Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Saurdaukar on March 21, 2003, 10:15:25 AM
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WOW! Just had my excitement for the day!
Went outside the office to have a puff... its warm enough, so I figured I'd take a stroll around the building and make a few phone calls at the same time.
Im on the phone, merrily walking when I hear the flapping of wings and hissing!
I look up and... "What the diddly!?!?!" A whoopee goose is headed STRAIGHT FOR ME!! The thing is going about mach 5, is no more that 5 feet from me when I spot it, wings outspread, head hieght, and hissing!!
After yelling the above quoted words to the individual on the other end of the phone, I take a good 6-7 steps backward without thinking in horror of this black and white beast hellbent on my destruction!
Upon noting that the goose was flying faster than I was stumbling backwards I cocked my arm in a backhand position and held my ground in anticipation of my own "shock and awe" strike.
I wait a split second for the infidel to enter into the firing arc of my fist and let loose. Three knuckels firmly plant into the fat underbelly of this feathered warrior and the crunch was satisfying. The goose is knocked to the ground, and with my defensive measure successful, I proceed to step further away from this furious flyer.
Now on the ground, the goose is hissing madly and starts running at me! Hell with this, I shut the phone off and ran like an 8 year old to the front door into the waiting taunts of my co-workers. Safely inside the building now, my collegues and I watch as the goose returns to its previous location, obviously a nest.
Amidst settling a bit from my adrenaline rush, I eye up my aggressor and begin laughing. This indeed... is turning out to be an intersting day. :D
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Originally posted by Oedipus
GO GOOSE!!!!!
(you beating up a goose is not to far out for an analogy of what the UK/US is doing to Iraq too!)
I have reason to believe that the goose was a UAV remote controlled by someone in the bushes (Dowding?) and was potentially filled with WMD.
My strike was a preemptive measure to ensure the loss of life was minimal.
You should have seen this... Funniest Home Video material for sure.... Im just thankful he didnt have a wingman - I would have been roped.
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OMG is that funny. I had a GREAT mental image of that!!
thanks for the laugh!! :D :D :D :D
hehehehehe
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Originally posted by Saurdaukar
I have reason to believe that the goose was a UAV remote controlled by someone in the bushes (Dowding?) and was potentially filled with WMD.
My strike was a preemptive measure to ensure the loss of life was minimal.
You should have seen this... Funniest Home Video material for sure.... Im just thankful he didnt have a wingman - I would have been roped.
Geese make awesome security guards. They are vicious. You are lucky she did not start biteing you. I saw some nasty scars on someone once that got them from a goose attack.
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lol Mazz. You remember gettin' testy with me in the Nascar thread?
Next time, I'll send something with claws. :D
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Originally posted by Apache
lol Mazz. You remember gettin' testy with me in the Nascar thread?
Next time, I'll send something with claws. :D
LOL!! Ill be watching the race this weekend - dont send anymore of your goons! :D
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Oedipus, nothing is so one sided as the confrontation between Saddam's torturers and his helpless victims. Thank God they will no longer be at his mercy.
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Originally posted by Saurdaukar
LOL!! Ill be watching the race this weekend - dont send anymore of your goons! :D
ROFLMAO!
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Mazz is a popsicle.
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Hand to Beak combat, gotta love it :)
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Was it a Canda goose?
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Originally posted by Airhead
Mazz is a popsicle.
Ah, finally a user name that reflects the user. :D
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LOL At least I wouldn't run from a bird!! My God man, I thought you Philly guys were tough!! I doubt it was a goose, too- it was probably a little duck. A yellow one. Made out of rubber. Nanner. Nanner nanner. :D
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Originally posted by Airhead
LOL At least I wouldn't run from a bird!! My God man, I thought you Philly guys were tough!! I doubt it was a goose, too- it was probably a little duck. A yellow one. Made out of rubber. Nanner. Nanner nanner. :D
Bird my bellybutton - this flying tank dwarfed a C130. Superman would have run from this thing.
Its too bad my digicam is at home... my first thought was to go back out with a camera, try and piss it off again, and take pictures of mid-air engagements. :D (Never said I was very bright)
At this point, Im trying to figure out how to get to my car without being killed on the way - he's probably made a few phone calls and I expect a flock waiting for me. Maybe I should call some of my tough "Philly-Yo" buds to come save me from being easten in very small bits and being digested by a killer goose. ;)
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ROFLMAO Hey, I've been chased by a goose before- they're highly territorial. Take Ripsnort with you and the goose might mistake his head for an egg and sit on it, thus allowing you to escape.
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My brother, when he was a kid about 7 or 8, had a similar encounter with low flying Pelican. That damn bird had a 6 foot wingspan EASY. I thought the thing was gonna kill him.
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I've seen barnyard geese back down a German shepherd, they just spread their wings and charged, looked a lot bigger that way.
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Originally posted by ra
Was it a Canda goose?
Hell no, a Canadian goose would be too much of a little squeak to attack.
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Actually, they are pretty fediddlein vicious.
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i worked at a golf course and we had to chase the geese and their goslings off the greens cause they shat everywhere.
let me tell you, geese are tough as all hell. especially with their goslings around. i bet a few funny movies could have been made of me running away from a goose getting my bellybutton nipped at.
it is a wonder you survived :)
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UPDATE!!!
Ok, I made it home... the parking lot was encounter number two... I swear the bastard was waiting for me.
After the mocking chants of "Careful out there!" from the local female population, I decided it was time to face my fear...
I walked outside sheepishly, wishing I was armed... Ive been threatened by humans and other life forms before... but usually because I deserved it...
This was something different. Something... evil. I had not done anything to deserve this premediated attack.
Taking the back door out, the closest way to the car, I turned the corner in antisipation...
And there he was... or what it she? Im not sure, but I do know there were TWO of them! Perhaps the initial perp had brought along his double in an attempt to confuse me into thinking I could spot the attacker.
As soon as I began walking to my car at a rather brisk pace, the heads of both birds of prey turned to follow my movement.. now 100 yards away... with the car in the middle.
It was like a western, high-noon show down. I stop... the geese stop. They may have been communicating telepathicaly to coordinate their assault... I couldnt be sure...
I felt the car keys at my hip... warm, sweaty steel... beging to be used... and prepared to make my move...
HONK HONK!!
"JESUS CHRIST!!!!" There are MORE OF THEM!! They've suckered me into a pincer attack!! ...obviously these geese had seen Jurrasic Park and had witnessed the raptor's tactics - I was doomed!
But alas... it was a car horn... I was in the way.
So I step aside and wave... conscience not to take my attention off of my adversaries completely.
As the car passes and drives off... it is completely ignored by the beaked beasts. I renew my courage and prepare to step forward into whatever fate has in store for me.
The geese follow suit... matching my every move... as if they knew which car was mine... I quicken my pace... although not drasticly as Im sure my presence in the parking lot was enough to have the employee's from the entire eastern side of the building pressing their noses against the glass in anticipation of blood... I did not want to look like a fool... a strapping young man running from a silly goose.
I continue my advance... as do the geese. Now 75 yards apart, and still, with the car inbetween us.
50 yards...
40 yards...
30 yards...
Twenty-five yards... its on... the leftmost goose flips the switch and goes hot. I proceed to quicken my pace to exceed that of this black and white blur intent on demonstrating his supremency in the parking lot.
I prepare to make evasive manuvers...
Im in.
The goose walks faster... I walk faster...
Suddenly the goose opens its jaws of death and lets loose a roar, signaling his determination to feed his children tonight... and good eating this human will be.
The hissing gets louder, the pace is quickened, my heart is pumping, and his girlfreind watches without interest... certain of the victory before the fight.
I leap toward the drivers side of the car, being sure to conserve my E, and hit the unlock button on the remote. The hazard lights blink once... twice... as if taunting me. The car is unlocked.
I make a dive for the handle... the predator is almost upon me and Im sure this is the end. Visions of eye patches and 6 inch scars flash before my eyes... I find myself wishing I had written a letter home and given it to my secretary... but alas... it is a shambles... the beast is close... I can feel him breathing... the hate radiates from his body and signals my demise. I am finished.
But no...
My hand somehow finds the door handle through this fog of war... this cloud that hangs over me during my moment of truth...
I give a yank... firm, decisive, and with conviction.
I open the door, slide in, and shut the impenitrable wall of steel behind me... the goose is inches behind... his wings beat upon the window glass, thumping like some sick, twisted rendition of a scene from an Edgar Allen Poe story.
I have made it. I am safe. I live to fight another day.
The goose backs away from the steel shield surrounding me and opens his mouth, hissing in angar... his children will not eat tonight.
I engage reverse and back out of my space... into first gear and proceed to pull ahead out of the parking lot.
As a final act of defiance, the goose follows the car, obviously aware of its contents, and lets loose a roar in frustration... "do not come back" he seems to say.
But I will... on Monday... to fight again.
I have tasted the flames of hell, and have survived.
Bottom of the first... Mazz 1... Goose 1.
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What a vivid imagination you have.
If I had the inclination to hide in some bushes waiting for the great Sawdaukar to pass by, I'd probably avoid that hassle and just curl one out on the hood of your car. Much more satisfying, I should think.
Good day.
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Originally posted by Dowding
If I had the inclination to hide in some bushes waiting for the great Sawdaukar to pass by, I'd probably avoid that hassle and just curl one out on the hood of your car. Much more satisfying, I should think.
Youre late Duwding, I poked at you hours ago - besides - we determined that Apache is responsible for sending the killer goose.
In any event... why would you publicly defecate on someones car? Thats gross, man... didnt your father tell you that those fun frat games you played at university arent "cool" in the world outside of campus?
Silly boy. :D
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That's a matter of opinion based on whether your doing the giving or receiving.
Besides, I have some stories from where I work now that beat anything I did at uni.
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Originally posted by Dowding
That's a matter of opinion based on whether your doing the giving or receiving.
Besides, I have some stories from where I work now that beat anything I did at uni.
I'd tell your parents now. Granted they'll be shocked when you inform them of your sexual orientation... but at least youll be able to sleep at night. :D
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lolo
Shock and Awe...
lolol
Mazz..u funny guy
and airhead.. Piss Olf...and while im here..**** You:D
Love
BiGB
xoxo
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Very funny.
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Originally posted by Dowding
Very funny.
The story may be humorous... but if I saw some lad with his pants around his ankles, making constipated faces, ****ting on someones car, Id be in stiches. LOL :D
(http://thadood.ath.cx/images/constipated.jpg)
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Unless it was your car, and the protagonist in question had been eating nothing but curry and drinking guiness for a week.
I'm guessing that would dull the paintwork a little. :D
And that's all I have to say about excrement.
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Originally posted by Dowding
Unless it was your car, and the protagonist in question had been eating nothing but curry and drinking guiness for a week.
I'm guessing that would dull the paintwork a little. :D
And that's all I have to say about excrement.
LOL - granted... but Im still wondering why yours "curls." :D
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dang, Sard, youve got a bit of Hemingway in you, sounded like "Death in the Afternoon"
Can just see you two in the bullring, mano a gooso :)