Forces Stories

[gpwurzel]

Righty, as some of you know, I was in the Royal Navy for a few years (19 to be precise) and did/heard some funny stuff.

Here is one of my favourites (which actually includes me - bizarrely, being a very quiet kind of person)

In 1987 or so (I have a time problem lol) I was based in the Falkland Islands - working in message distribution (signals etc). I made friends with an Army signals guy, who we shall call Mick (basically as that was his name). We got up to various shenanigans whilst down there, and he got me going in the physical training side of things (this becomes important in around...ooh, 2 mins!

We'd hit the gym, work on weights etc, play squash, swim and all that sort of good stuff, but not enough cardiovascular - so, we decided we'd go tromping around the Falklands in our time off (2 days on, 2 days off - nice little routine).

Mick was down there working on various new signal equipment, and testing other stuff out (another important bit). After a spot check, it was found his group had 4 bars of C4 extra - which is a big no no, so they were told to "dispose" of it quietly (quietly being a figurative term, given what we did with it).

Soooo, we're walking around the Falklands, with 120 pound bergens on our backs (cardiovascular remember) - basically site seeing, top of Tumbledown, Twin Sisters and all that sort of thing. Once we'd done that, we decided to go a couple of miles further away from Stanley and get rid of the extra c4. This is where it begins to go wrong.

We came across a dead sheep (they have lots of sheep in the Falklands, and sometimes some die. The farmers just move the rest and leave the carcass there). This thing stunk, you could smell this carcass from over 50 yards away on a windy day (of which the Falklands get a few). (You can see where this is heading yes?)

Anyway, we get this bright idea to blow it up (hey, its already dead, whats the worst that can happen??)

Micks set this sheep up to blow, 2 blocks underneath, one in its head, one up the other end - dont ask how it got there!!!)

Wired up, ready to rock and roll, we look around for a bit of shelter (this thing smells already, its gonna get worse in smaller pieces).

Ah, a low wall, we can lie behind that, blow it and not get messy - excellent. We're behind the wall, do a quick visual check to ensure no danger to anyone/anything!

"Fire in the Hole" (more accurately, he she blows lol...) and boom. Straying from this for a second, you all know Isacc Newton discovered gravity etc and I've already told you the Falklands get windy correct?

See if you can guess where the majority of the stinky, slimy, nasty bits came down???

Correct, right behind that damn wall. We had to tromp back to Stanley, covered in blood, snot, s*** etc - you could smell us from miles away, and all you could hear was me calling Mick all the names under the sun (as much my fault as his, but hey, what the heck lol......)

Got back to our rooms and took a shower, washed off the training kit - still smelt, took another shower, nope, still smelt. We stunk for over 3 days, despite many many attempts to get rid of it.

oh, well, live and learn, lesson of this one, take note of wind changes and get further away when blowing up dead stuff.

We're still good friends to this day, and I never ever forget to remind him of this one.


Lets hear some from the forces/ex forces on here, could use a giggle.

Wurzel

[Dichotomy]

 

[ebfd11]

When I was in the USMC I had a Temporary assigned duty to the Northern Training Arena, just off the northwest of the island. I was in the crash fire rescue and as part of my duties I was responsible for living quarters ispections while we were there.

My first day as Inspector I walked in one tent and noticed the lights were installed improperly and posed a fire hazard <strike1>

upon further inspection i found the racks were too close to the internal heating device, aka stove. <strike 2>

what got me amazed was the 3 gallons of gasoline in a plastic jugs<strike 3>

I instanly failed the living quarters, as I was posting a guard on the tent, a SSGT walks into the tent. I asked him if these were his quarters,he said no. I asked him if he knew who's it was he said he would be right back.

When the MSGT MP showed up I thought this is a rank way too high for security on a tent I deemed unsafe. He looked at me and proceeded to juump all over me about going into his quarters without permission and as senior enlisted will do they don't like to be reprimanded by their inferiors.

After about a good 10 minutes of good old fashioned butt chewing of protocol and my need to look the other way on "certain" things a Maj showed up and inquired about the commotion, the MSGT gave his side of the story and I gave mine. I can remember the quote the MAJ gave "MSGT if this L/Cpl says this hooch is inhabitable and he says those things need to be changed if I were you  I would change those things and I would change them now with no questions asked and no whining. Ohhh by the way if I hear of you doing anything towords this young Marine i will personally come over here and make sure you will have to answer to him because I will make you his personal squeak the whole time we are here, regardless of your rank. Now WTF do you have gasoline ibn you hooch for??"

His reply "Sir I wanted to make sure I had gasoline for the generator for my TV." needless to say he was sleeping in a shelter half tent the rest of the TAD. The one thing teh MSGT forgot when it comes to fire inspections the FD out ranks even the commanding general of the island.

LawnDart