Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: hawk220 on October 22, 2002, 11:30:26 AM
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http://www.richsun.com/telemark.html
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Why would I want to get rid of my greatest source of entertainment? When I get a solicitor, I just pump him for information or outright mess with his mind.
Me: Hello?
Him: Hi! I'm with ACME Corp, the world's largest provider of aluminum siding...
Me: Well, I don't need aluminum siding. I have asbestos shingles, and I'm sure you don't want to be drilling into that. But I am looking for a new homeowner's insurance company. Who do you use?
or, to steal a line from a tv commercial...
Me: Hello?
Him: Hi! I'm with ACME Corp, the window replacement specialists...
Me: I lowered my cholesterol! Yeah, it was really peaking up there in the numbers, you know what I mean? But I used Citracil and now my cholesterol is A-OK! Of course, the side effects of dizziness, nausea, headaches, diarhea, liver damage, and long-term birth defects are a risk, but it only happens in a small population of individuals...
or "the kid"...
Me: Hello?
Him: Hi, you've qualified for a homeowner's mortgage special with reduced rates..
Me: I'm only 17.
or, "the whacko" ...
Me: Hello?
Him: Hi, I'm calling to offer you reduced rates on your FHA loan...
Me: The government!
Him: What?
Him: Aliens, man! They're all around us! And the government knows about it, man! Do you reach? Are you of The Body? My thoughts! They're stealing my thoughts!
or, "the post-traumatic stressed veteran" (one of my favorites because I can tie it right in to Aces High and the guy on the other end is clueless)
Me: Hello?
Him: Hi, we're running a pest control special this month...
Me: Yeah, I got a real pest problem. I've got red guys out on the perimeter, man. I can hear them. Sitting out there, watching me, waiting. Every night they squat in the jungle, they get stronger; and every night I get weaker. But not all the time, cause I'm crafty, man. I'm real crafty. One night, I was in my A8 at 20,000 when I picked up the first one, d4.5 and closing. I got so close I could hear the hickup in his carb. But he didn't see me. I had him, man, dead stone cold I had him. I pushed the nose down and slipped in behind him, checking around for more Reds. They're sneaky like that - catch ya when you're not looking, but I'm always looking, man, always looking. I didn't fire until I was inside 300 yards, just like they trained me, man. And then , (dramatic pause) no more Reds. No more Reds. (start to get choked up, sniffly, start to cry) That's the first time I've talked about it, man. His guts were sprayed out over NDISLES like pepper spray, man. Who was he? Was he married? Was he just like me? I don't know, man, I don't know. But I killed him. I killed him. What right do I have to do that, man? Who am I to play God like that, huh? And I'm telling you 'cause you know what its like, man. You know, right? I love you, man!
:D
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Beat them with this:
http://www.xs4all.nl/~egbg/counterscript.html
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http://www.tommabe.com
My favorite is where he gets a solicitation from someone over the phone, who says the typical "this phone call may be recorded for customer service" etc.
He gets her name, then proceeds to tell her he's in the porn industry. She says something like she is too, and they should hook up.
Two weeks later, he calls the company that solicited him, asking if he could tak to her. "It's Dr. so and so". They immediately give him her home phone number.
He then calls her home phone number, tells her that he is with quality control in her company, and they didn't like the fact that she told someone on the phone a couple weeks back that she was involved in teh porn industry. He then tells her not to come back to work.
He "fired" her! It was very funny.
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Originally posted by Greese
http://www.tommabe.com
My favorite is where he gets a solicitation from someone over the phone, who says the typical "this phone call may be recorded for customer service" etc.
He gets her name, then proceeds to tell her he's in the porn industry. She says something like she is too, and they should hook up.
Two weeks later, he calls the company that solicited him, asking if he could tak to her. "It's Dr. so and so". They immediately give him her home phone number.
He then calls her home phone number, tells her that he is with quality control in her company, and they didn't like the fact that she told someone on the phone a couple weeks back that she was involved in teh porn industry. He then tells her not to come back to work.
He "fired" her! It was very funny.
Sounds like he missed out on an opportunity to start a second business. :p