Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: capt. apathy on February 18, 2003, 09:46:45 PM
-
A Blonde pushes her BMW into a Gas Station. She tells the mechanic that it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, he gets it to idle smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."
She says, "How often do I have to do that?"
-
Thanks!
We need a little humor lately!
-
What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A blond doing cartwheels.
............................. ............................. ............................. .
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
"Oh look! Donut seeds!"
............................. ............................. ............................. .
How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
Shine a flashlight in their ear.
............................. ............................. ............................. ..
Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
............................. ............................. ............................. ..
Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
............................. ............................. ............................. ...
What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
Her ankles.
-
whats black, blue and brown and lays at the side of the road?
a brunett who told 1 too many blond jokes.
-
A young blonde woman decides to make a few bucks doing odd jobs and sets off looking for work. When a man answers the knock at his door she asks him for work. He tells her his porch needs painting and that she can find some paint in the garage.
A short times passes and the man again answers the knock at his door. "Done already?" he asks. "Yes" she replies. "And there was enough paint to cover the seats, dash, and carpet as well".
-
Mrs. Simpson is on her deathbed, and she says to her
husband, "will you ride with my mother on the way to the
grave?"
He says, "All right, but it's going to ruin my whole day."
A group of English gentlemen are sitting around in the
den of a London men's club, and it's a special gathering,
because the oldest member, Colonel Rowlinson, is there.
One of the men says, "Colonel, why don't you tell us a
tale from one of your exploits?" Colonel Rowlinson says, "well there was a time years ago when we were trekking through the Kenyan Jungle. The fuzzy-tops were quite tired, what with carrying all the bundles as they cleared a path through the dense underbrush. WE came to a clearing, so we sat to have a spot of tea and regain our strength. when suddenly, out of the foliage leaps a nine foot tiger. Rrrooaarrr! My god, I toejam myself.
One of the gentlemen says well colonel thats perfectly understandable what with a huge tiger coming at you
The colonel says not then you blithering idiot just now I went Rrrooaarr.
-
What do you tell a blond with 2 black eyes?
NOTHING!..... you already told her twice.
Why are blond girls belly buttons black and blue?
Blond guys are dumb too!
NUTTZ
-
A farmer had a very attractive young daughter. He had to go into town for a few days but wasn't comfortable leaving her there with all the farmhands, which were all male.
So he installed a razor in her private parts.
upon coming home from his trip to the city, he told the farmhands to line up and drop their pants.
'Cut noodle - you're fired'
'Cut noodle - you're fired'
This went on til he came to the last man. He had no cut on his noodle.
'Good man Johnson! I Knew I could trust on you!' the farmer said
'Mmmmmhmm' Johnson replied.
Oldie but goodie :D
Same situation. This time the farmer takes his daughter with him. A farmhand, being in desperate need of relief, spots the milking machine. He eases his member into one of the slots and continues until his tensions are relieved.
He then discovers that the tube won't come off. Desperate, he uses his cell phone to call the company that makes the milking machine. He asks them how to get it off.
'Don't worry - it automatically falls off after 20 gallons'.
Yes yes, old stories.
:D
-
Why do blondes take the pill?
So they know what day it is.
If you dropped a blonde, and a brunette out of a window, who would hit the ground first?
The brunette, because the blonde would get lost on the way.
What do you call a blonde that dies her hair?
Artificial intelligence
How do you give a blonde more head room in a car?
Adjust the steering.
Tronsky
-
a blonde goes for a drive in the country.
she is amazingly good with math and numbers. in spite of how good she is she had to dye her hair brown so that people would hire her for her skills (nobody would want a blonde accountant).
so anyway, she's out on this drive, and she comes up to a flock of sheep. It's huge and blocking the whole road so she has to pull over and wait.
while she waits, shepherd comes up and chats with her while the dog gets the flock across the road.
eventually the conversation gets to her math skills. she tells the shepherd "in fact I'm so good with numbers that I can tell you exactly how many sheep are in your flock right now"
the shepherd seeing the sheep mill around each other was the flock makes it's way across, knows there's no way she could count them under these conditions and calls BS
"no really I can. in fact I'll make a bet with you. if I can guess the exact number of sheep can I have one"
laughing the shepherd says "sure, if you guess right you can have one"
"783"
"son of a squeak. how did you do that? that's exactly right go get your sheep"
so the blonde wades out into the flock to get her sheep and drops it in the back seat of the car.
the shepherd says " I have another bet for you."
"sure"
"If I can guess what color your hair used to be can I have my dog back"
-
Dammit!
Mrs. Tahgut is blonde!
Now I have to explain all these jokes to her!
-
Whats the difference between a blonde and a computer?
You only have to punch the information into a computer once.
Oh, so bad. :D
-
A blonde after years of saving up her money, takes an extravagant trip to Florida visiting all of the attractions. Finally she arrives at the Everglades and comes across a mom and pop shack selling genuine alligator-skin boots. Having used all her money on the trip and the other attractions she grumbled to the Vender, "I've always wanted some of these but I never found them genuine...just my luck...Ill go get my own!!".
The vender watches the blonde jump into her car and drive away knocking over several fenceposts on the way out. Angry, the Vender writes down her tag number and plans a trip to town to report the out of control, out-of-towner.
A few minutes later as the vender rides up the road he spots the blonde's car sitting on the side of the road beside a large lake and spots the blonde catching alligator's and turning them over.
He stops and yells, "What the hell are you doin??". The blond in a disgusted manner throws the alligator down and screams back, "This one aint got no boots on either!":D
-
Why do blondes wear panties?
To keep their ankles warm.
-
Whats with the beating up woman jokes...
-
....because they just don't LISTEN!
-
How can you tell that a blond has baked chocolet chip cookies ?
There are M&M shells all over the floor :D
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do blonds wash their hair in the sink ?
Cause thats where vegtables are washed :D
-
Had this in my stored images for just this occasion...
-
Q: What do you call an intelligent blonde?
A: Golden Retriever