Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => Aces High General Discussion => Topic started by: StSanta on July 20, 2001, 05:47:00 AM
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Hi'Tekkan Times correspondent John Wayne has the following report:
"14 days ago, during a furious air battle, the famous and much loved and adored allied pilot Hang "REDNECK" Time was seriously injured after sustaining heavy battle damage fighting an unnamed Axis pilot believed to be, on the basis of the protruding fuselage, the infamous and hated Baron Santa von GrossenArsch, most well known for his tactics of "arsch-induced accelerated gravity dives".
"It was incredible" one allied pilot said. "There we were perfectly safe when all of a sudden an odd looking 109 appeared and started doing weird bellybutton maneuvers".
Mr Redneck denies any rumours that he sustained any injuries at all and claim that a now scheduled visit to Baron Santa's proctologist is merely "coincidental".
"I never was hit. And I saw him in GOOD time. I really did. He didn't manage to surprise me or get away a single shot. And, uhm, no, I don't wanna sit down unless you have one of them rubber ring thingies".
The Knightlandian based for profit organisation Institute Of True And Honest Warstories begs to differ however.
"Zer's very gut evidence zat der <censored> rumpenshagger redneck had hees <censored> taken in zwei bits un ein large <censored> inserted between Redneck buttcheek <censored> und zat why large buttcheeks now happee!
von GrossenArsch himself had this comment:
"I don't condone violence against zose eehvl peasant loving plebeian opportunists. Unless you zink eet ist amusink, zen eet ist very gut! Und ees ist mein experience zat a screaming hangtime eest ein gut vone! HORRIDO DEM SIEGER! Der allierte schweinhunde must LEARN zat <long speech deleted due to space restraint> und ZAT eest why der kartoffelkopf has my prcotologist!"
Dr. A Nal, the wolrd famous proctologists said that "we now have another famous customer here at the Graceful Hospital for The Mentally Wounded. I think the ladies entusiasm for this handsome allied flier will be dampened somewhat when they experience the rather enlarged rectal waste disposal unit that this individual now have. On the plus side, he'll never have to worry about constipation again".
:D
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Outstanding!
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ROFL!
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:D :D
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WTG Saint!!
The reply, hopefully, will be equally as funny! :)
Hang's brewin sonething up, I can feel it!!
:)
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Originally posted by StSanta:
Hi'Tekkan Times correspondent John Wayne has the following report:
"14 days ago, during a furious air battle, the famous and much loved and adored allied pilot Hang "REDNECK" Time
Man, this rag will print anything!
[ 07-20-2001: Message edited by: SOB ]
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Photos, where are the Photos.
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Airscrew, I like your siggie. :)
"When I get to the bottom, I go back to the top of the slide where I turn and go for a ride, til I get to the bottom and I see you again..."
Oh yeah, Go Knitlandia!!! Tho, I don't have an outrageous German accent! :p
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This wouldn't be the time you two were goin at it and Hang bellows "GETTIUP LITTLE PONY!" on chnl 1 then promptly runs his 51 straight into a hill would it? :D
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ROFL :D
Camo
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Wow StSanta... that's alot of work to tell everyone you ALMOST shot hangtime down ;)
AKDejaVu
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HTC FREE PRESS: LONG ISLAND 7/20/01
After hearing of Hangtimes internationaly reported reaming this paper sent a young female correspondent to interview him. Hangtime was located on his yacht, off the south shore of Long Island, where he graciously accepted our correspondents request for an exclusive interview.
Ms Nicetit: "Hang; is it true that Santa 'reamed' you in furious aircombat over hostile territory two weeks ago??"
Hangtime: "Figuratively speaking... yah. The guy got into his favorite posistion, right on my bellybutton and tried to do THIS.. (hang begins demonstration) ...
Ms Nicetit: (oooh!)
HANGTIME: ,,and then THIS...
Ms Nicetit ..(ahhhh!)
Hangtime; However, Mr Gossensarsch was unable to continue his advances, as Iplummeted into a hillside whilst steadfastedly resisting his rather hilarious attempts. Franky; Iexpected him to shoot me down... not attempt to sodomize me. The luftwaffes new tactics seem to be still steeped in the traditions of the old.
Ms Nicetit: So; your saying the leather lovin wide-assed studmuffingot tried to cornhole you.. in flight; while flying a fighter??
Hangtime: Pretty much.. yah; sure seemed that way at the time.
Ms Nicetit: And you were in fact able to avoid this heinious attempt by augering into a hill??
Hangtime: Yup. A mans gotta do whut a mans gotta do... yah know??
Ms Nicetit: I understand completly. (nods to camaraman) ..and a woman has to do what she must to get the story... may I check around back, Hang??
Hangtime: By all means. :)
(http://www.matthoffman.cc/bb/hang.jpg)
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FLASH: THIS JUST OF THE WIRES!
GERMAN U-BOAT SINKS LOCAL YAUGHTSMAN OFF THE SOUTH SHORE OF LONG ISLAND. SUBMARINE SURFACED AND ABDUCTED BUXOM FEMALE AND SUBMERGED!
(http://www.applink.net/thunder/spoof/torp.jpg)
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ROFL!
Damn; I'm gonna miss that boat.....
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What are the big gay lufties gonna do with her......and not to worry Hangtard is expendable.
I'll give ya a belt of 50cal. and a hispano for the wench though :)
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I suggest to the lufwabbles take the hispano once you have the all powerful uber-cannon you can rape and sodmize all the poor english and american women you want. Id suggest you make for Fattys mom first you know where shell be :)
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Classic job gents! Very cool posting! Now this is more fun, isn't it???
:)
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Anybody besides me notice that the buxom reporter lass HAS NO FREAKIN' LEGS?!?!?!
So much for superior situational awareness.
8=X PapaH
CMC :eek:
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That is so she can't run away!!!!
Hang likes them like that!!
:)
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Removed... Shouldn't have posted that!
Was trying to be funny but realized it might not be to some.
:)
(http://www.applink.net/thunder/spoof/jail.gif)
Thunder
[ 07-23-2001: Message edited by: Thunder ]
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Uggg... I'm gonna be sick.
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Thunder, you sissy! Sounds like whatever you posted was in poor taste, and as such, probably quite funny!
SOB
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Thunder, do not be ashamed to post Hang's new GF, I think she's quite charming:
(http://www.cybrtyme.com/personal/hblair/blinddate.jpg)
WTG Hang!
:)
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Bravo Hang! And Animal said Fatty's sister was a lesbian just because she turned him down. Guess you proved him wrong buddy! Need some more flour? :D
SOB
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Nah; I'm set on the flour... but I could use a truck load of Crisco, and a coupla more chairs.