The Top 17 Rejected Slogans for The Altria Group
17. New Snazzy Name, Same Lying Scumbags!
16. Altria: The Curiously Strong Carcinogen
15. Altria: Because "al Qaeda" was already taken
14. Oh, like you never gave a fake name before screwing somebody?
13. Try Our Healthy Organic Oral Incense Sticks!
12. It's Latin for "Light up, Spunky!"
11. Altria: We shortened the name so you can say it without coughing.
10. We're not your father's multi-national corporate killing machine.
9. Hey, *you* try coming up with a good name when you HAVEN'T HAD A SMOKE IN TWO F***ING HOURS!
8. Altria: Because some little toejam wanted $500,000 for the rights to eSmoke.com
7. Have Fun Retyping All Those Lawsuits, Suckers!
6. And We're Also Referring to Lung Cancer as "Respiria"
5. Altria: The Name Just Rolls Off Your Yellow Tongue
4. Deaths to date from smoking Altria cigarettes: 0
3. Lame? Sure, but it's still WAY better than "Attack of the Clones"
2. Mr. Morris, If You're Nasty
....and the Number 1 Rejected Slogan for The Altria Group...
1. We don't make cancer. We make it cancerier.
dh
