Okay, so the title is a little provocative, but true, nevertheless. Let me explain.
Three guys in an Executive MBA course (translation: "not a real MBA, but we like having MBA in our resume...") in Austin, TX (school motto: "Shifting Paradigms Towards Even Bigger, Frickin' Huge Piles of Steaming Horse Poop") won first place in a contest for their business plan.
Not only did they win 1st place, they got $4 million from a VC (Venture Capitalist, or Viet Cong, depending on your point of view) to start their business.
They beat out a plan for a product that could reduce cancer deaths with their business model that will, wait for it..."reduce and ultimately eliminate in-game lag and latency problems, benefiting both the online gaming community and online game creators, with... its proprietary Network Gaming Accelerator card."
Yup. They claim that they will build a card to sell to gamers that will eliminate lag after installed in their PC. Now, I know what you might be thinking: "That is friggin' ridiculous! You can't eliminate lag!"
Not so, says Harlan Beverly, inventor, co-founder, and CEO of Bigfoot Networks: "Bigfoot Networks products will infuse online gaming with blazing speed, making them a ton more fun. We are to online games what 3D video cards are to graphics: essential. Eventually, we plan to completely eliminate the dreaded lag monster."
At first glance, you might be thinking, "Sheesh... I have a real business idea with something that really works. Why can't I get $4 million?"
Here's why. Contrary to rational thought, they probably will not lose money like every other so-called, lag-reducing technology that never worked either. The reason? The technology doesn't matter. It's the size of the cajones on these guys that makes them winners. They really 'get it' when it comes to marketing. Just look at the heaping, steaming pile of horse poop things they are saying with a straight face. God, these guys are great. They sound as good as Microsoft.
Not only do they understand that most gamers have no clue how lags works anyway (just do a search for 'collisions' and 'rubber bullets' on this BBS, if you don't believe me), but they understand the principles of 21st century marketing. Namely, who cares if it works, it's the business plan to sell it that matters. And the VC understand that, too.
These guys understand the naivete of people so well, they are even rubbing it in the gamers' noses by naming the company Bigfoot Networks. Bigfoot is non-existant myth propogated and believed in by people who read "The National Enquirer," the largest cirulation newspaper in America. Scary, huh? But a marketer's dream. Naive people who don't understand much, but passionate about virtually killing someone online first, before they get virtually killed. They want
the edge.
Studies have shown that 1/2 of all devices returned to manufacturers as defective have nothing wrong with them. They work just fine, but people can't figure out how to get them to work. Is that because they are all stupid? No, it's because half of all manufacturers' employees are below average and don't design the interface clearly, or write the instructions or documentation properly.
In a test, product managers were given devices (that worked perfectly) to take home over a weekend for testing and feedback. Now, these were not random consumer users, these were professional product managers of similar computer devices. One half of them could not get the devices to work properly. They gave up after an average of 20 minutes of trying to get it to work following the instructions.
So, how many people never return a device that they can't get working? I trust most of you have some card or device lying around in a closet somewhere that you never got working, and couldn't be bothered to return it?
Gamers will buy it (offer a 100%, no questions asked, money-back guarantee), some will return it, some will
think it works, and for those returned... repackage it and sell it to the next person. Eventually, it will sit in a closet of someone too lazy to return it.
The 21st century entrepreneur has learned something that politicians have known for centuries: Tell them big, heaping, steaming piles of horse poop. Say it with conviction. The bigger and smellier it is, the more likely it will sell and be propogated by people who are convinced it is true, since they read about it in "The National Enquirer."
Story linkNext week: A look into the best investment opportunities of 2006 - the Homeland Security Industry.
Franchises, Homeland Security Diplomas and Degrees, Homeland Security cakes and fashion accessories for housewives, Homeland Security gifts and calendars, From Y2k to ISO 9,000 to Homeland Security... become a consultant through correspondance courses, work at home and makes thousands per week, Homeland Security Plumbing: how secure is your toilet from terrorists?
