Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: SaburoS on December 23, 2002, 10:47:29 PM
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1. Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your
groin unprotected.
2. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain,
no pain.
3. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
4. I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze
pilots wore helmets.
5. Do illiterate people get the full effect of
alphabet soup?
6. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should
have been more specific.
7. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets
mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks
his head out the window?
8. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an
idiot, but anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
9. You have to stay in shape. My mother started
walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now
and we have no idea where she is.
10. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I
go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how
long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are
always locking three of them.
11. One out of every three Americans is suffering from
some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best
friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
12. They show you how detergents take out bloodstains.
I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all
over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest
problem.
13. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls
and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful
animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have
photographs of her on the wall.
14. A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my
suede jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was
murdered for that jacket?" I said, "I didn't know
there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you
too"
15. Future historians will be able to study at the
Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, and the
Ronald Reagan Library, as well as the Bill Clinton
Adult Bookstore.