences and what Roy said..
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<S>
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<S>
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that was beautiful
>
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:salute
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Very touching. :salute
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While the pain will never truly go away, I still wish you the utmost of strength in being able to cope as best as you can Traveler.
God Bless :salute
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:salute
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Very touching my friend :salute
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WOW...this post has to be the best I have ever read on this board. Sorry for your lost. I hope every one will read this. Best wishes, and no it does not get better, but with friends and family around you it MAY get a little easier. :salute
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Really sorry for your loss. :salute
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I'm sorry for your loss, Trav. Thanks for sharing memories.
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You are a blessed man, Traveler. Sorry that you have lost the love of your life. :salute
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You had 31 years of good memories, most rack up a lifetime of hell with their life partners. Sorry for your loss :(
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Sorry for your loss Traveler. :salute
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:pray :salute
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I know the grief never leaves but also say a prayer of thanks for that gift of 31 years together.
It never gets "better" but the memories do get "sweeter" and over time one realizes death was/is always part of the equation. But it will take more then a year for a love so strong. Best wishes.
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:salute
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We should all be as lucky as you were in finding a spouse. Sorry for the loss but envious of your memories. :salute
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Thanks for sharing that romantic story. Sorry for your loss.
There is something magical about being under full sail. I have sailed a bit south of you in the Barnegat bay mostly day sailers though. A trip on the open seas can be daunting to some and I see your love was up to the task. :salute
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMkIuKXwmlU (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMkIuKXwmlU)
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After her passing, everyone told me it would get better with time. Everyone was wrong. You just learn to live with the pain. The grief isn’t diminished with time, it still comes in waves.
The first few years after such a loss are dreadful, Traveler, with each reminder - and there are sure a lot of reminders - blinding you with the pain all over again. But things will get better. It takes years, not months.
Hang in there.
- oldman
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Sorry for your loss Traveler.
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Sorry for your loss Traveler.
Check out youtube.com and check out some of the free stuff like old movies and music albums. Maybe it'll help a bit to remember some of the good times.
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My condolences, Traveler.
If it helps, I've come to value my own pain in some ways: it defines, for example, those with whom I fit -those with similar levels of "experience" along these lines. Every stitch -and I've had a number, every dead loved one, they've all left a mark on me.
But, I have a rhetorical question: knowing what you know now, would you have foregone any of it in order to also forego the pain of the loss?
I think we both know the answer.
Otherwise, as Clint said, we've all got it coming. I just like that line in the old cowboy song ( give me a pinto pal): let me live until I die.
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Well, that teared me up.
I honestly hope and assume that I will go first. I certainly hope so. I will probably die from a broken heart if mine goes first.
If you ever feel like a trip to Bermuda again, please send a PM.
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This thread made me cry. Sorry for your loss :salute
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Traveler dood .. words are such a weak conduit to convey how sorry I am for your loss.
Memories will ambush you from now on.. the frequency diminishes over time ..
..the pain does not.
Delve deep, my friend .. the memories are worth the experience in them.
Even though the pain feels like it destroys you ..the memories are worth every moment.
-Frank aka GE
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Bad deal man..... :salute
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Sorry for your loss Traveler
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:salute
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:salute sorry for your loss sir.