TOP SECRET ROOK INTELLIGENCE
(LEAKED)
Gentlemen,
You’re not going to believe what I stumbled across last night during my extensive and highly classified research into Rook tactics. Somewhere, deep in the darkest corners of YouTube, I unearthed what appears to be actual intelligence footage of the Rooks prepping for their ill-fated 7 v 1 sortie against yours truly.
Naturally, in the interest of transparency and ongoing Bishop operational readiness, I feel compelled to share this material with you all:
Classified Rook Pre-Mission Footage (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dL-mlPgOiRo)
At first, I assumed it was fake. CGI, maybe. Or perhaps an Air Force recruitment video directed by Quentin Tarantino. But after reviewing the tape, I’m now 99% convinced this must be authentic, and here’s why:
- As the C205 flashed past me at 400mph, I could have sworn I smelled perfume in the slipstream.
- Mid-fight, I experienced an inexplicable mix of fear-soaked adrenaline, with just the faintest hint of sexual arousal. At the time, I couldn’t explain it. Now? Perfect sense.
- At one point, I saw the Fw190A-5’s wings rocking gently, almost rhythmically. Back then, I thought it was turbulence. Now I realise the pilot was probably gyrating her hips. Maybe even twerking.
- And let’s be honest, they were fighting like a group of girls at a hen party. And I, gentlemen, was the stripper.
It explains so much.
That said, I still have doubts. Because the only Rook pilots I’ve ever seen up close look less like carrier-qualified supermodels and more like… well… aging dock workers who’ve been chain smoking unfiltered Camels since ’78.
So either this footage is real, or someone in Rook Intelligence has figured out how to weaponise deepfakes for morale purposes. Frankly, I’m not sure which possibility worries me more.
Stay alert out there, Bishops.
We’re dealing with a whole new kind of threat.
I’ve passed this footage to Bishop Intelligence Command for full analysis.
Expect an official debrief as soon as the boffins have stopped laughing long enough to type it up.
TopGunzo
You fly ’em, I’ll fry ’em!