Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => Aces High General Discussion => Topic started by: sprint on December 22, 2001, 08:00:00 PM
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IS THERE A SANTA CLAUS?
1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs,this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa
doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average(census) rate of 3.5 children per household,that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good
child in each.
3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings,distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been
left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc. This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second-a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.
4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized Lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds.
Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the
normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200
reindeer. This increases the payload - not even counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison - this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.
5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create
deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized
within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.
In conclusion - If Santa ever DID TRY to deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he will .... ?
You Must Believe in Magic
Merry Christmas!
:D
Sprint
[ 12-22-2001: Message edited by: sprint ]
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Well, yeah, except Santa is magic. I mean even children know that. :)
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Thrawn ... Your logic is better ... I changed my ending. Merry Xmas
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I stopped believing in Santa when I realised it was just a drunk, smelly fat bastard behind that white beard. That was last year when I saw a bloke dressed as Santa down the pub.
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Merry Xmas sprint.
FDSS, if I dress up as the easter bunny, does that make me the easter bunny, or some guy dressed up as the easter bunny? Merry Xmas.
:)
[ 12-22-2001: Message edited by: Thrawn ]
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I know there is a StSanta, :)
But his behind doesn't fit through a chimney :D
Merry Christmas All !!!
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Originally posted by Thrawn:
Merry Xmas sprint.
FDSS, if I dress up as the easter bunny, does that make me the easter bunny, or some guy dressed up as the easter bunny? Merry Xmas.
:)
[ 12-22-2001: Message edited by: Thrawn ]
dunno...If the easter bunny wore your clothes. Would he be you? :D
MERRY XMAS EVERYONE ;) ;)
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Everyone knows that Santa comes from Korvatunturi, Finland. There's huge amount of tourists at Rovaniemi right now (from lots of countries). Well, Danish ppl tried to steal real santa claiming that he's from Denmark, LOL, what a pathetic try! But they formed up their own santa which became a StSanta. There are few things were you can know wether it's real or feak-freak StSanta:
- If you rise his frocks hem, you can find there a weird looking leather underwear, ornated with images of sheeps. But be aware, he may misinterpret that action and start his own "actions"...
- He has incredibly large "backside"
- He speaks weird hearing language, mixed from Denmark, English and Germany
<S> To Santa and StSanta!
:D
Happy holidays to everyone!
--------------------
vector
XO 348th FG "Kearby's Thunderbolts"
[ 12-23-2001: Message edited by: vector ]
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I stopped believing in Santa when I realised it was just a drunk, smelly fat bastard behind that white beard.
Holy schmokes.. that IS shocking..!
I never knew Santa was a FDB :D... Wait?? Santa's a FDB? I thought he wore tight slim leather underware... :confused:.. what's going on here?? There's definately a conspiracy at work here.
- AH X-Files: Case reopened -
:)
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TIME IS RELATIVE!!!! The faster santa moves, the slower his clock will go! He will make it and have spare time, but he will be too fast for the human eye. And Santa is NORWEGIAN and not finnish! Have there ever been any finnish people on the poles (any of them)? No!
The dreadful scam going on in Rovaniemi will be punished! How would santa traverse european and american airspace without being a NATO member! If Santa was finnish, ALL the reindeer would have red noses and smell of vodka!!!
Tired of all the lies and deception : Eagerly awaiting Santa! Merry Christmas, everybody! :D
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Bah. I've beaten that fat, drunk no good no sheep shagging impotent Finnish socalled Santa plenty of times.
By the time he's on his third keg of beer, he cannot even shag his own reindeer.
Everyone knows Santa lives in the North Pole. Everyone exept the Finnish santa, who has a condo in Spain where he spends his time trying to digest Viagra pills, with little success.
No, it's time for ME tos tep up to teh cause. Sneaking down chimneys, robbing people of their belongings, having sex with their pets and ensure that the kids have nightmares about fat men in g-strings for the rest of their lives.
To quote Bruce Willis in Die Hard: "Ho ho ho motherdiddlyers"
:D
<S!> all, and Happy Yuletide! Celebrate Winter Solstice, yuletide, that poor chap that was killed by the Romans or any odd thing that pops into your mind.
Just remember: I'll be out there.
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Oh,a and Rudolph was designed by Kurt Tank, hence the speed needed isn't a problem.
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Are you guys saying *gulp* santa claus isnt real??? :( :o :(
[ 12-24-2001: Message edited by: Am0n ]
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I was listening to Cheech and Chongs Christmas song a few minutes ago...love it! Its old, but hilarious!
"How do the reindeer fly?" "Oh, magic dust!. A little for the reindoors, some for Santa...a little more for Santa..."
Merry Christmas!
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Even Santa's 45th wife knows there "IS" a Santa Clause! But again that may depend on your difinition of what "IS" is! :D
(http://www.applink.net/thunder/spoof/xmasburqua.jpg)