Probably a work of fiction but an interesting read either way.
ULTIMATE REVENGE: Sealing the Gates to Islam’s Heaven
Jack Wheeler
May 21, 2004
Sit down and sit tight, folks, or else this is going to totally blow you away.
Over a drink at The Cosmos Club in downtown Washington the other day, one of the Pentagon’s key intel guys – let’s call him Larry Johansen – ran something by me.
“Suppose – purely hypothetically, you understand,” said Larry, “that there was a number of people where I work who became determined to exact an ultimate revenge for Islam perpetrating September 11 upon America, for dancing on the streets from Cairo to Damascus to Ramallah in celebration of the slaughter of 3,000 Americans and the destruction of the Twin Towers, for creating and tolerating Al Qaeda, for waging war on Western Civilization?”
“Ultimate revenge? Sounds intriguing,” I responded. “What might that be?”
“Well, this is just supposition, right?” Larry responded. “But if there were this group where I work, they would call it Project Jahannam.”
My eyebrows shot up. “Project Jahannam?”
“Yes – Jahannam, as you know, is the Arabic word for Islam’s Hell. If a Moslem doesn’t go to Jannah – Heaven, the Paradise with the virgins and all – when he dies, he burns in Jahannam. The goal of Project Jahannam would be to seal off the Gates of Paradise to every single Moslem in the entire Middle East – or even the entire world. Although – since we’re only speaking hypothetically here – I might have used the wrong tense. It might be that Project Jahannam has already been completed. It might be that no Moslem alive today has a chance to live in the Paradise of Jannah when they die. They all, just like every Moslem who has died of whatever cause for the past year or so, are doomed to spend eternity in Jahannam – the fires of Hell.”
There was the look of deepest satisfaction in Larry’s eyes.
I stared at the ice cubes in my glass of Glen Morangie for a moment to let this all sink in. “So,” I asked, “just how might one go about consigning all Moslems to Hell?”
“I have this nephew,” Larry said. “He’s all into enviro causes and such. Lives in Oregon. He’s normal and thinks ok for the most part. But every time he sees a jet plane’s contrail in the sky, he’s convinced the government is spraying chemicals in some nefarious experiment on us.”
We sipped our Scotch. He was enjoying this.
“Have you ever heard of biodiesel fuel? Just last night (May 11), the Senate passed a federal excise tax credit for biodiesel. It was Grassley’s thing (Sen Chuck Grassley, R-IA). He bills biodiesel as a “cleaner-burning alternative” to pure petroleum diesel, and also as a “renewable resource” since biodiesel contains an additive made from soybean oil. There are a lot of soybeans grown in Iowa.”
Larry continued. “The chemistry involved is pretty simple, a process called trans-esterification. Soybean oil is cooked with an alcohol like methanol and a catalyst like sodium methoxide. You distill out the water and glycerin. This “esterifies” the oil, turning it into a “mono-alkyl ester” derived from the long-chain fatty acids of the oil. This is fuel-grade biodiesel, which can be added up to 20% to petroleum diesel. With me so far?”
I nodded, waiting for the punch line.
“This transesterification process works with most any kind of vegetable oil, or animal fat…” He let those last two words float in the air.
“Animal fat?” I asked. “You mean like…?”
“Yes,” he answered, “like lard, pig fat.”
Larry leaned forward. “Biofuel can be made with pig fat just as easily as with soybean oil. You can add it to any kind of petroleum fuel – gasoline for cars, diesel for trucks, jet fuel for airplanes. If – if, remember – the Project Jahannam people arranged for the manufacture of large quantities of pig fat biofuel, and further arranged for it to be mixed into the jet fuel supplies used by most of the world’s airlines, then…” He paused for me to get the picture.
“Then the world’s breathable atmosphere,” I said, “would be permeated with molecules of pig fat.”
“Precisely” he said. “Now, pig fat molecules are virtually indistinguishable from human fat molecules, so there’s no physical harm. The molecules would be absorbed through the lungs and incorporated into the fat cells of one’s body. Harmless to us, but for any Moslem, his body would be ineradicably, irretrievably polluted with pigs. The gates of heaven are forever closed to him. Mohammed himself would spit at them if they tried to enter. Remember the Sepoy Rebellion in 19th century India?”
“Yeah – that’s when the Sepoys, the native troops in British India, mutinied against the Brits,” I answered. “A lot of the Sepoys were Moslem, and this rumor started that their bullet cartridges were greased with pig fat. Since you had to bite off the paper wrapping of the cartridge, your mouth would come in contact with the alleged pig grease. Also, any fellow Moslems that were shot had pig grease in their body with the bullet, so they could kiss heaven goodbye. The Sepoys rebelled. Happened in the 1850s, I think.”
“Right – 1857-1859 to be exact. The thing was, it wasn’t true – Brits never used pig fat to grease the cartridges. Just the rumor itself sparked the revolt, which almost ended the British Raj.” Larry had an odd look in his eye.
“But surely the intention of Project Jahannam wouldn’t be to set off a worldwide Islamic revolt against the US – that’s Al Qaeda’s goal,” I stammered.
Larry’s hands went up in the air. “Of course not. The difference is that the Sepoys were trying to accomplish something by rebelling – no more pig grease on the cartridges. There wouldn’t be anything to accomplish by rebelling against Project Jahannam – because if it did happen, it’s already happened. The stuff would already be in the air, and would have been for over a year now. There’s nothing that can be done about it. Any action or protest or riot or whatever is useless. No Moslem can enter heaven now and that’s the end of it.”
My brain was exploding with so many thoughts I couldn’t say a word. Larry continued.
“Understand that the people who are capable of such a project are seriously clever. They would have made deals with various oil refineries to use a “special experimental” biofuel, paying them well for adding it to their refined fuel products and never revealing of course the biofuel was from pig fat. They would even have charcoal-filtered the pig fat biofuel to take out any aroma. This would have lasted only for less than a year, but enough time for the thousands of airliners flying across the planet every day to permeate the troposphere with pig fat particles everywhere in the world except the Arctic and Antarctica – and there aren’t many Moslems in either.”
“The troposphere?” I asked.
“That’s the air we breathe, the layer of air from the ground to 24-28,000 feet,” he replied. “Above that is the stratosphere. The JPs – the Jahannam Particles – would stay suspended in the stratosphere for months, in the troposphere for weeks or less wherever there was lots of rain to wash them out. So you could figure that within eight to ten months or so, the cumulative effect of hundreds of thousands of airplanes spraying pig fat exhaust into the world’s air would be that there isn’t a Moslem alive today anywhere in the world that doesn’t have JPs lodged in his fat cells. Oh – with one exception.”
“What’s that?” I asked.
“Infants, anyone born within the last few months since the project hypothetically would have ceased. Maybe when they grow up, they can create an Islam that actually lives at peace with the world.”
“OK,” I said. “This is all very cool, albeit hypothetically cool. But what’s the point? Such a project would have cost a lot of money. What would it accomplish?”
“Total demoralization of the enemy,” came his reply. “No more shahid (martyr) suicide bombers blowing themselves up as a ticket to potatohouse heaven. Using the enemy’s beliefs as a weapon against him – using the strengths of those beliefs to destroy him. The enemy knowing we can do this to him, kick him right in the balls of his soul and not blink an eye – knowing that we’ve already done it and there is not a damned thing he can do about it. He’s damned, he’s no longer a Moslem, his soul is unclean and polluted beyond retrieval, it’s over, it’s finished, for in a sense there are no Moslems – no true and unpolluted Moslems – in the whole world any longer.”
“But, Larry,” I objected, “there’s still no point if no one knows about this.”
A malicious smile broke over his face. “Not for much longer. The word is starting to seep out. Do you have any idea how many Moslems are like my nephew in Oregon? They’ll convince themselves they are haram (polluted) because the paranoia of their beliefs won’t let them think otherwise.”
Larry leaned forward again. “Jack, remember the pictures of people leaping to their deaths from the burning Trade Towers? These evil radical Moslem sons-of-*****es attacked us. They want to kill all of us. They’ll nuke us if they get the chance. Well, we’ve nuked them first – nuked them spiritually. Their fellow Moslems have hardly lifted a finger to help us get rid of them, to cure the disease that’s infected their religion. So sayonara to all of their souls.”
“You know, Larry,” I said, “if this were true, if Project Jahannam really did happen, it would be the greatest Psy-Ops in history. After all, the War on Terrorism is essentially a psychological war.”
“If is an interesting word, Jack – especially when it comes to religion, where there is no difference in effect between what is true and what people think is true.” Larry raised his glass. I raised mine.
“To Ultimate Revenge,” Larry said. “And to my nephew.”
