Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Urchin on September 18, 2002, 03:27:13 PM
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Would that make me suicidal? Thinking about stealing something doesn't make you a thief.
Honestly though, I'm starting to feel more and more like I don't fit in, I never will fit in, and I'm tired of being a complete and utter failure. Apparently there is just something wrong with me. I'm not quite sure what though.
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That's cause at heart your want to fly a spitty.;)
Get professional help, it can't hurt and will probably help.
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Get help.
I'm not joking.
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Call Eli Lilly and Company (http://www.prozac.com), we have another one!
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(officially off the record)
Umm, speaking as a manic depressive (which I am) don't do what you're thinking about doing. Believe me I've tried it, and as soon as you start bleeding profusely you wonder what the hell you were thinking. Everytime I feel the way you do, I just look at that 1/2 inch scar on my leg from my dagger being jammed into it. I got help for my depression, I see a therapist and I take Celexa and I feel better now then I ever have. The best advice I could give is don't do it, and talk to a friend, family member, therapist, squad member, anything. Everyone feels like they don't fit in at times. The ones who brave it are still alive to tell others about it.
(officially back on the record)
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Recreate yourself.
You wanna be dead? BANG! You're dead.
Well not really. Just the guy you used to be is dead.
Now you've got to get a new identity, maybe rebuild your life into the way you think it should be. What needs to be changed? Get a new job, after all, you can't keep being your old self at your old job. Don't have a job? Go get one. After all, your old self was unemployed. The guy you want to be will need some walking-around money so he can get the things your old self wished he had.
Ok, so take stock of what you have that you can carry over into your new identity. Count your friends, your family, unless you think they're holding you back, keeping you from being your new self. You'll also need a direction. What does your new self want to do? You certainly don't want to make the mistakes your old self made. Otherwise, you might as well just be your old self.
My 4-year-old nephew is interesting. He's got these Lego building blocks. He'll spend time building up this giant conglomeration of pieces and set it on the coffee table. Eventually, someone will knock into the table and topple his project, sending it into bits and pieces. He'll cry about it, and wail about how his project was ruined. And then I'll show him how to make it better, sturdier, so he can build the project taller and bigger. Then, that's just what he does. Until it topples over again and he creates something new.
Maybe that's what you need to do. Just pick up the pieces and build something better.
Maybe you just need get involved in a different project, or a new hobby. Go out and try different things. It's my opinion that too much time online can be pretty depressing.
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Originally posted by Urchin
Would that make me suicidal? Thinking about stealing something doesn't make you a thief.
Honestly though, I'm starting to feel more and more like I don't fit in, I never will fit in, and I'm tired of being a complete and utter failure. Apparently there is just something wrong with me. I'm not quite sure what though.
Maybe, maybe not. You don't even know yourself, impossible for anyone on this bbs to know. Get help, you owe it to those that care about you.
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Read Udie's thread ....
If he can pull through it, anyone can :)
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Originally posted by Urchin
Would that make me suicidal? Thinking about stealing something doesn't make you a thief.
Honestly though, I'm starting to feel more and more like I don't fit in, I never will fit in, and I'm tired of being a complete and utter failure. Apparently there is just something wrong with me. I'm not quite sure what though.
You couldn't be more wrong than me man! I went to seek profesional help and it ended up hurting me. BUT defenately go talk to a therapist. They can help you narrow down what's "not right" Then you can fix it :) Don't do like I did and sit and brood on it until it consumes your every thought. That's what I did and it ended up hurting me worse and my family.
I found I felt a LOT better after I just talked to the therapist and told them my "problems". Then to find out that other people thought the same way about themselves as I do/did myself, WOW that was an eye opener. I felt much better after each therapy. The drugs they gave me only made me insane for a week, so I'm weary of those now.
man I hope you get to feeling better. If you want to ask me anything about my recent experience or any other questions just email me at home. spmcnulty@austin.rr.com
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i can only reiterate what others have already told you. seek professional help. maybe get on some anti-depression meds.
suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem !!!!!
keep that in mind
good luck.
Zap
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Why not join the army and make yourself usefull.
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Urchin,
Im not sure whether or not to make fun of this post or treat it seriously...
Are you being serious? If so, Im sure we're all here for whatever advice you may need.
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i look on life as sort of a game and a challange with the goal to get to the end(whenever that is) in a resonable fashion, life is full of options, forks in the road everwhere, and suicide is one of the options, however suicide is a ONE TIME OPTION, once you disco you can't log back in.
yeah , i've thought about suicide from time to time, but i have always vetoed the idea.
talking about you problems with others is always a good idea, if you feel you need help get it , don't wait
44MAG
best wishes
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Im just kidding you dude. Hopefully you dont own a gun. Go talk to a doctor but dont start taking any meds. I had a GF a long time ago that said that to me. She went to a DR and they gave her a pill. She took one pill and freaked out. Never took it again. Everything worked out naturally later on. Hope you find your solution with a DRs advice.
EDIT:
What happen to Udie just makes me realize again that brain meds arent always the best thing.
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Urchin,
http://www.1000deaths.com/
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don't be so hard on yourself.... everyone loved your artwork.
besides... I like ya. That should be enough for anyone. Oh.... and....think about this... your not voss.
lazs
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Maybe I haven't flown for a while, but what is the Voss stuff all of a sudden? :confused:
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Assuming you are a young man.
Take a deep breath and remember the most important advice I've ever heard:
No matter how big you think your problems are, there are a billion people in China that don't give a toejam.
PS. That is supposed to make you laugh, then think.
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Urchin go to the emergency room at a hospital right now, and tell them what you are thinking. Be totally honest with them. And do whatever they say.
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i think someone is trolling/craving attention;)
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If your thinking about doing it you are more or less normal . If you start PLANING HOW TO DO IT , go and seek help . Planning how to kill yourself is NOT in any way normal .
The joke about prozac is not in good taste , it's a good drug that helps alot of people . It won't make you "freaked out" either for gods sake .
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Originally posted by Urchin
Would that make me suicidal? Thinking about stealing something doesn't make you a thief.
Honestly though, I'm starting to feel more and more like I don't fit in, I never will fit in, and I'm tired of being a complete and utter failure. Apparently there is just something wrong with me. I'm not quite sure what though.
Unfortunatly I know exactly what you mean. I've come to the conclusion that the world sucks, and people are complete idiots. I've been putting off "growing up" for as long as possible, once I can no longer doing it that'll probably be it for me.
One point though, killing yourself over something that just happened, or your feelings at the moment is just stupid. Once someone makes a decision to kill themselves, they should wait at least 1 year, if after that year they still want to, go ahead.
(I assume) Everyone thinks about suicide at some point in thier lives. You're not suicidal untill you'd actually do it.
Shame to all the selfish amazinhunks who would rather have thier loved ones suffer than live without them.
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Eh. sure, I think about suicide; but the thoughts end up "not an option". If we've got brains and have reached a certain age, we think about our own mortality and how close we are to it. A couple weeks ago I was hurtling at 100 mph down a freeway, and it struck me one swerve of the wheel and it'd all be over.
But, yeah, I sure as hell ain't gonna kill myself.
Certainly depression is quite common; it's a physical illness and there is help for it.
The way I see it, the more complex the system, the more opportunities there are for it to fail. So depression is a sign of belonging to the elite. You think you feel bad? think about the poor shmucks who've never felt the way you have.
Me, the cure for my depression would be regular "female attention" and exercise.
Come to think of it, if I got regular exercise...
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I knew a certain leather-clad LostWaffle needed a hug...
but I ain't homo enuff to do it, I'll send Animal over to your house..
-SW
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:D
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Curious here... how many of you guys that are thinking about doing yourselves in believe in God?
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Kieran, I doubt any of them do. Otherwise they'd realize just how precious God's Gift of Life is to all of us. I appreciate every drop of rain, every gust of wind, every ray of sunshine and every sunrise and sunset because I believe my time here is a gift from God. I would rather be broke, destitute and hungover than dead. Being dead sucks.
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"Suddenly I viddied what I had to do, and what I had wanted to do and that was to do myself in, to snuff it, to blast off forever out of this wicked cruel world. One moment of pain perhaps and then sleep forever and ever and ever."
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Urchin, you're an OK guy. You fit in with all the rest of us at the Con.......... oops... maybe you're NOT OK! Maybe all of us have our LM (Life Model) PORKED!!!
Laugh.
Life is what happens to you when you're busily planning something else.
I've had a recent "near miss" in my life... a real "no toejamter"... and let me tell you I agree fully with Elfenwolf. (See, Elf? There we go agreeing again!)
"I appreciate every drop of rain, every gust of wind, every ray of sunshine and every sunrise and sunset because I believe my time here is a gift"
Believe it buddy. Every time I wake up in the morning I rejoice. Still here for another day... can't get much better than that!
Remember that recent movie "life is beautiful" about the Italian Jew in the Concentration Camp with his boy?
Life IS beautiful... even when it sucks. :) Without the lows you'll never truly appreciate the highs.
Anyway, if ya wanna talk to someone, let me know.
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well said! :D
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I don't think I'd actually kill myself, I'm too chicken to do it. As far as 'getting help' and getting medicine, I don't have any health insurance, and I don't have enough money to pay for it.
Besides, I don't think Im depressed, I just think I'm honest. I'm not going to decieve myself and say "Sure champ, you are doing just GREAT". That brings up another question. If you go to some shrink, who gives you some meds to take... all you are doing is getting high so you don't think about how much your life sucks. I don't use drugs, and that is all those are. I'm 24, unemployed, I live at home, I've got one real friend (who isn't quite as big a loser as me, he is a couple years younger), and apparently I'm having quite a bit of trouble finding and keeping a job. Last job I actually enjoyed (hell, the only job I actually enjoyed) was doing Tech Support for a company that contracted out to Hasbro and Fox for their game support. That was such an awesome job. I loved helping people to get their games working. But when the company lost the Hasbro contract and Fox contract, they had twice as many employees as they needed, so I got fired along with many others. Maybe I should call them back up and ask them if they'd hire me again.
Since then, the downhill slope has gotten even steeper (think double diamond and you'll be about right). Worked at a fiber optics plant making stupid bundles of cable and other crap, quit that after a month to go work for Goodyear, worked there for about 2 and a half months, quit when they transferred me into a store in Virginia. Then I got a job at Sams Club changing tires in the Tire department. I loved the guys I worked with, they were all very cool. I think that is why I didn't look for a new job even though I was getting fed up with all the stupid managers and their roadkill. Then finally I lost my temper there and got fired. Now I'm doing substitute teaching, and I only work about 2 days a week.
I think maybe some people just never figure life out. I think I'm probably one of them. I seem to get along well with kids (at least as a teacher... one of them asked me if I knew that I looked like Jack Black from some movie... I told her no, I didn't. Then when I subbed for the same teacher today, they were saying I should go to Hollywood and be a stuntman for this Jack Black fellow... I got a laugh out of that), and I get along well with damn near all of my co-workers. I just never seem to get along well with the managers. I've had a couple good managers in the jobs that I've had, but for the most part most of them seem like greedy, stupid, and capricious morons.
It just seems to me there is either something wrong with like EVERYBODY, or there is something wrong with ME. Using common sense would tell people it is far more likely that one person is 'defective' than an entire society.
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Go fly a N1k. Its the nearest equivalent you can do.
It'll hurt more though.
:D :D
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Part of the problem would be that you just don't realize how messed up people really are.
99.9% of the population is seriously screwed in the head.
don't believe me? I can tell you exactly what to look out for but I'm sure you've seen the signs already.
in fact just for a quick reality check, get on the freeway and I can guarentee someone in front of you will be doing like 35mph and everyone else will hedge you in..
Especially if you are in a hurry..
and that's just one of the ways to see how screwy people are.
You ever watch RealTV?
do yourself a favor, buy a helmet and some kneepads and some earplugs before you go back out into the world..but as things go you'll probably run into the first annual convention of violent mimes..
that's the way it is, try to laugh.
Originally posted by Urchin
Using common sense would tell people it is far more likely that one person is 'defective' than an entire society.
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Dude, I'm depressed. You're as normal as I've seen.
Heck, you don't like management? Do you know how many political movements have been fed by people hating management?! I mean if there's one thing that unites us, it's a hatred for those petty morons who run our lives and are incapable of appreciating capable employees. They ain't all that way, but more than we'd care to know about are.
My answer? If you like helping people and a more informal lifestyle, go to grad skool. Just don't get stuck there.
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Urchin hope this true story helps.
I was married for 13 years to my first wife, we had 4 daughters. Every summer i would let my wife and daughters go visit our old hometown, since her parents and mine live in same town.
I got a call from my 12 yearold daughter who called me at 1 am pt it was 4am eastern. She said "daddy (all the time crying uncontrolable) I just found mommy in bed with Tom, a member of our church here" ( tom was her old boyfriend before me)I calmly told her to put her mother on. I told my wife right then and there I would file for a divorce in the morning. I could not sleep and I drove up mtns in La and looked out over cliffs and really thought about just driving over, could not believe what was happening everyone use to comment wish our marriage was like yours Rod. I got lucky a member of our church drove by and saw me there. He stopped saw I was distraught and in a bad way. He called my Bishop who came out right away. We talked for a good 3 -4 hours, and he asked me to come to his office in the morning. i went to his office and there were 6 men from my church there. 6 men I respected and held in high regards.
My bishop said to me "Rod lets all throw our troubles in air and you can grab any others troubles , are you willing" I said of course nothing could be worst.
Then he told me each mans problems, 2 were dying of cancer and were only in thier early 30's with small children, 1 man's wife was dying. 1 was had just had his 9th heart attack at 42 and wasn't sure how long he had, Carl had bought a new wood stove for his cabin 3 years ago and when he went to work the stove caught the cabin on fire he lost his wife and 4 kids, And then there was my Bishop (only man in my life I thought was absolutly perfect in every way) This is when I found out he had nerofibrotossis ( I might have spelled it wrong but its reaccuring tumors all thru his body and at any time one could be the end of him).
I learned that my problem was minor compare to these. Only 2 of us still living out of the 7 men that met that morning, And I owe it to them for sharing their lives with me.
And the best part of this story is I found a wonderful woman. Mona-Liza . we have 1 son between us and 4 wonderful Daughters, that have made me so joyful and happy, and shown me so much love, that I always remember my bishop, and I owe him greatest debt a man can owe to someone his life.
So my plead to You, Talk to a bishop, Priest or any minister you can find, Or talk to doctor. You owe your family and us your friends this, we can not help by posting answers because your problems could run deeper than your willing to talk about. BUT PLEASE FOR YOUR FRIENDS HERE SEEK OUT HELP.
pontiacedu@yahoo.com
e-mail me if you like i could get someone to speak to you.
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Originally posted by Urchin
I don't think I'd actually kill myself, I'm too chicken to do it. As far as 'getting help' and getting medicine, I don't have any health insurance, and I don't have enough money to pay for it.
Besides, I don't think Im depressed, I just think I'm honest. I'm not going to decieve myself and say "Sure champ, you are doing just GREAT". That brings up another question. If you go to some shrink, who gives you some meds to take... all you are doing is getting high so you don't think about how much your life sucks. I don't use drugs, and that is all those are. I'm 24, unemployed, I live at home, I've got one real friend (who isn't quite as big a loser as me, he is a couple years younger), and apparently I'm having quite a bit of trouble finding and keeping a job. Last job I actually enjoyed (hell, the only job I actually enjoyed) was doing Tech Support for a company that contracted out to Hasbro and Fox for their game support. That was such an awesome job. I loved helping people to get their games working. But when the company lost the Hasbro contract and Fox contract, they had twice as many employees as they needed, so I got fired along with many others. Maybe I should call them back up and ask them if they'd hire me again.
Since then, the downhill slope has gotten even steeper (think double diamond and you'll be about right). Worked at a fiber optics plant making stupid bundles of cable and other crap, quit that after a month to go work for Goodyear, worked there for about 2 and a half months, quit when they transferred me into a store in Virginia. Then I got a job at Sams Club changing tires in the Tire department. I loved the guys I worked with, they were all very cool. I think that is why I didn't look for a new job even though I was getting fed up with all the stupid managers and their roadkill. Then finally I lost my temper there and got fired. Now I'm doing substitute teaching, and I only work about 2 days a week.
I think maybe some people just never figure life out. I think I'm probably one of them. I seem to get along well with kids (at least as a teacher... one of them asked me if I knew that I looked like Jack Black from some movie... I told her no, I didn't. Then when I subbed for the same teacher today, they were saying I should go to Hollywood and be a stuntman for this Jack Black fellow... I got a laugh out of that), and I get along well with damn near all of my co-workers. I just never seem to get along well with the managers. I've had a couple good managers in the jobs that I've had, but for the most part most of them seem like greedy, stupid, and capricious morons.
It just seems to me there is either something wrong with like EVERYBODY, or there is something wrong with ME. Using common sense would tell people it is far more likely that one person is 'defective' than an entire society.
Whats your education level bro? If its below 2yrs of Tech school go back to school. At 24 your SOOOOOO young!!! You can do so much man!!! Go back to school.... get fired up about something you LIKE then make a plan and go for it! Dude.... life is gonna be sooo good for you so cheer the f*&k up and drive on!
xBAT
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get a job, any job that'll get you out on your own.
struggle to pay the bills, find out that the basics of life are good
cut out the crap in your life - ie drinking, drugs if any, tv, excessive computer time
exercise, sweat, eat right, read a book, pray
stop thinking like a loser - pick up a copy of "The Power of Positive Thinking" by Norman Vincent Peale
As stated above, beauty and happiness is around and within you, you just have to see it - no one else can do that for you but YOU
stick it out - it'll get better
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Here is something I've noticed, that has interested me for quite some time. People who suffer from depression, and other mental illnesses seem to be unusually common in any online games.
Why?
Do people start playing these games, and develop problems because of them?
Do most people have some kind of complaints of being depressed, and the anonymity of the internet makes it easier to talk about?
Maybe many don't have a clue what depression is like, and are just whining?
Or do online games just provide a convenient escape from the problems of the real world?
Something else?
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Urchin,
I've been in a similar situation that you are in right now, and even thinking suicide is dangerous. As was once explained to me, soemtimes the brain jut misfires, and tht coupled with your current feeling about your employment status has led you to a downward spiral.
Sure, you feel like you haven't accomplished anything. You're 24, you haven't even seen much of the world yet, and there's a lot to see and do.
Ok, so you're poor and can't talk to a psych. You also feel that anti-depressants just get you high and let you forget about your problems. While I won't suggest you go that route, I will tell you that you are wrong. These days anti-depressants help the chemical imbalance that is going on in your brain, causing these feelings of worthlessness.
But here's a cheaper solution for you. You should do these three things.
Talk to someone. Be it a priest, cop, shrink...whatever. Talking will not only give you someone to tell your problems to, but may also help you realize just how small those problems really are.
Two, exercise. Physical exercise will take some of that excess energy your brain is running on and will help you focus a bit.
Lastly, write down on paper what you really want out of life. Do you want riches, do you want job satisfaction, do you want to be a housesitter...whatever. Then, plot out how best to achieve that goal. Once it's written down and you've figured out a realistic way to achieve it, start working on it, taking baby steps.
The worse thing you could do is dwell on your current situation. Lots of people here have given you some good ideas and some have thrown out cute jokes. Take the best of which apply to you and go with it.
And for God's sake, never EVER let xBat shoot you down.
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Some people have hinted at it, but IMO, if you're continually having problems with managers, then get back in school, get a degree in something you love doing, and then get yourself in the manager role. And once you're there, remember what you didn't like about the ones you've had in the past and don't repeat their mistakes. You might just find that leading people and having them look up to you for advice and support is one of the most fulfilling things you can do.
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well.... A lot of things happen to a person after age 24.. I wouldn't wanna miss em.
Maybe some of us who have had to fight to live and have gone through some diviorces and such forget how important to a 24 year old some of the things that bother you are.
one question... do you still drink?
lazs
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Originally posted by Eagler
exercise, sweat, eat right, read a book, pray
Works for me. I pray while jogging, usually to give thanks for having the ability to get out and push. There are so many people that could get out and do it, too, but choose not to. Such a waste.
Haven't been able to kick the fried foods and sugar out of my life, but every man has his own weakness. :)
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Urchin. You are only 24 years old and you're ready to write off your whole life as being one big failure after another??? At 24??? Urchin, I'm 50, and at 24 I was the world's biggest failure. 24, huh? When I was 24 my fiancee died of a brain anurism, the business I'd been building for two years went broke, and I lost my house when I couldn't make the mortgage payments without my fiancee's help. I was broke, destitute and bitter, and having to move back home made my situation even worse. All I wanted to was crawl under a rock and die.
You know what? I didn't die. I sucked it up, got a job pulling green chain at a sawmill and conrtinued living- saved my money, started a new business at 25 and IT promptly failed. So- back to the sawmill, saved my money once again, started another business that was successful, met my wife, had a child, sold that business, started another and I've been living happily ever after since then. Well, we have our ups and downs, but life has been pretty damn good, and at 24 I thought my life was ruined. Funny, huh?
BTW, know why I didn't kill myself back in 1977-78? My Mom. How could I do that to her when she'd shared my pain and grief with me? You think all you get to do is go to sleep and everybody is OK with that? That's not what suicide is- suicide is your Mom with a lump in her throat every time she thinks of you. You could do that to your own mother? I don't think so. I think you're stronger than that and you'll use these lessons to become a better person. Hang in there. There ain't no quitting in life.
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Feel better now Urchin?
If you want, we can go grab some beers some time. I'll spot yo broke ass.
-SW
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You had a bad day. Lie down for awhile and it will pass.
24 years of age and you mention suicide?
This really pisses me off. I have a son about your age.
I know the darkness of Despair; a living, soaring, burgeoning thing with velvet wings, encircling, enfolding. This fluttering darkness lives in each man and woman- the tiny, fleeting feather touches of occasional depression- but within and around the clinically depressed it is a pernicious bird of prey tearing at the center of thier being, a dark-feathered angel with a taste for blood.
I know all about it. This post is the short version- I exceeded the 10,000 character limit with the one I decided not to post.
Short version: Get thru it (as if you haven't already).
Prozac get you high? Whoever said that does not know a damn thing about it.
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hey urchin ....
im 29 and live at home. i have a crappy job that pays $10/hr. my job has me going a different place every day and i the expences of that are way more than i make up in pay. i have an illness called "stills disease" which could come back anytime or never. if it does i cant work and go deeper into debt. it came up Christmas of '97 and i got of meds 1 yr ago. i was unemployed for 10 months back then... with a girfriend and brand new car payments. i went into debt BAD (about $15000 not including the car loan) girlfriend dumped me after 8 yrs .... said she couldn't handel the stress of me being sick. i have about $11000 debt right now.
i only have 3 or 4 "real friends" and not a single prospect on a woman. i go to work, come home and play AH. thats about it.
i am trying for my MCSE but with recent events i havent gone to class for a while (see below).
my mother just died suddenly in her sleep 2 months ago.
anyway after all this im still doing ok. yes id be happier with my own place, a girlfriend, a real job, and a few other things. but im still OK.
i know im not the social king that can be liked by everyone. i know im not the most attractive guy around. i know many other people seem to have "normal" lives. i also know they dont! they have problems just like all of us. they can sometimes hide it better, but in the end they are the same.
i really hope noone replies to this saying "oh shut up with your sob story" or something like that ..... i want no different thoughts of me or any ideas im looking for sympathy... im only trying to let urchin know there are others out there that are not in the best of circumstances.
<> urchin and keep your head up and your gunsights straight :)
btw if you ever need anyone to b*tch to or anything lemme know:
dmray_1@yahoo.com
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GET HELP AND TALK TO PEOPLE DONT DO WHAT YER THINKING OF DOING IT JUST MAKES IT WORSE TRUST ME.[/COLOR]
Ok but look you are a senior member have some thousands of posts is that not an accomplisment?
Well i Think so
Its not funny
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This last few years have been hell for me and my girlfriend.
I probably shouldnt be saying this in public but I will do anything just to get anybody to think twice about suicide.
Coming up will be the second year anniversary of my Girlfriends Sister comitting suicide. I never met her, I had only seen pictures. She was 16 years old. I tried to play the role of Good Boyfriend by comforting my girlfriend. If anybody has been in this predicament too you because it is a difficult situation.
I never knew the pain of suicide.
Until Feburary of this year, A few weeks after my 21st birthday my own Mother killed herself. I was expecting a birthday card or at least a phone call for I had not talked to her since Christmas. Not until after my birthday I recieved a call from my Grandmother telling me the horrible news. My jaw dropped. Now I understood what my Girl friend went through.
I ended up dropping out of college and cooking full time. It took me 3 months to enroll back in school. I comtemplated suicide everyday until we put my mom to rest.
I had become a living zombie. I didnt shave for weeks. I drank and drank and drank. My life had become a total toejam fest.
We spread my Moms ashes on a roadside rest stop on Old route 50 on Cheat Mountain,I remember stopping there many times during our 8 hour drive from Virginia Beach VA to Clarksburg WV.We even planted a nice fir tree on top of her ashes. Me, my Sister, her boyfriend, my father, and my Grandmother were the only people in attendance.
Right then and there I realized life was to precious to take your own.
If you feel like talking please email me-
Whymanbuster420@yahoo.com
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when you think of ending your life, remember those who you leave behind.
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This has certainly turned into an upbeat thread.
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Originally posted by Urchin
I don't think I'd actually kill myself, I'm too chicken to do it. As far as 'getting help' and getting medicine, I don't have any health insurance, and I don't have enough money to pay for it.
Besides, I don't think Im depressed, I just think I'm honest. I'm not going to decieve myself and say "Sure champ, you are doing just GREAT". That brings up another question. If you go to some shrink, who gives you some meds to take... all you are doing is getting high so you don't think about how much your life sucks. I don't use drugs, and that is all those are. I'm 24, unemployed, I live at home, I've got one real friend (who isn't quite as big a loser as me, he is a couple years younger), and apparently I'm
Ah, your still a young man. I hit this point at about your age. But I was also leaving the drug abuse environment at the time as well and trying to get myself established. There are several critical points in life: puberty, early adulthood, middleage to name a few. You're probably hitting one of them at your own pace. If your current situation bothers you, start making plans, and following them, to make changes. Work on establishing a skill.
Oh and don't worry. It gets worst, alot worst. Get married and have kids. Then you won't have enough time to worry about your life, you'll be too busy worrying about someone elses.
Truthfully, you seem to be at your happiest when helping others. That's probably the angle you should work.
Mac out
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Originally posted by Urchin
Now I'm doing substitute teaching, and I only work about 2 days a week.
Have you thought about teaching full time? What is your education background? Have you looked into what it would take to get an education degree and/or certification? Teaching can be very rewarding. If you like being a sub, you will love teaching full time. If you have a degree, you could be only one year away certification.
Urchin,
Don’t knock meds. A lot of folks have a chemical imbalance that can be fixed with the right drug. I know many folks who take meds and finally enjoy life. I’ve also met many who have had bad experiences with meds. It could be the right thing, or the wrong thing for you. Counseling could be the answer as well.
Can you ask your parents for money to go see a doctor? I know it may seem weird, but they most likely would be eager to help once they know what state of mind your in.
When I was 24, I thought my life sucked too. I was also depressed and thought very much of my self as you do about yourself. I never could have imagined that six years later I would meet my soul-mate. Now we have a perfect marriage and 2 beautiful daughters. We are as poor as it rocks because I’m a teacher, but life really is good. Life can change for the better in a day.
As a teacher, I know I’m making a contribution to society, which is important to me. And as you have also found out, working with kids is a blast.
I’ll be honest with you, teaching sucks in a lot of ways. The hours are very long, the pay is terrible, administrators and lawmakers can make the job nearly impossible. But, the big benefit is that you get to work with kids everyday. (He he, speaking of ironic, I get to play substitute tomorrow too. I just now got a call from my principal asking if I would fill in for one of the 3rd grade teachers who called in sick. I’m the computer teacher at a K-8 school.)
If you are thinking about education, try out all grades and classes while you can as a sub.
P.S. As a sub; work hard, do all you can to help out, dress professionally, have (or fake) a good attitude, talk to teachers, etc. and you will soon have more job offers than you can handle. In most districts throughout the country there is a huge substitute shortage (which is why I’m teaching 3rd grade tomorrow, no subs to be found, all because sub pay sucks, as if you didn’t know!) It takes a bit time to get yourself known, but very often it leads to a full time job. I got my first full time job teaching first grade at a school that I often subbed at. It’s a great way to get your foot in the door and figure out what you want to do.
Anyway Urchin, you are NOT a looser, your just young and trying to find your place in life. For many of us it takes time. Please find a way to go see a doctor. A lot of people do care about you, whether or not you realize it. You are respected among our AH community, and we want to see you happy with your life.
eskimo
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Originally posted by Urchin
I don't think I'd actually kill myself, It just seems to me there is either something wrong with like EVERYBODY, or there is something wrong with ME. Using common sense would tell people it is far more likely that one person is 'defective' than an entire society.
I don't know you and you don't know me so take this or leave it.
Having been through similar times and feeling similar thoughts to what you expressed here I've got just one thing to say.
Most people are stumblingly diddlying stupid. :p
oops, that's me on a norm.. er bad day.
Truth is, most folks are decent and feel just about like you do from time to time. One thing you might try, and it took me twenty plus years of working to figure this one out, is to learn to lead from the middle of the pack. Don't worry about managers. Worry about you and your buds working with you. Do that well and continuosly and soon enough you'll be the manager and find out why that lead dog crap isn't all it's cracked up to be. Give it time though. Hell, you're still a pup. :)
Tex
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Suicide is something that cannot be taken lightly. Once you go...you're gone, with no turning back or "respawning" to get you through it.
Always remember if you're ever concidering suicide. How will everyone around you feel? How will your parents react when your brother or best friend calls them to tell them their son or daughter has killed herself? How would your best friends react if they ever found your last note? How would anyone you knew ever cope with the loss?
It is a bad situation. I have never had to deal with it, but allow me to share my own advice.
Life is a gift...a gift that cannot be wasted. No matter what you are doing...your life is a very tender thing. Life never truly sucks so bad you must end it. If you end it, then how will you get a chance to experience the true joys of it? How can you feel the happiness of watching your first child be born, or the loving smile of your wife or girlfriend? How can you experience the fun of hanging out with your friends, or catching a movie with your brother? When you're young, you've got plenty of time to allow life to get better, and let it fix itself.
Please...anyone out there who is concidering suicide...think about what I said. I know it is babbling, and it makes little sense...but it's how I see it.
Good day...
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Urchin..
I think it just makes you open minded..
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Let me see when I was 24 I still lived at home, just had a major heart break from a girl and felt alone in a crowded room. Caught my father, parents got a divorce shortly after that (you guys could figure it out).
Things get tough sometimes... talk to your friends, parents, whoever you are comfortable with. Since you are unemployed perhaps go back to school, try a new career the IT field is very tough right now. I had thoughts similiar to your own when I was younger, you can persevere. Just ask lazs or hooligan what a fine upstanding person I am now. ;)
Take care of yourself, see a professional if needed if you don't have the money borrow some from your parents or something.
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Even at best, with perfect health and safety, life is far too short.. don't be in a hurry to end it.. that will come far too soon enough naturally.
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Urchin...
I just thought of this and am surprised no one has brought it up before...
If you want to change your life forever, join the military. Any branch will do... of course Im partial to the Marine Corps. ;)
You will gain self respect, confidence, and the problems you are experiencing now wont even exist in your mind.
I think you should seriously consider it. If you have a college education, apply for an officer program... hell, if your eyesight is good... apply for an air contract. Go play AH for real... wish I could. (Damn eyes... stuck on the ground) :(
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Originally posted by gofaster
You wanna be dead? BANG! You're dead.
worked for me :D
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P.S.
Urchin,
Another benefit of being a teacher: Its a great place to meet women (I was already married, when I started in education, but still I noticed the male to female ratio was astounding). I remember taking my first state exam, I was one of the few men among the sea of mostly collage age women. I often attend ed. seminars where the male to female ratio is anywhere from 10:1 to 100:1. (especially in primary ed.)
Food for thought...
eskimo
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urchin... you didn't answer. Do you still drink? Blackouts are not a good sign.
Oh... teachers suck.. that 2 days of teaching is probly depressing u as much as the booze. If you become a teacher you will have to hang out with teachers.
lazs
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Sorry no, I don't really drink. I got pretty toasted at the Con, but I probably only have alcohol 3 or 4 times a year.
I don't really think I'd make a good teacher. The kids are cool, but Lazs is right about most of the teachers I'm afraid :).
Plus, my sister is a teacher and she tells me all kinds of horror stories about how big an amazinhunk her principle is (and having had the pleasure of subbing for her twice and meeting the guy... she's right, he is an amazinhunk).
I feel ok now guys, I was just letting some toejam get to me that I probably shouldn't let get to me.