Q: Is this one of those freaky, new age, vegetarian cults?
A: The Doomsday Cult gruel contains nothing from any of the 4 basic, recognized food groups.
Q: Is this one of those suicide cults, like Heavens Gate?
A: Not at this time, as we are on a membership drive, and being dead makes it very hard to find new members.
Q: Isn't this just a scam to remove people from their money?
A: No, it also involves sex and fanatical devotion to the Reverends whims.
Q: How do I know I'll be happy once I join?
A: You don't, obviously if you did you could see the future. Only the Reverend can see the future. He says you will be happy and he is always right.
Q: What if I decide later to quit the cult?
A: Any cult member wishing to leave can do so at any time, of course you will be hunted down and killed, but we would never hold you here against you will.
Q: What if I don't have a lot off money to give the Reverend when I join?
A: The Reverend has several very reasonable credit plans available for this very contingency.
Q: I have a pretty strong force of mind, what if Brother Neuter and Brother Geld can't break my spirit?
A: If all else fails, the Brothers have been trained in lobotomy surgery. Don't worry, one way or another, you will become a loyal toadie.
Q: Why destroy Willie Nelson (or any of the other antichrists)?
A: Because it is the will of the Reverand SUM DUM GUY of course.
Q: Do we have to reach a 0 on the purity test to be able to be one of sum dum guys loyal wives?
A: The Reverand has special uses for wives at all levels of purity. He actually likes them best if they can tie a cherry stem into a knot using just their tongues.
