Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Nifty on July 28, 2003, 10:05:36 AM
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Someone emailed this to me. :)
Dear Dogs,
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two dogs in the way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but doggy sarcasm.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, and try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years; canine attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, and then go smell the other dog's rear end. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.
Rules for non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets:
1. The dog lives here. You don't.
2. If you don't want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my dog a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, she's a dog. To me, she's an adopted daughter who is short, hairy walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
5. **Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the pups.
The same applies to cats, except they ignore you until you are asleep.
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Some very true observations there, Nifty.
I still laugh when I think about the dog story told by Daddog. I'll try to paraphrase:
It was Thanksgiving. Jim's family and extended family had just sat down to a Thanksgiving Turkey dinner with all the trimmings. The large roast Turkey sat on the table waiting to be carved when an older family member suddenly became ill. The dinner was postponed while the entire family left to go to the hospital, leaving the family dog behind.
Later, when they all returned home, they opened the door to see that the large roast turkey had been demolished!
The family dog lay on the floor, so full of turkey he was unable to stand up. All he could do was lay there and wag his tail! :D
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Oh..so true.. lol
Some days I wish mine was dumb for her own good... Hasn't worked yet its a Collie. Very well trained..now if I can just teach her to not jump the baby gate :rolleyes:
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Had a collie from 5th grade thru college. If you wet one down you will see it's just a greyhound with hair. Mine could clear a 6 foot fence without effort.