Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: batdog on October 30, 2002, 12:49:27 PM
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Subject: North vs. South
A Southerner is having his breakfast of coffee, grits, biscuits and jam, when a Northerner, chewing obnoxiously on gum, sits down next to him.
The Southerner ignores the Northerner who, nevertheless, starts aconversation.
Northerner: "When you Southern people eat bread, do you eat the whole slice?"
Southerner: "Yep."
Northerner: (After blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. Up North, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, then transform them into biscuits and send them to the South."
The Northerner has a smirk on his face. The Southerner listens in silence.
The Northerner persists: "Do you eat jam with biscuits?"
Southerner: "Yep."
Northerner: (Cracking and smacking his gum between his teeth and chuckling) "We don't. Up North, after we eat fruit for breakfast, we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam, and then send it down South."
Then the Southerner asks, "Y'all have sex up North?"
Northerner: "Why, of course, we do." And he pops another big bubble.
Southerner: "And what do y'all do with the condoms once ya use'em?"
Northerner: "We throw them away, of course."
Southerner: "We don't. Down South, we put 'em in a jar, melt 'em into bubble gum, and sell 'em to Yankees."
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Shameless bump... this place gets to intense... myself included.
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Rev Hammer likes to tell this one:
One time when England played Scotland one poor lonely English supporter got in the wrong end. One stupid English supporter got in the wrong end with twenty-five thousand Scottish supporters. England scored first and the English supporter went: "Yes!!!" And the biggest Scotsman you've ever seen walked over to him. He said: "He Jimmie! Go get me a whisky! And to make sure you come back leave one of your shoes behind." So the poor English guy took off his shoe, gave it to the Scotsman and got him a whisky.
When he came back the Scotsman had toejam in his shoe. England scored again and the little English fan, the stupid English fan, went: "Yes!!!!" And an even bigger Scotsman walked over to him, the biggest caber-tossing Scotsman you've ever seen. He said: "He Jimmie! Go get me a whisky! And to make sure you come back leave your other shoe behind." The poor English guy took off his other shoe and gave it to the Scotsman.
He got him a whisky and when he came back there was an even worse toejam in the other shoe. A horrible, steaming one. Now England won the game 2:0 and there was much fighting and tearing up the pitch and breaking of the crossbars.
The little English fan was leaving in the dark, trying not to be noticed. Suddenly a television crew jumped out on him. They said: "Excuse me, Sir!" - He said: "Shhh!" - They said: "Have you just been to the football match, Sir?" - He said: "Yes I have." - They said: "Sir, will you tell us, will there ever be an end to violence at football matches?" - He said: "Sadly, no. Not while they're toejamting in our shoes and we're pissing in their whiskies."