DARWIN AWARDS
Hard to believe, but another year has
passed...For
those who don't know it, the Darwin Awards are
awarded every year to the person(s) who died (or
almost died) in the stupidest way, thus enhancing
the gene pool by their absence.
The 2000 nominees are:
NOMINEE No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]:
An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to
break a former girlfriend's windshield,
accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged,
blowing a hole in his gut.
Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]
James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, Mich., was
killed in March as he was trying to repair what
police describe as a "farm type truck." Burns got
a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns
hung underneath so that he could ascertain the
source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught
on something, however, and the other man found
Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."
NOMINEE No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself
to death in December in Newton, N.C. Awakening to the
sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he
reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith
Wesson .38 Special, which discharged when he drew
it to his ear.
NOMINEE No. 4: [UPI, Toronto]
Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of
windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed
through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24
floors to his death. A police spokesman said
Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the
Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was
explaining the strength of the building windows to visiting law
students. Hoy previously has conducted
demonstration of window strength according to
police reports. Peter Lawyers, a managing partner of the
firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun
newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and
brightest" members of the 200 man association.
NOMINEE No. 5: [Bloomsburg News Service]
A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are
being blamed for the death of a man who was killed
by his own gas. There was no mark on his body but
an autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his
system. His diet had consisted primarily of beans
and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was
just the right combination of foods. It appears
that the man died in his sleep from breathing the
poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed.
Had he been outside or had his windows been opened,
it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was shut up
in his near airtight bedroom. According to the
article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity
for creating "this deadly gas." Three of the rescuers
got sick and one was hospitalized.
NOMINEE No. 6: [The News of the Weird.]
Michael Anderson Godwin made news of the Weird
posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting
South Carolina's electric chair on a murder
conviction before having his sentence reduced to
life in prison. Whilst sitting on a metal toilet
in his cell and attempting to fix his small TV
set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.
NOMINEE NO. 7: ["The Indianapolis Star"].
A cigarette lighter may have triggered fatal
explosion in Dunkirk, Indiana. A Jay County man
using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a
muzzle loader was killed Monday night when the
weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's
investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died
in his parents' rural Dunkirk home about 11:30 pm.
Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54 caliber
muzzle loader that had not been firing properly.
He was using the lighter to look into the barrel
when the gunpowder ignited.
Nominee No.8: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]
A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his
condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb
slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko,
55, was standing on a wheeled chair when the accident
occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of the Peel
regional police. "It appears the chair moved and
he went over the balcony," Honer said.
NOMINEE No.9: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]
Two local men were seriously injured when their
pick-up truck left the road and struck a tree near
Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday
morning. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder
reported the accident shortly after midnight
Monday.
Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc and Billy Ray
Wallis, 38, of Little Rock are listed in serious condition
at Baptist Medical Center. The accident occurred
as the two men were returning to Des Arc after a frog
gigging trip. On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's
pick-up truck headlights malfunctioned. The two
men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older
model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not
available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber
bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse
box next to the steering wheel column. Upon
inserting the bullet, the headlights again began
to operate properly and the two men proceeded on
east-bound toward the White River bridge. After
traveling approximately 20 miles and just before
crossing the river, the bullet apparently
overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the right
testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply to the right
exiting the pavement and striking a tree. Poole
suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the
accident, but will require surgery to repair the
other wound. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle
and was treated and released. "Thank God we
weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off or
we might both be dead" stated Wallis.
"I've been a trooper for ten years in this part of
the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that
those two would admit how this accident happened," said
Snyder.
Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia, Poole's
wife, asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did
anyone get them from the truck.
