Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Hortlund on March 12, 2003, 01:00:20 AM
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The latest batch of nominees for the 2002 Darwin Awards.
Organisers give the awards posthumously, to people who have "improved our gene pool by removing themselves from it in really stupid ways".
The organisers say the winners will be announced in a couple of weeks.
¨ Faulty Aim Fatal
Colorado | When Gerald was pulled over for erratic driving, he decided to flee on foot, and fire a gun wildly over his shoulder at the police pursuit. His aim was no better than his driving. He shot himself in the head with his own weapon, bringing the chase -- and his life -- to a sudden conclusion.
¨ Return to Trees Fails
Hawaii | Millennia after an evolving human species descended from the trees, 30-year-old Joshua reversed the process and removed himself from the gene pool while perched in a tree, stealing a branch from an expensive hardwood. To his credit, he didn’t make the mistake of cutting the branch supporting him. Instead, he cut the branch directly above his head....
¨ Sneakers
Pennsylvania | An employee of a camp for juvenile delinquents was trying to remove sneakers dangling from the electric lines, when his tool -- a pocket knife taped to a fourteen-foot copper tube -- slipped and pierced the insulation. His death came as a shock to no one but himself.
¨ Tirol Chainsaw Scam
Italy | A poorly planned insurance scam ended in the death of a man who had persuaded his cousin to sever his leg with a chainsaw, in order to collect half a million dollars for permanent disability.
¨ Human Catapult
England | A member of the Human Catapult Club climbed into the bucket of a medieval trebuchet, and catapulted himself out of existence when he missed the all-important safety net 50 feet away.
¨ Truck Stop
Bangladesh | Six highway robbers who sought victims by blocking a bypass with their car at midnight, were crushed by a truck that was unable to stop in time. Five dacoits died, and a sixth was critically wounded. A cow was also killed in the accident.
¨ Jet Taxi
Brazil | A 64-year-old taxi driver who sped onto the runway after dropping off his passenger at the airport, was treated to the blast of a 737 preparing for take-off. The man’s tip for the fare was a broken skull and thorax.
¨ Daredevil
United Kingdom | A man inspired by the urban building-jumping craze misjudged a 20-foot jump between car parks, and fell forty feet to land on solid concrete. A friend who was with him at the time said, "We just did stupid stuff when we were bored, like finding gaps to jump." The result was inevitable...
¨ The Smoking Gun
Wisconsin | Two drunks were goofing around when one challenged the other to shoot him with cigarette butts to see how it felt. The target died of two cigarette butts to the head and one to the heart.
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Oh, here are the nominees and winner from last year.
The Annual Darwin Awards...................
DARWIN AWARDS Hard to believe, but another year has passed. We have once again found the Darwin Award Winning Nominees.
The Darwin's are awarded every year to the persons who died (or
almost died) in the stupidest way. Named Darwin Awards because it is hoped that "Survival of the Fittest" means something.
This Year's Nominees Are:
Nominee No. 1:
[San Jose Mercury News]: An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
Nominee No. 2:
[Kalamazoo Gazette]: James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, Mich., was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as a "farm type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."
Nominee No. 3:
[Hickory Daily Record]: Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot
himself to death in December in Newton, NC, awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith &Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.
Nominee No. 4:
[UPI, Toronto]: Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of
windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the building's windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously has conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man association.
Nominee No. 5:
[Bloomberg News Service]: A terrible diet and room with no
ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas. There was no mark on his body and an autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't
have been fatal. But the man was shut up in his near airtight bedroom.
According to the article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity
for creating "this deadly gas." Three of the rescuers got sick and
one was hospitalized.
Nominee No. 6:
[The News of the Weird]: Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.
Nominee No. 7:
[The Indianapolis Star]: A cigarette lighter may have triggered a
fatal explosion in Dunkirk, Indiana. A Jay County man using a
cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader was killed
Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's
investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents'
rural Dunkirk home abou 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was
cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle loader that had not been firing
properly. He was using the lighter to look into the barrel when the
gun powder ignited.
Nominee No. 8:
[Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]: A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheeled chair when the accident occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears the chair moved and he went over the balcony," Honer said.
Finally, Nominee No. 9, The Winner!!!:
[Arkansas Democrat Gazette]: Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock were returning to Des Arc after a frog gigging trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pickup truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his
pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering wheel
column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began to
operate properly and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge. After traveling approximately twenty miles and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparentl overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the right testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will requir surgery to repair the testicle. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when
Thurston shot himself or we might both be dead" stated
Wallis. "I've been a trooper for ten years in this part of the
world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two
would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder. Upon
being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's wife) asked how
many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck??