I know, I know... these are old and often posted. But I always find them funny...they are good for another read.
Aviation Truisms
When one engine fails on a twin engine airplane you always have enough
power left to get you to the scene of the crash.
Blue sea Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than there are
submarines in the sky.
Never trade luck for skill.
The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation
are, "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and "Ohh ****!"
Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.
Airspeed, altitude or brains: two are always needed to successfully
complete the flight.
A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a
row is prevarication.
I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.
Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!
If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a
helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.
Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the
purpose of storing dead batteries.
Navy carrier pilots to Air Force pilots: Flaring is like squatting to
pee.
Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a
person on the ground incapable of understanding it or doing anything
about it.
When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.
Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be
held on a sunny day.
Advice given to RAF pilots during W.W.II. When a prang (crash) seems
inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the
vicinity as slowly and gently as possible.
The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely
kill you. (Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot)
A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its
maximum. (Jon McBride, astronaut)
If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the
crash as possible. (Bob Hoover - renowned aerobatic pilot)
If an airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on it; ride the
bastard down. (Ernest K. Gann, author &aviator)
Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death I Shall Fear No Evil For I am
at 80,000 Feet and Climbing (sign over the entrance to the SR-71
operating location Kadena, Japan).
You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.
Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.
There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.
The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a
good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few
opportunities in life where you get to experience all three at the same
time.
"Now I know what a dog feels like watching TV." (A DC-9 captain trainee
attempting to check out on the 'glass cockpit' of an A-320).
What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a
pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If an air traffic controller screws up,
the pilot dies.
Without ammunition the USAF would be just another expensive flying club.
If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.
Basic Flying Rules:
1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.
2. Do not go near the edges of it.
3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of
ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more
difficult to fly there.
You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full
power to taxi to the terminal.
