Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Ripsnort on June 04, 2002, 09:38:30 AM
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http://in.news.yahoo.com/020603/64/1pead.html
Sexually frustrated dolphin sparks alert in UK
LONDON (Reuters) - Swimmers have been warned to stay away from a sexually frustrated
dolphin off an English seaside resort after it tried to lure unwary humans out to sea in a bid to
mate with them.
The Times newspaper said on Tuesday that the bottlenose dolphin, nicknamed Georges, had
arrived off Weymouth, Dorset, about two months ago after following a trawler across the
Channel.
"This dolphin does get very sexually aggressive. He has already attempted to mate with some
divers," U.S. marine mammal expert Ric O'Barry told the paper.
"When dolphins get sexually excited, they try to isolate a swimmer, normally female. They do
this by circling around the individual and gradually move them away from the beach, boat or
crowd of people."
O'Barry said the dolphin, which weighs an estimated 400 lbs (180 kg), would get very excited
and rough and try to mate with the swimmer, possibly causing them to drown.
The dolphin also has a fascination for boat propellers and has been injured several times. But it has resisted attempts to move to less-populated waters,
the paper said.
Since his arrival at Weymouth, Georges has become a major attraction at the seaside resort with thousands of people taking to the sea in boats to watch
him play.
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"Gee, is that his fin sticking out of the water?"
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If anyone's ever read Carl Hiaasen a certain hilarious scene should come to mind immediately.
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Fatty, you beat me by that one post!!! ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!!! Hiasson....haha..
Masher
Hey Rip, welcome back, forgot to write it yesterday!
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This dolphin is just begging to get harpooned..
Originally posted by Fatty
If anyone's ever read Carl Hiaasen a certain hilarious scene should come to mind immediately.
Wich book?
Sick Puppy was hilarious I want to read more from him.
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O'Barry said the dolphin, which weighs an estimated 400 lbs (180 kg), would get very excited
and rough and try to mate with the swimmer, possibly causing them to drown.
I'd think the drowning bit would be the least of the swimmer's worries if a rough and "excited" 400 lb animal was attempting penetration!
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I on a small boat ferrying plumbers and electricians back to the main island at the end of a day when they were working on our house in the Carribean. Suddenly a wild dolphin came flying out of the water about a hundred yards away...he was taking a look to see where the boat was, as he could hear it under the water. He the headed over to us and came out of the water right beside the boat..almost landing in it. We all got wet, and I had to cut the engine to avoid hitting him with the prop.
I always wanted to swim with dolphins so I prepared to jump in with him. I got on the side of the boat and was about to jump when the dolphin cruised past the side of the boat. I immediately hesitated...it was frikin HUGE. I jumped anyway and swam around with the dolphin for about five minutes before he got bored and took off. I gotta say that if he was "interested" in me there would have been very little I could do about it...he was big and clearly very, very strong.
I would have been his "squeak" within ten seconds.
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Originally posted by Curval
I would have been his "squeak" within ten seconds.
hahaha, sounds like a real horrorshow time Curval.
Ive never spotted wild dolphins around the shores here, but a few huge whales off the west coast. Needless to say, I had no interesting in testing their sexuality.
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Animal, that is from Native Tongue. Pretty much any of them are worth reading though, lucky you wasn't really as good but that's only compared to his other stuff, still up there on some of the best warped humor I've read. If you liked Sick Puppy you really can't go wrong picking up anything he's authored (but watch the coauthor stuff, where he lends his name to something just to help out the real author).
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Originally posted by Fatty
Animal, that is from Native Tongue. Pretty much any of them are worth reading though, lucky you wasn't really as good but that's only compared to his other stuff, still up there on some of the best warped humor I've read. If you liked Sick Puppy you really can't go wrong picking up anything he's authored (but watch the coauthor stuff, where he lends his name to something just to help out the real author).
Thanks Shakespeare
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Sure thing Tyson.
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Animal it's "horosho". Means good in Rooskie.
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Originally posted by funkedup
Animal it's "horosho". Means good in Rooskie.
Hehe, I'm quoting 'A Clockwork Orange'
The Author uses lots of Russian words for the book (and movie) and he just plain changed horosho to Horrorshow for the movie, wich is pretty cool and I use it all the time.
Curval knows this, he is one of my horrorshow droogies :cool:
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Does it actually say "horrorshow" in the book?
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Hmm...and how about the other way around? :eek:
http://www.dolphinsex.org/
SOB
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Originally posted by funkedup
Does it actually say "horrorshow" in the book?
Dont know, but its 'Horrorshow' in the movie. Alex the droogie twists words around to make them sound l33t on this ultra-violent version of the future.
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"It was only a slight "tolchock"..she were breathing I swear it"
"trying to make up our "rasudocks" what to do "
"lonticks" of toast
A rather intolerable pain in the "gulliver" sir..should be right as rain this after-lunch
Lots of Russian in A Clockwork Orange....
I didn't think horrorshow was one of them...but clearly it is..
"The Durango purred along real horrorshow!"
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sob that link is very disturbing... lol
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Originally posted by SOB
Hmm...and how about the other way around? :eek:
http://www.dolphinsex.org/
SOB
It is interesting to note that the times I have mated with females, they have timed their
orgasm to mine. Whether they do this consciously or not, I do not know, but it is a great feeling to have two bodies shuddering against each other at the one time.
That is truly sick. (shudders)
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Originally posted by Tac
sob that link is very disturbing... lol
Well, now we know how Aquaman came into the world...
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Originally posted by LePaul
Well, now we know how Aquaman came into the world...
LOL...he "used" to be my favourite Super Friend..now I'm not so sure.
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LOL...talk about your crotch smelling like bad fish....hehehe, sorry sorry, I thought for sure someone use would say that!
Perhaps its worth checking out those bloopers and outtakes from "Flipper" :D
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(http://www.bimmerfest.com/forums/images/smilies/rofl.gif)
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You know how sometimes you get upset that the people policing your neighborhood are a bunch of fat donut critics who spend most of their time trying to trick you into speeding tickets? It could be worse. They could be Aquaman. Imagine being in a burning building, and the person sent to rescue you shows up in his underwear on a giant seahorse. Or worse, standing on two flying fish with leashes (above right). But don't worry, while you're burning alive, your rescuer has the fantastic ability to TALK with those fish he's using as shoes. You might as well cover yourself in gasoline and try to get it over with quick.
If Rodney Dangerfield made Super Friend jokes: I tell ya, I tell ya, this guy, Aquaman, he gets no respect. He gets captured so often, he started paying supervillains rent. (continued below)
Even if Aquaman's lucky enough to have his existence justified with a fluke underwater adventure, he's still almost useless. Sure, he doesn't have to wear a globe on his head to breathe like his pals, but they can still shoot lasers and lightning bolts. Aqua Man does things like send a school of little fish against a submarine. There are rare times when he remembers he can call something tough like a whale or a shark -- usually when they're in some freshwater lake or a swimming pool. And you don't have to be a marine biologist to know that's diddlyed up.
And that's Aquaman in his element. You get him on dry land and he has trouble vacuuming the house. Don't get me wrong, if you need to find out how much your goldfish enjoys its new flakes, there's no one more qualified. But if you're trying to fight crime, breathing underwater doesn't come in very handy. I've yet to get mugged and have my attacker say, "Give me your wallet and your shoes... UNLESS you can hold your head in this aquarium for five minutes!"
Plus, Aquaman forgets he has powers all the time. He'll be going for a swim, and for no reason, a disgruntled octopus will try to kill him. I guess they hate him as much as we do. So what do you do when an octopus attacks you? Maybe you'd try to get free, punch the thing, or panic until you choke and die. Maybe you'd get out your camera and hope your death can get passed around the internet by bored office workers. Aquaman is the only person on the planet who can just ask the octopus to stop killing him, and it usually takes him 30 or 40 seconds of wiggling and talking to himself before he remembers. And sometimes he never does. Instead of demanding it let go of his neck, he'll call over another fish to bonk it with its head. I've never been choked by an octopus, but I think panicking is probably a better idea than that.
And are fish really worth talking to? Our genius scientists taught that gorilla sign language, and do you know what we learned? "Banana is pretty! Banana make gorilla happy!" I'm going to say what we already know: we're not going to learn toejam from animals. I guess we could teach a cat to talk to find out what amazinhunks taste like without having to go to prison. Maybe dogs could let us know if it's a good idea to make food that turns into "gravy" when you add water, but what would anyone learn from fish? "Sunken toy castle is adventure! Big fish equal danger!" Fish don't know anything. It was probably a damn fish that talked Aquaman into getting that belt buckle. Unless he's been shopping with truck drivers.
I said he has to PAY SUPERVILLAINS RENT! Oh, I tell ya, he gets captured so often, the villains keep cans of tuna on hand so he'll always have a cellmate.
You probably noticed how the Super Friends spend most of their day standing in front of their TV waiting for a crisis to pop up. Seventy percent of the time, it's this image (right). When they first formed the Super Friends, they had a good time making office pools on how long it would take until they had to rescue Aquaman again. Now it's just part of the day's scheduled events. Their day goes breakfast, arts and crafts, Earth Science, Batman's Bat-Tips, Lunch, free time, rescue Aquaman, lecture Aquaman, crisis prevention, song practice, rescue Aquaman, punch Aquaman, dinner.
SUPER RATING: 1
He sometimes added some drama. If the team was just Superman and Wonder Woman, the show would be over in 20 seconds. When they send Aquaman to do something, they can stretch a show out as long as they need to. If they had thirty minutes to kill between moral lessons, that's just about exactly how long it takes for Aquaman to find and subdue some 8 year old shoplifters that fled into a phone booth.
The jetski was a little bit sad too. What the hell was it for? Superman didn't have a handglider. Apache Chief didn't have a wheelchair. When your super powers are swimming well and riding fish, I say use them whenever you can. The jetski's nicer on your crotch than the spiny back of a seahorse, but when are you going to get a chance to use your powers again? In the bathtub? Is the Aqua Jetski just you trying to see what life is like for us non-fish people, Aquaman? If that's what it is, the first step to blending in is taking off the damn chainmail pajamas. It doesn't seem to help protect you anyway, I've seen you get knocked unconscious by a heavy wind.
One of his other underwater "powers" was making water balls and throwing them at people. I probably don't have to explain how deadly it is to get somebody wet when they're at the bottom of the ocean. The only reason Aquaman even got a one on his SUPER RATING is because as pathetic as he is, he's still more useful than Marvin, Wendy, and that diddlying dog in the cape. I would still pick his fish bellybutton for my kick ball team after my grandma, though.
And reviews of the Superfriends http://www.seanbaby.com/super.htm
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Seanbaby is da bomb! :D
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Animal, the correct pronunciation of "horosho" sounds a lot like a limey saying "horrorshow". I think you are confused by foreign languages and invented a BS English spelling.
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Dolphin males have a prehensile noodle. They can wrap it around objects, and carry them as such.)
Me too!
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Originally posted by funkedup
Me too!
They were talking noodle not hemmoroids.
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Originally posted by funkedup
Animal, the correct pronunciation of "horosho" sounds a lot like a limey saying "horrorshow". I think you are confused by foreign languages and invented a BS English spelling.
Then how do you explain the subtitles on the DVD and the VHS, and even the movie script?
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ALEX (V.O.)
The Durango-95 purred away real horrorshow ó a nice, warm vibraty feeling all through your guttiwuts. Soon it was trees and dark, my brothers, with real country dark. We fillied around for a while with other travelers of the night, playing hogs of the road. Then we headed west, what we were after now was the old surprise visit, that was a real kick and good for laughs and lashing of the ultra-violent.
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GEORGIE
Brother, you think and talk sometimes like a little child. Tonight we pull a mansize crast.
ALEX
Good. Real horrorshow. Initiative comes to them as waits. I've taught you much, my little droogies. Now tell me what you have in mind, Georgie Boy.
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DR. BRANOM
Well, of course, it was horrible. Violence is a very horrible thing. That's what you're learning now. Your body is learning it.
ALEX
I just don't understand about feeling sick the way I did. I never used to feel sick before. I used to feel like the very opposite. I mean, doing it or watching it, I used to feel real horrorshow. I just don't understand why, how or what.
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Anyways, back to the dolphin-diddlying discussion.
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Originally posted by SOB
Hmm...and how about the other way around? :eek:
http://www.dolphinsex.org/
SOB
Well, after visiting this link, it's clear that this dolphin is only trying to bring balance to nature on his own :D:D:D:D:D
Daniel
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"Hung like a dolphin"?
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Hey Udie Ya know the picture of that fish you posted? The one your roommate caught and you guys had for dinner? I did her.
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Heh!
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Originally posted by Elfenwolf
Hey Udie Ya know the picture of that fish you posted? The one your roommate caught and you guys had for dinner? I did her.
LOL!!!:D :D :D
You crack me up sometimes Elfenwolf..........that was the pick where Udie forgeot to put away his recreational equipment. I didn't check out the fish though...I assume "she" was cute?
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Anyways, back to the dolphin-diddlying discussion.
I really want to put this in my sig but I don't want to make HTC mad at me.
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Without reading the previous threads, I would say in most cases it is worse when humans mate with humans. Cracker spawn everywhere.
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Prehensile 'roids eh?
Could come in handy in prison.
"Prepare to repel boarders!"
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Originally posted by funkedup
Prehensile 'roids eh?
Could come in handy in prison.
"Prepare to repel boarders!"
ROTFLOL!
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Originally posted by Ripsnort
"When dolphins get sexually excited, they try to isolate a swimmer, normally female. They do this by circling around the individual and gradually move them away from the beach, boat or
crowd of people."
I have often done the same thing, but always female as opposed to normally female.