Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Ripsnort on May 16, 2002, 10:34:34 AM
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Just curious...why? I'm "planning" my future when that day comes for my boys...personally, when I was 18, I packed up a suitcase full of clothes and with $100 found my dreams...I think the best thing that ever happened to me in my life was not only booting myself out of the house, but moving 1700 miles away (talk about taking yourself out of a comfort zone!)
My wife and I plan to move to Montana when the youngest turns 18. They're welcome to come with us, but meeting one of two conditions: A) You are working and paying us rent...or B) You are attending college or a trade school.
Is that too much to ask for? Incidently, they both will have a 6 figure bank account when we move(Started mutual funds for both when they were born), so I won't feel guilty about leaving them with no $$
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Perfectly reasonable to me Rip.
Hehe, when I returned home on high school grad night, all my stuff was sitting on the front porch and the lock to the house had been changed.
My Dad told me for many years he was going do it, but I thought he was just bluffing.
I packed my stuff into my car and never looked back, slept in it that night (was too wasted to drive) and started a new life the next day.
My son packed himself up and joined the Air Force 1 week after high school graduation last year. He is still in SEER school, with that graduation coming up in July. The Air Force has asked if he would like to become a SEER instructor. He is still thinking about it.
I am pretty proud of him. They do not ask just anyone to become a SEER instructor.
Oops,..was that a thread hi-jack? Uh-oh....my bad. Can't help it though. I am a proud Papa.
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Originally posted by Skuzzy
Perfectly reasonable to me Rip.
Hehe, when I returned home on high school grad night, all my stuff was sitting on the front porch and the lock to the house had been changed.
My Dad told me for many years he was going do it, but I thought he was just bluffing.
I packed my stuff into my car and never looked back, slept in it that night (was too wasted to drive) and started a new life the next day.
My son packed himself up and joined the Air Force 1 week after high school graduation last year. He is still in SEER school, with that graduation coming up in July. The Air Force has asked if he would like to become a SEER instructor. He is still thinking about it.
I am pretty proud of him. They do not ask just anyone to become a SEER instructor.
Oops,..was that a thread hi-jack? Uh-oh....my bad. Can't help it though. I am a proud Papa.
Nope, no hijacking at all! That's the kinda of stories I was looking for! Thats great Skuzzy...say, you and your Dad still close? I mean, he did that for your own good, not some self serving purpose for himself?
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SEER, ouchie... he been "captured" yet?
xBAT
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Nah, me and Dad are close. No hard feelings at all. Heck,..he warned me :D. I was glad he did it. Within 3 days after I was given the heave-ho, I had a job, a place to live and saved enough money for Fall registration in college.
My folks weren't rich so college was something we kids had to do on our own. It was hard, but I think it made me a better person.
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Originally posted by batdog
SEER, ouchie... he been "captured" yet?
xBAT
Only in training. He managed to evade one capture, and got caught the second time around.
He had an edge though :). I went through SEER when I was in the Air Force, so I gave him a little heads up on what to expect. Really odd. No one in the family knew I went through SEER. It was not something I liked talking about.
So it came as a huge surprise when he told me he had signed up for SEER. Really bizarre.
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SEER training:
What will I gain from taking the SEER training?
All of us are searching for Love (Universal Energy or Chi). Love is often elusive. We try to find the experience of Love in our relationships; we try to remove perceived obstacles to Love by undertaking psychotherapy; we attempt to find it in some religious experience or epiphany; we take psychodelic drugs to get a glimpse of Love and we amass power and wealth in the hope that we can control it or buy it. SEER is more than a course in relationships, a psychotherapeutic endeavor, or a spiritual experience. It is a fundamental quest for Love in the only place you can find it, in the inner Self. The inward journey is a challenging journey, but one well worth taking. You will be introduced to a world that few have had the courage to explore: the world of the self and the Self.
:D
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Joined AF after my AF job became available, had to pay rent and I had 2 jobs until day I left. Best decision of my life and I like it here.
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lol Rip.
I guess you could view it from that perspective, but lemme tell ya,..those bruises, cuts, broken/cracked bones, and general hemmorages, are not spiritual.
And I do not think love has a lot to do with an instructor knocking you on your arse, repeatedly.
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Maan, I'm 38 and live at home. Ya'll live outside or what?:D :D
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Ripsnort doesnt tell that he moved away from his parents 1700 miles away - to be pampered by his grand parents. He still gets served his daily cup'o tea by the 90 year old granny.
:p
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Rip, joined the MARINES when I was 17, best thing that happened to me. Parents and I closer then ever:D
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Aww you beat me to it :P
except the 38 part hehehehe
Kanthy
Originally posted by Monk
Maan, I'm 38 and live at home. Ya'll live outside or what?:D :D
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18? Geeze you guys wait a while.
I was "moved out" of my home when I was 10 years old. British boarding school...approximately 4000 miles from home!
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I left my parents and their condo when I was 18 (I paid rent to them since I was 16) and bought it from them 12 years later. They both visits me once or twice in a month but now it's my property; Not theirs.
Oh and I also kicked my mom out from there once; I told her few friends are coming to my place for a weekend and 'cause she didn't call me that she was coming for a visit... Life can be tough sometimes :D
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Not trying to sound rough or start a "I had it soo bad...." war :)
I personaly wont "hand" anything to my kid(s) I had to work for and earn everything I had growing up, as a teenager my parents stopped buying me clothes/shoes, when I got my license I had to pay for my first car myself and the bills that go with it, no insurance=no keys. After I grajewated HS I had to pay rent to live at home, I didn't think it was too much to ask then and still don't know. After a few ups and downs I joined the USN and life went on from there. No complaints from me, IMHO those kind of experiences prepare you for what lies ahead, and it makes the rough times a bit easier to stomach. I'm sure some of the decisions my parents made were tough to do and I may not have liked some of it then but as you go through life ya start to understand what it was they were talking about :D
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Originally posted by MrRiplEy[H]
Ripsnort doesnt tell that he moved away from his parents 1700 miles away - to be pampered by his grand parents. He still gets served his daily cup'o tea by the 90 year old granny.
:p
Grandparents back then were 3000 miles away! Actually I'm going to a family reunion next week, and I'm sure it will remind me why I moved 1700 miles away from the nearest relative (outside the primate world)
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Originally posted by AcId
Not trying to sound rough or start a ?I had it soo bad....? war :)
I personaly wont ?hand? anything to my kid(s) I had to work for and earn everything I had growing up, as a teenager my parents stopped buying me clothes/shoes, when I got my license I had to pay for my first car myself and the bills that go with it, no insurance=no keys. After I grajewated HS I had to pay rent to live at home, I didn't think it was too much to ask then and still don't know. After a few ups and downs I joined the USN and life went on from there. No complaints from me, IMHO those kind of experiences prepare you for what lies ahead, and it makes the rough times a bit easier to stomach. I'm sure some of the decisions my parents made were tough to do and I may not have liked some of it then but as you go through life ya start to understand what it was they were talking about :D
Good post! I had to ?earn? everything myself(and growing up on a farm, you can imagine the chores I was required to do being the only male child) as well, however, when time came for an education, I was quite disappointed that my parents had saved nothing for me, the youngest of 3 (however both sisters had a paid education)...not going to happen to my sons...when the time is right, and I think that they have their heads on straight, I'll ask them if they want to attend college, if the answer is yes, they'll have the money.
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I have been seriously considering chucking some money into a "guarenteed eductaion bond".
Essentially you put down about $2,500 NOW for each child and the kid's college eduction will be covered when they turn 18. But, if the kid decides not to go to college you lose the cash.
Logically a person could do the same thing using AAA rated government bonds and figure out the future value of the cash required...but the math gets a bit tricky when you try to factor in interest rate fluctuations, inflation adjustments etc.
I figure it would be easier to let the finance people do the work for me at the bank that is offering the education bonds.
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Originally posted by Curval
I have been seriously considering chucking some money into a "guarenteed eductaion bond".
Essentially you put down about $2,500 NOW for each child and the kid's college eduction will be covered when they turn 18. But, if the kid decides not to go to college you lose the cash.
Logically a person could do the same thing using AAA rated government bonds and figure out the future value of the cash required...but the math gets a bit tricky when you try to factor in interest rate fluctuations, inflation adjustments etc.
I figure it would be easier to let the finance people do the work for me at the bank that is offering the education bonds.
Yeah, I gave that thought too, you can also get College Vouchers that allow several colleges to be selected...however I opted for the "Gift to a Minor" mutual, basically we can put money into it, but cannot take anything out, and we don't pay taxes on capital gains. The downside is, once the kids are 18, its theirs to do with what they please,...but we won't let them know about the money if they turn out like Creamo...once they mature, then we'll let em know about the money.
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hmmm well i dont know. i think you will want your kids to stay around. i know my dad is angry with me because i moved 800 miles away from home, he calls me his "lost son". I think the concept of your kids paying you rent is rediculous personally, but mabye thats my upbringing. But I guess this may stem from my siblings, we are all smart and not delinquents and got into college etcera, so my parents were always happy to have us around. Plus we always worked at my fathers store in our spare time so I guess you could say we "paid" in this way. When my father was doing not so well in business we all helped him out so he could keep payroll down without getting paid. Now that business is good he bought my brother and I new cars so the years of working without pay paid off :) If i had a scumbag son then mabye i would charge him rent, but if I had that son it would probably be partly my fault so mabye I wouldnt :)
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Originally posted by Ripsnort
Yeah, I gave that thought too, you can also get College Vouchers that allow several colleges to be selected...however I opted for the "Gift to a Minor" mutual, basically we can put money into it, but cannot take anything out, and we don't pay taxes on capital gains. The downside is, once the kids are 18, its theirs to do with what they please,...but we won't let them know about the money if they turn out like Creamo...once they mature, then we'll let em know about the money.
To avoid the Cremo problem you can put the "bond" into a trust, that you settle and have yourself and your wife named as trustees. When the kids hit 18 the trust becomes the beneficiary of the bond...that you still effectively control as trustees. Then the kids still have to have your agreement to access the cash.
If you were to consider something like this I would suggest that you name a close friend as a trustee too, in case something happens to you.
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Well, my "Rent" requirement would only be a tool used to prevent someone just milking off ol' mom and dad...you know the type, doesn't want to work, doesn't want to go to college, just wants to watch TV all day...I doubt we'd end up with that, its usually nurturing that does that...but, if your going to live at home and not go to college, then your gonna pay rent (meaning your going to work) at my house! Comes from values I was taught, never a free lunch, earn everything yourself, and you'll enjoy it much more.
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Good point Curval, but this is a Mutual fund. Not sure if the "Gift to a minor" act would cover that with a Mutual fund.
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Originally posted by Ripsnort
Good point Curval, but this is a Mutual fund. Not sure if the "Gift to a minor" act would cover that with a Mutual fund.
Dunno man...I'd have to see the documentation. I'm pretty sure something can be worked out. If you do get serious about something like this just let me know. I can contact some associates in your part of the world and give you a resource if you need it.
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I had to earn everything when I was grwing up too. I started mowing lawns as at the age of 8 for $5.00/lawn. By the time I graduated from high school, I owned 3 cars.
For my son, I made a deal with him when he was 10. I told him for every penny he put into a savings account, which was money he had to earn (none of this family present money), we would match the deposit. By the time he turned 16, he had over $6,000 in the bank and bought himself a used Honda Civic. He had enough left over to install a really nice stereo system, mag wheels, and a rear spoiler.
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I'm kinda torn here. I have 3 grown kids and all are working or going to school, and I have been pretty tough about "earning your own way". OTOH, I miss the extended family that once existed. As recently as my youth, my Aunt and Uncle lived downstairs from my Grandparents and this was not only accepted it was encouraged. My Dad and Mom moved into the top floor of my Grandmother's house and lived there for 5 years before buying a home of their own. Maybe it's an Italian thing, but family was encouraged to stay close. This meant kids had more caregivers than just the usual 2 parents, and the family support group watched out for all. Good old days AFAIK.
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Rip, my parents had the same philosphy as you do, except the free money part. My wife and I plan to do the same with our children. Once again, without the free money part.
Then again University is a hell of alot cheaper here then it is in the states.
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I'm over 18 and living with my dad (until the end of this year), but I work and pay for classes, my car insurance, gas, etc. I don't pay rent though cuz I am pretty much never at home.
So if you want my opinion, it's good so long as they are preparing themselves to move out ASAP. But if they got no plans- don't get more education for atleast an "ok" job, then.....
-SW
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Originally posted by Thrawn
Rip, my parents had the same philosphy as you do, except the free money part. My wife and I plan to do the same with our children. Once again, without the free money part.
Then again University is a hell of alot cheaper here then it is in the states.
Let me be perfectly clear, this money is for their education. Its not free (I worked for it, I believe its a parental responsibility for their childrens education, not Gov't loans or PELL grants) and they'll "Earn" it in one fashion or another. ;)
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Originally posted by AKSWulfe
So if you want my opinion, it's good so long as they are preparing themselves to move out ASAP. But if they got no plans- don't get more education for atleast an "ok" job, then.....
-SW
Yep, agree!
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I left home at 16. 35 cents in my pocket, and the cloths I was wearing. Hitched around the western U.S., doing odd jobs, for a couple of years, before I went into the Army. Aside from helping turn me into a hard ass. I don't see where it did me any good.
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Spot on Rip. I left home at 20. I started paying rent at 18.
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Originally posted by easymo
I left home at 16. 35 cents in my pocket, and the cloths I was wearing. Hitched around the western U.S., doing odd jobs, for a couple of years, before I went into the Army. Aside from helping turn me into a hard ass. I don't see where it did me any good.
I will challenge ya on that one easymo. My bet is it takes a lot to get you worried and most day to day crap just rolls off yer back. Whether you see it or not, you are probably much stronger in character than most folks.
I can see it in your posts to this BBS. I consider that worth quite a bit.
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i had a full time job when i turned 18. (finished highschool at an early age).
my mom didnt charge me rent but i moved out anyways to start my own life.
i'm proud that i have never asked my mom for money since i moved out. ive paid for everything myself or with my girlfriend (who lives with me). even when i quit my comcast job and we had little money we still made it through the hard times.
what rip is doing is a good way to teach the kids the way of life. (NOTHING IS FOR FREE!)
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Originally posted by easymo
I left home at 16. 35 cents in my pocket, and the cloths I was wearing. Hitched around the western U.S., doing odd jobs, for a couple of years, before I went into the Army. Aside from helping turn me into a hard ass. I don't see where it did me any good.
Not only what Skuzzy said, but you survived a war...alot to be said there..
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My son just moved out this past Sunday. It was his 20th birthday. He moved back to Clemson SC, which is around 300 miles from us. My wife was upset but I was ecstatic, lol.
Seriously, I was proud that he had the wherewithall to realize he couldn't "grow" any more sittin' around Dad's house and he said as much. He had a job lined up before he left and that told me that maybe he is growin' up...a little.
I did tell him right before he drove off. "Free ride is over son. Come back anytime, but it will cost ya".
Me? I left home at 18.
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I don't disagree with the whole paying rent thing either...
However, there are a few things that I will give my kids without hesitation.
1. The best education money can buy.
2. Money to travel. If my kids want to travel I will always be there for them with a ticket. Some of the best lessons in life I learned came from exposure to the rest of the world.
3. Computer equipment. My 2.5 year old is already pretty good with his computer. I intend to let both kids have whatever they want when it comes to this...until they can afford their own.
4. Tennis lessons.....planning for my retirement here.
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Originally posted by Chaos68
i had a full time job when i turned 18. (finished highschool at an early age).
my mom didnt charge me rent but i moved out anyways to start my own life.
i'm proud that i have never asked my mom for money since i moved out. ive paid for everything myself or with my girlfriend (who lives with me). even when i quit my comcast job and we had little money we still made it through the hard times.
what rip is doing is a good way to teach the kids the way of life. (NOTHING IS FOR FREE!)
Great success story! I too have never taken a loan from my parents..even when desperate and offered one...my sister OTOH soaks my retired, fixed income dad anytime she thinks of it, never paid a cent back...I asked my dad, a very thoughtful, fruegal person when it comes to money, "Why do you loan her the money?" He said "If she wasn't my daughter, I doubt I'd even be friends with her, its blood." (Shrugs)
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I'm sure glad I don't have parents like you guys. I'm 19, living at home, majoring in biology and pulling in a 3.75 gpa. I work with alot of guys who live on their own though. Not only do they have to work longer hours than I do just to pay rent, their gpa also suffers from it. Of course if your kids are big losers, kick them out and dont look back.
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Originally posted by fdiron
I'm sure glad I don't have parents like you guys. I'm 19, living at home, majoring in biology and pulling in a 3.75 gpa. I work with alot of guys who live on their own though. Not only do they have to work longer hours than I do just to pay rent, their gpa also suffers from it. Of course if your kids are big losers, kick them out and dont look back.
Do they teach you to absorb what you read? :) Read the posts again ;) "if they are attending school and/or are working..they would live at home"
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fdiron, my son had the choice of staying here and going to school, or doing it himself. If he stayed, we would pay his way providing he maintained a passable grade point average.
My parents were pretty poor, but I never missed a meal, always had a roof over my head, and clothes on my back.
I worked my way through college. It was hard, but you cannot imagine how I felt when I graduated.
An education is the one thing parents cannot shrug off today. It is the best thing a parent can do. My parents felt bad they could not help me much, but they did what they could do, and I could tell they gave up stuff to do so.
I do not think there is a parent in this thread who would not give up something if it meant a better education for thier kids.
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Ripsnort,
You need to get a trust set up,,,
there are benifits for both you and your kids.
Me,
Grew up on a big farm/cattle operation. Had more responsiblity placed on my shoulders when I was 13 then most of the adults ever have put on them. Went to college, worked every summer on the farm, graduated college and had to be at my new job the day after graduated. Parents supported me when I needed it and kicked me in the bellybutton when I needed it.
Still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.
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Originally posted by ygsmilo
Ripsnort,
You need to get a trust set up,,,
there are benifits for both you and your kids.
Me,
Grew up on a big farm/cattle operation. Had more responsiblity placed on my shoulders when I was 13 then most of the adults ever have put on them. Went to college, worked every summer on the farm, graduated college and had to be at my new job the day after graduated. Parents supported me when I needed it and kicked me in the bellybutton when I needed it.
Still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.
Most kids I went to highschool with got up at 6:30 to catch a 7am bus...I was up at 4am doing chores till the bus came, I'm sure you were too. Hated it, but now I can appreciate it...you?
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Originally posted by fdiron
blah blah blah and pulling in a 3.75 gpa blah blah blah
Slacker :)
-Sikboy
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Rip you are asking a bunch of grown men who play computer games for advice on raising kids.
Think about it. :)
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Originally posted by funkedup
Rip you are asking a bunch of grown men who play computer games for advice on raising kids.
Think about it. :)
Don't think he is looking for advice...just opinions.
[puckers up]
Sounds to me like he is doing a pretty good job.
[unpuckers]
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Yeah, you'd be surprised that some of us folks here can actually maintain a serious train of thought and be able to put it into words without bashing the crap outta what someone else said :D
We ain't all that bad funked ;)
Though we do have out moments on this BBS *sigh-shakes head*
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I am 19 and will live with my father until I am 20. Then I will move out to another state. He is indifferent about me leaving or staying.
It a sweet deal for him. I pay all my stuff. I keep the house clean and everything working, including the cars. He never sees me, neither I him. I use a room that would otherwise be empty and gathering dust if I werent there.
So its like living in a house that cleans itself, and steals the booze from the cabinet from time to time.
Usually here if we stay to study, the colleges are pretty near, and our parent love us and dont see any reason why they should kick us out of the house.
The delinquent teens usually end up in jail anyways, so that problem sorts itself out.
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Last year my wife and I quit our jobs, sold our house, and moved from Colorado to Ohio. We are now living in the house that she grew up in, with her parents. We didn't want our kids growing up without really getting to know their grandparents. Life is actually better for my wife and I, our kids, and my in-laws in our multi generational household (ages 5 months to 82 years). My kids always have somone to: play with, read to them, watch them, talk to, teach them, love them, etc. We plan on buying a bigger house just down the street for all of us to live in.
As for the "making it on your own" thing, been there. I got my first real job when I was in Kindergarden. Later I mowed lawns, shined shoes, etc. In high school I started my own business. In college I loaned my parents money to buy a car and for the down payment on their house (now we're as poor as rocks). At age 29 I moved to Hawaii, out of the blue, and started all over. At age 30 I met my wife and we moved to Colorado, out of the blue, and started all over, together.
I think I'm done with starting all over...
eskimo
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Originally posted by funkedup
Rip you are asking a bunch of grown men who play computer games for advice on raising kids.
Think about it. :)
And your point? Sometimes we post to say "I think I'm going to do this...but if you were in my shoes, what would/have you done?" Always interesting hearing feedback...food for thought.
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Cool story Eskimo!
I hear back east alot of Jewish, Italian ( probably a dozen other nationalities) families live with 2nd and 3rd generation.
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Assuming you missed my earlier post on this point Rip. Yes they do, well Italian families like mine did anyway.
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Aaaa. Speechless.
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Two boys 9 and 10 Rip..
Education plans in place, Im close to several schools if they want to attend they can rent my basement. If they dont they better have a good plan cause they are not going to hang out here till they are 20 cleaning the house like some dead beat.
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I'm not living at home, I haven't for a long time.
When I graduated from high school, I rented my grandma's basement for $100.00 a month and attended school.
Now, I could move back in with my mother anytime I want....
'Course, I own the house she's living in, so that kinda invalidates "running home to mommy" part of the option.;)
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One of my 3 son's will be 18 next February. He's gotten himself into a tight spot in that he's now "repeating" the 9th grade. It's only half as bad as it sounds, I sent him through kindergarten a second time years ago because his first was in a DoD school overseas which was really no more than a daycare, we moved to Montana which has an excellent education system and he was way behind. He did great right up until the 9th grade then suddenly something I call "The dork factor" set in and his highest grade all year was a "D", it was a nightmare but all I could get out of him was "I don't like school". Anyway, now he's looking at being 21 when he graduates HS. He recently asked me about a GED (I knew that was coming). I know it sounds hard-assed but I told him that once he's 18 he's either in school or looking for a new roof to live under, no if's, and's or but's about it. He's doing very good in school now (go figure), however I'm still worried.
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Good luck tumor! It will turn out bud...
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Tumor,
Man that one's a toughy.
"The dork factor" didn't hit me till the 2nd semester in college...
Man, he might be able to leagally drink on graduation night! LOL.
I hope it all works out, I think you made the right call.
eskimo
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I started working at the age of 10, delivering advertisements for the local convenient store. I was payed $20 for delivering 1000 advertisements a week and I used the earnings to buy my first computer, a Commodore 64 which then cost $666 with the tape. A big bundle of money in 1983. Of course it was totally illegal to work that young but my mother supported me by signing me to the shop with her name/taxing information. I never got weekly allowance etc. either so work was my only option of getting cash.
During highschool I worked nights as a telemarketer and in one year I became the local foreman for the telemarketers.
After I finished high school I went to the army, losing my telemarketing job in the process. I was tired of it anyway. After the army I found a toejamty job (better than nothing and gave the excuse of moving away) from another town and moved away from my parents - we couldn't get along anymore because I like to listen to music, they didn't. We had constant fights about bass :)
Anyway, that started the most horrible period of my life switching from short toejamty job to another, being unemployed on and off for 4 years. I lived with the support of the government, $350/month and rent+electricity paid. Then I finally managed to find a steady job as a deliveryman/storage keeper in a local company. I worked my way up by taking up for my boss during his vacations and finally after solving many computer related problems, I was made the IT-contact person of the three offices in our region.
Of course then the company was sold and I got laid off. Fortunately I had made contacts during my working time and now I got a great job as a trainer / consultant for a software company.
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I dont know why some people here are so eager to throw their kids to the street, great parents they are.
What I am studying makes it very hard to have a full time job to pay rent, food, etc. So if my father would kick me out, he would effectively be ruining what I have planned for my future, cause I would have to put my studies aside in order to work and make money (hahaha if you wanna have a full time job and have good grades to be an astro-physicist in a respectable college).
Of course, he could pay an apartment for me, but what would be the point of that if I can live with him.
I think that if you have to kick your kids out of their homes to make some sort of stupid statement, you are just an awful parent. You dont need such drastic actions to teach responsability and independence. Just because you learned it that way doesnt mean its the right and only way.
But if you are 100% set to do it, make sure you let them know in advance that they will not be welcomed in their home so that they make plans accordingly, dont do it all of the sudden
"you are 18 now, go away"
"but dad, I have nowhere to go"
"I dont care, I am a macho father who wants to impress his peers with such huge determination as to kick his kids out. No go away before I get my gun"
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Pardon me not reading the whole thread, but I read most of it. I guess I'm what you could call a failure. I certainly think of myself that way just about all the time. I'm 24, still live at home. Been working full-time since 22 when I got out of school with a history degree. Bit of advice here- if your kid tells you he wants to major in history, tell him/her that they are a retard. Worked 30 hours a week through college to pay for it, worked 25-30 a week through high school to pay for my own car, own insurance, phone bill, internet access, computer, etc.
All that work, and I've still never had a job making more than $10 an hour. I don't know about where you guys live, but I live in Maryland. You cannot afford to live on your own unless you are making around 30 grand or so (or unless you are on welfare, but white people can't get on welfare.. no offense to anyone I hope, and I've never actually tried, but I've had a couple friends who did and got rejected... and one was friggin homeless).
I still haven't figure out what I want to do with my life. It is pathetic really.. I'm 24 and I've no more idea of what my 'master plan' is than I did when I was 12. I wanted to go into the police, failed the physical test and pretty much gave up. I don't honestly know what'd I'd do if my parents got sick of me leeching off them and kicked me out. Honestly.. no idea. You may want to think of that if you've got older children, well, adults... well.. offspring living in your house still.
I don't even know what'd I'd do if my parents actually came straight out and told me what I'm pretty sure they think about me all the time anyway. I don't think that me, or anyone, wants to stay with their parents for a long time.. but on the other hand, I've no idea what I need to be doing to get out. I work full time. Even working full-time, I bring home less than $1,000 a month after taxes and deductions at work.
Sorry for rambling... I guess I just wanted to possibly bring a different perspective into it.
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Urchin when I was 24 I was in a far worse situation than you. I was living on my own but earning nothing. I had to count every penny just to save money for food.
Keep your faith.. I considered suicide multiple times during those years. Now I have a wife, son and a steady job and can't complain much about anything. Except being shot down by buff gunners :P
If you keep trying, things will change.
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I got a few friends in your situation Urchin.
If my father kicked me out and put a cut on my college money, I know what I would do and I wouldnt starve. But I would never forgive him. I was kicked out of my house during my parent's divorce at 16; lived with friends, made a rock band to make whatever little money to pay for Chef Boyardee and Kool-Aid, and drugs. Lived that way for three months, and still went to school (military school, mind you)
I am not interested in that. I want nothing more in life than to get my comercial pilot lisence so I can finally make enough of my *OWN* money to afford going to MIT.
However if my father would tell me "I will still pay your studies but you have to make money for your house and food" I would have no problem with that. I am an independent person, no problem working hard for a living; I actuall enjoy it. I learned that a long time ago, leason learned, blah blah. I live with my father simply cause he is a good roomate.
If you want to make a statement by kicking your kids out of their home, you should re-check your methods. Unless of course, you are so bad a parent that it would be the only way of teaching them independence and how to live on their own.
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Originally posted by Ripsnort
Just curious...why? I'm "planning" my future when that day comes for my boys...personally, when I was 18, I packed up a suitcase full of clothes and with $100 found my dreams...I think the best thing that ever happened to me in my life was not only booting myself out of the house, but moving 1700 miles away (talk about taking yourself out of a comfort zone!)
My wife and I plan to move to Montana when the youngest turns 18. They're welcome to come with us, but meeting one of two conditions: A) You are working and paying us rent...or B) You are attending college or a trade school.
Is that too much to ask for? Incidently, they both will have a 6 figure bank account when we move(Started mutual funds for both when they were born), so I won't feel guilty about leaving them with no $$
Rip,
It is obvious that you and your wife love your kids. You are giving them something far more valuable than money. You are helping to teach them to grow into responsible adults.
I am sure in the beginning they might resent the choices given them, but in due time, they'll love and respect you and your wife all the more. Also you should make them pay for their own car insurance. They'll learn a lot faster the responsibilty of driving safely if they have to pay for their consequences.
A Big Sir! The best of luck to you and your family.
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Originally posted by Animal
I got a few friends in your situation Urchin.
If you want to make a statement by kicking your kids out of their home, you should re-check your methods. Unless of course, you are so bad a parent that it would be the only way of teaching them independence and how to live on their own.
Well if it makes you feel any better, all my kids are very aware that they will be housed, fed and clothed (with a small pricetag included post HighSchool, part time employment never hurt anyone) as long as they are getting an education. I just won't tolerate any of them dropping out of Highschool "because I don't like it" will not fly and at 18yrs of age they become legal adults. It's a simple equation: Stay in School or meet real life head on.
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Originally posted by Urchin
I still haven't figure out what I want to do with my life. It is pathetic really.. I'm 24 and I've no more idea of what my 'master plan' is than I did when I was 12. I wanted to go into the police, failed the physical test and pretty much gave up. I don't honestly know what'd I'd do if my parents got sick of me leeching off them and kicked me out. Honestly.. no idea. You may want to think of that if you've got older children, well, adults... well.. offspring living in your house still.
How far a commute would it be to the D.C. area? Man there's ton's of DoD GS jobs you could at least try for. You should be able to find something at the GS-9 level fairly easy. Comes with some dang good perks to, especially the part where after a year you basicly can't be fired lol.
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Originally posted by Tumor
Anyway, now he's looking at being 21 when he graduates HS. He recently asked me about a GED (I knew that was coming). I know it sounds hard-assed but I told him that once he's 18 he's either in school or looking for a new roof to live under, no if's, and's or but's about it. He's doing very good in school now (go figure), however I'm still worried.
Tumor,
I went to college when I had just turned 17 years old. So I was effectively way ahead of my years...the only positive thing I can say about my eductaion in the UK.
BUT....I was too young. I dropped out before the first year was over and went to work at a bank as a teller...wasn't making enough cash so I worked in the construction business for a few years. Before I knew it I was 21 and floundering.
I ended up going back to college and got a political science degree...one step up from a History degree...but only if you go to Law school. After graduating I worked and then went to school at night to get my accounting courses necesary to gain my designation.
What I am trying to say here is that you shouldn't worry about your son being 21 when he gets out of HS, as long as he decides to make something of himself.
Urchin,
I have a Poli-Sci degree, my best friend ended up with a History degree.
Both of us are now accountants.
But, don't think of it as a failure or anything, because once you find your chosed career you will find that you will have uses for your knowledge in the strangest of ways.
One of my best clients came to me after we had a long political argument over the collaspse of the Soviet Union. He liked my point of view and chose me over better qualified people because he knew we would have some interesting conversations in the future. Funny how some things work out.
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Originally posted by Animal
I dont know why some people here are so eager to throw their kids to the street, great parents they are.
What I am studying makes it very hard to have a full time job to pay rent, food, etc. So if my father would kick me out, he would effectively be ruining what I have planned for my future, cause I would have to put my studies aside in order to work and make money (hahaha if you wanna have a full time job and have good grades to be an astro-physicist in a respectable college).
Of course, he could pay an apartment for me, but what would be the point of that if I can live with him.
I think that if you have to kick your kids out of their homes to make some sort of stupid statement, you are just an awful parent. You dont need such drastic actions to teach responsability and independence. Just because you learned it that way doesnt mean its the right and only way.
But if you are 100% set to do it, make sure you let them know in advance that they will not be welcomed in their home so that they make plans accordingly, dont do it all of the sudden
"you are 18 now, go away"
"but dad, I have nowhere to go"
"I dont care, I am a macho father who wants to impress his peers with such huge determination as to kick his kids out. No go away before I get my gun"
In my case its not so much to get rid of them (Actually, thats the toughest thing to do concerning parents..) as it is to "teaching them to fly on their own" so to speak. Anytime you put someone out of their comfort zone, or as in several cases above, take yourself out of your comfort zone, you expand your horizons, learn, sometimes struggle, and you certainly do not stagnate holding onto mothers apron strings...
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I was a rebellious kid. I got into a fair amount of trouble. But I didn't leave home until I was 18. Dad said, "You are a man now. You will follow the rules, or leave." My dad was rigoristic. I didn't like his rules, and I never really followed them anyway.
I left. I had a Honda 450 motorcycle and a minimum wage job. I lived in a boarding house with 7 other various guys for $25 dollars a week. No private entrance. No cooking. One bathroom. It sucked. I was there for about a year before I got a decent one-bedroom apartment.
I eventually got a job, with the help of my dad, running a 50 lb jackhammer on a construction job (expansion of the McLouth Steel Mill) on the Detroit River, making big, big bucks. I knew then that I had to go to college, so I saved my money. I first had to go to a community college for remedial math and English. Then to WSU.
It wasn't until I left home that realised that I had been getting free food and free clothes all my life. And it wasn't until I left home that my dad and I started appreciating each other.
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Originally posted by Gunthr
It wasn't until I left home that realised that I had been getting free food and free clothes all my life. And it wasn't until I left home that my dad and I started appreciating each other.
Bingo! :)
Rebellious here too. 6 months after highschool while working as a roofer, I decided to leave home and persue my dream, working for Boeing (sounds corney, but at age 4 when I saw my first 707, I told my dad "I'm going to work for Boeing someday"...I don't remember this, but my dad does)
My father and I grew very close after I left.
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My parents died a year before I was born, so I was raised by opossums. By the time I was 2 years old I was too big to ride on my mother’s back, so she kicked me out of the tree. I got a job in a coal mine, worked 20 hours a day and went to elementary night school (days were 36 hours long back then). I never had any toys and my only pet was a swamp rat named Buster. But he got rabies and we had to kill him. When I was 12, I lied about my age and joined the marines and the army at the same time. With the money I saved from the service, supplemented by selling both kidneys, I put myself through college. Through hard work and sacrifice, I now own several South American countries. Not bad for someone starting out as a marsupial.
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rotflmao myelo :D
btw I'm still at home like for the previous 32 years ... but now it's mine :)
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LOL
When I was growing up, we were so poor that all we had in the house to eat was salt. We made salt soup out of it. It tasted ok, but it was a little too salty.
You could buy a 45 pound turkey for only 2 cents, but we didn't have the 2 cents.
We had to walk 27 miles to school. It was uphill both ways. Knee deep snow all year round. But we didn't complain. We were just happy that someone would teach us to read.
All we got on Christmas was maybe a stone, or a piece of coal. If you were lucky, you got a cardboard tube or a rubber band to play with . And we were glad to get it.
There wern't no good times when I was a boy. Even if there were, we didn't want any. We were too miserable. :)
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Urchin- you aren't alone. I worked with a guy who still lived at home and he was 23.
What you outta do is get a certification in a computing field. You're good with computers, right? Go to a community college and get a certification in networking or something. If you're near Anne Arundel, A.A.C.C. has some pretty good programs and teachers. That's where I'm at right now.
I'm going for an A.A. in Network Mgmt. Almost done with it actually- and it was pretty easy so far (but took 2 years). (IMO)
-SW
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Originally posted by Urchin
Pardon me not reading the whole thread, but I read most of it. I guess I'm what you could call a failure. I certainly think of myself that way just about all the time. I'm 24, still live at home. Been working full-time since 22 when I got out of school with a history degree. Bit of advice here- if your kid tells you he wants to major in history, tell him/her that they are a retard. Worked 30 hours a week through college to pay for it, worked 25-30 a week through high school to pay for my own car, own insurance, phone bill, internet access, computer, etc.
All that work, and I've still never had a job making more than $10 an hour. I don't know about where you guys live, but I live in Maryland. You cannot afford to live on your own unless you are making around 30 grand or so (or unless you are on welfare, but white people can't get on welfare.. no offense to anyone I hope, and I've never actually tried, but I've had a couple friends who did and got rejected... and one was friggin homeless).
I still haven't figure out what I want to do with my life. It is pathetic really.. I'm 24 and I've no more idea of what my 'master plan' is than I did when I was 12. I wanted to go into the police, failed the physical test and pretty much gave up. I don't honestly know what'd I'd do if my parents got sick of me leeching off them and kicked me out. Honestly.. no idea. You may want to think of that if you've got older children, well, adults... well.. offspring living in your house still.
I don't even know what'd I'd do if my parents actually came straight out and told me what I'm pretty sure they think about me all the time anyway. I don't think that me, or anyone, wants to stay with their parents for a long time.. but on the other hand, I've no idea what I need to be doing to get out. I work full time. Even working full-time, I bring home less than $1,000 a month after taxes and deductions at work.
Sorry for rambling... I guess I just wanted to possibly bring a different perspective into it.
But Urchin, you are "working and paying your way"...thats quite different from the kid that does not work, does not attend school, and lives at home. to you sir! your getting there! your wings are spread, you know how to fly, seems to me that the perfect landing spot will soon be in your future!
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Originally posted by myelo
My parents died a year before I was born, so I was raised by opossums. By the time I was 2 years old I was too big to ride on my mother’s back, so she kicked me out of the tree. I got a job in a coal mine, worked 20 hours a day and went to elementary night school (days were 36 hours long back then). I never had any toys and my only pet was a swamp rat named Buster. But he got rabies and we had to kill him. When I was 12, I lied about my age and joined the marines and the army at the same time. With the money I saved from the service, supplemented by selling both kidneys, I put myself through college. Through hard work and sacrifice, I now own several South American countries. Not bad for someone starting out as a marsupial.
ROTFLMAO!
Literally, this brought tears to my eyes.
eskimo
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Originally posted by Gunthr
LOL
When I was growing up, we were so poor that all we had in the house to eat was salt. We made salt soup out of it. It tasted ok, but it was a little too salty.
You could buy a 45 pound turkey for only 2 cents, but we didn't have the 2 cents.
We had to walk 27 miles to school. It was uphill both ways. Knee deep snow all year round. But we didn't complain. We were just happy that someone would teach us to read.
All we got on Christmas was maybe a stone, or a piece of coal. If you were lucky, you got a cardboard tube or a rubber band to play with . And we were glad to get it.
There wern't no good times when I was a boy. Even if there were, we didn't want any. We were too miserable. :)
Gunther,
This too brought tears to my eyes, .
eskimo
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Urchin,
One day life is about as crappy as it can get and the next day you wake up and it's still crappy. On and on it goes, crappy day after crappy day, year after year untill you make a drastic change or good fortune comes your way. For me the real change came the day I met my wife. Being poor but with a great family beats the hell out of having a great paying job. Don't expect a great job to fix all that's missing in your life.
Give the cop thing another try. You seem like a good guy and you can make it happen. Go talk to a few police officers, find out exactly what it takes and work at it. You are still very young!
At one point I really wanted to be a firefighter. I earned a degree in fire science, applied and tested for fire jobs, worked out, etc. Ironically, the process took over 2 years. So I went back to school again and became certified to teach. The week before I got my first teaching job, I was offered a job as a firefighter. I wanted to be a teacher more than I wanted to be a firefighter, so I opted to teach.
Since then I've learned that you can't raise a family on a teacher's salary, so I'm back to square one, looking for a decent job.
My point is, like you I still don't know what I want to do as a career, and I'm 37. So what, there's so much more to life than work.
eskimo
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Originally posted by Urchin
Blah blah blah... Bit of advice here- if your kid tells you he wants to major in history, tell him/her that they are a retard
Blah blah blah... All that work, and I've still never had a job making more than $10 an hour. I don't know about where you guys live, but I live in Maryland. blah blah blah...
Dude, I was a History Major for a few months. Figured that one out long before graduation though lol. Unless you plan to go the distance (PhD) I wouldn't recomend History for anyone.
Where in MD do you live? I might have something opening up here at work. Not sure of all the details, and it might not be anything but if you can point and click you could be qualified! lol. Anyhow, send me an email.
-Sikboy