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General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: hblair on February 12, 2002, 10:42:19 AM

Title: Thinking of
Post by: hblair on February 12, 2002, 10:42:19 AM: ..getting a vasectomy. I have a few friends who have. I hear the surgery isn't too painful, but flopping the sack into the ol Doc's hands is a lil much fer me. Any of you sickos been clipped? Advice?

Thnx!:eek:
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Udie at Work on February 12, 2002, 10:54:42 AM: An old boss of mine did it a few years back. He said it was the most painful thing he's ever experienced. Said it was "like a donkey kicking you square in the wedding tackle"

I couldn't imaging being separated from my "boys" no way no how!!!!!!!!
Title: Thinking of
Post by: skernsk on February 12, 2002, 10:57:29 AM: ROFL! With a review like that Hblair how could you NOT get one!:)
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Ripsnort on February 12, 2002, 10:59:56 AM: It was the least painful of any procedure I've had done, getting my teeth cleaned at the dentist was worse.

Basically, its about a 30 min. procedure. The only discomfort you'll have is in the first 3 days, if you do not wear briefs, or something to hold your sac up tight, then it'll become alittle sore. Wear a good pair of tight fitting briefs (the doc will tell you this) and your good to go.

Also, do not do ANYTHING for 3 days, no lifting anything heavier than 5 lbs. I made the mistake of lifting a couple of 25lb. LP tanks off my travel trailer into my pick up truck and had some black and blue marks down there!

Really, a trip to the dentist is worse than a V-sectomy.
Title: Thinking of
Post by: midnight Target on February 12, 2002, 11:01:17 AM: "like a donkey kicking you square in the wedding tackle"

Oh my Cod! I just spit my coffee! ROFLMAO
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Eagler on February 12, 2002, 11:04:27 AM: Gonna disable your V-Sync :)

I had it done several years back to get my wife off the pill..

No problem here, sat up and watched him do it. All was well on the first cut/burn but when he grabbed the second whatever to snip, we realized the hard way that he hadn't given it enough numbin juice... saw stars, went straight horizontal on the table but it was a quick pain/shock nothing long lasting. Slightly sore for a day or two but was back at work on Monday, had it done on a Friday.

No problems down below since, everything works as before :)
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Mighty1 on February 12, 2002, 11:20:54 AM: I had one done about 12 years ago. GOD IT HURT!!!!

My wife set up the appointment with a new doctor and when I got there everything seemed ok till the nurse got me to strip and lay on the table.

She then began to shave my balls with what seemed like a used disposable razor. She then gave me a shot to relax me(didn't work) so my balls wouldn't pull up into my body. (the boys know whats coming so they try to hide)

When the doctor comes in he gives me a shot in the right nad to try and numb it. He then made a small inscision near the right nad and shoved his finger down to grab the cord. He shoved it down so far down it felt like he was scratching my ass.(to this day I swear there were finger prints on the table when I got up).

He then cut a small peice of the cord off and showed it to me.( Like I really wanted to see)He then put a stitch in to close the inscision.

When he moved over to the left side and started making his inscision I realised that he never gave me a shot to numb the left nad. When I started screaming he realised what he had done and simply said "oops".

He gave me a shot and started to cut again all the while the nurse is patting me on the head looking at my cut nads saying " It's no big deal relax" ..relax .yeah right!

Well after the inscision was made he started fishing for the cord but was having problems holding on to it so it took him 4 or 5 tries to finally get it. I swear his fingers where the size of telephone polls.

After he was done he gave me a special jock to wear and he said don't remove it for a week.

I went home and layed on the couch for 3 days with ice on my balls.

After 3 days I felt pretty good and decided I should change the bandages so I removed the jock and my balls hit the floor.

I can only remember parts of what happened next but from what my wife said I was screaming the whole time I was trying to fit my balls back into the jock. I was having problems fitting them back because the were now swollen and stretched.

Once I got them back in I layed back on the couch for the rest of the week.

I went back to the doctor and he said I could remove the jock but I was so afraid I left it on for another week.

I still have nightmares!!

Vulcan just reminded me of what I was thinking as it was happening.

All our lives as men we try NOT to get our nads hurt and here I am PAYING someone to cut them off. It just didn't seem right.
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Ripsnort on February 12, 2002, 11:32:21 AM: Geez Mighty! Where'd you have yours done? The local Meat locker? LOL!

Me thinks this was your physcian:
(http://ctrost.simplenet.com/newpics/DrFrank.jpg)

Mine was a far cry from that! HMO PA did it, they suggested that I "shave" just the under part of the apple myself, which I did, prior to arriving. They gave me a perscription for Valium to calm me prior to "departure". They pinched the skin and shot me with novacaine, didn't feel a thing during the whole procedure. Stories like yours are probably the exception to the rule.
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Animal on February 12, 2002, 11:42:18 AM: Damn... too much information
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Ripsnort on February 12, 2002, 11:51:15 AM: Quote
Originally posted by Animal
Damn... too much information

Well, 'minal, in your case, there are those like me who would be willing to pay for your procedure. Get my meaning? ;)
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Raubvogel on February 12, 2002, 12:09:45 PM: Damn Mighty1, I had to close my office door because I started crying I was laughing so hard. :D Was it Dr. Nick Riveria?
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Curval on February 12, 2002, 12:15:27 PM: Mighty1...man, that was some story! People sitting around me kept asking me what was so funny as I read it.

How many people cringed and crossed their legs, or did a quick "marble check" while reading that I wonder?
Title: Thinking of
Post by: SOB on February 12, 2002, 12:21:16 PM: After my friend's dad got his done, one of his testicles swelled up to the size of a grapefruit. I find it kind of hard to believe that it got THAT big, but there was no disputing the fact that he was down for two weeks.

SOB
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Ripsnort on February 12, 2002, 12:46:47 PM: Quote
Originally posted by SOB
After my friend's dad got his done, one of his testicles swelled up to the size of a grapefruit. I find it kind of hard to believe that it got THAT big, but there was no disputing the fact that he was down for two weeks.

SOB

It means he didn't follow doctors orders. They told me this would happen if I lifted anything heavier than my noodle (5 lb. limit) :D. What happened is a blood vessel burst and filled his apple with blood. The body takes care of it after a few days, but in worse case scenarios, the doc has to slice your sac open and bleed it.
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Gunthr on February 12, 2002, 12:56:41 PM: It can make a 'vas deferens' in your sex life .....

sh*t, I said that out loud :rolleyes:
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Tac on February 12, 2002, 01:04:49 PM: Hblair, if you are considering that, I would ask you to think on why you're doing that.

If its because you dont want more children, you and your wife should also look into another procedure, I dont remember the name of it, but it is done on the woman's fallopian tubes. This procedure is COMPLETELY reversible if you and your lady want to have a kid later on.

OTH, giving you the *snip* is not reversible.

But again, that all depends on your motivation to do it. Personally, I prefer to have the option of "restoring" (lol.. load saved game...) anything later on if it didnt turn out to be such a good idea.
Title: Thinking of
Post by: hblair on February 12, 2002, 01:10:59 PM: I thought the mans operation was less traumatic and reversible.

Anyways, if I want another child, heck, I'll just abduct one of you guy's kids.
Title: Thinking of
Post by: hblair on February 12, 2002, 01:15:06 PM: BTW, rip, how long til all the live ammo has been passed?
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Nifty on February 12, 2002, 01:21:50 PM: I started reading this thread about 1pm... about 15 mins later I came to. ;)

you guys are crazy... getting fixed. that's what they do to cats and dogs! ;)
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Ripsnort on February 12, 2002, 01:42:08 PM: Tac, the procedure is reversible, but its very spendy, not covered by HMO and in some cases about 5%, can't be done.

Hblair, your 'spose to shoot a load and bring it in for analysis, though I admit I never did do that...figured if she got preggo with 3rd, then the Lord wanted it that way :D I was up and "running" again in T+5 days, couldn't wait to try out the new plumbing! :D:D
Title: Oiy!
Post by: Wanker on February 12, 2002, 01:44:52 PM: Rarely have I experienced more mixed emotions about a thread than I did about this one. I was simutaneously laughing my head off, wincing in sympathetic pain and about to hurl my cookies.

I know my time is coming for this, but man o man I'm not in any hurry!
Title: Thinking of
Post by: hblair on February 12, 2002, 01:55:33 PM: I have a friend who had sex with his wife the same day of the surgery! :eek: Sick fella. I'd be afraid I'd put my wifes eye out with a clot er something...
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Tac on February 12, 2002, 02:20:53 PM: "Tac, the procedure is reversible"

My father's wasnt reversible. Did they come up with a new procedure? He had his done about 6 years ago.

Hey, if it is, WOOOT!
Title: Thinking of
Post by: mietla on February 12, 2002, 02:42:59 PM: So, Mighty, would you recommend your doctor and the procedure?

Man, my side hurts (http://www.raf303.org/forum/i/biglaugh.gif)
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Ripsnort on February 12, 2002, 03:06:28 PM: Let me tell you...Mighty1 is a big boy, if he said his balls hit the floor, his balls DID hit the floor! :D
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Ripsnort on February 12, 2002, 03:10:48 PM: Vasectomy reversal info:
http://www.vasectomy.com/general/index.asp

Indeed Tac, medical science changes about every 5 minutes.
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Mighty1 on February 12, 2002, 03:23:11 PM: Mietla I wouldn't even recommend that doctor to MG.

I've been told that I have a high tolerence for pain but guys let me tell you something.....I never cried so much in my life. It felt like someone had just taken a hammer to my nads.

What made it worse was my wife was walking around for weeks acting like she was going to bag me.

The only advice I would give is do whatever the Doctor says. No matter if you feel better or not don't try to be macho.

Damn my nads are aching just talking about it.
Title: Thinking of
Post by: mrfish on February 12, 2002, 03:28:00 PM: are you crazy!

you leave everything right where god and/or evolution put it! ;)
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Mighty1 on February 12, 2002, 03:30:13 PM: Oh and some Vs can be reveresed.

We had a Teacher at our High School who was dating a student and when he got caught he made her drop out and they got married so he wouldn't get into trouble.

Well after a few years she told him she wanted to have kids and she talked him into getting it reveresed.

He had it reveresed which he said was very very painful and cost him a lot and as soon as it was done she divorced him and turned him into the School Board.

I guess he was fooling around again and this was her way of getting back at him.

He ended up getting fired and had another Vs.
Title: Thinking of
Post by: mietla on February 12, 2002, 04:23:26 PM: Quote
Originally posted by Mighty1

... she talked him into getting it reveresed...
...was very very painful and cost him a lot
...He ended up getting fired and had another Vs.

that was plain nasty :)
Title: Thinking of
Post by: mietla on February 12, 2002, 04:27:11 PM: Quote
Originally posted by Mighty1
Mietla I wouldn't even recommend that doctor to MG.

:D

Quote

Damn my nads are aching just talking about it.

Mine hurt just reading this.
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Tac on February 12, 2002, 05:21:49 PM: Lol. That poor prof. should be nicknamed "Ping Pong" :D
Title: Thinking of
Post by: DRILL on February 12, 2002, 06:53:49 PM: guys my wife read this ...started laughfing so much ...when she read it all.....and stopped ....... she looked at me and said your
NEXT !!!!........ i fainted...... she was dead serious ............HELP!!!!!
Title: Thinking of
Post by: easymo on February 12, 2002, 07:52:11 PM: Get it done quick HB. When the Mexicans take over the country that option will be gone. The pope dont go for it.
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Elfenwolf on February 12, 2002, 08:47:05 PM: My vasectomy was more scary than painful. They had given me instructions to shave before I came in for the procedure, so I shaved off my full beard of several years to comply with the Dr.'s instructions. I had so much toilet paper stuck to my razor cuts it looked like my face had been Tee Peed.
After glancing at my still-hairy balls the Doctor shouted out some instructions in Russian to a rather large and imposing nurse, and she immediately cupped my nuts in her left hand and dry shaved my nether regions with a well worn disposable safety razor in her right hand. I felt like a slow roller to short that had just been fielded by Alex Rodriguez, she was that deft. The only sounds in the room was the scrape of the razor on my apple, which reminded me of a lizard trying to shed its skin, and the tinkling of the ice cubes in the Doctor's Vodka-over as he sipped, flipping through the pages of a Playboy magazine. I, myself, made nary a sound as I held my breath through the entire thirty minute procedure. The only noises emitting from me were the sounds of beads of sweat exiting my pores, and in my ears they sounded like popping bubble wrap.
The Doctor made his incisions and remarked to his nurse how I reminded him of his first autopsy back in Moscow so many years ago because I was so still and obviously not breathing. What's amazing is that he spoke in Russian and I was able to understand every word he was saying as long as he held a scalpel to my nuts. I even understood what his nurse was saying, and if anyone ever tells me I have a little dick again and they say it in Russian I'll know what they're saying.
All in all it was worth it because now my wife has been off the pill for fifteen years and her health is great, and after all, what other reason is there for getting clipped?
Just do it,
Elfenwolf
Title: Thinking of
Post by: gavor on February 12, 2002, 10:34:37 PM: I'm glad this is all several years away for me. Hot damn. My groin aches just reading, lets hope theres an easier way in years to come....

A little off the mark, I had a cancer scare in the self same area a few years back, believe me, it makes you think about things. Anyhoo, what with seeing 3 different doctors and having a 1/2 hour ultrascan I know how undignified and uncomfortable it can be... And how cold the ultrascan things are on your sack. I hope i never have to drop my pants for a doctor again!
Title: Thinking of
Post by: 1776 on February 13, 2002, 12:13:30 AM: My brother had this done when they started comming out of the hanger 2 at a time. He says it didn't hurt too much.

Good luck
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Vulcan on February 13, 2002, 05:23:45 AM: You guys are nuts!

Maybe I should rephrase that...

Ain't no one... NO ONE... coming near my nads with no knife!

:eek:
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Vulcan on February 13, 2002, 05:25:54 AM: Does this mean HB is gonna start flying Niki's and La7's?
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Ripsnort on February 13, 2002, 08:38:20 AM: Quote
Originally posted by 1776
My brother had this done when they started comming out of the hanger 2 at a time.

Good luck

ROTFLOL!!! Twins eh? :)
Title: Thinking of
Post by: StSanta on February 13, 2002, 12:34:47 PM: ROFL!

This has got to be one of the best threads :D.
Title: Thinking of
Post by: skernsk on February 13, 2002, 01:04:16 PM: Well Hblair? Are ya gonna go ahead with it?:D
Title: Thinking of
Post by: hblair on February 13, 2002, 02:13:23 PM: Not sure. I'm kinda wary. I have flashbacks of a couple of years ago when I had a hyetal hernia repaired. Had to strip down butt naked and put on one of those hospital "gowns", got rolled into the room. I notice a girl I graduated with was a nurse in there (of course she was a babe). the anesthesiologist does the ol "count to 10" deal on me as he puts the mask over my face. I doze off, then come to several seconds later as they pull the gown up revealing my retreating donut thats prolly about 1/4 inch long by then lol. I vaguely remember seeing the girl from HS looking at my lower abdomen area. Wasn't my proudest momnet.

A week or so later it's time to go have the staples pulled out. But there's something else I need to show him. My balls had swollen to the size of oranges! No kidding. And on top of that they were frigging dark purple! Needless to say, I was walking bowlegged. Anyways, I get to the doctors office, flop out the goods, and say "doctor, there's a propblem here, My testicles are a little discolored, and my noodle seems to have shrunken some. It is normally the same scale as my testicles." with a straight face. He didn't laugh. Oh well.

My testicles are not up for any more abuse. I'm skkkeeerd! :eek:
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Octavius on February 13, 2002, 02:40:09 PM: instanity!! I declare all of you insane! insane!... my cod Vulcan I am with you 100%! :D :D :D
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Curval on February 13, 2002, 02:40:25 PM: Quote
Originally posted by hblair
.......revealing my retreating donut thats prolly about 1/4 inch long by then lol. I vaguely remember seeing the girl from HS looking at my lower abdomen area. Wasn't my proudest momnet.

LOL.....a man's man here....

He is about to be operated on, in a particularly sensitive area, and his biggest concern is that some babe from highschool will think he has a small willy!!!

Understandable though.....shrinkage, due to cold water or basic fear instinct, is the bane of mankind!
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Octavius on February 13, 2002, 02:41:03 PM: double post.. grr
Title: Thinking of
Post by: NUTTZ on February 13, 2002, 06:29:16 PM: 6 years ago I felt a "lump" on one of the 'Boys". My Dr. ordered an Ultra scan and scheduled me an apointment with a nearby hospital.

Well as we know Ultra scans are used primarily for pregnant women.

The hallway outside the scanning room was lined with "Waiting" chairs and was filled with pregnant women waiting on the Dr. (who was running late). I patiently took the last seat Grabbing and holding together the back of the "hospital garb" You know that embarrassing Backless short little piece of cloth that is MANDITORY to wear as a Patient.
ALL eyes were on me, as i looked up at the 10 or so women ahead of me, I would see one lean forward and look in my direction with a puzzled stare, Followed by another leaning forward with the same puzzled stare.

Finally we get word the Dr. has arrived and would be down shortly, Thinking to myself.."Great this embarassing moment will shortly end".
BOY, I couldn't of been any more wrong!

The Dr. Turns out to be one young, Knock down, kick bellybutton GORGIOUS lady, Sporting a low cut tight black dress, white pearl neckless. She was running late because of a dinner date, and obviously didn't have time to change.

Now directly behind her is 4 Male interns ( My guess, it was some sort of class day to learn the arts of Ultra scanning)

I lay on the table and I'm stripped of my "hospital garb" which is quickly replaced with a towel ( to Hide my "package") In all actuality the Towel had about 200% more material than the "hospital garb":)

Now comes my delema,
I know the towel Must be removed and I have One Hottie of a Dr. going to wake up my boys to play. BUT, I have 4 male nurses standing behind her. Will my boys act as If i just swam in the ocean all day or wake Up and couldn't give a toejam if i was in MACY's front window?

I think at this point EVERYONE in the room was in an awkward position, so one male nurse decides if he slides the towel UP it will expose the "Boys"without exposing the "Old Man" and the Dr. can go about her business with the jelly and hand held scanner.

Now she is doing her thing with the jelly and the rubbing and the Visual of this fine looking woman, along with the sounds of all that jelly slapping around, and the touching.... well The "Old Man" made a "tent"!:)

The Dr. was VERY professional, and asked if " I felt any pain, or am i hurting you?"

I told her to look alittle higher and she would have her answer...

At that moment ALL professionalism went out the window and the 4 male Nurses Just busted their guts laughing.

That day is permanately etched in my mind.

And also a true story.

NUTTZ
Title: Thinking of
Post by: gavor on February 13, 2002, 06:54:02 PM: Your story is so similar to my ultrasound experience it made me chuckle nuttz.

I remember a room full of women looking at me funny and some pregnant ladies in the halls of the clinic obviously pondering my gender confusion. I just wanted to escape. After lying on that table with gel over the cods, a towel over the main attraction and some wierd mexican guy at the controls, my embarassment threshold had been reached. I knew damn well there were several more trouser drops in my near future too.

Luckily my gf was very supportive. One of those future exams by a specialist turned out to be quite a joyous occassion. The phrase 'its just a polyp, forget about it' may not sound like a reason to party for most people, but it was sweet music to my ears.

How did it all turn out or you nuttz? I'm assuming everything was ok?
Title: Thinking of
Post by: NUTTZ on February 13, 2002, 07:04:42 PM: well, since you asked, I had testicular cancer, did the radiation, the whole 9 yards (TWICE). Almost 7 years ago, The "boys" are fine:)
Reminds me of an arguement i had, somebody told me they were going to kick me in the "Balls" I told them they better have one long leg cause Ones in a landfill in Jersey!! :)

NUTTZ

Quote
Originally posted by gavor
Your story is so similar to my ultrasound experience it made me chuckle nuttz.

I remember a room full of women looking at me funny and some pregnant ladies in the halls of the clinic obviously pondering my gender confusion. I just wanted to escape. After lying on that table with gel over the cods, a towel over the main attraction and some wierd mexican guy at the controls, my embarassment threshold had been reached. I knew damn well there were several more trouser drops in my near future too.

Luckily my gf was very supportive. One of those future exams by a specialist turned out to be quite a joyous occassion. The phrase 'its just a polyp, forget about it' may not sound like a reason to party for most people, but it was sweet music to my ears.

How did it all turn out or you nuttz? I'm assuming everything was ok?
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Elfenwolf on February 13, 2002, 07:17:03 PM: K Nuttz, I'm glad everything's OK with your junk. Pitching a tent while getting your testicles massaged by a beautiful woman is OK, just don't "free Willy" while getting your prostate examined.
Title: Thinking of
Post by: gavor on February 13, 2002, 07:18:04 PM: :(. Sorry to hear that.

I did a LOT of reading about it at the time. Its one of the most survivable cancers if caught in time, i'm happy to hear you're ok now. That land fill story made me chuckle :).

Last year after a few pints I told a few mates about it and to my surprise I found that 2 out of 4 had also been to the doc about something similar(luckily, no cancers). Out of those 2, one had done the whole ultrasound thing as well.

Check up on the boys sometimes guys or you may find the doc will have to whip em off. Or worse yet, no actually I dont wanna say it.
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Saintaw on February 14, 2002, 01:15:05 AM: I'm just praying I NEVER have to go through this kind of option.
This thread hurt, just readin' it!!!:eek:
Title: Thinking of
Post by: easymo on February 14, 2002, 02:48:36 AM: HB after reading some of the posts from your kindergarten class, in the general forum. It all falls into place.:D
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Apar on February 14, 2002, 04:47:03 AM: Reading this posts makes me more determined not to have it done. :D
Title: Thinking of
Post by: milnko on February 14, 2002, 07:25:30 AM: I couldn't help but notice that more then one poster whos had the "procedure" had it set up or arranged by his wife... hmmm, interesting.

My wife had my two dogs and cat neutered. Seems like women see a pair of danglers and want 'em lopped off... hmmm, interesting.

I flat out refused when the wife "suggested" the idea. I just don't want my JOHNSON to mimic the .303 rounds of AH.

On a final note, I think it's a good idea for you tho HB, I hear after the "operation" you won't want to cross the street, or wander as much, all you'll want to do is just lay around the house.

Lemme know if ya suddenly get a hankerin' for liver flavored Friskies.
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Ripsnort on February 14, 2002, 08:15:15 AM: weeeeelll Hblair...I sucked up my "pride" when it came to the point of having to use a condom everytime with the wife, I compare it to putting Saran wrap on ones tongue prior to eating Banana cream pie. :D We DID NOT, nor could afford, another child. Having her *fixed* is alot longer and complicated procedure. After 2 years of condoms, I dropped to the knife.
Title: Thinking of
Post by: StSanta on February 14, 2002, 10:18:28 AM: Heh guys, there is no reason to be embarrased when visiting a doc, even a young, good looking blonde one.

They've seen it all.

Sis is now working at an ER. She says that she now knows more about people than most, and that only occasionally is she surprised - and she's only been there for 3 months.

Some examples

A married couple comes in - the man is obviously having trouble walking. Turns out that during one of their sexual games, the woman had accidentally inserted a dildo into her partner a wee bit too far - and couldn't get it out. My sis response: she's thinking of asking dildo manufacturers to put a hook at the end of dildos, so medical personnel have an easier time removing them. Apparently, it's not the first time it's happened.

Now to a really disgusting thing: A gay man comes in with an ambulance - he doesn't seem to be needing one. There's a big towel wrapped around his rear. So they examine him, first removing the towel.

Stuck into his rear is one of them things you clean toilets with. Fortunately the brush end is the one outside the man's body. Unfortunately for this poor man, there's a bit of a hook on the other end, for hanging it on the wall with or something. This one has caught into some of the inner lining of the gut, and is stuck. Just ripping it out would lead to massive internal injuries - hence the ambulance.

A nuts check isn't too bad in comparison :)
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Curval on February 14, 2002, 10:59:48 AM: LOL....

I saw one in an e-mail a while back...

A couple walked into emergency...the woman had her head wrapped in bloody hand towels and the man had a huge bloodstain around his crotch and was pressing a bloody hand towel to his groin area.

The story was...

The woman decided to give the man oral sex after they had finnished eating at a local restaurant. She slipped under the table cloth and began to perform on the guy. The problem was that she had an epileptic fit while doing so. Her jaws clampted around the man's noodle biting down hard in the throads of the epileptic fit. The man, screaming and desparate to get the woman off his noodle picked up a desert fork and began stabbing the woman in the head in a bid to get her to release his now bleeding member. When the fit ended they were ambulanced off to the hospital.

...probably an urban myth...but funny nonetheless.
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Ripsnort on February 14, 2002, 11:04:35 AM: Quote
Originally posted by Curval
LOL....

I saw one in an e-mail a while back...

A couple walked into emergency...the woman had her head wrapped in bloody hand towels and the man had a huge bloodstain around his crotch and was pressing a bloody hand towel to his groin area.

The story was...

The woman decided to give the man oral sex after they had finnished eating at a local restaurant. She slipped under the table cloth and began to perform on the guy. The problem was that she had an epileptic fit while doing so. Her jaws clampted around the man's noodle biting down hard in the throads of the epileptic fit. The man, screaming and desparate to get the woman off his noodle picked up a desert fork and began stabbing the woman in the head in a bid to get her to release his now bleeding member. When the fit ended they were ambulanced off to the hospital.

...probably an urban myth...but funny nonetheless.

OUCH! Related story in this mornings paper, anyone missing a noodle? (Rip checks wedding tackle...)

http://www.theindependent.com/stories/021302/new_hastingspart13.html
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Raubvogel on February 14, 2002, 11:32:18 AM: Quote
While this incident could be the result of an accidental act

That's one hell of an accident.
Title: Thinking of
Post by: hblair on February 14, 2002, 11:41:55 AM: Quote
Originally posted by Ripsnort
weeeeelll Hblair...I sucked up my "pride" when it came to the point of having to use a condom everytime with the wife, I compare it to putting Saran wrap on ones tongue prior to eating Banana cream pie. :D We DID NOT, nor could afford, another child. Having her *fixed* is alot longer and complicated procedure. After 2 years of condoms, I dropped to the knife.

You mean the wifes navel isn't for semen collection?
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Ripsnort on February 14, 2002, 11:44:32 AM: Quote
Originally posted by hblair

You mean the wifes navel isn't for semen collection?

Nothing worse than pulling out in a moment of crisis! ;)

(And FYI, you're pumping little guys in there waaaay before your "big shot" comes anyway, not alot of them, but they're already working their way via the fluid you eject prior to ejaculation, so your taking a big risk!)
Title: Thinking of
Post by: hblair on February 14, 2002, 11:59:56 AM: Small platoons have much less a chance of capturing the objective than sending in an 8-10 divisions blitzkrieg.

Just say no to Condoms!

Hey, where'd these kids come from?

:confused:

oopsie
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Ripsnort on February 14, 2002, 12:26:20 PM: ROTFLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG< Hbalir, I just busted a nut! Think I wet myself laughing so hard!!!!!!!
Title: Thinking of
Post by: mietla on February 14, 2002, 01:45:51 PM: Quote
Originally posted by Ripsnort

We DID NOT, nor could afford, another child.

A refreshing case of responsibility in this pop culture of ours, where most people just do it without thinking.

Hey, we can always kill the kid, give him away or even sell.

~~Rip~~
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Curval on February 14, 2002, 02:14:48 PM: Quote
Originally posted by hblair
Small platoons have much less a chance of capturing the objective than sending in an 8-10 divisions blitzkrieg.

Just say no to Condoms!

Hey, where'd these kids come from?

:confused:

oopsie

Ripsnort is right on this!

Evidence of what can happen when using the very unrelaible "withdrawl" technique....meet my son Trew!
Title: Thinking of
Post by: StSanta on February 15, 2002, 08:57:03 AM: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH

You guys are stuck with kids!

Income drainers, life limiters. You have 'um, I don't.

You poor sods.

:D :D.

:D
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Curval on February 15, 2002, 09:11:16 AM: :)

My case is a true story, but frankly it was the best "accident" I ever had.

I have many friends who don't have or want kids, so I have heard ALL of the arguments against having them. But, when the kids are yours they take on a whole new meaning in your life. Call me corny, or whatever...but it's true.

Speaking of which...my youngest little one crawled for the first time last night...I got Valentines Day, my wedding anniversary and a "Kodak" moment on the same day!
Title: Thinking of
Post by: midnight Target on February 15, 2002, 09:28:56 AM: My 19 yr old daughter recently came up to me, gave me a big hug and thanked me for putting up with all the crap over the last few years and apologized for not "seeing the light sooner". That was worth any amount of money or hardship. I am sorry for anyone who will never experience that kind of joy.
Title: Thinking of
Post by: StSanta on February 15, 2002, 01:51:44 PM: Yes I suppose that's a golden moment.

:D

"I'm sorry dude if you were worried sick and got gray hair being concerned about my girlfriend/boyfriend, drugs, getting knocked up/knocking someone up, crime and so forth"

"I hope you enjoyed the endless grief I've caused by my incessant whining, my screaming and yelling for no good reason and totally irrational behaviour."

"But, most of all, I want to thank you for allowing me to consider you an utter unfashionable uncool nobody loser. This is especially poignant since you've just spend the last xx years paying outta yer arse to keep me fed and warm. I hope you appreciate that those money you could use for were better spent on my $200 designer jeans and similar clothes which of course were a must.

"The tantrums I've thrown when I'e taken home some small time criminal loser and asked if he/she could sleep over took great effort for me."

"Lastly, I want to thank you for being such a good example on how not to live life. Now I know how it's not supposed to be lived, lest I want to end up in your sorry situation."

"Thank you very much. Now pay for my college tuition (I'll fail half of the semesters and maybe take them again, if you're lucky) as well as somewhere to live, preferrably a flashy penthouse. or I could prostitute myself or sleep at my druggie friends place, you'd really like that"

"See you around old man".

:D :D
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Am0n on February 15, 2002, 02:13:01 PM: blasphemer..
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Ripsnort on February 15, 2002, 02:40:54 PM: heh, Santa sound just like I did in my twenties..."Nope nope nope, never had kids, never ever ever!"....
Title: Thinking of
Post by: AKDejaVu on February 15, 2002, 02:58:56 PM: Two things...

My only trip to an emergency room (for myself) came after I receieved a spider bite in my groin area. It was somewhat close to my lymph nodes and caused a rather nasty reaction in my pelvic area (way too much information... I know).

Anyways... I'm in the emergency room and my wife is there with me. The lead doctor was a woman who instantly dropped the sheet and raised the robe on me. She flopped the package around while I focused on baseball and Rosanne Barr naked. I do believe the idea of sporting anything in that situation was enough to promote flacidity.

After the initial prognosis... every nurse came by to look for themselves. I understand that nursing is not sex limited and both men and women perform said duties... but that night it was all women... and they all stopped by. Every time they'd leave, I'd tell my wife "Did you see how wide her eyes got... she's going to get her friends and show them." My wife thought it was pretty funny.

----------------------

Second...

My wife and I cannot have children due to a brutal case of Saminila poisining as a child that left my wife too scarred to conceive.

While I respect the decision to get a vascectomy (though I think you are craze for allow needles and blades in that area)... I'm not all too cool with the "never had kids and damn glad" crowd. That always seemed extreme to me and I simply have to wonder about that mentality.

AKDejaVu
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Ripsnort on February 15, 2002, 03:02:23 PM: ROTFLOL at the first part Deja, sad to hear on the second part :( Adopt! :)
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Curval on February 15, 2002, 03:11:10 PM: Quote
Originally posted by Ripsnort
heh, Santa sound just like I did in my twenties..."Nope nope nope, never had kids, never ever ever!"....

LOL....my father would recognise much of what was said in his post!

AkDejaVu - Rosanne Barr naked....."shudder" :D

On your second point...:( That is too bad man...
Title: Thinking of
Post by: StSanta on February 15, 2002, 03:20:18 PM: LOL rip, you've said that a LOT of times now heheheh.

Am just hoping I'll find the same success in my professional and personal life as you have :).

Am0n wrote:
Quote
blasphemer..[/b]
Blasphemy, to an atheist, is a victimless crime :D.

Thank you.
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Mighty1 on February 15, 2002, 08:11:59 PM: I got fixed because my wife knows I love kids and would some how manage to have a dozen more.

Even though I love kids I understand why some people would rather not have any. Some people enjoy their lives the way they are and don't want to change. I work for a guy who has no desire to have kids of his own but he enjoys being with his brothers kids. He is way to busy to even consider starting a family. (plus his wife is about 25 years older than him)
Title: Thinking of
Post by: moose on February 16, 2002, 12:36:01 AM: jesus

this thread is downright hilarious.

my girlfriend's dad just got a Vs a few weeks ago. He described the pain as 'being kicked in the balls by someone wearing combat boots)

a week later and i think he was back in action though.

(ps, sorry to hear about that djv, you should adopt though)
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Animal on February 16, 2002, 01:15:02 AM: Oh boy, this thread is so whoopeedard funney HAHAHa

once i used motor oil to masturbate and caught an ugly fungii on the mouth of my penii.

I have had a infection in the opening of my noodle that is not going away. I have had it for over two months. It is directly inside the opening and causes it to close up(the two sides stick together)in between urinating. If you press on the tip the skin is somewhat hard around the opening. There is also some yellowish discharge every so often and redness around the opening as well. It is tender, especially on each corner of the opening. After intercourse it gets even more sore and tender. I also get a stinging sensation around the release muscle when I begin to urinate.

hope you guys can help me!!

(http://www.shastd.org.uk/images/gc13.jpg)
Title: Thinking of
Post by: hblair on February 16, 2002, 01:21:53 AM: This is where I bail.
Title: Thinking of
Post by: mrfish on February 16, 2002, 01:38:48 AM: hey animal!

i have a suggestion for you - many adult toy stores sell something called a 'penile sound'

it's essentially a long, very thin rod often made of flexible plastic (or stainless steel for the real masochists out there.)

the idea is that you stick it up the opening in your noodle and once you get past the pain it's supposed to be arousing.

i bet if you dip one o' those bad boys in alcohol and shove it up there you'd be just fine.

good luck!
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Animal on February 16, 2002, 01:51:14 AM: Gee, Thanks MrFish!
I sure as heck cant wait to try that out, I'm just getting ready to run to the next adult store in the corner to buy one of them 'penile sounds'.

Ps.: do they make them out titanium?
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Elfenwolf on February 16, 2002, 08:49:51 AM: Oh, SHEESUS! and I thought I was sick!~ Between Animal's self portrait and Mr. Fish's commentary on what the gay crowd in San Francisco is into nowadays it'll probably be a week before I can sport wood again. Damn.
Elfen
Title: Thinking of
Post by: SOB on February 16, 2002, 11:19:23 AM: Good lord Fishy, that hurt just to read!
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Hangtime on February 21, 2002, 10:59:45 PM: Animal.. next time stick with the penzoil 10w40 SAE.. the synthetics like Mobil1 tend to attack biologic material.

bonehaid.
Title: Thinking of
Post by: gavor on February 21, 2002, 11:16:45 PM: I was reading the other day that years back for syphilus(sp?) they heated a platinum wire and up the urethra it went(cool, i used a medical word). I have some wire if you want it Animal.
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Viper17 on February 21, 2002, 11:54:54 PM: LOLLOLLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO LOLOLOL IM 15 and god i hope i dont go through what you older guys have to go through lollolLOLLOLOLOLOL:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
Title: Thinking of
Post by: gavor on February 21, 2002, 11:59:36 PM: Why are you laughing. Everyone gets old someday. :)
Title: Thinking of
Post by: hblair on February 08, 2003, 07:20:28 PM: animal, did ya ever rod the 'ol penii?

:D :eek:
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Animal on February 08, 2003, 07:47:55 PM: Yes!

But during the cleaning session I got quite roused and had a small accident :(
Long story short, I now have a new Prince Albert piercing, and the waxy discharge now glows in the dark!

Sometimes I yank it out in nightclubs and spin it like a windmill for a nice light-show, all the drugged out ravers stare at it because its so trippy.
Title: Thinking of
Post by: BGBMAW on February 08, 2003, 07:54:07 PM: My dads a urologists.... He does a sht load of those...

I cant read past the 3rd thread..makes me hurt...

My last girl..got this...A copper plate or sumthen like that stuk in her cervex.....Its like the size of a dime......

No More baby making!! Just practice:D

Ahh Bare back rides agaiN!!!!

Love
BiGB
xoxo
Title: Thinking of
Post by: capt. apathy on February 08, 2003, 08:08:22 PM: heard a news bit on the radio the other day. they said that in a new population control program in India, they would give you a brand new bicycle if you come in for your free vasectomy.

guess you'd have to push it home.
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Airhead on February 08, 2003, 08:14:02 PM: Quote
Originally posted by Animal
[/B]

...Long story short....

[/B]

Well, that destroys a myth. Hey Hblair, did you ever get clipped?
Title: Thinking of
Post by: AKIron on February 09, 2003, 12:27:42 AM: Hurt like hell, sensitive for a year. Worth it? Yes.
Title: Thinking of
Post by: loser on February 09, 2003, 04:50:49 AM: A few years back (okay prolly like 6) my brother had a place with a few school buddies. They were on a short budget so they got this huge assed microwave oven that musta been 30 years old.

It would keep running even if you opened the door.

I forgot about this whenever i was over there visiting and cooking up some food.

The shelf that the microwave was on was at exact groin level.

Since then i guess you could say ive been a little "irresponsable" as far as riding sans saddle. And still batting 0. (knocks on wood.)

Hb ill see if that microwave is still around.
Title: LOL! You yanks... :)
Post by: beet1e on February 09, 2003, 04:54:33 AM: Dear me... I thought it would be enough for you guys to be clipped at birth, without volunteering for additional tampering later in life! Though I have to admit, I had some surgery at age 9 when one of the boys refused to stay downstairs with the other boy.

Ripsnort! I can see why you had no problems. After boiling your boys with hot coffee a while back, the big V must have seemed like small beer by comparison. I'm surprised the Big V was even necessary - LOL! As to condoms, I can see why you feel about them the way you do. Actually "feel" was a poor choice of word - LOL! But I can tell you (having tried both) that American condoms are crap. These (http://www.durex.com/index.html) are better, but I never saw any in the US in my purchasing years. However, no soapbox, and no "American condoms" thread planned - LOL.
Title: Thinking of
Post by: Holden McGroin on February 09, 2003, 06:22:12 AM: Quote
Originally posted by Raubvogel
That's one hell of an accident.

Urban legend has it that someone performed a self-vasectomy on a frog-gigging trip.

Taken from Darwin:

“On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pickup truck's headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older model truck had burned out. A replacement fuse was not available, but Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet, the headlights again began to operate properly and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge. The electric current heated the cartridge to the point of detonation.

"Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his nuts off or we might have been dead," stated Wallis.

"I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how the accident happened," said Snyder, the trooper investigating the accident.”
Title: Thinking of
Post by: beet1e on February 09, 2003, 06:26:27 AM: Holden McGroin - LOL! An apt handle in a thread about vasectomy! :D
Title: Thinking of
Post by: skernsk on February 09, 2003, 08:37:04 AM: hmmm ... interesting that this thread would reappear a few days after I made my appointment for the big V.

:eek: