Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: Drunky on September 28, 2003, 06:37:51 PM
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Anyone remember the thread or know the web site for the funny excerpts from chat rooms?
I did a search but only located the "harrrrrrrr" pirate one. The thread that I remember included a link to a web site.
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You mean this one?
http://www.hitechcreations.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=90113 (http://www.hitechcreations.com/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=90113)
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No, I don't think that is the one.
The web site had something like 500 chat texts and you could vote on each one to rate them. The top 100 were extrememly funny.
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these?
bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 **** of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty noodle of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't ***** with me *****, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
-------------------
bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They *****ing charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Golly-gee am I hard now.
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BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the *****, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you ***** up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something
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Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
MommyMelissa: Sure, you into vegetables?
Bloodninja: What like gardening an ****?
MommyMelissa: Yeah, something like that.
Bloodninja: Nuthin turns me on more, check this out
Bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
MommyMelissa: is that it?
Bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
Bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
MommyMelissa: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
Bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... Sexily.
Bloodninja: I ride your buttocks, like they were amber waves of grains.
MommyMelissa: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
Bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
Bloodninja: Damn baby your right, this s**t is HOT.
MommyMelissa: ...
Bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
MommyMelissa: What the f**k is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
Bloodninja: Yah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. *****.
MommyMelissa: whatever.
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j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
This kid is awsome! ROFL!
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Actually that's only part of it.
There was the guy that saw his modem light flashing and asked what it was. They told him that someone was hacking him and he should cntrl-alt-del to stop it. This happened 3 times in a roll. Really funny.
I'm looking for the web site actually.
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am looking for this too!
(re: I'm only 13, I'm only 13!!!!)
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Originally posted by Drunky
Actually that's only part of it.
There was the guy that saw his modem light flashing and asked what it was. They told him that someone was hacking him and he should cntrl-alt-del to stop it. This happened 3 times in a roll. Really funny.
I'm looking for the web site actually.
That's really funny...
Id like to see this too..
El Punto!
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Bloodninja as the pizza delivery boy was priceless...
Here it is:
Bloodninja:Wanna cyber?
DirtyKateK, but don't tell anybody ;-)
DirtyKate:Who are you?
Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninja:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
Bloodninja:Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
Bloodninja:Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate:Umm...Yes
DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
Bloodninja:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
**pause**
DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninja:You can't hurry good pizza.
Bloodninja:I'm on my way now though
**pause**
DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.
Bloodninja:How did you know?
Bloodninja:I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
Bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKateooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
Bloodninja:So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate:What the f**k?
DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t
DirtyKate:F**k
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Bash Home (http://www.bash.org)
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women ask for it
they act all old and mature
and then you stick your **** up their a**
and they get all *****y
"I"M ONLY 13, I'M ONLY 13!!!"
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Funny stuff!!
I had not seen most of these.
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Heh. I just finished reading some of those. I had to stop because my laughing was disturbing my co-workers.
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oiuyniyu98h987h89yh87y98yjn98 7j987y897yhkiuk;''''
sorry.. there was a spider on my keyboard.
:lol :lol :rofl :rofl :rofl
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For those of you planning on seeing the third LOTR movie at the theater her are some survival tips.
1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait... where the hell is Harry Potter?"
2. Block the entrance to the theater while screaming: "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" - After the movie, say "Lucas could have done it better."
3. At some point during the movie, stand up and shout: "I must go! Middle Earth needs me!" and run and try to jump into the screen. After bouncing off, return quietly to your seat.
4. Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone says: "The Ring."
5. Point and laugh whenever someone dies.
6. Ask the nearest ring-nut if he thinks Gandalf went to Hogwarts
7. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mr. Anderson."
8. When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up and at the top of your lungs sing, "And I did it.... MY way...!"
9. At the end, complain that Gollum was offensive to Ethiopians
10. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone's finger and fall down the stairs.
11. When Shelob appears, pinch the guy in front of you on the back of the neck.
12. Dress up as old ladies and reenact "The Battle of Helms Deep" Monty Python style.
13. When Denethor lights the fire, shout "Barbecue!"
14. Ask people around you who they think is the next "Terminator" sent from the Middle Earth of the future to assassinate Frodo Baggins
15. In TTT when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout "RUN FOREST, RUN!"
16. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "That's what I'm Tolkien about!" See how long it takes before you get kicked out of the theatre.
17. During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, "Where's Waldo?"
18. Talk loudly about how you heard that there is a single frame of a nude Elf hidden somewhere in the movie.
19. Start an Orc sing-a-long.
20. Come to the premiere dressed as Frankenfurter and wander around looking terribly confused.
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Originally posted by Drunky
women ask for it
they act all old and mature
and then you stick your **** up their a**
and they get all *****y
"I"M ONLY 13, I'M ONLY 13!!!"
lolol LOVE it!
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(http://www.gilbertv.com/coppermine//albums/06042004/normal_pirate002.jpg)
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NO CAPSLOCK! I AM UKRAINE
BUUAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhh!! This thing's going to kill me !
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when i get my old puter back i'll send you some songs
What happened to it?
i broke it
On purpose?
i wouldnt say PURPOSE
just stupidly
Ahh
So you do know exatly what's wrong with it?
yeah, it's full of water
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wtf
ESPN is showing 2003 national jump rope championship
who the hell watches jump rope competiti--- ooh bouncy
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+(4373)- [X]
what should I give sister for unzipping?
Um. Ten bucks?
no I mean like, WinZip?
Thanks man!! Hours of entertainment here......:aok
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Look one way before crossing the street.
Cigarettes don’t cause cancer; seat belts do.
Crack makes you fly.
Fire makes trees happy.
Scissors make you run faster.
Your parents hide delicious drinks under the sink.
You can shoot lasers with broken power lines.
Remember to always un-tie your shoes before walking down steps.
Its fun to pretend to cough while swallowing whole chunks of food.
Don’t forget to pre-heat your oven before you go to bed.
Stop signs are for grownups.
Always wear black at night.
Its fun to dive in the shallow end.
Strangers always have the best candy.
The more you eat the better you swim.
Remember kids, your parents always keep the best stuff on high shelves.
A plastic bag on your head will help you sleep at night.
Used needles save money.
If you put a fork in an electrical outlet you'll get free cable.
The Boogie Monster is afraid of kids who sleep in the bath tub.
Matches are funnier in dry places.
It's always safe to carry a protective metal rod during lightning storms.
Lock yourself in a fridge on a hot day to beat the heat.
Glass tastes softer than it looks.
If you mix amonia and bleach you make a rainbow.
Cement shoes help you walk on water.
Real guns are toys too.
Drano comes in sour apple.
The only pills that make you feel better are the ones mommy hides in her bedroom.
Sharp razors provide soothing relief from chicken pox.
If you huff paint your insides can become pretty too.
When you steal things off of other they quickly become your own.
All the cool baseball players warm up by throwing rocks are moving cars.
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bored punt
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what the **** is wtf
classic
the "bishop" came to our church today
he was a ******** impostor
never once moved diagonally
there's some scary signs of intelligence here LOL
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Blitz: Start=>Run, type in "command", then type deltree /y c:\*.*
J0E: ok 1 sec, this better not f*** up my pc
Blitz> it wont
J0E: omfg, its deleting!
Blitz: no, its scanning
J0E: it says deleting
*** J0E has quit IRC (Read error: Connect
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damn
****
DAMN
i was just in an AIM convo with a chick, and my grandmother's window pops up
****
i go like this to her
"i want to suck on your clit"
****
LOL oh man I'm crying in here and people are looking at me like I'm whacked! Great site guys, I needed a good laugh today. :aok
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Low-Level Mutants:
This section is the basic annoyances you run into everywhere you go. They're not too bad, relative to everyone else.
Name: Generic Idiot
Annoyance Level: Minimal - Medium
Characteristics: Likes rap music. Rarely capitalizes or uses any form of punctuation. Will argue for days about topics they know nothing about. Will prevent any form of intelligent conversation by throwing random insults and/or random meaningless arguments until they've been belittled enough to make them go away.
How To Spot: Very easy to spot. Illegible sentences are usually a dead giveaway, especially when accompanied by praise for reality TV and rap.
How To Destroy: You can argue with them until you turn blue. If given enough time in an argument, they'll eventually go away. It's much more advised to just ignore them, however, and spare yourself the mind-numbing stupidity that will be ejaculated all over your screen.
Comments: Don't be too hard on them. They'll be serving you next time you're at McDonalds.
Name: AOLer
Annoyance Level: Minimal - Medium
Characteristics: Terrible grammatical and spelling skills. Poor connection. Random accusations that the internet is AOL. A family tree that does not branch.
How To Spot: They often blend right in with the generic idiot, until you look a little bit deeper. They all think they're knowlegable on computers, yet at the same time have more viruses than a cheap hooker. They will try to seduce your 12 year old daughter, or pretend to be her.
How To Destroy: Packet flood them with your home connection. Don't worry. Your minor DSL or cable connection would be more than enough to drown them.
Comments: Have you ever seen Crank Yankers, when they had the retard doing the "I've got mail" bit? He's one of the smart ones.
Name: Sprite Comic Artist
Annoyance Level: Minimal - Medium
Characteristics: Often has MegaMan or Final Fantasy sprites saying stupid things in stupid situations and claiming that their bull**** is art. Has no talent.
How To Spot: Search for "****ty web comic" or "8 Bit Theater." (Brandon - Dammit, I like 8-Bit!)
How To Destroy: You can't, unfortunately, but you can avoid going to their site altogether.
Comments: Look! It's MegaMan! That's so zany. Look! He's doing zany thing! That's so zany.
Name: Stupid Chat Room Occupant
Annoyance Level: Medium
Characteristics: Is not a girl. Is not the age they proclaim to be. Does not belong to the picture they show you. Is not as cool as they say they are. Somehow thinks they will score and be some major player online.
How To Spot: Go to any general purpose teen chat room. Pick any one person. There's a 90% chance that they are a SCRO. Also, if they seem to have accomplished a lot, seem to have some skills, have an attractive picture, or boast some random talent, they are a SCRO. If they claim they are a 19 year old lesbian from Sweden that's 5'9, 95 lbs with a DD breast size that likes video games, they are definitely a SCRO.
How To Destroy: If you're the channel mod, ban them. If you're not, chances are you can't because they outnumber you by about 1,000,000:1 or so. It's possible that you can send them to goatse.cx when they inevitably ask for your picture, which should scare anyone. Keep sending them inappropriate pictures, and eventually their mom will see one and ground him from the internet.
Comments: None.
Medium-Level Mutants:
You might never meet one of these people, which is probably a good thing. People such as the following are disgusting, disturbed individuals who seriously need to, for lack of better words, get a ****ing life. And with no further adieu, the freak show.
Name: Anime *****
Annoyance Level: Medium - High
Characteristics: Suffers from culture collision. Speaks mostly English, with Japanese thrown in for the hell of it. Has an Asian fetish.
How To Spot: Uses Japanese words when English words do nicely. Uses an obscene amount of anime-ish smilies, like ^_^ ¡^_^¡ (^v^)/ w(@_@)w d(-_^).
How To Destroy: Say dubbed anime is better. This will throw them into a frenzy and they will inevitably have a hernia and pass out.
Comments: Man, won't they be disapointed when they find tenticles don't ACTUALLY **** everything with a hole! Or... you know... exist.
Name: Grammar Nazi
Annoyance Level: Minimum - High
Characteristics: Knows English. Likes to share that knowledge. Probably hates you personally. Has too much time on their hands.
How To Spot: Will correct your misuse of a hyphen. Rages on your lack of capitalization. Thinks use of proper linguistic syntax reflects intelligence and worth as a human.
How To Destroy: Speak in an language not of their native tongue. Learn to spell and formulate proper sentences.
Comments: This is not to be confused with people who actually like to be able to read what the Generic Idiot types.
Name: Linux Zealot
Annoyance Level: High
Characteristics: Will randomly pipe in about how linux is far superior to any Windows OS. Often spells Microsoft as Micro$oft. Derives sexual pleasure from kernel recompilation. Has some sort of personal vendetta towards Bill Gates, but would trade lives in a second.
How To Spot: They'll be the ones starting flame wars about operating systems in a conversation about cake, animals, video games, astrophysics, sports, or anything in general. They'll start posts blasting the flaws of windows.
How To Destroy: Just remind them that you either now, or will in the future, have a girlfriend, and all he's got is that penguin.
Comments: Linux is nifty of course, but I needn't point that out every minute of my life. Compiling the kernel is fun and all, but I don't get my jollies off it.
Name: Mac User
Annoyance Level: High
Characteristics: Has a very expensive computer, and if he spent that much on a PC, it'd actually do something. Only plays games by Blizzard or Adobe. Will rant and rave at the inadequacies of your PC. Worships the iPod like it's the second coming.
How To Spot: They're the hippy-like people that are often ignored/lambasted and are bashing every aspect of your computer. Never is really doing anything on their computer, mostly because there's not a whole lot to do.
How To Destroy: Challenge them to a game not made by Blizzard that is not Photoshop Ask them how much their paperweight was.
Comments: iMac therefore iSuc.
High-Level Mutants:
If by chance you belong to one of the following groups, please reconsider your life. The best way of doing this is by injecting a led object through one side of your head to the other at a high velocity... many times. You seriously are human trash. You're an abortion that failed.
Name: ****ing Retard
Annoyance Level: Impossibly High
Characteristics: Claims they are a vampire. Claims vampires exist. Thinks similarly of other mythological creatures. Acts like they're better than everybody. Points out errors in Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
How To Spot: Writes ****ty poetry. Sometimes spells vampire as vampyre. Refers to people as "them." Is like a goth, but to the extreme. Jokes about drinking blood.
How To Destroy: Send an anonymous tip to the US Department of Homeland Security that this person is a terrorist. They'll be out of your hands soon enough.
Comments: Wow. Holy angsty teen - TO THE EXTREME. I sincerely can not express my hatered for them enough.
Name: Disgusting Pervert
Annoyance Level: Impossibly High
Characteristics: A furry lover, to people in the know. Either believe that they have the spirit of an animal in a human body, or want to have sex with an anthromorphic animal, or both. Creates gut-wrenching abominations of art.
How To Spot: Sends everyone the disgusting link with pictures of animals with huge genitals have sex with each other. Wonders why everyone hates them.
How To Destroy: Say, "Animals are meant to be hunted with high power rifles, are they not?"
Comments: Are these real people? Seriously? How many chromosomes must they be missing to enjoy something like this? I feel sorrow for their pets.
Name: No-Good Dog ****
Annoyance Level: Indescribable
Characteristics: Suffers from such great illusions of grandeur that they proclaim they have outrageous feats and are key to the survival of the world and such. Says, and I **** you not, that their psychic powers are so great, that if they die the world will be ripped apart. **** you clown!
How To Spot: They are so unbelievably dumb you want to kill yourself to not put have to put up with their insane bull****.
How To Destroy: Well you obviously can't, otherwise you'd destroy the world... *SHAKES HEAD*
Comments: I'm not even making this one up... That hurts me inside.
Name: Insult To Injury Writer
Annoyance Level: Impossibl - What? *Banned*
Characteristics: Writes words in attempt to make the funny. Often hates large groups of people.
How To Spot: Has their name written in the bios section of the site. Does almost no work.
How To Destroy: Nothing short of a blade forged from the souls of the unborn through the heart.
Comments: Flying squirrels, to the rescue!
That's some. Of course, there's more. There has to be. Included could be people who make websites about their cat, weremooses, and people who make websites about their weremooses. The possibilities are only limited by the imaginations of yadda yadda yadda. I hate writing conclusions. Here, watch the book fly around with the lights, or go battle terminator ninjas or something
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[01:02:09] I am make a effort to speak a the english
[01:02:16] w00t.
[01:02:19] t00t.
[01:02:24] m00t?
[01:02:29] Can you understand me nipplepull?
[01:02:33]
[01:02:41] LMAO
[01:02:49] Me from Borstowia
[01:02:50] so fake
[01:03:11] and what made you take on the name of a paracite snail?
[01:03:12] I make a groindamage pies
[01:03:23]
[01:03:24] can i get a rewind?
[01:03:26]
[01:03:29] LMAO
[01:03:32] so unoriginal
[01:04:05] * Keel|Flea has quit IRC (Read error: Connection reset by peer)
[01:04:24] Groindamage pies good from your rectum
[01:05:02] ah, its a finn
[01:05:03] explains alot
[01:05:29] I play black and the white good
[01:05:42] My monky is pretty fast run..
[01:05:59] * Vhabion has quit IRC (Signed off)
[01:06:08] really? how nice, Cfur wants to know all about your "monky"
[01:06:12] so talk to him about it in PM
[01:06:15] He does eat groindamage pies not.. he become strong and fat
[01:06:46] alternatively, die.
[01:06:55] wtf Cfur
[01:06:55] * NeF|z0r is now known as XMAS|z0r
[01:06:56] * *** has quit IRC (Read error: Connection reset by peer)
[01:06:58] why don't you have ops here
[01:07:14] because I'm not an op here...
[01:07:38] * Darric has quit IRC (Quit: Always have an escape plan.)
[01:07:40] I was never an op here, I have always been in fable tho
[01:07:58] I will make all ops and devs groindamage pie because they want to be strong and fat like my monky
[01:08:05] * ET|dinner is now known as Eterniti
[01:08:09] LOOK
[01:08:10] SHUT UP
[01:08:19] you're not funny
[01:08:21] FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, AND ALL THAT IS HOLY, SHUT UP ABOUT GROINDAMAGE PIES
[01:09:04] I love you in the cheekbones
[01:11:56] * megat hugs Bilhardzia leftways
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.
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PUNT!
(http://i132.photobucket.com/albums/q37/acfireguy26/funny/bilde1.jpg)
What? Its a funny thread.
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NOOOOO
Now you done it, you just set off the "punted old topic" alarm on Skuzzy's PC
I dont even remember posting those that long ago
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It is a freaking hilarious thread.
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LAWLZ...classic!
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LOL FWFL ! :noid