Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Gman on December 11, 2002, 04:45:04 PM
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And so, in the spirit of democracy, we present to you the following authoritative list of Why We Liberals Don't Like Guns.
1. We Don't Like Loud Noises
We liberals are vegetarians, and, like most herbivores, we are easily startled by loud noises caused by things like guns, pickup trucks, and Ted Nugent. This brings us to the fact that. . .
2. We Don't Hunt
Tofu doesn't run away, and the biggest animals in my neighborhood are the subway rats. Besides which, since we believe so strongly in animal rights, it goes without saying that deer have as much right to live and be free and run for Congress as people do. Also, the thing about guns is that. . .
3. Bullets Come Out of Them
And bullets can poke your eye out, which is what Mom always said what would happen if we played with BB guns. Speaking of which. . .
4. We Don't Actually Know Anything About Them
Face it: Most liberals, being city-dwelling pansies, have never actually shot a firearm. (I have. Twice. Once was black powder, which involved the distinct possibility of blowing myself up.) However, even with my limited experience in shooting, I quickly discovered that. . .
5. We Liberals Are Really, Really Nearsighted and Clumsy
Most liberals, including Yours Truly, wear really, really thick nerd glasses and are secretly afraid we'd be really lousy shots. Also. . .
6. Shooting Involves Being Outside
We'd rather stay in and read Noam Chomsky and write letters to the Village Voice and work on our pasty complexions. However, no matter how liberal we are, one of the things about guns that scares us is. . .
7. We're Afraid Negroes Might Use Them Against Us
As much as we may decry any and all racism, most liberals can't name, off the top of their head, the last time they actually hung out with a black person. The hypocrisy inherent in this issue is worth a whole story, except that I'd get branded a racist and no one would ever talk to me again.
Also, it goes without saying that. . .
8. We Really Wish We Were European
Because we heard that European women are easy. However, you're not allowed to have guns in Europe. Speaking of Europe. . .
9. We Haven't Had Really Good Wars Recently
There are two wars we liberals really wish we'd been around for. The first is World War II, because, to judge by how we always compare everyone to Fascists, we would have loved to help defeat the Nazis (but not the Japanese, because, Pearl Harbor notwithstanding, they were the victims of racism).
The second war we wish we'd been around for is Vietnam, but only to protest it, because nothing will ever again be as cool as the 1960s were. Also, we hear protesting the war got you laid.
Which brings us to. . .
10. We Like to Legislate
The liberal solution to a problem is to pass more laws. Only by constantly holding the threat of getting sued over everyone's head time can we create a just society. After all, people are inherently good and fair-minded, and that's why we need more laws to make them behave. And, since we respect the law so much:
11. We're Secretly Afraid We Might Shoot Someone
No! No! Bad thought! After all. . .
12. When I Was Just a Baby, My Momma Told Me, "Son, Always be a Good Boy, Don't Ever Play with Guns"
But I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die
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Bravo!
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I suspected as much.
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LOL :D
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Would anyone believe I voted Conservative last election, because I think the Liberals are jerks?
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i have new respect for gman , even if he is a liberal :cool:
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Umm, if you were to put a lable on me it would have to be liberal, but...
I own guns, lots of them, gun control is an area of the Democratic platform that I and many other Dems don't agree with.
I used to hunt but found that a Bow and Arrow is more challenging than taking a shot from 300yds using optical devices that get you this >< close to your target.
As for knowledge of firearms, I know more than most but the ability to field strip an M60 blindfolded has very few real life benifits.
Eyesight? At 58 years old I still don't need glasses, now beer goggles do come in handy at times ;)
Hay, I like the outdoors, surfing, camping and I even like to orginize a snipe hunt for the benifit of some of my Republican friends.
Being afraid of our Black citizens is a problem with the OTHER party.
Yeropean? Shurly you gest, and that dress is absolutly stunning! ;)
Nam huh? What can I say, most of us there were drafted < I enlisted > but those that had a father that could pull a few strings to help his son avoid the war didn't have much to worry about. Get this, damn near all of us fullfilled our commitment and served our FULL CHIT!
So, Tort reform is a plank in the Rep party platform, huh? Well, ask Dubya why he's for Tort reform now when a few years ago he sued on behalf of his family after a very minor traffic accident claiming the car rental company was negligent because they got fooled by a fake drivers license and rented a car to an unlicensed driver. He sued for punitive damages. I say hypocrate!
Afraid I might shoot someone? Hell, about the only thing I'm afraid of is the wifes reaction to the mess a ventilated perp will make on our new carpet, now that is something to fear! ;)
I B Liberal but I also belive in moderation in all things.
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Oh I'm no Liberal, easily the furthest thing from in these parts, I just thought the title would add to the humour.
This was easily the funniest thing I read this week, glad you've all enjoyed it so far.
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That's pretty good and (largely, not in every case) accurate.
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For our foreign friends.
There is a HUGE difference between Liberal (Liberal Party) and a what is known as a liberal on this board.
There is a HUGE difference between Conservative (Progressive Conservative Party) and what is known as a conservative on this board.
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Originally posted by Thrawn
For our foreign friends.
There is a HUGE difference between Liberal (Liberal Party) and a what is known as a liberal on this board.
There is a HUGE difference between Conservative (Progressive Conservative Party) and what is known as a conservative on this board.
explain plz
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The Conserative Party and the Liberal Party, have the same damn platform for the most part.
Both parties are pro-choice, anti-capital punishment, pro-socialist.
The Liberal Party government,we have now, has been one of the most conservative governments, economically, we've had in ages.
In Canada we have 4 parties crowding what we would call the right, and one party in the left, the New Democratic Party.
This is part of the reason why the Liberals have a majority government, the right is split because of regionalism and liberals strattle the middle and pretend they are moderate.
Bah, I can understand how the issue can be confusing to someone that is not from here.
Rest assured if Canada where to join the US the Democrats would get a HUGE influx of votes.
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Rest assured if Canada where to join the US the Democrats would get a HUGE influx of votes.
I hope no Demikrat operative reads that. They've already imported millions of votes from Mexico. This may just inspire the next Demikrat president to invade Canada.
ra
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Well, that explains a lot.
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We'd only vote to take a coulple of the western provinces like Alberta and Saskatchewan, Thrawn.
:)
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it's a terrible 'catch-22'.
when the democrats are in power they try to take away my right to own guns.
when the republicans are in I can't afford to own any.
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actually... when the dems are in power they try to take away your guns... they never do that well in that regard (pesky 2nd and all) and so they make it so you can't afford to buy em (trigger locks, fees taxes "programs" additional regesstration) or it is easy to lose your right (woman says you hit her you can no longer own a firearm, you must go through extra training etc.)
if you are a gun owner or even think you may want to be one some day then you simply have to realize that the democratic party is your worst enemy. There are some exceptions... a few percent... you can see their ratings in NRA publications but... they are toadies... no matter how they feel they will vote allong with their party.. you are still better off voting against them and for freedom.
I thought about 90% of gmans post was deadly accurate. A liberal and a gun aficianado is someone who is either very strong willed or very stupid... the vitriol heaped on fellow liberals that don't tow the gun ban line is even worse than the vitriol reserved for Charlton Heston. Ask John Lott... If you are a gun aficianado and a liberal... your buddies are gonna piss u off sooner or later... You will be even more shocked when you finaly get sick of their lies about guns and start to ask..... "What the hell else are they lieing about if they are capable of such deception?"
you may even decide that the end does not justify the means...
lazs
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lazs, that post was the most blatant (but extremely funny :D) piece of stereotyping I've seen ALL day. And I've been reading the O' Club.
If you sincerely believe most democrats are as described above, I do think you're a wee bit biased and not seeing with objective eyes :).
If, however, you believe it was a good piece of satire, I'd agree totally :)
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How bout... it was both. poor satire contains no truth.
The truth is... if you wish to retain your rights as a gun owner then you should not vote for dems. If you follow that simple rule you will be correct at least 95% of the time.
lazs
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I'd shoot you for posting that, but I hate loud noises.
:p
made me laugh.
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Originally posted by MrLars
Being afraid of our Black citizens is a problem with the OTHER party.
Which is why the dems are condescending and pampering towards them while the pubs are honest and treat as individuals?
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Originally posted by Thrawn
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Bah, I can understand how the issue can be confusing to someone that is not from here.
I am from here and don't give a chit:D
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Originally posted by Toad
We'd only vote to take a coulple of the western provinces like Alberta and Saskatchewan, Thrawn.
:)
We will give you both for free...except the lake louise area:D
and as a BONUS take ONTARIO for free too:p
take WARNING tho....TORONTO goes too sleep a 11:00 p.m. sharp:eek: