Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: mauser on November 08, 2002, 06:11:21 PM
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Found this in another forum I visit:
http://www.reuters.com/news_article.jhtml?type=search&StoryID=1691622
And then the happy ending:
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_705034.html?menu
"Terror squirrel"
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/2415095.stm
I remember there being restrictions on air rifles in the UK (among other places). Something about a foot-lbs limit? Thanks to grandpa, the problem is solved.
mauser
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Hey Beat1e it's OK to come out now! The streets are safe once more, thanks to a Grandpa armed with the most lethal weapon allowed by British law- an air rifle. Man you had just about convinced me that we should all give up our guns when that squirrel went on its lawless rampage, leaving an unarmed English countryside terror stricken and powerless to stop him. Really, having guns isn't about shooting the Government as much as it's about protecting our families from evil squirrels.
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How did I know that airhead would be first to respond to a thread about terror squirrels?
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I have a filter that alerts me whenever someone says "squirrel." It went off:)
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Had it been an American terror squirrel, we would have deployed an unmanned predator, armed with a low yield nuke. We know how to deal with that kind of toejam over here.
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terrorsts worst nightmare, a unmanned predator, armed with a hellfire missile.
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I hope Grand Papa avoids prison. They don't have much tolerance for gun use in defense, or otherwise over there.
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Originally posted by Jack55
I hope Grand Papa avoids prison. They don't have much tolerance for gun use in defense, or otherwise over there.
Hey, I'm just glad the God Fearing Anti Gun Brits can safely go outside again. This is the biggest story out of England since Mad Cow Disease.
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Did they find out if the terror squirrel had al-kieda connections, before they dispatched him?
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My GOD! Those poor poor unarmed brits don't stand a chance now.
AKDejaVu
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Wow if they had a rabid racoon I bet they'd have to call in NATO to bring over a .22 or something.
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Originally posted by easymo
Had it been an American terror squirrel, we would have deployed an unmanned predator, armed with a low yield nuke. We know how to deal with that kind of toejam over here.
ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D
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I should think a highly mobile squirrel would be a huge problem to the typical fat-arsed, obese Yank. I mean - the squirrel could be in, bang and out again long before the electrical signals had fought their way through the mountain of blubber to the atrophied muscles of the legs, nevermind actually going to the gun cabinet and opening it. The squirrel would have a field day!
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So when is granpa going to prison for his crimes? I'm sure he broke some UK law and must be punished, otherwise the cops and judges would have to waste their time stopping misguided youthful ruffians armed with UZIs... :rolleyes:
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dowding... concealed carry permits have made the squirle menace a moot point here in the U.S. Still... it is best to avoid certain areas.
lazs
"Wow if they had a rabid racoon I bet they'd have to call in NATO to bring over a .22 or something"
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Originally posted by lazs2
"Wow if they had a rabid racoon I bet they'd have to call in NATO to bring over a .22 or something"
Muhahaha:D
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Originally posted by Dowding
I should think a highly mobile squirrel would be a huge problem to the typical fat-arsed, obese Yank. I mean - the squirrel could be in, bang and out again long before the electrical signals had fought their way through the mountain of blubber to the atrophied muscles of the legs, nevermind actually going to the gun cabinet and opening it. The squirrel would have a field day!
That's the difference between Yanks and Brits- in Britain the squirrels eat the people, in America the people eat the squirrels.
Once you gave up your guns you became part of the food chain.
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Originally posted by Dowding
I should think a highly mobile squirrel would be a huge problem to the typical fat-arsed, obese Yank. I mean - the squirrel could be in, bang and out again long before the electrical signals had fought their way through the mountain of blubber to the atrophied muscles of the legs, nevermind actually going to the gun cabinet and opening it. The squirrel would have a field day!
Dunno Dowding, we have lots of squirrells here and I've never heard of one daring to attack. I firmly believe they understand the risk.
I mean... hell... even in Australia they're smarter than that. You have to get up to dingo size before the animals get ballsy enough to try to carry of children.
Face it, the Brits have "I'm a target" tattooed on their foreheads... and even the smallest rodents are taking advantage of it.
Don't worry. We're sending little Tommy Miller from Southern Georgia over with his Ruger 10/22. It will have to wait until December though... as Tommy has his 12th birthday at the end of November and his mom won't let him come over till then. My suggestion is that you all stay inside, lock your doors and only go out in broad daylight with alot of other people.
AKDejaVu
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Local resident Blanche Kellye said the problem was not funny. "Everyone round here is living in fear...it's a vicious little thing. I'll never trust squirrels again."
Damn. Do they allow knives in England? Can't the natives at least arm themselves with pointy sticks? I mean, I can understand the desire of the people to unarm themselves, but heck, even stone-age man knew how to deal with squirrels.
Of course you know stories like this blow the legs from under animal activists, anti-gun argument- or at the very least, make proponents of such (especially British) look pretty foolish. At least to this neanderthal American, anyway.
Who else thought of "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"? "Run away! Run away!
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Thanks guys for making my day another step brighter ;)
mauser
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The squirrel was smart...bidded it's time...waited for the military to be deployed before it struck. There is a very cunning, very sinister mind behind this squirrel's actions. I think it's Al-Quaeda.
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Granddad guns down terror squirrel
C'mon, how can this seriously be a headline? hehehe Bastard Granddad...
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Hmmm... "I'm a target" or "I'm a gutbucket capable of consuming several times my own weight in fries, burgers, and sugary drinks - at one sitting". Choices, choices - although the latter would need more room. Not a problem for the average Big-Headed Yank, though. :p
Are we sure it wasn't an Al Queda terrorist cell member? I mean, they're everywhere - I heard this guy called Bush say so. American I think. Seemed rather dim, and mispronounced half the English language but he sure made the world sound like a dangerous place. Scary.
What I want to know is what have we done to the squirrels to enrage them so much? Why do they hate us? What could we have possibly done?
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Now the thing you really should observe is that no Brit is actually a match for a squirrel. After all, the squirrel has teeth. :p
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al queda or not... What's the diff? Best to just send little tommy over with his 10/22 and wipe em all out. Better safe than sorry as all of us fat Americans say.
monk.. the quote was from funked up.
"Wow if they had a rabid racoon I bet they'd have to call in NATO to bring over a .22 or something"
lazs
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Well, no American is match for a squirrel. They have to have an uzi on full auto just tackle one. Of course, this would be done from a speeding car, since actually chasing the thing is out of the question, physiologically speaking. :p
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sure.... it allways funny till someone get's hurt (and then it's hilarious) but seriously... Now that we've all had our fun....
don't you people realize that granpa could have put someones eye out with that thing!!
lazs
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Right, I saw that later.
Muhahaha.........Mr. Funk;)
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I actually haven't read the story, and I seemed to have missed it in the papers, so it can't have been that earth shattering an event.
We don't have enough guns in Britain, especially in the country-side. I read that a village in one rural back-water actually hired a veteran Serbian sniper to take pot shots at them as the villagers went about their daily business. Before, their lives were long but dull, but during the period of his employment the villager's average day was an adrenalin fuelled frenzy. Bit on the short side, true, but exciting all the same. The school run and dog walking became highly dangerous and jogging became an extreme sport overnight.
House prices went through the floor, meaning the offspring of true locals could actually afford to live in the village; previously, the houses were bought up by wealthy London city workers who communted into that particular hell-hole.
It all came to an abrupt conclusion when a squirrel accidentally took a packet in the head and the animal rights people got the sniper sent back to Serbia. Apparently he was an illegal immigrant. But hey, all good things must come to an end.
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You forgot the part about your Keystone Kops rushing to the scene on one of those Krazy Karts with the funny siren, arriving, waving their sticks around, then rushing off to the next emergency. What function they serve is anybody's guess, but they still draw women and children to the windows and streets to get a peek.
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I should have added... why run? With all our SUVs, we merely blow through the brush. Anyway... who ever tried to go squirrel hunting without a six-pack and a dog?
Dogs...
Don'tcha guys have dogs over there, or are they scared of small furry rodents, too?
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I had watched a show a while back telling that there have been sightings of large cats in britain.
looked it up real quick found a shabby website but it's like the show and I'm wondering if this is a known thing in britain?
http://www.yowiehunters.com/crypto/reports/big_cats.htm
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her kitty kittty git the big bad squirrel hehe lmfao at this thread :D
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A spokeswoman for the RSPCA said it was unable to help "because in this instance it was not an animal which was being harmed, it was a child".
Now THAT is screwed-up!
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The English are mentioned in the Bible. Blessed are the meek; for they shall inherit the earth.
--Mark Twain
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Yeah, but Mark Twain was a avacado.
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Wherever they can stick a name so that it shall glorify anything pertaining to England, there they stick it. You never hear of an Englishman speak of the Hawaiian Islands--no, he calls them the Sandwich Islands; Cook discovered them second-hand, by following a Spanish chart three hundred years old, which is still in the British Museum, and named them for some one-horse Earl of Sandwich, that nobody had heard of before, and hasn't since--a man that probably never achieved any work that was really gorgeous during his earthly mission, excepting his invention for confining a slice of ham between two slices of bread in such a manner as to enable even the least gifted of our race to eat bread and meat at the same time, without being bewildered by too elaborate a conjunction of ideas. I suppose, if the real truth were known, some foreigner invented the Sandwich, but England gave it a name, in her usual cheerful fashion. They never even speak of the whale that swallowed Jonah merely as a whale, but as the Prince of Wales. They think it suggests that he was an English whale. If he was that, that is sufficient. That covers up any probable flaws in his character. It is nothing to them that he went about gobbling up the prophets wherever he found them; it is nothing that he interfered with their business--nothing that he put them to infinite delay, discomfort and annoyance; it is nothing that he disgorged prophets in such a condition, as to personal appearance, that they might well feel a delicacy about preaching in a strange city. No--being an English whale was sufficient to make this infamous conduct excusable; and being English, they are willing to let the "great fish" pass for a whale, notwithstanding a whale's throat is not large enough to let a man do down.
--Mark Twain
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Nope, still haven't changed my mind.
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Redundancy appears to be characteristic of the English.
--easymo
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Are you related to Mark Twain?
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Forget the terrorist squirrel in the UK, we better be worried about the pig invasion in CA!!! (http://www.austin360.com/statesman/editions/today/news_17.html)
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Back home people have problems with animals too . But it's usually bears, angry moose and every once in a rare while a cougar . Often times there's not a pellet rifle handy so they usually just have to make do with a 12 guage or a large revolver. Of course I'm sure they're just compensating for feelings of inferiority .
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With any luck Granddad will air freight his air rifle to CA post haste.
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I thought you guys had holy hand grenades for this sort of thing .
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I should think a highly mobile squirrel would be a huge problem to the typical fat-arsed, obese Yank
We will send Lance Armstrong after that squirrel, let the English send "Eddie the Eagle". :)
dago
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I used to hunt squirrels with a wrist rocket as a kid.We could take a collection up,and ship a few cases of them over to help get rid of the terrifying squirrel menace.
WAIT!!!I forgot to ask....are people allowed to carry slingshots over there? :eek:
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"Kelsi's grandfather Geoff Horth was so incensed by the latest attack that he hunted down the animal to a nearby copse and shot it dead with an air rifle."
I prefer to get in close when its time to exact revenge.
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"A squirrel which attacked six people in Knutsford has been shot dead by the grandfather of one of the victims."
Huh huh...the town's called "Knutsford".....huh huh.
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Funny read
Pity they weren't so unarmed back when they had that colonialism in their blood. Indians woulda sent them home smarting! :D
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Originally posted by Dowding
I should think a highly mobile squirrel would be a huge problem to the typical fat-arsed, obese Yank. I mean - the squirrel could be in, bang and out again long before the electrical signals had fought their way through the mountain of blubber to the atrophied muscles of the legs, nevermind actually going to the gun cabinet and opening it. The squirrel would have a field day!
LOL - As a fat-arsed 14 year old, I had a few squirrels and a few killer rabbits in the freezer. They're gooood eating. They taste like chicken. Yep, armed 14 year old with a gun terrorizing the local rodent population. That's the way it should be, instead of the other way around. No gun, but Mr. Squirrel has great big shiny teeth. LOL!
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My sympathies lie with the British in this matter. Over the years I have learned through bitter experience that you cannot be too careful around squirrels.
There was a time when I considered squirrel hunting to be high sport. Crisp, cool fall mornings with damp leaves underfoot were made for stalking the elusive bushytail in his high, leafy eirie. Ah! The nut-like aroma of hardwood leaves! This was life at it's fullest!
Until THAT day.
One Saturday morning, many years ago when I was in my second year of college, my first cousin Kenny and I headed into the woods for our annual fall religious ritual of squirrel hunting. The larder was empty of game and we had both developed a craving for squirrel stew. We loaded my dilapidated VW with our gear and guns and set off for a new section of woods that we had not hunted before.
Arriving shortly before daylight, we exited the creaky Beetle, donned our hats and hunting gear, loaded our shotguns, and headed down separate trails into the deep woods. Squirrel hunting requires stealth. They are active, alert creatures who are seldom still and almost constantly aware of their surroundings. After tip-toeing through a thicket for a half hour or so, I finally spotting a lone fox-squirrel in the top of a black walnut tree. Taking a rest on the bole of a pin oak tree, I took careful aim. At the shot the squirrel folded up as if struck by lightning and fell to the ground with a most satisfying thud. Retrieving the animal, I quickly stuffed it into the game pocket on the back of my hunting coat and began to scan the trees for more game.
Five minutes later,as I snaked quietly along through the edge of a stand of hickory nut trees, I felt the squirrel shift position. Since game often shifts around in the bag while a person is hunting I didn't think much about it. Absent mindedly I stuck my hand into the bag to rebalance the load. Suddenly, a sharp pain lanced through my right hand. Very cooly, I withdrew the wounded member from the bag and found the squirrel's teeth firmly affixed to my left index finger. Attempts to shake it off resulted only in the squirrel clamping its claws firmly in the flesh of my forearm. A lesser man might have panicked at this point, but not I. Calmly assessing the situation, I concluded that I might be able to remove it by wiping it against a tree. This was, ultimately effective, but only after several preliminary attempts failed.
The day had lost its lustre however. Finding myself a short distance from the VW, I opened the door and sat behind the steering wheel, and waited for the arrival of my partner. He appeared shortly. Indeed much quicker than I expected him to, and sans gun and hat and with his hunting coat in tatters. His face and hands were covered with scratches from briars and brush.
"What happened to you?" I asked.
"BeatinesthingIeverheard!" he said, visibly shaken. "I'm slipping through the woods when I heard the damndest racket I've ever heard in my life screeching and howling and caterwauling and moaning scared the (bleep) outta me and animals were stampeding in a panic everywhere and almost running me down and I decided to get the (bleeping bleep) outta there before whatever that was came after me let's get the car cranked and leave this (bleeping) place!"
Seeing that he was in an agitated state, I acquiesced and started the VW, crunching it into gear, and left in a spray of dirt and leaves.
Some minutes later, he began to calm down. Presently he mentioned that he might, in a day or two, take a few friends and go back to look for his gun and hat.
He looked at me for a moment.
"But what happened to YOUR coat, hat and gun?" he asked curiously.
Regards, Shuckins
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Dang! I always do my best work at the end of a dieing thread!
Shuckins