Something I ran across on Baens Bar....
Subject: A funny thing on the way to the bookstore....
Author: Steve Yee
Date: 11 Sep 2007 04:23 PM
Rather, a funny thing happened in the bookstore.
I had to kill some time yesterday afternoon, waiting to snag two
boomsticks that went on sale and the stupid sporting goods store
couldn't do an FFL to FFL transfer right.
So - I hit the local bookstore mega mart nearby. It was a great way
(so I thought) to spend/kill about 40 minutes.
I picked up some juvenile books for my son (when, oh when will Baen
ever do GOOD juvenile sci-fi...PLEASE??? Traditional stuff for boys
to enjoy!!!), looked at Mercedes Lackey's new book from Baen (with
it's rather odd foil bound cover that was rather washed out), and I
overheard an interesting conversation taking place nearby the new
books section of the store.
This middle aged woman (black hair, overly huge sunglasses, wearing a
black swim coverall type thing and sandals) was talking to the
information counter person about something her son wanted. The item
title?
"Insurgency Manual".
Now, that brought up some hackles to my body here. Funny thing - a
police officer (uniformed) heard the same thing. Stopped, turned
around, and just watched. So did I, for that matter. He and I looked
at each other, and we started watching the conversation. We were
behind this woman the entire time she's prattling on.
It basically went like this:
"Hi....I'm looking for a book for my son"
"Sure. What's the title?"
"It's called the Insurgency Manual"
(Bookstore Girl doesn't skip a beat - she starts hammering away at the keyboard)
"Well, ma'am, some of the books with those keywords in that title
isn't available through the normal means"
"What do you mean, you can't order them?"
"Well, one book in particular is in print, was just revised, but is
somewhat of a limited distribution chain".
"I can't believe that you can't get every book out there. Why can't
you get this one"
(again, credit goes to the bookstore employee - I bet if you asked her
for books on vivid tantra yoga with all the applicable positions,
she'd tell you in a no-nonsense format. She was cute too, in that
perky tattooed bookworm kind of way with no glasses - she had one arm
with a half sleeve and a nose stud, long black and bright red-streaked
hair plus a curvy bod...but I digress)
"Ma'am, there are actually two books out there of recent printings
that contain the term "Insurgency Manual". One of them is distributed
to the U.S. Army as a technical manual for Counter-Insurgency Tactics.
The other is distributed in Pakistan only and is written in a
non-english format and was written by members of the Taliban. That
book is rather hard to get here in the United States".
(Now this bookstore girl is either funnin' this lady, or she's good....or both)
"Oh....well, I don't think I'd want my son going over to Pakistan...."
"Of course, there are other books on counter-insurgency tactics....."
"Well, my son's not interested in counter-insurgency, he's just
interested in what the insurgents do, not how to prevent it. This is
what he said, and since he knew I was going to the bookstore today, he
wanted me to ask."
(Is this mother *STUPID*?!?!?)
"May I ask why? If this is for a school project of sorts, I'm sure we
can guide you to the appropriate references he needs without causing
any major issues (the bookstore girl looks at the cop, looks at me,
looks back at the cop, then continues on, knowing we are watching this
conversation with more than normal interest)
"Well, he's interested in knowing how they work, you know, the
insurgents. What they do to train, how they build stuff, things like
that"
(By now, the cop's hit his EM button on his radio. The EM button is a
discreet warning button used for when the police officer needs backup,
can't talk or is otherwise injured. When they start their shift, they
register which EM radio transponder code matches with their badge
number)
"Hmmm....let me look a bit more. I'm sure there are some public
domain items that your son could use...."
(The bookstore girl starts hammering away at the computer. The mother
doing this "innocent asking" has absolutely no idea what the hell
she's asking for, how much of a trigger is staged on her head from a
virtual standpoint, and I shift back a bit more and to one side, still
remaining in earshot, but out of any firing solution. Either that, or
this mother is one good actor and she knows exactly what the hell
she's doing. The bookstore girl is clearly stalling for whatever
reason, since I don't think she saw the cop hit his EM button on his
radio)
"Ma'am, there are some public domain documents that you might want to
get, if you have access to a computer...."
"Oh, that would be so useful. It's amazing, with all these things
going on, that my son's taking an interest in building and stuff like
he does now - but he says he wants to build stuff a bit better than he
has before....and I love the concentration he's putting into these
things he likes to build"
(Now, this is September 10th, you have a mother asking for insurgency
manuals, and everyone in Public Safety has been briefed on stuff
relating to 9/11's anniversary. My workplace's Disaster group got
briefed on Friday. Add to that some recent chemical bombs that have
been created by kids in a neighboring city causing damage, and the
cop's about ready to start pulling the mom aside here any second once
backup arrives)
"Ma'am, I'm kind of curious - what is your son trying to build?"
"Something he calls a fay. He wants to cook it out of cocoa powder,
of all things! I never knew that my son would take an interest in
food."
(Okay, this woman is now confirmed as an absolute total freakin'
dumb**** in my mind. The bookstore girl seems to be a bit more on the
sensible side of the fence, and continues asking...)
"Well, what else would your son want to do with Cocoa?"
"Oh, he's trying to mix cocoa and some stuff like my butane refills to
create a fay. I don't understand these recipes they are working with
nowadays, who would eat stuff like that I don't know. And what is a
fay anyways? Sounds like an archaic cooking show"
(Gotta give credit to the girl. Doesn't miss a beat. Sensible.
She's gotta be one of those that reads everything from romance to
****ic to sci-fi to Harry Potter. She's too good to work at B&N. If
I wasn't married, I'd ask her out on a date. Heck, I might intro her
to my brother....)
"Well, ma'am, fay in this particular application stands for a fuel-air
explosive bomb. Eff -ay-ee, for your reference"
"Oh, my...are you sure?
(By this time, 3 other officers have arrived. Radios turned down,
they have basically snuck up on the lady. Bookstore Girl doesn't even
acknowledge their presence)
"Yes, ma'am. I believe that your son is making something somewhat
illicit. And I also think these gentlemen behind you want to talk to
you"
Dipwad mom turns around - shocked to see 4 officers basically around
her. They end up taking her (uncuffed) to the attached coffee shop to
question her. She still has no idea as to what the hell she's in for.
I'm sure that the son is ready to get his bellybutton whipped and thrown into
some military reform school for wayward boys when mom gets home...
Bookstore girl? She runs out the front door, on the bounce, with her
hand over her mouth. I go, pay for my two books, and find her out on
the sidewalk, laughing her bellybutton off so hard she's sitting on the
ground. It seems that she left her radio (yes, some Barnes and Noble
stores illegally use FRS radios with headsets for inter-store
communication) on so everyone else could hear it. I don't know how
anyone on that store staff kept a straight face.
There are days where I miss working retail. This is one of them.
-Steve
Regards,
Kevin
