Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Airscrew on June 13, 2002, 12:12:40 PM
-
My Dad sent me these this morning, old jokes but funny enough to share:
During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another vehicle stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."
*****
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone,
"Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."
Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."
*****
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.
One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. I f it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon."
*****
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"
Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
*****
Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.
Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot! .
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
*****
Three Marines were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
The first Marine said, "Those are deer tracks."
The second Marine said, "No, those are elk tracks."
The third Marine said "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."
The Marines were still arguing when the train hit them.
*****
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman. "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss! on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"
-
I know its from another joke.. but I did do it in the dorm too.
Me: Hello?
Voice: Hello?!? Is that any way to answer a phone?!? Do you know who this is?!?
Me: No... do you know who this is?
Voice: No
AKDejaVu
-
Oh man do I remember the day room phones in the dorms. Phones ringing and ringing, especially Fridays and Saturdays.
Typical call would be like this, (after about 20 rings)
"Hello"
"Hi, I need to talk to Joe"
"who is this?"
"Joe's girlfriend"
"Hangon"
Lay down phone and go back to watching TV. After about 5 minutes pick phone up and see if caller is still there.
"Hello"
"Joe?"
"No Joe's not here, his roomate says he left about an hour ago said he had a date"
"Oh"
using concern in voice "Do you what me to leave a note on the door?"
"Sure, tell him Susan called."
"ok"
Hangup, dont leave note, go back to watching TV.