Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: midnight Target on July 30, 2003, 10:22:24 AM
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How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
a fish.
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LOL, that is funny on so many different levels.....
:D
Crap, that must make me a surrealist.....
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LOL
(These two are thye only ones I can think of at the moment - They may not be PC - blow me if your sensative. If youre Skuzzy, however, edit at your discression - no harm meant) ;)
How many battered women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-One if she knows whats good for her.
How do you tell a women with two black eyes to screw in a lightbulb?
-You already told her twice.
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How many self help gurus does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, but its got to want to change
Tronsky
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How many Southern Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three....One to screw in the lightbulb and two to experience it.
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How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
3. One to change the lightbulb, one to pour the whiskey, and one to write an Ode to the dead lightbulb.
or
6. One to hold the bulb and five others to stand around and drink until the room spins.
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How many Notre Dame fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
10, one to screw it in and 9 to reminisce about it
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lightbulb jokes (http://www.twisted.dk/light.htm)
How many dead politicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
- As many as possible.
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Few more:
How many acedemics does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, thats what grad students are for.
How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, men will screw anything.
How many intelligence operatives does it take to change a lightbulb?
What lightbulb?
How many Methodists does it take to change a lightbulb?
We choose not to make a statement of either in favour of or against the need for a light bulb however, if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship to your light bulb and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way,long-lived, and tinted; all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence through Jesus Christ.
Drumroll...........
How many Liberals does it take to change a lightbulb?
At least ten, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb they still may not change it to keep from alienating those who might use other forms of light.
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how many male chauvinists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
none, let that squeak cook in the dark!
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How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw it in, and one to suck my ****.
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Originally posted by Tarmac
How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw it in, and one to suck my ****.
awesome, simply awesome.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?
None - If it can't change itself.... screw it!
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how many sensitive guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
13- 1 to change it and 12 for the suport group so he can talk about how it made him feel.
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and one thats spicific for my work-
How many 'tube welders' does it take to change a light bulb?
just one, you hold it up and wait while the whole damn job revolves around you.
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Q. How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One. ONE!! And do you know why it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to FIND the light bulbs, despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS.
But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS . . . . .
I'm sorry, what did you ask me?
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Originally posted by midnight Target
How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?
None - If it can't change itself.... screw it!
You forgot the last part, "...screw it, the tax payers aren't dolling out $34.89 for a $.98 lightbulb that's addicted to halogen, has three mini lights, and can't find a bright future."
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Q: How many women with MENOPAUSE or PMS does it take
to change a light bulb?
A: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because
no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light
bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED
OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS
before they figured it out. And, once they figured it
out, they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs
despite the fact that they've been in the SAME
CUPBOARD for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by
some miracle of God, actually find them 2 DAYS LATER,
the chair they dragged to stand on to change the
STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!!
AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID
LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES
OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL
SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT
DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN
ARMY TO CLEAN THIS DAMNED HOUSE!
I'm sorry.... What was the question?
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Originally posted by Maverick
Q: How many women with MENOPAUSE or PMS does it take
to change a light bulb?
A: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because
no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light
bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED
OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS
before they figured it out. And, once they figured it
out, they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs
despite the fact that they've been in the SAME
CUPBOARD for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by
some miracle of God, actually find them 2 DAYS LATER,
the chair they dragged to stand on to change the
STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!!
AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID
LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES
OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL
SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT
DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN
ARMY TO CLEAN THIS DAMNED HOUSE!
I'm sorry.... What was the question?
PLAIGIARISM!!!!!
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Originally posted by BEVO
awesome, simply awesome.
BEVO, that joke is best told with its counterpart (not a light bulb joke). Works best at bars or parties when the joke teller is hammered, because no matter how many times I tell it, it's always hilarious if I'm hammered.
The lead-in joke is:
Q: Why did the feminist cross the road?
A: To suck my ****!!!!
Then follow with the light bulb joke. Good for a laugh every time ya tell it. :D