Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Ripsnort on July 17, 2003, 04:45:05 PM
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Dear God:
Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
Dear God:
When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
Dear God:
Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?
Dear God:
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear God:
We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy
fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
Dear God:
More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God:
When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?
Dear God:
Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
Dear God:
Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog:
* I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they
throw it up
* I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I
like the way they smell.
* I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although
they are tasty, they are not food.
* The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
* The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
* The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
* My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
* I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's
driver's license and registration.
* I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the
toilet.
* Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of
saying "hello.'
* I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under
the coffee table.
* I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the
house.
* I will not throw up in the car.
* I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt
across the carpet.
* I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch
when company is over.
* The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes
that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
Dear God:
May I have my testicles back?
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Thems funny ripfart!
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Dear god
why does this bald man drinking cheap red whine keep rapeing me at night?
-dog
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Originally posted by Frogm4n
Dear god
why does this bald man drinking cheap red whine keep rapeing me at night?
-dog
BBS stalker, Skuzzy! Red Alert!
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stop stalking me rip. iwas drunk and it didnt mean anything its over!
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Good ones rip.
I have here the atheist dogs variant of the same:
...
:D
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I demand the minute of my life back that I spent reading part of that, Rip! Booooooo!
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does rip have an bellybutton sniffing fetish?
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Dear God Funny how they got our names backwards:D
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Funniest thing I ever saw was when my friend's Black Lab came into the house and immediately started draging his butt on the brand new white carpet my friend had just installed. Had been listening to him all day bragging about how expensive it was, etc...
:D
Les
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A guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking
Dog for Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in
the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black
mutt just sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the mutt replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this
gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government,
so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they
had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms
with spies and world leaders, because no one
figured a dog would be eavesdropping.
I was one of their most valuable spies eight years
running. The jetting around really tired me out, and
I knew I wasn't getting any younger and wanted to
settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport
to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering
near suspicious characters and listening in.
I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was
awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of
puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner
what he wants for the dog.
The owner says, "Ten dollars."
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are
you selling him, so cheap?"
The owner replies, "He's such a liar. He didn't do any
of that crap."