Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Eagler on July 29, 2002, 08:23:35 AM
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Why Dogs are better than Wives
1. The later you are, the more excited they are to see you.
2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don't hate it.
4. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
5. A dog's disposition stays the same all month long.
6. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
7. A dog's parents never visit.
8. Dogs do not hate their bodies.
9. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
10. Dogs like to do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet or desk.
11. Dogs seldom outlive you.
12. Dogs can't talk.
13. Dogs enjoy petting in public.
14. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24-hours a day.
15. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.
16. Dogs like to go hunting.
17. Another man will seldom steal your dog.
18. If you bring another dog home, your dog will happily play with both of you.
19. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died would you get another dog?"
20. If you pretend to be blind, your dog can stay in your hotel room for free.
21. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
22. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
23. A dog won't hold out on you to get a new car.
24. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad, they just think it's interesting.
25. On a car trip, your dog never insists on running the heater.
26. Dogs don't let magazine articles guide their lives.
27. When your dog gets old, you can have it put to sleep.
28. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
29. Dogs are not allowed in Bloomingdale's or Neiman- Marcus.
30. If a dog leaves, it won't take half your stuff
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THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half
discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.
Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well
developed and open to trade especially for someone with cash.
Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot,
relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France. Gently
aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, she is like Yugoslavia, lost
the war - haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now
necessary.
Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, very wide
and borders are unpatrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with
a glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future.
After 70, they become Afghanistan. Most everyone
knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF MAN
Between 15 and 70 a man is like Iraq - ruled by a
dick.
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:)
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ROFL!
the dog one is so true!
:D :) :D :)
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Why women are better than dogs:
1. Sex
Its OK to love your dog... but not to LOVE your dog.
AKDejaVu
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A bi Brazilian hotty with a typical Brazilian bunda whos father owns a liquor store.
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There you go.
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Originally posted by XNachoX
There you go.
Can someone check her ID? I feel like a Dirty Old Man and I'm just 37.
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I used to work in a liquor store and had to check IDs all the time. She looks 18 to me :D
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Thats nachos daughter.. she is only 14 ;)
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Off on a tangent here but...
>I used to work in a liquor store and had to check IDs all the
>time. She looks 18 to me
So did I, used to work at a liquor store when I was a teen. Most depressing situation and job I had ever had. Had to watch the same people come in day to day or whatever there alcoholic state was and buy liquor. There is a difference between an alcoholic and a regular person. The challenging part was memorizing all of the prices of all of the booze in the store. The scary part was that you could have a gun in your face on any given weekend with all that cash around and a history of being robbed twice already (I wasnt there when it happened though).
:eek:
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Very true. I've worked some toejamty jobs but the most depressing one was in the liquor store. People were identified by brand names:
"Here comes the House of Stewart squeak. Can't believe she already polished off the 1/2 gallon she bought yesterday."
Very frustrating for a pro-legalization of pot guy like myself to watch a state-sanctioned booze enterprise enable people to kill themselves oh so slowly everyday.
On the other hand, working in that hole helped me get my first computer job. One of the frequent boozers that came in owned a tech company. I always made a point of leaving computer books and magazines all over my counter. After several months and a few conversations, he hired me to admin his network. Schwing! :cool:
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Originally posted by Morgoth
Very true. I've worked some toejamty jobs but the most depressing one was in the liquor store. People were identified by brand names:
"Here comes the House of Stewart squeak. Can't believe she already polished off the 1/2 gallon she bought yesterday."
Very frustrating for a pro-legalization of pot guy like myself to watch a state-sanctioned booze enterprise enable people to kill themselves oh so slowly everyday.
On the other hand, working in that hole helped me get my first computer job. One of the frequent boozers that came in owned a tech company. I always made a point of leaving computer books and magazines all over my counter. After several months and a few conversations, he hired me to admin his network. Schwing! :cool:
The day you got that job was a good day for the 900th :)
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Hehe, I was a heart muncher long before I was actually getting paid to play around with computers. In fact one of the conversations I had with my boss-to-be was about WarBirds and my love of the Ensign Eliminator :D
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LOL! This thread is one hell of a windy road. What was the original post about again? (no fair peaking).
AKDejaVu
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Originally posted by Eagler
Why Dogs are better than Wives
19. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died would you get another dog?"
I just about fell out of my chair with that one!
My wife actually did that, but it wasn't at night - it was during a long car ride when I was about to doze off. My answer? "I sure would. And if I died I'd want you to marry again too, because Life is to short to spend it in loneliness." I scored some big-time Husband Points with that one.
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Originally posted by AKDejaVu
Why women are better than dogs:
1. Sex
The rules of the game change when the ring goes on the finger. Before marriage, sex was a recreational sport to be enjoyed any time, at leisure. After marriage, you're doing it for a reason, and that kind of takes the fun out of it. "No, not tonight; I won't peak until Monday." Argh!
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Wait until she's 35. It'll change... with a vengeance.
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A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought
a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer
agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry
son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died."
Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money
back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent
it already."
Kenny said, "OK then, at least give me the donkey."
The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"
Kenny, "I'm going to raffle him off."
Farmer, " You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
Kenny, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell
anybody he is dead."
A month later, the farmer met up with Kenny and
asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?
Kenny, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at
two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898."
Farmer, "Didn't anyone complain?"
Kenny, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two
dollars back."
Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of
Enron.